4. Jamieson
four
Jamieson
P resent day
“I can’t believe you’re really doing this. It won’t be the same without you.”
My friend Jackson laughs as he pulls me into a rib-cracking hug.
“I’ll be around for a few rodeos this year, yet. I’m just easing myself out of it and into a new career. I’m over forty, J. I may be fit, but I need to think ahead.” One of his dogs races by us in the yard, chasing after a ball. “I want to be here for the dogs and Riley, too. This is what I’ve always wanted.”
Watching the contentment ooze off Jackson takes the sting away. I’ll miss him on our rodeo trips, but it’s hard to not be happy about his new life plans.
“Hey, you!” Riley, Jackson’s boyfriend, joins us and offers Jackson a glass of iced tea with a kiss. Jackson beams as bright as a Broadway marquee and grabs Riley’s hand.
“Hey, yourself. Do you need me to start up the barbeque yet?”
“No, it looks like Gabe has that under control.”
The three of us turn towards the grill and, sure enough, Riley’s best friend, Gabe, has an assembly line set up and seems to enjoy the task .
“So, Jamieson, is this your year? Jackson thinks it could be your turn to make the finals.” Riley leans into Jackson, giving him a side hug and they’re too damn cute.
“Well…I don’t know. I mean, it’s always possible. I’ve been training hard over the winter. My fitness is prime, but you never know what bulls you might draw. That’s the wild card in this business.”
“True, but don’t discount your talent, J.” Jackson bends to scratch the beagle’s ears before throwing the slobbery ball across the yard that the dog dropped at his feet. “Every athlete peaks and my gut says this is your time. You’ve even bulked up. Your strength and endurance, your technique…I’ve never seen you this good.”
Jackson’s words ease the uncertainty in my brain. I know what he says is true, but I’ve never been one to brag about my achievements. Heck, I don’t even like to acknowledge when I’m mediocre. It always feels icky to me, but I have no issue talking up the attributes of my friends.
“I owe it to you and all your help in the gym this past winter. You inspire me.”
“Me?” Jackson cocks his head.
“Yeah, you. You’re like the brother I never had. Watching you finally make it to finals and fall in love last year…seeing you achieve everything was inspiring. I applied myself and was more disciplined because you proved it was possible.”
Jackson’s eyes are all shiny and I didn’t mean to be so intimate, but he really did all those things for me, and I’ll miss his steady presence at our campsites .
The beagle returns, Carrot is her name, some kind of inside joke with Jackson and Riley and he throws the ball for her again before sipping his iced tea.
“As an only child, I can say the same about you, Jamieson. It’s been my pleasure to work alongside you and watch you grow.”
Riley rubs Jackson’s back with a warm smile. “And you still will. Just not as often. Rodeo is what you love. I know I’m the new guy to the group, but this isn’t over. It’s just a change, Jamieson. He’s still here for you and rodeo will always be a part of Jackson.”
Jackson nods and kisses Riley softly before turning to me.
“What he said.” Jackson glances around the yard that’s filled with our rodeo friends and family. “Where’s Griff? Didn’t he come with you?”
“He was supposed to, but he called me last minute and said he was running late, and he’d meet me here.”
Griff never runs late. He’s always punctual and never out of line. But this winter he’s been different. He’s cancelled our plans multiple times at the last minute and if I didn’t know better, he’s been avoiding me.
He’s been my best friend since we met at university and my sister likes to say we’re attached at the hip. I wish he’d let me in on what’s bothering him so much. We’ve always been close and lately it feels like he’s pulling away and I can’t help but wonder if it’s something I did.
“Is he okay?”
“As far as I know, he is.”
Jackson nods in thought and Riley excuses himself to help Gabe when a large burst of flame rises from the BBQ.
“Should you go help them? ”
Jackson smiles and shrugs. “I’ll wait it out. But I should make some rounds and say hello to people.” He smacks me on the shoulder. “I’ll catch you later, J. And don’t worry, you’ll be fine this year without me.”
After Jackson leaves to mingle with everyone, I duck behind his barn and pull out my phone. There are no texts from Griff, and the ball in my stomach clenches. He should be here by now. It’s what we always do to start the rodeo season. One last get together with our friends and families before we spend most of the summer away at events.
