Chapter Thirteen
Today was a particularly rough day at therapy. We really dug into the things that used to make me happy and how I can have them again. I realized that a lot of what made me happy was my mom. She was my best friend. I feel like I took that for granted all those years.
Now she’s gone, and I am floundering.
The therapist did have some suggestions to get me back on track. I have a list of homework to complete before our next session, but I don’t know how Bullet is going to feel about it. Not when the first item is hanging out with my friends again.
Needing an escape, I ended up here at Tara’s bookstore. I could have gone to the tattoo shop, but that wouldn’t have given me the escape I needed. I’ll still cover for Claire when she gives birth, but the bookstore has more to keep my hands busy. It helps me from dwelling on the issues in my head.
I’m carrying a box into the back when the door opens. It’s the girl Bullet was hitting on.
My stomach drops. I hustle into the back and find Tara.
“I can’t. I know I should be the bigger person. He is allowed to be with whoever he wants, but I can’t. Please don’t make me,” I tell her.
She glances into the main area and sighs. “You do know it probably isn’t what you think it is, right?”
“Maybe, but I have feelings for him that aren’t going to go away. I can’t go out there and be nice to her knowing she might get what I’ve always wanted. It might be petty, but I can’t.”
She nods. “Stay back here. I’ll handle it.” She leaves me in the backroom as she heads out to greet the woman.
My heart hurts as I slide down the wall.
I hate feeling like this. I wish there weren’t so many obstacles in our way.
If we were in another life, it wouldn’t be an issue for him to approach me and ask me on a date.
No one would be able to tell him no because that’s not how the real world works.
Instead, I’m an MC legacy who fell for a member.
It means my father gets the final say, and right now he isn’t going to say yes to anything except another glass of scotch.
I miss him. He was my hero.
A lot changed when my mom died. Maybe his feelings on me ending up with a brother has too.
Tara comes back then so I stand.
“Is she gone?” I ask, hating how weak I feel.
“She saw you come into the back. She asked if she could speak with you.” Tara winces. “Seems you made an impression before. I told her I would see if you had time. I can tell her you slipped out the back for lunch if you want.”
I know it’s not the woman’s fault that Bullet hit on her. I can’t even blame her for flirting back. Bullet is handsome and kind. He is a real catch. Still, part of me wants to hate her. It’s so irrational, but I don’t want to see her with him.
After a hard session of therapy, I really don’t want to go greet her, but I suck it up. I need to be a better person.
I can do this.
“It’s okay. I can pretend she is someone else. Thanks, Tara.”
“I’m right here if you need me,” she tells me.
I take a deep breath before I leave the backroom and head toward the romance section. As I walk up to the woman, I take stock of her in a way I hadn’t before.
She is beautiful. Her blonde hair is wavy, almost like a natural curl. It falls to her shoulders. She is facing away from me so I’m able to see and appreciate the ass she has. Girl must do squats to get an ass like that. No wonder Bullet took notice.
She turns, hearing me approach, and I’m struck by how beautiful she really is. She isn’t wearing makeup, but she doesn’t even need to. Pair that with her baby blue eyes and tight body that shows that she puts in work to maintain it, and, well, I don’t stand a chance.
“Hey, Tara said you asked for me?” I say, hating how insecure I feel.
“Yes. I hope this isn’t weird. I thought we had a good conversation last time, and well, I don’t have many friends. I was hoping you would chat about books with me, maybe?”
“I’m supposed to be working,” I tell her.
Her face drops. She is so sweet. I hate that we couldn’t be friends. I think had Bullet never walked in here, we would be close. I know I’m going to regret it, but I give her a small smile.
“Tara won’t mind if I take a break, though. My name is Harlee.” I tell her.
“Oh. I’m Adalyn. Nice to meet you.”
I shake her hand, feeling a bit awkward.
“So what book are you reading?” I ask her, trying to keep my mind on books and not Bullet.
“It’s this new one called Panther’s Magpie. It’s about an MC set in Colorado. Have you read it?”
I shake my head. “We just got it in, but Tara has read it. She really enjoyed it.”
“I just started it, but it seems good. I found out there are actual motorcycle clubs around here, too. That’s crazy, isn’t it? I bet it’s nothing like the books.”
You’d be surprised.
“Oh, I’m sure. Nothing beats a good fantasy. So is that what you are into? Big bad bikers?” I ask, hating how my chest beats faster in my chest.
“Not really. I’m a shy person usually. I have never even had a boyfriend. I know. Sad. I’m twenty years old and have never had a real boyfriend. I have been out on a date or two, but they never turned out well. I prefer to find my romance in books.”
I let out a soft laugh. “Yeah, men in books are always better.”
Except for Bullet.
I won’t tell her that, though. I don’t need to encourage her.
“So other than books, what do you do?” I ask.
“Right now? I’m a puppet. My father decided to run for mayor, so I’m stuck here while he campaigns.”
I swallow hard. I could prod her. Find out information, but how? How do I not blow the cover I didn’t know I had?
“You don’t sound so happy about it.”
She laughs. “I mean, I don’t know him well.
I knew I had a father, and I knew he was alive.
He sent money every month for me and my mom, but I never met him until he showed up needing a ready-made family.
My mom slipped into the spot at his side while I get to play dutiful daughter.
It gets exhausting. Politics is not something I recommend. ”
I nod. “I’ll mark that off the agenda. I was really looking forward to being the president of the book club too. Damn.”
