Chapter Thirty-Two
THIRTY-TWO
ASPETH
Mereden has known the whole time.
I’m a little shocked, but I shouldn’t be. Mereden is smart, and she sees everything that’s going on. That she keeps her secrets without spilling them makes her all the wiser, because secrets are power. But as I confess the truth about how and why I’m here, Lark’s jaw drops and continues to drop lower, and Kipp looks equally agitated. Once my story is told, I produce the ring from inside my corset and set it on the table, deciding to keep Gwenna’s name out of it. “I managed to snatch this from down below.”
“No, you didn’t,” Mereden continues. “I saw everything. If we’re telling truths, tell all of them. We’re all in this together.”
“I took it,” Gwenna says. “Aspeth’s protecting me because she’s a good person. Because she knows I’m worried. You two are noble, holder blood.” She gestures at me and Mereden. “I’m a servant. Who do you think they’ll come after if we’re discovered?”
Mereden hesitates, and then nods.
“I didn’t hear anything,” Lark drawls. “Did you, Kipp?”
Kipp gives his head a quick shake. Nothing.
Gwenna manages a little smile. “Thank you.”
Mereden reaches out to me, her hand palm up on the table. “I want you to know that your secrets are safe with me, Aspeth. There’s nothing I want more than to join the guild. We need all five of us for that. And I won’t say anything to my family, either, if you’re worried. If I did, they’d probably attempt to take over your father’s hold…and then send me promptly back to the Convent of Divine Silence.” She makes a face. “My situation is slightly different from yours but no less awful.”
“We’re in this together,” Lark declares, and slaps her hand down atop Mereden’s.
Gwenna drops her hand onto theirs and I do the same. Kipp places his atop mine, small and sticky. His little touch feels like a big deal.
“Thank you,” I tell them, and then feel the need to say more. “I know what we’re doing is dangerous and illegal…. I just want an artifact that’s enough for my father to protect the hold,” I tell them. “If the ring will do it, that’s all I need. Anything else can go to you guys. I know it’s a lot to ask, and I wouldn’t ask at all if my life wasn’t on the line. No one’s going to stop and ask me if I want to be my father’s heir. They’re just going to kill me, no questions asked.”
“How do you know your father won’t gamble it away?”
I don’t. “I’ll figure something out. Maybe I’ll tell him it has a curse on it, and if it’s sold or used for gambling, he’ll be doomed.”
“Tell him it has an ass-pox,” Lark says.
Mereden gives her a strange look. “What is it with you and asses?”
Lark shrugs. “Asses are funny.”
“Well,” Gwenna says in her no-nonsense voice. She picks up one of the envelopes and holds it aloft. “Should we deliver these, then? The sooner we get things started, the better.”
We head out to deliver the appeals, and I try not to think about the fact that Magpie has no idea of what we’re doing in her name. Like Lark said, if she thinks she did them, it can work in our favor, too.
Lark has grown up in Vastwarren and knows her way around everything. She leads us to one manor house that looms high above the other houses in the area, a tall hedge separating him from his neighbors. The housekeeper takes the letter with a sniff, and something in me suspects it won’t be looked at.
“That’s why we have multiples,” Lark replies cheerfully. “All we need is one person willing to override the guild.”
The guild is so controlling, though, I don’t see how. I’m about to protest this when Kipp races ahead of our party, down the street. His shell house bounces on his back as he trots away, and I look over at the others. “Where’s he going?”
Mereden shrugs, and Gwenna does, too.
“Maybe he saw something suspicious?” Lark hurries after him, and I do the same, because it’s not like Kipp to dart off without us. He’s the responsible one.
We find him ahead in a market square, near a fountain. He’s met up with another slitherskin, and as we approach, we can see them rubbing all over each other, their movements quick and frantic.
“Oh.” Lark shrugs. “Give them a moment.”
“What are they doing?” Mereden asks, shielding her eyes politely.
“It’s nothing lewd,” Lark explains, relaxing. Her gaze rests on Mereden for a moment, then flicks over to me. “It’s how slitherskins got their names. They rub up against one another, and when they do, they transfer information. They can share memories through the touch of their skin and that’s how their people communicate. That’s why he’s so fussy about being grabbed.”
How fascinating. I’ve never seen it until now, and the sight of it is a little…slithery, all right. It looks downright obscene, but who am I to judge? I married a Taurian, and they have all kinds of strange customs, too.
Thinking of Hawk and his people’s customs makes me think of the orgy in the alleyway and my face gets hot and flushed. I wish he wasn’t such a prick.
