Chapter Fifteen
It’s been a week since my little party with Skyla, and things between Bullet and me have been weird.
It’s like this in-between thing we have going on. We are friends, but sometimes it feels like we are more.
We hang out and watch TV or go out to eat, but there is this tension clouding everything. It used to be me yearning for him all the time, but there is this look in his eye that tells me that he might just feel the same.
I have no idea how I feel about it. I knew how to act when there was no shot in hell that he would ever want to be with me. I knew the game to play when he was held back by the threat of my father.
Now I feel like those walls are nothing but ant hills to him. Things for him to scale without another thought as he claims the things he wants most.
I think the thing he wants most is me.
It brings me joy as much as it scares me.
What if I get everything I ever wanted and it turns out not to live up to the hype?
I need to call in reinforcements on this one.
I wish my mom were here. She used to be the person I would go to about my crushes.
She knew how I felt about Bullet and would always make me feel better when I would cry to her about the boy who never looked my way.
She once told me that one day he would take notice, but I never truly believed her.
Now I wish I had asked her what I do when he does.
Instead, I make my way to the clubhouse, hoping one of the girls is here. When I step inside, I’m happy to see Lainey and Kaitlyn inside, their kids playing in the middle of the floor.
“It seems your twins really love playing mom to the baby,” I tell Lainey as I take a seat at the table they have claimed as their own.
“Yeah. He’s still at that cute age. Give it two or three years, and he will be a terror and they won’t want him,” Kaitlyn jokes.
“I wish I could say it gets better, but I got to skip that part,” Lainey tells her.
“What are you up to?” Kaitlyn asks me.
“Honestly? I was looking for some advice. I was hoping I’d find one of you here,” I tell them.
“Well, you got two of us, so spill the tea, girl,” Lainey says.
I laugh. “I don’t know if it’s tea, exactly. I feel like something is changing.”
“You’re changing. I can tell you that. When I met you, you were depressed. You didn’t have any light inside of you. Now, you are shining again. The dark cloud you have been carrying around isn’t in sight.” Lainey pats my hand.
“I feel that. Therapy has really been helping. I didn’t want to go at first, but I think I needed to.
I’m learning to deal with my grief rather than wallow in it.
Honestly, I feel like I have been in a mist for the past two years and now that everything is clearing, I can see the sun again. ” I admit to them both.
“It is showing. You are truly a magnificent woman, and now the world is getting to see that.”
“You’re right. That’s not what is changing, though. I mean, things between me and Bullet have been changing.” I whisper the last part, not wanting any of the brothers that might be around to hear.
“How so?” Lainey asks.
I shrug. “He has always been protective, but it always felt platonic, much to my chagrin. I have had a crush on him since I was sixteen. Then Mom died, and I lost sight of life, but now that I am coming back into myself, I feel like there is this underlying tension with us. The other night when we rode on his bike, he grabbed my thigh. That is a total possessive thing to do to show other bikers who the other person belongs to, but we aren’t like that. At least, I didn’t think we were.”
“Maybe he wants to be. You aren’t a teen anymore. He has been by your side through the thick of it. Maybe he is seeing you as a woman now, and he likes what he sees,” Kaitlyn offers.
“Would he risk his spot in the club and the ire of my father, though?” I ask the question I really want to know.
“We can’t answer that for you. Only he can. I will say that when a man truly loves a woman, he is willing to do anything he needs to in order to make her happy. Look at what Midnight did for me. He protected me at all costs,” Lainey says.
It’s true. Lainey met Midnight by chance. She became his receptionist, then the nanny to his twin girls. Now they are a happy family, even with all the bullshit they had to go through.
“Colt came to Texas for me and was willing to uproot his life and move back to the place he tried so hard to escape from for me and our little one. It was how I knew he loved me. It’s the reason why I was able to make the sacrifice to move here.
I have to say, I don’t mind, though. This place has become home for us,” Kaitlyn adds.
“If my dad says no, he will be banished from the club. That’s if my father doesn’t kill him on sight. Can I ask him to do that for me?” I ask them.
“You don’t have to. Even if you told him not to, he would.
That is, if he loves you. Only time will tell.
I suggest you take this time to get to know him without the pressure.
You’re not the same woman you were two years ago.
Let him meet the new Harlee. You need to get to know him, too.
See if this is a risk either of you are even willing to take,” Kaitlyn advises.
It’s good advice. The kind my mom would have given. For a minute, I imagine she is the one who said it. It feels good to think about her again and not fall into a hole of despair.
I’m finding that balance between pain and happiness when it comes to her.
“You’re right. I’ll do that.”
“Well, in the meantime, let’s play some Phase 10 while we chat. I feel like kicking some ass,” Lainey jokes.
“Oh, honey, I’ve been playing since I was in my diapers. I’ll wipe the floor with you.” I laugh.
“Y’all don’t even know what you are getting yourself into. Deal the cards.” Kaitlyn tosses the deck my way.