She laughs. “The responsibility isn’t worth it. Trust me.”
“Good to know. Well, did you maybe want to buddy read a book? How far are you into the MC one? I could pick up a copy,” I find myself offering.
I hate that I actually like this chick. She is funny and kind. She is the type of person I would want to be friends with.
“Only three chapters in, but I can wait for you. Want to exchange numbers?”
“Sure. Hand me your phone. Mine is in the back.”
She does, so I start entering my number. I see a text come through.
Jake: We should go out sometime.
My heart is in my throat as I finish putting my number in and hand her back the phone.
Jake can’t be my Jacob. Bullet can’t be texting her.
Of course he is, though. Why wouldn’t he?
Forcing a smile, I lean past her and grab the book she is reading.
“I’ll get up to chapter three tonight, and then we can read together. I really should be getting back to work.”
“Of course. Thank you. I’ll go buy these and get out of your hair. I’ll text you later.”
I nod, heading back to the back of the store. “She needs to check out,” I tell Tara.
“Are you okay?”
I give her a sad smile. “I will be.”
I don’t know how, but I will make sure I am okay.
With or without Bullet.
Something is up with Harlee. She has barely looked my way since I got here. She is pretending to be engrossed in the books she is organizing, but her mind is elsewhere.
I wish I could figure her out.
Instead, I wait for her shift to end before I try to talk to her.
“You want to go get something to eat?” I ask her.
She shrugs, putting her helmet on. I help her onto the bike before I drive us to the diner down the road. It’s within walking distance, but I drive anyway.
When we get there, I escort her inside and slide opposite her in the booth.
“What’s wrong, Angel? I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what it is,” I tell her.
She thinks about it for several minutes before she looks up at me. “It was a hard day at therapy. I have homework, and I don’t think you are going to like it.”
I reach across, grabbing her hand. “I’ll do anything if it helps you feel better.”
She nods. “I’m supposed to start doing things I did before Mom died. Like hang out with friends and go to parties with them. I’m supposed to act my age or some shit.”
“No. I don’t want you drinking.”
She glares at me. “I get that I may have done some excessive things these past few years, but I can go to a party and stay sober. I did it most of my early teens.”
“Sorry if I have a hard time believing you won’t fall into old habits.”
She ignores my jab. “Skyla has been wanting to hang out. There’s a party tonight. At first, I didn’t want to go, but now I think I need to. I need to get some semblance of normalcy back. I know you won’t agree, but it’s what the doctor thinks will help me cope. I think she might be right.”
I hate that I want to lock her up and keep her in a cage so nothing ever touches her again.
I can understand what she is saying, though.
I doubt the doctor told her to go to a party, but I am sure she did tell her to get back to her normal activities.
Just like I know that she went to many parties before her mom died.
I had to pick her up at a few of them when she got herself into trouble.
It was a little secret between Eleanor and me. She would let Harlee go, but I would be in the shadows waiting in case something happened. My chest aches at the thought of Eleanor. She really was a special woman.
It’s for her that I nod.
“Okay. You can go,” I tell her.
“I wasn’t asking permission. I’m nineteen years old. I can make my own decisions. I was informing you that I am going.”
I grit my teeth. She’s right, of course, but I don’t like it.
“It’s still dangerous out there. William is plotting, and we don’t know why. You’ll take an escort with you,” I tell her.
She gives me an adorable little smirk. “Is that you offering?”
Fuck. I shouldn’t. I really need to keep my distance from her, but I can’t help myself.
“Yes. I’ll go with you and keep you safe. No drinking and no drugs. Those are nonnegotiable. You might be nineteen, but you are still under my care, which means that you take care of yourself.”
She sighs, rolling her eyes. “Yes, sir. I don’t even like drinking. I only did it to help numb the pain. Talking with my therapist, I realize that I was using it as a crutch. I’m learning to live through the pain instead. I promise, I’m not going to drink or touch any drugs.”
I take a deep breath. “I’m glad to hear that, Angel. We will eat, then I’ll take you home to change. We can go to this party tonight, but if anyone tries to fuck with you, I reserve the right to step in.”
“Fine, but you aren’t my keeper either. Last I checked, I’m not your old lady, and you refuse to step up to my dad and ask for permission to date me, so what I do is none of your business. If I want to dance with a boy, you will stand aside.”
I don’t like the idea, but she’s right. I haven’t had a chance to talk to Honk, but she doesn’t know that I plan to. As soon as he is better and back with us, I plan to tell him my intentions with his daughter. Even if it gets me banished or killed, I will ask for that permission.
I can’t do it yet, though, so I’ll respect her decisions. At least for a little while.
I can’t guarantee the safety of any asshole who puts their hands on her, though. A man can only take so much.
“Dancing is fine, but if they are not respectful, I’ll teach them what the word means.”
She shakes her head. “You MC guys are all the same. You grunt and growl and act protective. I know you feel some sort of responsibility for me, but you can’t keep me locked up forever. I will eventually find someone I want to be with. I’m no longer a little girl.”
Boy, is she right. She is far from the teenage girl I met three years ago. She has grown into a chaotic mess, but one that I have come to care for in ways I didn’t realize were possible.
I stayed away out of obligation to her father and respect for her not being able to handle her feelings, but she is working through all of that now. Her father will be coming back, and I will show him that I am the right choice for his daughter.
I only need to be patient a little longer, and then maybe I can finally have the woman who owns my heart.