I also wonder where he is right now. Probably storming the guild halls looking for someone to give him a job to get out of the house.
We stand by awkwardly a short distance away as the two slitherskins rub against each other with frantic, happy motions. Then they hug one last time and part, tails twining. Kipp trots over to us, a look of contentment on his small, lizardy face.
“Old friend?” Gwenna asks.
He shakes his head and then pauses. A flurry of gestures quickly follows as he tries to communicate with us, and it takes a few rounds but we finally figure it out. The slitherskin was a stranger, working for a traveling merchant. He saw Kipp in his uniform (now unbuttoned and open to the waist thanks to all the full-contact slithering) and wanted to tell him how proud he was of his fellow slitherskin.
I am first , Kipp gestures to us.
“You are?” I’m startled to hear this, but not entirely surprised. I haven’t seen other slitherskins around and none of the guild’s history books refer to slitherskins in any way. They barely reference Taurians, and Magpie is the only woman I know of who has joined.
Kipp lifts his chin, full of pride.
“Bunch of horrid men,” Gwenna grumbles. “Don’t like anyone who doesn’t have the same equipment as them. The more I learn about this Royal Artifactual Guild, the less I like it.”
“Which means it’s all the more important that we join the guild,” Mereden says. “These men need to realize that slitherskins—and women—are just as competent as they are.”
Gwenna grunts.
I’m silent. So much is riding on this that the guilt is becoming overwhelming. I’m going to ruin everyone’s chances if it’s found out that I have the ring…or that I’m a noble….
“That’s why a Five is so important,” Lark says, speaking up. She puts a hand on my shoulder and one on Mereden’s, drawing us closer in the middle of the street. “The guild wants to emphasize teamwork so Fives work together, but doing this has made us more than a team. We’re friends. We have one another’s backs. And we’re going to join this fucking sausage party of a guild and turn it inside out.”
We laugh at that, but I blink back tears again.
Before leaving home, I had no friends. Now I have four of them, and it feels like I’m the richest person in all of Vastwarren.
Once the last of the letters are delivered, we opt to head back to the dorm and train ourselves. Kipp teaches Mereden and Lark some basic stabbing moves with short swords, and I go over a few of the more common Prellian glyphs with Gwenna in the kitchen. I want her to be able to recognize them to give her an advantage over some of the men in the guild.
We’re basically waiting and passing time until something happens. Either Lark can approach her aunt and see if she’ll help us with our plan, or we’ll get permission to go back down to the drop due to the appeals we dropped off earlier today. Until then, all we can do is stay busy.
“The lovely thing about Prellian magic is that it’s considered female,” I tell Gwenna enthusiastically as I flick through a book I borrowed from Hawk’s small store of guild tomes. I pause on a rendering of a common vase covered in glyphs and point it out. “So you’re always going to see the glyph for a female if there’s magic referenced.”
Her brows furrow. “What are you talking about?”
“When you reference magic, it’s considered female,” I explain, delighted to be able to talk about my favorite subject. “And it was Prellian law that every object had to be labeled clearly with what it did for public safety. They were really very advanced with law for their time. So every object will have a statement of some sort as to what the magic is, and since it’s referencing magic, you can look for the egg symbol around this particular glyph. The arrow over this figure means ‘man,’ but when it’s encased by an egg, it changes the symbol to ‘woman.’?”
“Is the arrow supposed to be a cock?” Gwenna asks.
Her blunt words make my face heat. Good gods, it seems I’m blushing all the time now. “No, of course not! It’s an arrow, at least that’s what scholars believe. They think that it references back to the time when men were hunters and would use arrows to feed and provide for their families.”
“Looks like a cock to me,” she says, and then adds, “I’m probably spending too much time around Lark.”
“Probably.” Though now it looks a bit like a cock to me, too.
The doors to the kitchen open and Hawk strides in. Gwenna and I immediately grow quiet, watching as he marches over to the water pitcher and pours himself a drink. He looks dusty and dirty, as if he’s been in the tunnels, but I don’t want to ask. The last thing I need is a more cranky Hawk jumping down my throat.
I’m sure I deserve some of the throat jumping but not all of it.
Hawk drinks his water, leaning against the counter, and I pretend to focus on the book in front of me instead of my very large Taurian husband, who might possibly hate me. He’ll just finish his beverage, I think, and then we’ll be alone again and ready to continue our lessons—
“Aspeth,” Hawk says. “We need to talk.”
I put on my best gracious-holder’s-daughter smile. “We are in the midst of a lesson.”
“Oh, it can wait,” Gwenna blurts out, betraying me. She jumps to her feet and moves to stand behind my chair. She leans in and whispers in my ear, “Distract him and I’ll check on the situation with Magpie.”
