Chapter Three
Today is supposed to be a monumental day.
The day I graduate from high school and finally go out into the world as a full-grown adult.
I mean, minus the fact that I just turned nineteen and have been on my own since I was seventeen.
I was supposed to graduate last year, but after the death of my mom, I just stopped trying.
I skipped school more than I went. I couldn’t be bothered to study or turn in assignments.
Bullet is the only reason I am standing here today. He refused to let me drop out, but instead asked the school to hold me back a year. Then he forced me to study and do homework. For the past year, he has been the only thing holding me together.
I look out to the crowd and see him along with several other brothers in the crowd. That’s not what surprises me, though. No, seeing my dad standing in the back of the room, leaning against the wall, is what has my mouth falling open.
I want to run to him. Hug him. Tell him I love him.
For the first time in two years, he showed up. I feel like things might be okay.
I take my seat and listen as the speeches drone on and on. Then they start to call names.
I started today not wanting to be here, but now I’m ready to take the stage. To show my dad that I am graduating, even after the rough times we have been having.
As I stand, I hear a loud metal slamming sound. I turn and see my dad stumbling out of the room as the door had been slammed open. Hawk heads out after him.
I look down and will the tears away. All the excitement flees from my body as I realize the truth. My father showed up today, but not because he thought to. Someone told him he had to. He didn’t even get sober for it.
When they finally call my name, I can hear the guys going wild for me, but it’s not enough. There are two voices missing. One I will never hear again, and the other only causes pain now.
I make myself push through the emotions as I take my seat. We finish the ceremony before everyone dissipates toward their own families.
“Hey, party tonight at Bryce’s. You coming?” Skyla asks.
I should. What would it matter? Would anyone even care?
Then I feel him. Bullet has moved into my space. I look over my shoulder and see him glare at Skyla. He doesn’t like her. Says she gets me into trouble.
“Oh, I see. You have plans. Have fun tonight.” She gives me a knowing smile.
I wish what she thought was going to happen would happen. Bullet is too good of a guy for that. He would never touch me in that way. Even after seeing me practically naked the other night, he didn’t do a thing other than give me his shirt to sleep in. I’ve been sleeping in it every night since.
No, Bullet doesn’t want me. He wants to save me. I don’t know why. As if I mean anything in this world.
“Hey, the guys have something planned for you back at the clubhouse. Want to ride with me?” Bullet asks.
I nod. “Sure.”
He wraps his arm around me as we walk out of the room.
“I’m proud of you. I know it wasn’t easy, but seeing you up there was a good moment for me,” he tells me.
“I’m glad it was for you. Seems Honk couldn’t manage to stay,” I say bitterly, refusing to use my father’s real name.
Bullet kisses the side of my head. “I know, Angel. I’m sorry he couldn’t keep it together.”
“Why was he even here?” I spit out.
He winces. “I didn’t want him to miss it.”
I shake my head. “Next time, let him miss it.”
He doesn’t say anything as I walk outside. I see the bikers all gathered around waiting for us. I let a small smile slip as each one walks up to me and hugs me.
When Natalie steps forward, I let her hug me tight. “You looked good up there.”
“Thanks. Where’s Tara? I saw her in the crowd,” I ask, looking around.
“She and Katie went back to the clubhouse to make sure everything was set up. We are going to celebrate this milestone with a bang tonight.”
I laugh at her enthusiasm.
“Well then, I guess we better get going.”
Natalie reaches out and squeezes my hand. “She would have been proud, you know.”
My eyes sting at the mention of my mom. I nod, not letting her see.
“I know.”
“Good. Feel free to invite any friends you want to come. We will see you back at the clubhouse.”
I watch as she walks away with Reaper. Turning to Bullet, I give him a coy smile.
“So should I tell Skyla she can come?” I ask him.
He glares at me. “She will become a sweetbutt and fuck all the brothers. Is that what you want?”
I think about her getting her hands on Bullet, and my stomach sours.
“No. Not really.”
He nods. “Then don’t invite her.”
I frown. “Does it ever get better?”
The question comes from out of nowhere. Bullet doesn’t seem to mind, though.
“It will once you start trying to heal instead of pushing the pain away. Therapy would help. Would you be willing?” he asks.
I want to say no, but his eyes are so hopeful.
“Maybe,” I tell him.
“I’ll set up a session and see if you like it. Are you ready to go?”
I nod, letting him put my helmet on for me. When I climb on the back of his bike behind him, I let all the emotions from the day finally hit me.
I was supposed to do this with my parents at my side. Instead, neither one could show up for me. Some days I wish my dad had been the one to die. It wouldn’t have hurt any less, but I know my mom would have still been here. Instead, I lost two parents in one swoop.
What makes it worse is that my dad is still here. It hurts worse knowing that he is here in flesh and bone, but his mind is long gone. I don’t think I will ever get him back again.
I let the wind wipe away the tears that had fallen as I relish in the freedom I feel on the back of Bullet’s bike.
Life isn’t fair.
Even after Honk stumbled out of Harlee’s graduation, the day has been going well.
I worried she might fall back into that depressive state she’s been in, but she’s been surprisingly happy since we have gotten to the clubhouse. Or at least, it has seemed that way.
I know she won’t magically be better, but every time I see her smile, I think we are taking a step in the right direction.
