Chapter Fifty
FIFTY
HAWK
My wife has been gone for too long.
I know it’s just for dinner with her father so she can explain her motives. I’ve met the man, and a more pompous and careless fool I’ve never seen. He’s like every holder lord I’ve met, concerned with his own comforts over the needs of his people. His court lady should keep him in check, though. I’ve met her type before and she hasn’t worked this hard to let him piss away everything she’s gained. I’m not worried they’ll insist Aspeth return to Honori Hold. The new wife won’t want Aspeth around to object to how she runs things.
Mostly, I just want to grab Aspeth and hold her tight against my chest. It’s been a long, eventful day—a long, eventful month, actually—and we haven’t had a chance to have a conversation since we left the crypt. I’ve been embroiled in guild bullshit all day and all night, working with Rooster to move Magpie’s master ranking over to me, establishing my guild contracts, ensuring that Magpie will have a stipend of some kind no matter what happens, fighting for her students to be given another chance, and then because I’m Taurian, pushing for others of my kind to be given more weight with the guild. Osprey, Raptor, and so many others work too hard to get overlooked permanently. I haven’t gotten as far as I want, but with me as a guild master, I’m hoping that it will pave the way for others.
That’s for the future, though. For the present, I want to know what Aspeth’s plans are.
I want to know what’s going to happen between us.
I want to know what the king said.
I hate having to wait to even talk to my wife. That the guards outside the inn have made it very clear I’m not allowed in to see her until she leaves her father’s table. So I stand outside, in my full guild master regalia, and I wait, arms crossed.
I can be just as bullheaded as any noble. I’m making it clear to them that I’m not leaving without my wife. Bad enough that she’s been sent off with her father without anyone letting me know. I’ve already filled Rooster’s ears on what I think of that.
“They’re holders,” he’d explained as if that answered everything. “They don’t answer to me.”
I don’t care if he’s right. I’m still pissed about it.
So I wait. And when one of the guards sends a message inside, I half expect to be escorted from the premises despite all my trappings. Instead, they open the door to the inn and let me through. My wife is on her feet, and she dutifully kisses the cheek of her father, an elder balding man with a thick gut and ridiculous pointy shoes that mean he cares more for fashion than for common sense. He gives me a dismissive look—which I ignore—and then heads out with a pretty woman on his arm. Aspeth remains a few steps behind, her gaze on me.
“Wife,” I say when she gets close enough, a wealth of meaning in my tone.
She doesn’t seem to notice my choice of words. Her hands smooth down her plain dress and she leans toward me, her voice low. “You should have joined us for dinner. Perhaps then he wouldn’t have lectured me as if I were a foolish child.”
I want to tell her that I tried to join them for dinner, but it’s just as well. People have been lecturing me for days now on taking advantage of a noblewoman. Of my shameful morals in daring to marry a holder’s daughter while being Taurian. I can miss out on hearing it (again) from her father. “I’m here now.”
Aspeth squints up at me, and then touches the bright red sash across my coat, studded with golden pins. “And you look very fine, too. Red suits you.”
“You approve, then?” I offer her my arm.
She takes it, gazing up at me as we exit the inn. “Why wouldn’t I approve? If anyone deserves it, it’s you. I’ve seen how much you do for the guild.”
Things are different now, though. She’s seen it through the eyes of a student, a hopeful who dreams of joining the guild. Someone who put everything on the line to join and has now been banned from it entirely. I know Rooster’s decision and I hate it, but the king supported it. I know Aspeth must be crushed inside. She had her reasons for joining—to save her father’s hold—but I also know that she’s dreamed of and studied the ruins of Old Prell so extensively that it’s been more than just a recent plan. No one loves Old Prell half as much as Aspeth Honori, and now it’s been taken from her.
And it makes me feel helpless, because I don’t know what to do about it. If you need brute force, I’m the one. If you need an expert on the maze of tunnels beneath Vastwarren, I’m the bull you need. Taurians have a keen sense of smell and an innate ability to always know where we are going. That’s why we’re perfect in the Everbelow. I can handle that, just like I can handle teaching students how to become part of the guild.
