22. Steve
Chapter 22
S he doesn’t completely resettle, but out of the corner of my eye, I see her fingers loosen. My hands continue to mindlessly stroke over Jake’s ears while I try to explain. “Garret made us talk to a shrink when we moved out. He thought it could help. Now I have all these lovely little abbreviations and descriptions of what’s wrong with me.” My shoulders shrug automatically. It doesn’t exactly bother me to talk about this stuff, but seems to make other people uncomfortable.
“Doc talked a lot about depression and possibly PTSD…but mostly she seemed set on something called DDD, which is ironic considering my cup size.” My joke falls almost flat as I make boob grabbing motions at my own chest. Though after a moment, I am rewarded with a little snicker and a half smile .
Picking up my mug, I drain the rest of it. It's barely warm now, but there’s no point in wasting it. “Anyway…some days are better than others. Especially this last week, here. Things have color. It feels like I’m actually a fully functioning human, everything is where it’s supposed to be. It’s freaky really.” I chuckle to myself again. “Seriously, for the first five days, I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like I’d do… something that finally sets Sam off and he’d start screaming at Garret or me. One of us would get hurt again.”
Her eyes are huge, her fingers coming up to cover her mouth before she blurts out, “No, not Sam…he’s one of the sweetest guys—” Waving my hand, I stop her needless defense of our alpha.
“Trust me, Pixie, I know. Sam is…different. Hell, he’s probably the most mellow guy I’ve ever met. He can be growly, but mostly he’s just a big snuggly pup…like this one.” Jake looks up at me as I stop rubbing his ears and boop his nose. “But…ok. You’re in college right, almost got your degree. You’re smart. What are you going for again?”
She stares at me, her big brown eyes blinking owlishly in the dark room. “Kinesiology, but what does…?”
My head nods in response. “Ok, cool, medical field. So, did you ever take any psychology or sociology? Hell, we studied conditioned responses in high school, if you remember Pavlov?” She nods, not saying anything, so I keep going. “It’s the same thing, just with people instead of dogs, and getting hurt instead of food. Actually, I think I’d rather be the dog in this case.” Jake licks my hand, and I go back to stroking his ears.
“Anyway, I think we came out pretty good. We look fairly well adjusted. But no, I’m not a killer. I may have a pretty fucked up sense of self-worth and the world around me, but I have morals. Also, I don’t like seeing people get hurt. The sight of blood makes me vomit. No offense meant to your current… condition . And loud noises freak me the fuck out.”
My attempt at a self-deprecating laugh is broken and kind of pathetic, but I’m almost done. Then we can go back to bed if she feels like it. I just need to get this out. “So, I’m sorry. I’ll try to be better, but I’d appreciate it if you could keep being patient with me. And, if I get outta line, feel free to hit me with some pillows again, yeah?”
It doesn’t bother me to admit how fucked up I am or apologize for it. It comes with that whole lack of self-worth—but it seems to have upset Kelly. Her eyes are red and glassy, and she looks like she wants to give me a hug. Which I can appreciate, but we’re not there yet.
To distract her from trying to touch me right now—which I know I won’t be able to handle—I take her now empty mug from her fingers and carry them both into the kitchen. I rinse them in the sink before putting them on the top rack of the dishwasher. She’s already standing by the couch when I return. “Vee?”
I twitch slightly at her use of the name that my bear gave me. “Um, you kept saying ‘we’ when you were talking. Is Garret ok?” This is his truth to tell, but I don’t want to lie to the girl either.
“Garret has his own set of issues. He’s not depersonalized…or whatever it was they called me. But he has his own shit going on. I can tell you that Sam’s alpha enough—and the pack leader—that neither of us wants to challenge him. Teddy’s an omega. There isn’t anyone else here that he feels the need to compete with for your affection. Otherwise, you’d have to deal with two batshit crazy alphas living with you.”
She stumbles walking up the stairs, and I think we need to work on moving the master bedroom to the first floor before she falls and gets hurt. “Having someone literally obsessed with you isn’t necessarily a bad thing, Pixie. Just keep an eye out for red flags, understand he may sometimes be irrationally possessive, and try to help him deal with his own trauma when you can. It really is different for everyone. And let’s give credit where credit’s due: Garret is a shitload better at masking than I am. Most people would think he’s almost normal.”
Kelly
W e don’t get much more sleep before my alarm’s going off. With his long legs, Steve beats me to the bathroom again. I’m considering banging on the door just to annoy him, but instead I grab clean clothes and hobble downstairs to that bathroom. Jake is still asleep on the couch, and I scratch his ears to wake him up so he can go do his business before the shower starts going and wakes him up with no way out.
Letting him run loose through the backyard, I hurry to the bathroom and step under the hot spray before Steve can use it all up. It feels so good, but I think part of my next paycheck is going to buy a massaging shower head for my stupid back. Or put it in a jar to start saving up for a bigger water heater. I’ve mostly rinsed off before it starts getting tepid, but it’s still frustrating.
I dry off and get into my work clothes, stopping by my room for some of the pads the guys picked up for me, and a handful of gummy bears. Steve meets me in the kitchen with Jake dancing around his legs and staring intently at the alpha’s bowl of cereal. “Did you feed him yet?” I nod my head at the excited dog.
“Shit, I knew I forgot something. I let him in.” Steve gives me a lopsided smile and I point to the cabinet that Jake’s food is in. Walking into the pantry to pull out the box of chocolate puff cereal I got last night, it’s already almost empty. I glare at the back of the alpha’s head.
