30. Steve
Chapter 30
M y cheek stings. Not badly, because Kelly can’t hit for shit, but it was still a hell of a shock. And I knew, as soon as my mouth opened, I knew something shitty was going to come out, but I couldn’t seem to stop it.
Maybe if I’d slapped myself, it would have helped.
Probably not.
There’s not even anyone else in this house to see, other than the dog, and he doesn’t count. I need to apologize, but my feet feel stuck to the floor. For fuck’s sake, she got me out of a fucked-up situation, brought me home, made me a goddamned cocoa. I just wanted to make sure she was alright. What the actual fuck did I even open my mouth for?
A loud whine draws my attention, and I look down to see Jake staring up at me. Petting his head absently, I answer the question I can see in his big eyes. “I don’t fucking know. I have no idea why I opened my fucking mouth. I was worried about her and maybe I’m lashing out because of everything else. It’s not an excuse. I’m just trying to figure this shit out.”
He blinks up at me, leaning his face against my leg with a loud huff. “Yeah, I know buddy, I need to go apologize. And find out what happened. People don’t spontaneously throw up…Do you think she’s pregnant?” My mind blanks for a second before I realize that no, she’s having her period, of course she’s not pregnant. Maybe it’s a hormone thing. I could do an online search to see if that makes women sick.
Jake leans hard against me, and I nearly stumble under his weight. My eyes trace over the drops of blood on the floor leading back to the bathroom. She must have torn open her knees again. She is seriously the most accident-prone woman I’ve met in my life, and that would explain the taking off her pants.
ARGH!
Fuck it!
Stomping up the stairs, I beeline for the master bedroom, only to find it locked. I knock gently, but when no one answers, I try pounding harder. Still no answer. The doorknob doesn’t have a hole in it, so no key…I know there’s a way to open doors with a credit card, but I don’t think any of mine are usable anymore, and it’s not like I know how to do that, anyway. Once ag ain, I could look it up, but, meh. That’s too much work, and I’d probably get sidetracked down a video rabbit hole.
I could break it down…if I want Sam to kick my ass, so that’s out.
Shit.
Well, I guess the only option is to annoy her until she opens this door.
Is that counterproductive to apologizing?
Yes
But, if I’m already apologizing for several things, what’s one more?
My fist pounds on the door loudly. “Kelly! Open up, I need to talk to you!” No sound filters out of the room, so I bang again. “Kelly! I need to apologize. Come on!” Still no response.
“Come on Kelly, I know you’re in there. I need to talk to you! Jake needs you. He won’t stop crying!” The big dog looks up at me as if calling me out on my bullshit yet again. At least the door unlocks. It barely opens a crack before I grab the edge and force it open. There’s a heavy resistance, then a loud ‘oof’ noise.
I just fucked up again.
I look around the side and Kelly’s sitting on the floor, a towel wrapped around her, water dripping down her hair, and blood running down both legs from her scraped knees. The shower is still running in the other room, and I look between her on the floor and the steam billowing out.
Fuck my life .
“That is it, Steve! I am so tired of you. I just wanted to come up here, unwind in a hot shower where somebody hasn’t used up all the danged water for once this week. Try to relax, rinse the blood off my stupid legs before I have to bandage them again. What?! What do you need that was so important, I couldn’t get ten minutes to myself?!”
Standing there, gaping like a fish…I’ve seen Kelly naked. It doesn’t do anything for me. But with her flushed cheeks and angry eyes, I can see why the rest of them find her attractive. It would be better if she didn’t look like she wanted to gut me like the aforementioned fish. My mouth opens and words spill out. “You slapped me.”
If I thought she looked mad before, it’s nothing on the sparks flying from her eyes now. I rush on, trying to avoid her deciding to push me down the stairs and make it look like an accident.
“I completely deserved it, and I’m sorry. I didn’t…I keep fucking this up. You got me home; you made me cocoa. I think I have perpetual foot-in-mouth disease around you because I can’t seem to say the right thing, and I knew…I knew. I can say that it’s because I’m worried about what Sarah said, but…”
Her skin goes pale, all the blood draining from her face, and then Kelly bursts into tears.
Marching into the bathroom, I shut off the hot water—try to save some in case she wants to get back in the shower when she feels better. Then I scoop her up in my arms, thankful that Sam has wood floors instead of carpet since the blood and water on her legs have mixed and drip everywhere. Marching back into the bathroom, I sit on the side of the tub, cradling her in my arms.