What I can’t handle is the thought of my wife’s crushing disappointment. I don’t know what to say that will make it better.
So I’m silent as we walk through the sloping, cobbled streets of Vastwarren. It’s dark, with flickering lamps lighting the streets. Someone’s horse snorts nearby, and I neatly move Aspeth out of the way of a particularly muddy patch on the street, but other than that, we walk in silence.
“My father has a new heir,” Aspeth finally says, her fingers playing on my sleeve as we walk.
“Ah.” Dark God’s five hells, what am I supposed to say to that? Not only has she lost the guild, but she’s lost her inheritance? This is just getting worse with every step.
“I’m sorry it’s not us. I hate to disappoint you.”
She’s thinking about me? I turn to look down at her, surprised. “I haven’t given it a single thought, Aspeth.”
Now she’s the one who looks surprised. “No? Most people marry a holder’s daughter because they want power. They dream of what they can do with the hold in their control.”
“I didn’t know you were a holder’s daughter when I married you, remember? All I was thinking about was how uncomfortable the upcoming Conquest Moon was going to be if I didn’t have a partner. And if I recall correctly, you propositioned me.” I shake my head. “It’s never been about your hold.” When she simply nods, her expression distant, I try to change the subject. “Besides, I’ll be busy here.”
“Because you’re a guild master.” She reaches out and touches my chest, and the sash proudly displayed across it. It’s not something I’d normally wear around the city, because I hate pretentiousness, but Aspeth seems to like the sight of it on me. If she touches my chest one more time, I’m tempted to find the nearest alley and fling her up against a wall with her skirts over her head.
Hells, I’m tempted to do that anyhow.
“Are you happy?” she asks me, her voice soft.
I consider this. Am I? It’s something I both wanted and assumed I would never have. “I am. It gives me more of a voice. It lets me pave the way for other Taurians. It lets me train fledglings the way I think they should be trained…and I’ll make coin if they graduate. So aye, I’m happy.” I flex my hand, the magicked one. “And I got Rooster to waive my debt for this.”
Her eyes go wide. “You did?”
“Aye. He can’t very well take it away from a guild master, can he? That wouldn’t look right. I used his love of bureaucracy against him. Told him it’s a far better show of his leadership to have strong, competent masters who are loyal and wield the artifacts that they teach about…that, and I’d put in a good word with the Taurians when it comes time to reelect the head guild master.”
Aspeth grins up at me, but then her expression fades. “Have you seen Magpie since she left the courtroom?” she asks. “Was she very upset?”
I don’t know if she’s avoiding a hard conversation with me or if there’s simply too much to cover, but I’m surprised she asks about Magpie. After all, the woman tried to get her killed. “I have not. Rooster dealt with her prior to today. For all her courtroom dramatics, she knew she was in danger of losing her position simply from the drinking and how many classes she’s had fail in the past few years.” I pause. “She actually told Rooster he needed to promote me, though. That if she was giving up her spot, it should be given to me.”
“She’s right.”
I sigh. “It’s just always complicated with Magpie. She does something unforgivable, and then turns around and tries to make it better. I can’t look past that she tried to have you killed, though.” I shake my head. “She’s destroyed any friendship we might have had.” I pull Aspeth a little closer to me.
“And the others? Gwenna? Lark? Kipp? Mereden? Were they devastated at failing?” Her tone is careful, but I know just how much her Five means to her.
“They’re drinking away their sorrows,” I tell her. “They’ve joined the repeater ranks. It’s not a bad thing, though. They’ll get more guild experience, and after hearing what was found in the crypt, I think more teachers will be eager to pull them in….” I wonder if the next part will hurt her feelings, but decide to say it anyway. “I’ve let them know I would be happy to teach them again.”
“I’m glad. You’re an excellent teacher and they deserve the best.”
I wait for her to say more, but Aspeth falls silent again. We make it to Magpie’s nest—my nest, now, I suppose—and pause in front of the door. The lights are out, and no one is inside except a big orange shape in the window. Aspeth makes a choked little sound of happiness at the sight of her cat, and I suddenly get tired of dancing around the topic I really want to ask about. “What about you?”