And then with a brilliant smile, she leaves me alone with the moody Taurian.
I give him an impatient look. “You decided now is the best time to talk despite ordering me to sleep next to you tonight? It couldn’t wait until then?”
“I didn’t know if you were going to come to bed.”
“Because you don’t trust me, right?” I keep the words light and playful even as they cut.
He sighs heavily. “Because I wouldn’t want to come to bed with me, either. Whatever frustration or anger you’re feeling right now, I deserve it.”
I run a finger down the front of the book, not looking him in the eye. I don’t know what to say to that. It certainly wasn’t what I expected to hear from him. “Was that an apology?”
“More of an explanation,” he says. “Can we go talk in our room?”
Now I glance up at him, suspicious. Is this going to turn into another spy inquisition? But…Gwenna did tell me to distract him. Hells. I get to my feet, my chin held high. “If you’re a boor, I’m going to leave again, fair warning.”
“If I’m a boor to you, I’ll absolutely expect it,” he says, and moves to my side, putting a hand to the small of my back to lead me to our room.
Standing this close to Hawk always makes me feel slightly breathless. I’m a big woman—tall and strong and the opposite of dainty—but his hand on the small of my back makes me feel delicate. Like a thing to be protected. It’s not something I’m used to—both the touch and the feeling of being something worth protecting—but I like it. And I hate that I like it, because it makes me feel vulnerable, like it can be used against me.
We head down the hall from the kitchen and into Hawk’s private chamber. Squeaker is curled up on the window seat, spreading orange cat hair all over the cushions. She yawns when we enter and stretches in place but makes no effort to get up, and Hawk doesn’t ask me to remove her. That means we’re probably not going to get intimate.
I…can’t decide if I’m disappointed or relieved.
He gestures that I can sit on the bed, and I move to sit on the edge, clasping my hands in my lap. I’m doing my best to remain composed, but being alone with him brings on floods of memories and scandalous thoughts, and it’s hard to concentrate. Hawk paces at the far side of the room, his tail flicking back and forth, and I notice that the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up, revealing bulging muscles. He’s discarded his guild jacket somewhere, too, and when he paces, I can see the fine, thick shape of his thighs and the rounded strength of his backside.
If he’s trying to appeal to me by simply looking intense and delectable, he’s doing an excellent job.
Hawk tugs on the ring that hangs from his broad nose. “Aspeth…I know I’ve behaved cruelly toward you.”
That makes me pause. “Cruelly? I’d say you were an arse but I don’t know if cruelty was involved.”
“I’ve thrown things in your face that I shouldn’t have.” He shakes his head and paces some more. “I was furious that you were keeping secrets. That you didn’t trust me. And of course, everything is amplified thanks to the Conquest Moon’s rising—”
“Oh, come on , now. You can’t blame everything on that.”
He turns and gives me a sharp look. “You don’t know what it feels like.”
“I do not,” I agree. “But I’ve also done my best to be accommodating for the Conquest Moon time, and you’ve lashed out at me in private moments. That’s not the Conquest Moon. That’s you being a shit.”
His mouth tenses and he tugs on the ring on his nose again. “I know. I just…” More pacing. I wait for him to answer, because he seems to be conflicted. “I just…this should be transactional between us and it’s not.”
I tilt my head at him in surprise. Does he feel like I’m not holding up my end of the bargain? “It’s not?”
A low growl escapes him, and then he storms across the room to my side. Hawk leans over the bed, caging me in place as he puts his hands on either side of me. “I want you. More than I should.”
My lips part.
“No, that’s not right.” He shakes his head, his horns swiveling dangerously, and then lifts his face to meet my gaze again. “I want you more than a teacher should want his student. I want you more than I should for a marriage of convenience. And that’s the part that fucking bothers me.”
“It…does?” Why does that make my stupid heart flutter? He thinks I’m a spy, out trying to rob the guild of its riches or some nonsense.
“It does bother me,” Hawk continues. He studies my face, his breath warming the air around us. “Because I think about you all the time. It’s not just the Conquest Moon—I’ve felt its grip on me before. This is something else. If it was just the Conquest Moon, I wouldn’t think about your smile. I wouldn’t think about the way you laugh when you’re trying to be polite, and how different it is from when you’re truly amused. I wouldn’t think about you and that stupid cat of yours and how you lavish affection on it when you come home and it makes me jealous.”
My cheeks heat. He’s jealous of Squeaker?