Even my sister is here and she’s so city I’m surprised she shows her face at something as low key as a backyard BBQ.
I hit dial and wait for Griff to pick up, but it rings and rings with no answer. Stuffing the phone in my pocket, I stride towards the front of Jackson’s house. Maybe Griff is already here and didn’t turn his phone on.
Not seeing his car, I call him again. Not because I think this call will end any differently, but because I need to feel like I’m doing something.
“Come on, Griff. This isn’t like you.” I mutter as the unease grips me tighter.
Finally, the telltale wheeze of his old car’s engine sounds in the distance and I walk to the end of the driveway to watch Griff’s white Ford Neon come into view. When he finally parks along the shoulder of the road, he walks towards the house with his hands in his pockets and his head down.
“Hey, I was worried something happened to you. You’re never this late.”
Griff’s head snaps up, and I immediately inhale a sharp breath .
“Jesus Christ, Griff, what happened?” I growl before pulling him into a tight hug. I welcome the relief that swamps me when he hugs me back. “Are you okay?” I whisper, and his head nods against my chest before he steps out of the hug.
My hand instinctively cups his cheek, the one that’s turning shades of purple right in front of me. Griff pulls away as soon as I touch it.
“I’m sorry. That was dumb.”
Griff squeezes my wrist, assuring me it’s okay. “I almost didn’t come, but I know it’s tradition. I didn’t want to let you down.”
Something tightens in my chest over those words. This is what he’s been keeping from me, and I don’t like that it caused physical pain. That someone did this to him.
“I would have come to you, Griff. You’re my best friend. Why didn’t you say anything?”
His eyes flash in anger. A sharp turn from the softness a moment ago. “Because I don’t want you to look at me with pity like you are now, okay?”
“It’s not pity. I just want to help you.”
Griff hangs his head again. “I’m sorry. I know you do. It’s just…I’m almost thirty years old and I shouldn’t put myself in these positions, but…”
Griff shrugs and trails off, but I know. He never talks about his relationships much, but this one set off alarms I should have paid more attention to.
“Just tell me he’s out of the picture now, please?”
“Oh yeah. You don’t need to fight for me, Jamie. The trash took itself out.”
Griff wants me to let it drop, but I can’t .
“I will kick this fucker’s ass into the next province if he even gets close enough to breathe on you again.” Reaching out, I gently brush my fingers across the bruise on his face. It takes a lot to make me angry, but this mark on my best friend’s face has turned my normally sunny demeanor dark. “You should report this, Griff. He assaulted you.”
Griff closes his eyes and shakes his head slightly. “I can’t, Jamie. I don’t…I’m not bringing this up with the police and…” He sighs. “I just don’t want to, okay? Please let it drop.” He whispers.
Saying no to Griff is hard, but if that’s what he wants, then I’ll give that to him.
“Come on. Let’s get into this shindig.” Hooking my arm through his, I pull him along to the house and choose to let the heaviness of whatever happened slide. He knows if he needed me, all he’d have to do is call and I’d be there faster than The Flash. I have to believe he’d call if he truly needed me.
“I’ll warn you now, Riley’s friend Gabe is manning the grill, and I already saw a wall of flames, so we might be stuck with salads tonight.”
Griff groans and laughs, and I know he’s okay. He squeezes my arm through his, and when his gaze catches mine, I read the silent message. We’ve always connected non-verbally, and that hasn’t changed.
Thank you.
“My mom and dad are here. Even Kara came.”
“Maybe I should ask her if she has that good makeup with her.”
“It’s my sister. What do you think? She never leaves the house without a bag as big as a carry-on suitcase, and I bet she has makeup. ”
Jackson notices us walking up the driveway and, bless him, he doesn’t even flinch when he notices Griff’s bruised-up face.
“Hey, buddy! Glad you could make it, but I’ll warn you now. The burgers look like hockey pucks, and the lawyer boy needs to stay away from the grill.” Jackson makes a disgusted face, and Griff’s laugh rings out, further easing my anxiety.
Jackson’s dog, Tramp, trots over to Griff and waits. Tail wagging and ears perked.