She looks up at me, her eyes dark and glossy in the moonlight. “What do you mean?”
“I know what the king decided. What are you going to do now?”
The pain on her face is obvious, and I ache that she’s had her dream torn away from her. If I could give it back to her, I would, and I hate how helpless it makes me feel to realize that no amount of work, no amount of sweat equity I put in, can bring back Aspeth’s most cherished dream.
I can’t fix this for her, and it mucking kills me.
“I don’t know,” Aspeth confesses. There’s a fragile expression on her face. She’s completely lost. “I tried not to think beyond my goal—protecting the hold. That was my entire purpose. But now there’s a new heir and Liatta’s money and I’m not needed or even wanted at Honori. The guild doesn’t want me, either. I…don’t know what to do with myself.”
“You could stay married to me.” I feel like a fool blurting it out. She probably doesn’t want anything to do with me now. Aspeth could do so much better than a nobody like me. She deserves wealth. Stability. A home of her own. I have none of these things, my life tied to the guild.
But I would love the fuck out of her every day.
She looks up at me with an expression of pure surprise. “You still want me?”
Everything that’s been happening must have truly beat upon her self-esteem if she questions this. I thought I’d made it quite clear how I felt the two dozen times I knotted her in the span of a few days, but perhaps she needs to be told again. “Woman, I’m obsessed with you. I think I’d lose my mind if you left.”
“But it was supposed to be a marriage of convenience,” she tells me, stepping a bit closer. “So you could chaperone me.”
“It’s still convenient for me. It will likely be convenient for me in fifty years, when I’m old and gray and my horns are pitted. It will be convenient for me until the end of time, Aspeth. Do you understand? I need you. I want you with me. And I know it might be hard for you to stay, but…I would love if you tried.” My voice grows suspiciously hoarse. “Please.”
She gazes up at me, quiet.
Then, with an undignified squeal, my aristocratic holder wife flings herself into my arms. She jumps and I automatically wrap myself around her, even as her legs go around my waist. “I love you,” she tells me over and over, peppering my long nose with kisses. “I love you, Hawk. Are you sure?”
“More than sure. You belong with me.” I hold her tightly in my arms, my heart light. “You’re my wife. My love. My everything.”
She slides her arms around my neck and kisses the side of my face. “Let’s go inside. I want to be with you.”
Five hells, I want that, too. But I hesitate, because I need to be certain. “I just don’t want you to have regrets, Aspeth. I know you can do better than me—”
She tugs lightly on my nose ring. “You hush. I wanted someone who loved me for me. Someone who doesn’t care if I talk about Old Prellian glyphs for hours. I don’t care if you have no money.” She laughs, the sound bright. “I don’t, either! I’m not even the heir anymore! I’m…free.” She says the word in a dazed voice, as if not quite believing it, and then laughs again. “I can do as I like.” She gives me a sly look. “I can do who I like.”
“So you can.” I open the door to the dormitory and carry my wife in. The flags and banners still show Magpie’s symbol, but that will all be changed over the next few days, along with the master’s quarters. For now, I’m content to be in the room at the front of the dorm, where I’ve always been.
The moment I open the door, the big orange beast launches itself off the windowsill with a yowl.
“Squeaker!” Aspeth cries with delight. “You’re all right!” She slides out of my grip and runs to her beloved pet, scooping the fat cat into her arms and hugging it tight. She presses enthusiastic kisses to the cat’s head just like she did to me, and ignores the fur flying around her. “I was so worried about you.”
“Gwenna helped me,” I say, feeling a little foolish. “She made sure your cat was taken care of. And contrary to what it might look like, I did brush her.” I wave a hand in the air, swatting at some of the orange fluff drifting past. “It doesn’t do any good.”
Aspeth chuckles. “I know. She’s the woolliest cat ever, but that just makes her special.” She squeezes the cat again, and I feel like I’m interrupting their moment as she scratches the thing’s head and purring fills the room.