“I wouldn’t be obsessed with the realization that I still owe you an orgasm from last night and how thinking about it has been distracting me all day long. I nearly fell off a drop earlier because I was thinking about the way your soft cunt clenched around my fingers, and how it’s going to feel when I’m deep inside you for the first time.”
“You were thinking about me today?” I’m breathless at the thought. Why do I care ? Yet I do…terribly.
“Couldn’t stop thinking about you.” His hand trails up the inside of my thigh. “And how things left off last night. Figured I need to give you that orgasm or else it’s going to continue to distract me.”
I stop his hand before it can go up any farther. “Is this you apologizing for last night?”
His gaze meets mine. “Would you accept an apology from me?”
I swallow. “Maybe…depends on how good an apology it is.”
Hawk gives me a slow, lazy smile. “Toe curling.”
Oh gods. My pulse thumps a response right between my legs.
“I promised you I’d make you feel good,” he murmurs, and leans in to nip the shell of my ear. He’s incredibly gentle, and the feel of his teeth against my ear is more arousing than anything. “And I’m not holding up my end of the bargain. Moody or not, you being a holder’s heiress or not, I need to be the husband you deserve.” His hand stops on the inside of my thigh, his thumb rubbing against me through the fabric. “Can I make you come, wife?”
I bite back a moan. “If…I do…where does that leave us? You think I’m a spy.”
Hawk pauses. “I know you’re not. I’m angry that you didn’t trust me. Hurt that you didn’t. Probably more than a little pissed that I don’t get to keep you after all is said and done. You’re not a spy. I might not understand you or the way you work, Aspeth, but I know you’re not a spy.”
I suppose I should feel better at his confession, but it just reminds me that I’m in here with him to distract him away from what the others are doing…because we need Magpie and her loose interpretation of guild rules instead of Hawk’s strict one.
“I’m just trying to stay alive,” I tell him in a soft voice. “Everything I’ve done is toward that goal, because I really don’t want to be killed over my father’s poor choices.”
“No one’s going to touch you,” he growls, and then he heaves me onto my back, my legs flying up. “No one except for me.”
I suck in a breath as he rubs me through my pants. How is it that through layers of clothing, he knows exactly where to touch me and make it feel good? Whimpering, I squirm against his touch. “Hawk. Hawk.”
“You want my fingers on your pussy?” He leans in close, continuing to rub me through the fabric even as he hovers over me, my smaller form swallowed up against his. “You want me to make you feel good?”
Nodding, I pull at the waist of my pants, fumbling with the belt until it’s open and he can slide a hand inside. The moment he does, I cry out because it feels so incredible. His fingers are hot and callused against my softer skin and it shouldn’t feel nearly as good as it does. But he pushes two fingers between my labia and rubs, framing my clit and teasing it from both sides. My legs draw up automatically and he pushes his chest against my knee, pushing me deeper into the mattress. The position spreads me wide for him, and the sensations only grow more intense.
“That’s right, wife. I want your pussy to be wet around me all the time. I want you slick and aching the moment I walk into a room, because all you’re going to think about when I’m around are the naughty things I’m going to do to you.” He strokes deeper, pushing into my core and making me gasp with the way he stretches me. “I’m going to make everything so good for you, Aspeth. All you have to do is let me.”
I moan again, clinging to the shoulders of his jerkin. “I’m your wife,” I manage to pant out. “I vowed this to you. To be yours.”
“You are mine, aren’t you?” His words are a sultry whisper in my ear, his muzzle brushing against my skin even as his fingers pump deep inside me. I’m so wet I can hear squelching noises coming from my body with every thrust of his hand, but there’s no energy in me to be embarrassed. Everything I am is focused on him touching me, on the pleasure of him making me come. “My pretty, sweet human wife. I shouldn’t be nearly as possessive of you as I am, but I can’t stop thinking about you, Aspeth. Can’t stop thinking about how it’s going to feel when I sink my knot into you. When I make you mine.”
He drives into me with each word, leaving me whimpering.
“It’s the bull god’s hand on me,” he whispers in my ear, his teeth grazing my skin. “The god’s hand on my shoulder, telling me that you should be at my side, or under me. That’s where I need to keep my wife. To fill her belly with my seed and have her give me many sons. To knot her and then play with her clit for hours while you squirm on my cock, trapped against me—”
Stars burst behind my eyes and I cry out, the climax hitting me like an avalanche. My legs curl up and he grunts with satisfaction, stroking his thumb against my clit even as his fingers work inside my body. He wrings the pleasure out for as long as possible, continuing to stroke and pet me until I’m shuddering and spent. I whimper when he pulls his fingers free of my body, again making a terribly wet noise, and watch as he licks them clean of my taste.