Should I try to purr?
Would that help her feel better?
Why do I keep fucking everything up?
Guess Dad was right, and I am fucking useless.
Kelly buries her face in my chest, great sobs wracking her body. My alpha purr rattles to life, but it’s nearly a decade out of practice and makes a low wheezing sound instead of the comforting rumble from Sam or Teddy. Shit, I bet Garret could purr if he were here—I suddenly feel even more guilt that she’s stuck here with an alpha that can’t even purr for her after screwing up so badly.
Her whole body continues to shake, and I rock her back and forth, finally trying to murmur out a lullaby Mom used to sing to us when we were tiny. I can’t remember all the words, so it’s not very good, but after a while she finally calms down enough that I’m not worried she’ll fall right out of my arms.
It’s not much more than a whisper when she finally speaks. Her voice is a mumbled rasp against my chest. “Billy told me…I saw him at the store on Wednesday…he mentioned scars, and blood. He was worried about Teddy. Then what you said downstairs…and Spence. I think…I think Teddy tried to kill himself.” I almost drop her on the ground, and she makes a gagging sound before she continues. “Remember the tattoos…those things he never takes off his wrists? I think our omega isn’t telling us everything. ”
Her eyes are big when she looks up at me, glassy with tears. “It’s his right to tell us. When…if he wants to, but what if I’m right? What if he hurt himself? I don’t…I can’t lose him Steve. Him and Sam…Heck, even Garret. I love them…I don’t…I’ve been so frazzled with them being gone. I appreciate you staying with me, but there’s all these what-ifs swirlin’ around in my head. What if I’m not good enough ’cause I’m a beta? What if they get tired of me? What if they decide they want a family later, and I’m not ready?”
Her voice, which was getting stronger, is suddenly no more than a whisper against my shirt, “What if they realize I’m not good enough for ’em. That all I am is a scrawny little girl with no real friends, no life experience, and no idea what the heck I’m doin’ with my life?”
I hug the tiny shivering woman in my arms. Fuck, she basically just outlined my own fucking mind. “Well, Pixie, I guess if that’s the case they’ll get rid of both of us…and we can start a pack together. The ‘I have no idea what I’m doing, but at least we have fun and awesome taste in books’ pack. Sound good?”
She snorts into my shirt. “Yeah, I don’t think Ruth’d appreciate that. Pretty sure she’d kick us out if we tried to file with anything that long.”
She’s right, the old battleaxe looks like she could kick Sam’s ass if she really put her mind to it. “Well then, I guess we better make sure Sam and Teddy know how lucky they are to have us around, and that we’ll bring Ruth’s wrath down on them if they try to get rid of us.” My voice is teasing, and she giggles into my chest.
She shudders again when she sighs. “So, do we straight up ask Teddy, or…do we just leave it alone until he gets back? I feel like we should apologize, but I’m not sure what I’m apologizing for. I only met him a couple of weeks ago.”
No, I should be the one apologizing, for having my head too far up my own ass to realize how all this shit would affect him, for being too stupid to reach out, for making assumptions that he would be ok just waiting around. Panic skitters across my mind at the thought that I might have almost lost him forever, and I had no fucking clue.
I can’t fix this. There’s nothing to fix. Teddy got hurt, and all I can do now is try everything in my power to make sure he’s never hurt again. Never give him a reason to question my feelings—alpha up and take care of him like he fucking needs. That’s not to say he can’t still top me, because I think that’s what we both need, but I can take care of him. Fuck, him and whoever else is important to him, this isn’t just about my bear.
We sit there quietly, each lost in our own thoughts for a while until Jake appears in the door. He comes over and Kelly lets out a little shriek when he presses his cold wet nose to her hip where the towel has started to fall open. I stand up, waving my fingers at the big goof, and turn the water back on.
“Ok, Pixie, you finish up your hot shower, then I’ll help you re-bandage your legs. I can’t cook for shit, but maybe we can make some sandwiches or something afterwards, try to get a plan sorted out on this shit. See what we can do to finish the nest up before Teddy gets back. Sound good?”
She nods and lets me set her on her feet, then shoos the dog out of the bathroom before closing the door. I’m glad, we may be working on getting along better, but I’m still not comfortable seeing her naked. Which is probably a ‘me’ issue I need to deal with now that it seems like Teddy wants to keep us both. I guess I’ll jump off that bridge when I get to it.