“She slept with me every night,” I grumble, watching as my wife sits on the bed with her cat. “Right on your pillow. I woke up with a mouthful of fur every morning.”
“That’s how you know Squeaker approves of you,” Aspeth says happily, and presses another elated kiss atop the cat’s head. “She likes you just as much as I do.”
“I know you love her, so I made sure she was safe. I wouldn’t let anyone touch her.”
Aspeth bows her head over the cat, and then she looks up at me. Tears streak down her face again, and I feel like an arse for making her cry. “I know you wouldn’t. You’re the best of men.”
“I’m not a man. I’m a Taurian.”
She gives a watery giggle and sets the cat down on the bed. “Even better.” She crosses to my side, and her clothes are covered in drifting cat hair, but I don’t care. She gazes up at me, her eyes full of emotion, and then slides a hand under the sash across my chest. “My Taurian.”
“Yours,” I agree. “Since the moment I laid eyes upon you.”
And then I lean in and press my muzzle to her mouth.
It’s…vaguely a kiss. Taurian mouths don’t match up with human ones, and it feels awkward even as I try it. But I still want to try. I lift my head and gaze down at Aspeth. She looks wonderstruck, touching her mouth. “Did you just kiss me?”
“I must have done it wrong if you have to ask.”
She shakes her head. “It was wonderful.”
I cup the back of her neck and tilt her face up to mine once more. “My sweet Aspeth,” I murmur, pressing a second kiss on the tip of her nose. It feels just as awkward as the first, but she makes a happy sigh, and so I continue, kissing her cheek and then her brow. “My lovely, precious wife.”
Her expression grows dreamy, and her hands roam over my coat. “Shall I distract the cat with food from the kitchen so I can be alone with my husband?”
“I like that idea.”
Aspeth gives me a sweet smile and scoops her cat up again, burying her face against its neck as she carries it across the dormitory. I pull off my sash and coat, stripping off some of the many layers of full guild regalia. I’m most comfortable in just a shirt and breeches, but I suppose that will be changing now that I’m a guild master. Ah well.
She returns a while later, her arms empty and her clothes changed, her hair wet from a bath. Aspeth immediately crosses the room to me, a sly smile on her face. “I decided to wash up and borrowed one of the fledgling uniforms. Getting started without me?”
“Just taking a few things off.” I pull her into my arms and rub my nose against the curve of her neck. It’s half-hidden by the high collar of her uniform, and I want to tear the damn thing from her body. “How I’ve missed your scent.”
“I’ve missed you, too. Everything about you.” Her hands roam over my shirt, as if she wants to touch me everywhere all at once. “Can I undress you?”
I nod, and then she pulls my clothing off, piece by piece, until I stand before her in nothing but my skin. She makes a pleased sound, moving forward and pressing her mouth to my chest, even as her hand slides to my cock. Aspeth curls her fingers around my length, teasing it, and then glances up at me. “No knot?”
“Not for another five years.”
“It’ll be strange without it,” she confesses.
“I’ll make it good for you. You won’t be disappointed.”
“Never disappointed,” she says, voice achingly sweet, and strokes my cock again. Her fingers dance over the tip, and when a bead of pre-cum appears, she draws circles on my skin with it. “How far we’ve come in just two months, you and I.”
“Yes. Now you’re no longer asking me why I’m dripping.”
She buries her face against my chest, her shoulders shaking with laughter. “Cruel of you to toss that in my face.”
“I thought it was charming. I think I fell in love with you in that moment.”
“Well, you had a funny way of showing it. I thought you hated me for the longest time.”
Never. “Just fighting my feelings. I’m not good with them.”
Aspeth smiles up at me, and she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Taurian or human or fae or anything else. Nothing can compare to my wife’s teasing smile. I want to crush her against me and hold her tight and never let her go. “I still haven’t yelled at you for your stunt in the tunnels.”
“Tomorrow,” she tells me, her hand tightening around my cock. She gives me a pump with her fist, one that makes my breath catch. “Tomorrow we think about the rest of the world. Tonight I just want it to be us.”
I like that idea.