“So fucking good, Aspeth. I could plant my muzzle there between your legs for days and not come up.” He looks down at me with such possessive lust that I swear I see a hint of red ringing his pupils.
It’s that hint of red that alarms me, and I press the back of a hand to my brow. “I need a moment.”
“Of course you do.” He leans down and gently covers the tip of my nose with his mouth, so big that he nearly swallows the entire thing whole.
“What was that?” I ask, curious.
“A kiss.” His voice sounds gruff, as if he feels a bit foolish at having to explain himself. “I want to be a good husband to you, even if this is just convenience. Even if we annul things after the Conquest Moon sails through. Until then, I want to be good to you.”
I should leave it at that. I should acknowledge that it’s sweet of him to say that…but…“Because now you know I’m a holder’s daughter?”
Hawk goes still.
Immediately, I feel like an arse. Like I pushed too far.
“I suppose I deserved that,” Hawk says, moving to get off me.
I reach up and caress his cheek—or at least what I think is his cheek—before he does. “Neither of us deserves any of this.”
It’s as close to an apology as I’ll get. I’m still hurt from the spy comment.
He gazes down at me, and nips at my fingertips when I move them nearer to his mouth. “Is the trust between us gone, Aspeth?”
“Do we need to trust each other for the Conquest Moon?” I ask, keeping my voice light. It seems a safer thing to ask than Did you ever truly trust me?
“I suppose not.”
But the moment is still ruined. And when he nuzzles my forehead and climbs off the bed, I let him go. He moves across the room and pours some water from a pitcher into a basin, washing up. I watch him, fixing my own clothing and torn between offering to touch him and wanting to check on Lark and the others. I’m aware he didn’t come. Very aware. My body is throbbing and I can see the outline of his cock pressing against his pants, and part of me wants to sink to my knees in front of him and touch him again, because I enjoyed it. I loved touching him, loved the power it gave me over him. Loved watching him fall apart at my inexperienced caresses. It made me feel connected to him, and I want that again.
But we’re too busy lashing out at each other, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
Still, I can’t stop myself as I move to his side. I slip my arms around his waist and press my cheek to his broad back, ignoring that I’m probably going to have to clean my spectacles again after all this face rubbing. “We’ll get this figured out, you and I. I promise.”
Hawk covers one of my hands with his bigger one. “I do want this to work between us, you know. Not just because of the Conquest Moon. I like you, Aspeth. I think you’re smart and clever and driven. I’ve never met anyone like you. And I do want to try to make this work between us…however long we have together.” He rubs his thumb over the back of my hand. “I’ll stay close to the nest until the Moon’s hand stops pressing on me. Stay close to you. We can spend more time together.”
Oh no. This might be the absolutely wrong thing for our plans. “But the guild…you’re one of the only Taurians left in the city…what if they need you?”
“Then they’ll have to hire someone else.” He half turns, pulling my hand to his mouth and kissing my knuckles. “I have a wife I have to prepare to take my knot.”
I blush. Hearing that shouldn’t be as thrilling as it is.
“And I should wash up,” he says, and I could swear that red gleam is in his eyes again. “And then I’m happy to wash you, too.”
“We need more water,” I say brightly, detangling myself from his grasp and grabbing the pitcher. “I’ll get it and return. Be right back!”
He reaches for me but I slink away before he can pull me into his arms again. I flash him a quick smile and hug the pitcher, practically running for the door. Squeaker follows behind me, no doubt traumatized after watching me get viciously (and delightfully) fingered on the bed.
I pump fresh water in the kitchen and look around for the others. I can’t stay out for long or Hawk will come looking for me.
“Gwenna?” I whisper, pouring the water out of the pitcher and filling it slowly again just to waste time. “Lark? Mereden? Kipp? Someone?”
There’s a scrambling sound and then Lark bursts into the kitchen. “Spoke with my aunt,” she pants. “She’s in. You keeping Hawk distracted?”
“Mostly?” I eye the pitcher, now full. “I’m about to head back in. We need to talk about plans because he’s going to stay close for the next few days, until the Conquest Moon is over.”
She groans. “That’s a nightmare. Okay, I’ll talk to my aunt again, figure something out. Did you hide the artifact?”
Shit. It’s still on a ribbon around my neck. Hawk didn’t notice it because he only shoved a hand in my pants, but if he wants to bathe after this, he’s for sure going to see it and ask questions. I hastily slip it off and hand it to Lark. “Give it to Gwenna.”
Lark races away again. “Talk more in the morning!”
If I don’t collapse from stress first, sure.