CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT #2
Savannah’s mouth opens like she wants to step in again, but nothing comes out this time. She glances toward me like maybe I’ll be the one to say something helpful. I’m not. My tongue is frozen to the roof of my mouth.
And Eden—Eden looks broken. “There is so much you don’t know.”
“Oh, really? Well now would be a great time for me to find out, don’t you think?”
It’s like watching a horror movie. You take your hands off your eyes when you think the scary part is over, just for there to be an even more terrifying moment when you finally peek through your fingers.
Is there really something that we don’t know about Eden that would change this situation?
Suddenly, she bursts, “I fell in love with him!”
Her confession ricochets off the walls like a ping-pong ball. One that hits each of us in the face when it comes flying back around. It makes all of us reel back, and nobody can say anything because we want her to continue.
“You think I did this to you, and I know in part that I did. I hurt you, Kara, and I’m so sorry for that. But I need you to understand something. Not as an excuse, but because it’s the only way any of this could make sense.” Her voice is shaky, cracking at the edges.
Kara nods, encouraging her to continue.
“Before I was born, my sister was diagnosed with leukemia. They couldn’t find a donor, so my parents did IVF to make sure I would be a genetic match. They had me in order to save her.”
“Oh my gosh! ” Savannah outwardly gasps, slapping her hand over her mouth when she realizes. “You’re a real-life savior sibling?”
“My whole existence was centered around whatever she needed—blood, bone marrow, white blood cells. I wasn’t even allowed to scrape my knee growing up because I always had to be in the perfect condition to help her if need be.”
I don’t think any of us are breathing. Eden glances over at Kara. Her arms are still crossed, jaw locked. But something has changed in her expression. She looks startled and almost guilty.
There was no way she could have known this, though. None of us did.
“I didn’t start seeing Jack to hurt you,” Eden tells her, her blue eyes welling with tears. “And I hate that I was hooking up with guys just to hook up with them. I think it’s because when I came to college, it was the first time in my life where I was trying to make my body feel like mine.”
It’s all starting to make sense.
“But I started seeing Jack, and he made me feel like—like I was a whole person again. Not a vessel or a cure. He made me feel like I could exist outside of someone else’s pain.
Like I could be loved for who I already was—not who I was supposed to be.
” She pauses, wiping her face. “ That’s why I fell in love with him.
Not because he was yours. Not because I was trying to steal anything.
But because for the first time, I feel like I’m mine. ”
Kara’s eyes are now welling up too, and without a word, she steps forward and pulls Eden strongly into her arms. “I’m sorry,” she whispers into her red hair. “I should have known that you were never trying to hurt me.”
“No, don’t be sorry,” Eden quickly replies.
“ I am sorry. I was the one who lied and hid my relationship with Jack like it was some dirty secret. It made it seem like he’s worth less than he is to me.
I just didn’t want you to think I was doing it for some arbitrary reason.
I was waiting until it felt more serious, but I should have told you from the start. ”
“You should have, but I get it.” These are Kara Carr’s true colors. Loyal to the bone.
There’s a long pause. The kind following a storm, when you’re not sure whether it’s really over.
Eden wipes her tears with the blanket, backing out of Kara’s embrace. The rest of us are standing around, watching it all unfold.
“Are we okay?”
Kara breathes out slowly. “We will be.”
Behind me, Meredith shifts in the doorway.
Her arms are crossed too, but her shoulders are more relaxed.
Savannah is leaning against the counter, her hand placed on her chest, clutching her expensive cashmere cardigan like she needs to sit down.
No one looks okay, but at least the screaming is over.
“I’m sorry I lied. I didn’t mean to drag you all into this,” Eden says to the rest of the room.
“You didn’t drag us,” Meredith says. “We were already here. It’s what happens when four women live together—it’s bound to get messy at some point.”
“Imagine what it’s like living with thirty women,” Savannah emphasizes, referencing her sorority house.
The storm has seemingly passed, and within a few minutes, everyone’s spread throughout the kitchen and living room, eating a slice of the leftover baby shower cake I brought home.
When Kara takes a seat at the barstool next to me, I can’t help but be reminded of the first turn of events from this morning. “Don’t think that we’re done with our conversation from earlier,” I tell her.
“I’ll keep it out of the apartment,” is all she says in reply, looking back down at her cake.
I stick my finger under her bra strap that’s visible under her tank top, pulling it up and letting it snap back against her skin. “How about you keep it out of your body? ”
She winces. “I’m okay, Lina. I promise.”
“It doesn’t matter what you promise me. I know about it now, which means it’s weighing on my conscience.
" I drop my fork down on my plate, trying not to raise my voice and alert everyone else in the living room.
Thankfully, Sex and the City is playing at nearly full volume.
“If something happens to you because you took a bad pill off the street, I would never forgive myself, Kara.”
Grant would never forgive me either.
“I wouldn’t let it get that far,” she whispers.
“Do you think anyone lets it get that far? It always starts this way,” I say gently. “It’s just one time until it’s not. You’re the smartest person I know, Kara. Don’t be stupid about this.”
She exhales, slow and heavy. “I didn’t think anyone would notice.”
“Well, I did.” I reach out and nudge her plate of cake closer. “And I’m not going to un-notice it.”
She picks up her fork, just to give her hands something to do. “You’re not going to tell Grant, are you?”
“I’m not planning to.” I pause. “But I will if I think I have to.”
That makes her flinch more than the bra strap did. She knows I’m being serious. I won’t sit and watch another important person in my life be taken from me. I can’t do it.
“I’ll get rid of it,” she says. “When I find it, I’ll trash it.”
I don’t thank her. This is more for her than it is for me. I hook my arm around her shoulder, leaning in close. “Good, because you’re too brilliant to let something like this be your downfall.”
She reaches for her water bottle and takes a long sip, like she’s trying to swallow the weight of everything that’s happened in the last hour.
Then, she leans into me. “Thank you.”