I smile as I look at the two women. I might not have my mother here, but her influence is everywhere.
It reminds me that she is not truly gone.
“I know you don’t like it, but it’s the only way. We need her DNA,” Trigger says.
“Absolutely not. I’m not doing it. It feels wrong,” I tell him.
Wrath speaks up. “We aren’t asking you to fuck her. Take her on a date. Grab her glass before you leave. Or a fork. Or something.”
I still don’t like it. It feels like I’m taking advantage of a sweet girl while betraying the one whom I haven’t even claimed yet. It has my head in a spiral.
“Listen, she already likes you. I have been texting her on your behalf for two weeks now. She thinks you are funny and charming. It shouldn’t be too hard to keep it up. After tonight, you tell her that you think you are better as friends and slowly ghost her. It isn’t a big deal,” Trigger tells me.
I look to Reaper. “If you really want me to do this, I will. I will never disobey a direct order, but I don’t like it.”
He considers me for several long moments. Then he sighs.
“I don’t like it either, but he tried to kill my wife. Given the chance, he would kill everyone here, including Harlee.” I wince as he continues. “He doesn’t care if they are a female or a child. He will destroy this entire club.”
He’s right. We have already seen the lengths William would go to. Especially now that Reaper is married to Natalie, who William views as his property.
Bringing Harlee into this was a low blow, but it was the truth. If we don’t stop him, he will hurt her and everyone else in the club.
“Fine. Where am I meeting her?” I ask.
“Russo’s downtown. She is meeting you there. She claims it’s for safety, but I have a feeling William doesn’t want her dating. I think that’s why she chose Russo’s. It’s more low-key,” Trigger says.
I nod. “Okay. Do I need to know anything else?”
“I stayed pretty true to your background when speaking with her, so nothing that should come up should raise any red flags. Be as normal as possible. Make her laugh and smile. Then snag her glass on the way out. It’s simple,” Colt tells me.
Simple. As if going on a date with someone who isn’t Harlee is simple.
Still, I’ll do whatever I need to do in order to keep her safe. Even date this woman, who probably has no idea what a monster her father is.
Pushing it all from my mind, I stand. “I’ll go get ready then. I assume I need to take a cage. Which one did you pull for me?”
“Hawk pulled the GTR for you. It screams money, and women seem to like it,” Reaper says.
“All right then. I’ll be headed out. I’ll let you know when I get there.”
“Bullet,” Reaper calls out.
I turn back to look at him.
“Thank you for the sacrifice. She will understand.”
I don’t bother to answer him. We both know it doesn’t matter right now. I don’t even have permission to date her.
Still, I want her to understand. I want her to know it’s only her.
I take a deep breath as I head toward the front. The sound of her voice stops me short.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask her.
“Hanging out. Where are you off to?”
“Back to my place to change, then I need to go out for the night. The prospect will watch you.”
She frowns. “Go out?”
“Club business.” I refuse to meet her eyes. “The prospect will take you home when you are ready. I assume he followed you here?”
She stands, moving toward me so we can speak a little more privately. “You are acting weird. What’s going on?”
I want to tell her, but I can’t. Instead, I grab her hand and drag her outside with me.
“Listen, I can’t tell you what I’m doing or where I’m going. You know the rules. I’ll be back to your place as soon as I possibly can, though. I promise.”
She looks at the car Hawk pulls up and then back to me. When Hawk tosses me the keys, her eyes tear a little.
“Are you going on a date?” she asks.
“What? Why would you assume that?” I ask her, hating that she sees right through me.
“You won’t meet my eyes, and Hawk brought you a car any woman would cream over. It’s okay. I understand. Have fun on your date.”
Before I can stop myself, I grab her arm and spin her to me. I cup her cheek, bringing my forehead to hers. “Stop assuming I would have fun on a date with anyone but you. This is club business. That’s it.”
“You better get going. Wouldn’t want to keep anyone waiting,” she hisses, pulling from me to stalk back into the clubhouse.
I rub my hand over my face as I turn to find a smiling Hawk.
“What is that smile for?” I ask him.
“You’re so far gone. Honk is going to kill you. It will be entertaining to watch.”
I snort. “He won’t kill me. She cares for me too much for him to cause her that kind of pain. I’m thinking banishment is a real possibility, though. Make sure to take care of her when I’m gone.”
“We always will, but he would be a fool to turn you down. Prove to him that you deserve her,” Hawk advises.
“You mean like going on a date with a woman who is not her? Yeah, I’m doing a fine job of that, aren’t I?
” I blow out a breath. “I’m going to go get this over with.
Make sure the prospect keeps an eye on her.
I already read him the riot act, but I think he could use the reinforcement from a senior member. ”
“Senior? I’m gonna whoop your ass, boy.”
Before he can get to me, I slide into the driver’s seat and start up the car.
I might not want to be on this date, but I won’t be rude to Adalyn. She deserves better than that.
No, I’ll be a good date, then let her down easy.