“I can’t believe you keep coming back for this.” He reaches into his pocket and unwraps a peanut-butter-filled pretzel from a small piece of plastic wrap. “You know, I have to remember to keep buying these things just for you now. I hope you’re happy.”
Tramp barks and sits as Griff offers him the treat with a fond smile.
“If I need to pay you for all the peanut-butter pretzels you’re buying, let me know.” Jackson chuckles as the dog gulps his treat and runs back to the yard to keep playing.
“I’ll consider it even since you feed me occasionally.”
“Deal.” Jackson motions to the backyard. “Join us when you’re ready.”
Griff takes a deep breath and stares after Jackson before turning to smile at me.
“Let’s kick off your season then, Jamie.”
The smile almost reaches his eyes, but I let it go and nod before hugging him once again.
“Let’s do it.”
“Griff! Do you have, like, a cup of noodles or anything I can eat before we go?”
He still hasn’t packed for our first rodeo trip of the year. Since there’s still time before we absolutely have to leave, I might as well eat while I wait. Opening the cupboards, I find a box of Ritz Crackers instead and tear into them.
Griff exits his bedroom and drops an oversized duffle bag on the floor with a sigh.
“Are you ever not hungry?”
That’s a valid question. “I’m gonna say no.”
He grins with a shake of his head. The bruising on his face is now yellowish and doesn’t look quite so painful. It’s amazing the difference a week makes.
“I think I’m almost ready. Just let me change and have a look in the bathroom again.”
“Griff, I swear, you’re just as bad as Kara sometimes. If you forget something, we’ll buy it. And it’s only for four days.”
His voice carries down the hall in his small apartment. “I know. But you know how I am.”
I sure do. I know he’s going through every single drawer and cabinet in his bathroom right now, ‘ just in case .’ I’ve mentioned before that we can just buy what we forget, but he always brushes it off .
He finally returns and shoves a hairbrush into his already over-stuffed duffle.
“A brush?”
He shrugs and passes a hand over his short hair. “I might need it.”
Setting the crackers beside me, I stand and open my arms. “C’mere.”
Griff wraps his arms around my waist and squeezes me back. I wasn’t always such a touchy person. But after Griff put himself in front of a bull for me at university, I couldn’t help it. It’s like an urge to always let him know I appreciate him, because what if next time we aren’t so lucky? Thankfully, Griff doesn’t mind me always hugging and touching him.
He rests his head against my chest, and I breathe in his lemon-soap scent. I wonder if we could find lemon meringue pie on the drive?
“Sorry. I’m just all over the place, and I need to get it together.”
“You will, Griff. You’re human.”
He pushes away from me and clears his throat. He opens his mouth but then closes it before huffing a breath and turning down the hall. “Right. Let me get changed, and we can finally get going.”
My best friend disappears into his room again and closes the door while I collapse on the sofa with the box of crackers.
The cushions crinkle, and I stand up to move the pile of papers I fell on. A familiar university logo sits on top, and before I can stop myself, I’m reading.
“We are pleased to offer you a position in the masters program beginning August 15th. Please return your answer by May 23rd with a deposit. ”
What the hell? He’s doing his masters and didn’t tell me?
Pushing aside the questions I want to ask, I flip the paper over and shove it back before sitting back down with my crackers.
Today is May 23rd, but we’re heading out to begin our rodeo circuit together.
“I think I’m ready, Jamie,” Griff calls as he walks back into his living room. “Let’s get this started, eh?”
He’s my Griff. Happy and surly all rolled into one, and he’s never kept secrets from me. At least I think he hasn’t. He told me about the date, who was a bit too physical, and that he was going to break up with him. Which was a relief because he sounded like a Class-A asshole. I still think he should have pressed charges.
But this? He might leave, and he’s staying quiet?
“Everything, okay?”
Griff’s hand touches my shoulder, and I jump up.
“Sorry, I zoned out.” He smiles again and motions to the cracker box. “Bring those along and we’ll stop for a burger at the truck stop you like.”
At the mention of burgers, I’m grabbing his bag and pushing him out the door, allowing myself to forget what I just read.
Because Griff won’t leave me.