“If you stare any harder, you’ll burn a hole in the poor girl,” Trigger says as he leans on the bar next to me.
I reluctantly take my eyes off of Harlee to address him. “I’m keeping her safe.”
He laughs. “Oh, I know. That’s why she has a tracking app on her phone she doesn’t know exists. Have you put up cameras at her place yet?”
I glare at him. “I haven’t.”
The thought did cross my mind, though. I won’t admit that to him or anyone else.
“Listen, man, she’s been legal for over a year now. Why haven’t you made your move?” he asks.
“It’s not that simple, and you know it. For one, she’s the daughter of a brother, which means I need to get his permission to date his daughter.
I don’t see that happening, and now isn’t really the right time to ask.
Two, she is going through grief. She doesn’t need to add a possessive boyfriend to that list. Three, I don’t fucking deserve her. ”
I take a drink of the water I’ve been nursing. I refuse to get drunk with her here. Someone needs to keep an eye on her.
“Okay then. Let’s just go through your excuses.
One, Honk isn’t present. He can’t consent to you dating her, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.
Two, she is going through something, and you have been that rock for her.
She always had a crush on you, and now you feel the same way.
Shouldn’t that count for something? Three, what the fuck does better even mean?
Every single woman we know deserves better.
They deserve the fucking best, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t good for them.
What they deserve doesn’t exist, but what we can give them is loyalty and safety.
They will never want for anything. That is better than some fictional best guy out there. ”
“Trig, you don’t get it man.” I shake my head.
“I do. You joined this club searching for something and got fast-tracked for saving Natalie. You sometimes feel like you don’t belong. I see it in you. You do belong, though, and that girl who is falling to pieces deserves the man willing to spend a lifetime putting her back together.”
“I know. I just…”
Her voice cuts me off.
I spin, finding Harlee in her father’s face, and he doesn’t look happy.
“You are a piece of fucking shit!” she screams at him.
“Harlee Anne. Don’t you dare talk to me that way. I am your father,” Honk tells her as I move to her side.
“Let’s all calm down,” I say, trying to defuse the situation.
Honk glares at me. “Are you fucking my daughter? I will kill you.”
“Even if he was, it’s none of your fucking business. Where have you been for the last two years? Fuck, Dad.” She spits out the term like an insult. “Do you even remember my graduation today?”
Honk startles at her words. He doesn’t remember because he was already drunk when we picked him up. When he stumbled from the room, it was to puke in the hall. He’s drunk again now, like he always is.
“He’s a brother. Brothers don’t fuck with family members,” Honk growls out, ignoring the other half of her words.
“Well, good thing we aren’t family anymore then, huh?” Harlee spits at him.
“You don’t fucking understand, Harlee. I hope to God you never do.” Honk is as angry as she is.
He is where she gets her temper, after all.
“You’re right. I don’t get losing the love of your life, but I do understand loss because that night I didn’t lose one parent. I lost them both. You know what? I’m done with this shit. I’m out of here.” Harlee storms out of the room, leaving silence in her wake.
Honk goes to step after her, but I stop him. “Leave her. I’ll go get her once she calms.”
Honk growls at me. “So you’re an expert on my daughter now?”
“He is,” Reaper says, stepping up to my side. “He’s the one who has made sure she went to school and turned in her work. He is the reason she repeated a year instead of dropping out. Do you even remember the past two years, Honk? Or have you been in such a drunken stupor that it’s all a blur?”
“I don’t give a fuck if you are the president, you don’t get to speak to me this way.” Honk steps to Reaper, showing just how far he has gone.
“Look at yourself,” Colt says. “You’re stepping up to your president?
Showing him disrespect for caring if you live or die?
This has gone on too long, Honk. You lost Eleanor, and that is terrible, but you still have a daughter that needs you.
She has been drinking herself silly since the day Eleanor died.
Where do you think she learned that habit from? ”
“She is going to keep down this dark path until it destroys her,” Chap adds.
“I have offered her counsel, and she wants nothing to do with it. She wants to bury her feelings, much like you have. We cannot force you to do anything, Honk. We can ask that you get help for your daughter’s sake, but it wouldn’t help.
You need to want to get better for yourself. ”
Honk takes a step back, rubbing his hand over his face. “When did she graduate?” he asks softly.
“This morning,” I tell him.
He looks up at me, haunted. “I wasn’t there?”
“You left before they read her name.”
I can see the way that hits him. He is ashamed of himself.
“What do you want me to do?” he asks Reaper.
“I want you to go to rehab and stop the drinking. I want you to talk to someone about your grief. Then I want you to come home and show Harlee that it is okay for her to let go of the pain and move on.”
“There is no moving on from her,” Honk whispers.
“Maybe not, but you can move on from the pain and keep her in your heart.”
He nods. “Fine. I’ll go. Harlee stays here, though. You protect her with your life.”
“We will,” Wrath says, patting his shoulder. “You should go home and sleep it off. We will collect Harlee and bring her home.”
Wrath shoots me a look. He means I will, but we don’t want to set Honk off again.
He nods. “I don’t think I should drive.”
“I’ll take you,” Chap tells him, escorting him from the clubhouse.
Once he’s gone, I turn to Reaper, Colt, and Wrath.
“Do you think he will do it?” I ask them.
“I sure fucking hope so,” Reaper mutters before leaving.
Fucking same.