“Seriously, man, I just picked these up…when did you have time to eat them all?” He looks at me, his face flushed with embarrassment .
“Ok, well…I haven’t had these in years, I seriously thought they stopped selling them…So I had some for dinner last night…and a snack after my shower…and breakfast.”
All I can do is sigh and empty the rest of the box into my bowl. It’s a little more than what I normally eat, but not enough to separate into two meals. I splash milk over the top and watch as Steve finishes feeding Jake and inhales the rest of his cereal before picking up the box and giving it a final shake to confirm there’s none left. I smile sweetly at him around a mouthful of sugary chocolate goodness, and he snorts a laugh before breaking the box down for the recycle bin.
“Tell you what, Pixie. I’m coming with you today, so I can run down and grab a few more boxes for us while you’re at work.” I nearly choke on my cereal at the way he says he's going to work with me. No, hello, this is my job, and my school. I have work to do! He must see my confusion, because he quickly explains. “I don’t have to hang out inside. I can walk around the block a few times while you work, but I want to look more at the school. Did you know they have a degree for Culinary Nutrition? It’s one of their omega suggested degrees, but I want to check it out and find out if alphas are allowed to enroll in the program.”
This is the most excited I’ve seen him about anything that isn’t related to Teddy, and I don’t want to shoot him down. Besides, maybe having him there will give me a break from Spence for the day. My Thursday class load is pretty low, so I can even see if he wants a tour afterwards.
Finally, nodding my assent, I tell him, “If you’re coming with me, you better move your butt, we need to leave for work in less than ten minutes, you ready yet?” He lets out an undignified squawk noise before running back upstairs, and returning with…yes, another one of my shirts.
“You had to pick Demon Slayer? I thought you didn’t like cutesy girls.” I nod to where a tiny Nezuko is popping out of a box across his chest.
He stops suddenly, looking from me then down the hall and back. “Oh, your delivery. I forgot.” Grabbing my arm, he drags me to what will one day be the office. It’s located near the nest and is a large open floor area, currently stacked head high with boxes bearing the Nest-n-Stuff logo on the side.
What the heck?
I didn’t order…
Oh, that little butthead.
We’re gonna be late, but I need to verify this now. Ripping the tape off the nearest box, I pull out a dark, emerald-green pillow with a soft fuzzy fabric. The invoice underneath it says it’s a custom order…from our trip last week where that little turd behind the customer service desk refused to take Teddy’s information.
Steve stares between me and the pile of boxes and as I bury my face in this super fancy pillow and scream at the top of my lungs. I may or may not be hyperventilating by the time I finish and grab his arm, dragging him out of the house, followed by a bouncy Jake .
While we drive, slowly , I explain about our trip to the nesting store, and he growls quietly when I talk about the security guard demanding Teddy’s identification. Thankfully, Xan and Gabe are in before me again, and there is a large stack of Jacks’s muffins on the table in the breakroom when I go to get coffee started.
They both glare at Steve, until Gabe declares that he’s not allowed to sit in the office all day—making him the official office gofer and sending him on no less than four trips to the store to pick up various things throughout the morning. Steve attempts to make conversation and even goes so far as to try to suggest marketing strategies, but neither of the other alphas is interested. Xan says that advertising the only garage in a town this size is like trying to advertise air. “Breathe air! It’s the only option you’ve got!”
Steve is not amused but continues to try until eventually Gabe says he should join the volunteer fire department, and slaps him on the back, almost knocking the smaller man over. They do have a small workout center at the station, so the guys can stay in shape. It’d probably be a good idea for his health anyway, since the only other gym in the area is at the college, and it’s only for students and family.
Steve actually looks like he’s thinking about it, and a small part of me worries that he might get hurt. Not just because he looks like a strong wind could knock him over, but because, despite everything else, he’s part of my pack. It would hurt everyone if something happened to him .
When work's finally over, we head over to the campus for my two afternoon classes. Steve’s bemoaning the entire trip about the lack of music in my car. I finally give up and break out my portable Bluetooth speaker, turning the music app on my phone to The Black Parade album. It’s one of my favorites since it has such a variety, and he begrudgingly nods at my choice of music before humming along to Famous Last Words.
Thankfully, there’s time to get him situated at the registrar’s office before I hurry to class. Spence is there, waiting in the parking lot, and scowls at Steve, before following me across campus to ‘keep me safe’. It’s endearing but also exhausting since I don’t feel much like talking to anybody right now. Thankfully, he doesn’t take my silence personally, and we have a quiet but comfortable walk until I get to class—where I’m met by the sneers of my classmates after he drops me off.
Both alphas are waiting for me when I come out of class, and there are a few snotty remarks about me being an alpha chaser again. If looks could kill, half the female students in class would be stone dead by Steve.
We walk back to the coffee shop, and Spence has about a million questions for Steve regarding different omegas they’ve met, and different centers they’ve visited. Getting a break from the constant inquiries this week is a welcome relief right now, and I tune them out as we all sit down with our drinks. Steve starts talking about growing up with Teddy and how they were all supposed to form a pack together until his designation came in. I’ve heard this a few times now, and it doesn’t not make me want to slap him, so I do my best to close my eyes and tune the conversation out.
It’s not until Spence’s low rumbling growl almost knocks my drink out of my hand that my lids snap open. Spence is standing to his full height, and has Steve lifted off the ground by my danged shirt. The bigger alpha shakes him so hard that Steve’s head flops back and forth. His expression mimics my own when Spence growls out, “It was your fault, wasn’t it…you left him…and he…Shit!”