Chapter 18 - Lucas
I took another sip of my coffee, taking in the silence. I knew the guys would start arriving soon, but I wasn't sure I was in the mood for it. I was tempted to leave as soon as the first person arrived, but I needed to talk with Ayden. I needed a little guidance on what to do with everything going on. And I knew that Wendy and him hadn't planned Poppy.
I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and Cayden and Miles walked up, chattering about the weather. I took another sip of my coffee, unsure I could handle Miles's perky self today. I could barely handle it on a good day.
"Morning," they both said, Cayden dropping his gym bag onto the ground. He raised an eyebrow at me and made a face. "You look like shit."
I nodded. "Didn't sleep well. But thanks for pointing it out."
Cayden frowned. "Sorry."
I sighed. How was I supposed to go back to Gina's house when she looked at me with such a hurt expression? I could see the pure panic in her eyes and wondered if she felt like her world was falling apart.
I took a deep breath in. "Do we know when Ayden is coming in?"
Cayden shook his head as Miles moved around the counter towards the coffee. "Why, you need to report back to the boss. Such a good little soldier you are."
I ground my teeth together. "Miles, I'm in no mood."
Miles snorted, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "When are you ever in a good mood? I honestly had no idea how Gina puts up with you."
I growled. "Shut up," I snapped, gripping my coffee mug tightly.
"Ok, it's a little early for a fight," Cayden quickly added. "How was last night? Did anything happen?"
I scowled. I had hoped working overnight would give me time to figure out what to say to Gina, but I hadn't. I just kept picturing Gina's reaction. She practically ran upstairs afterward, leaving me unsure of my next steps. I had a plan. Winning her over would take time, but I could do it. But this…this changed so much. A baby changed everything.
I knew the pull-out method wasn’t a good call, but I figured she was on birth control. Every woman in existence was on it… I froze. Of course….Gina wasn't sexually active, so why would she be?
Fuck.
"Nothing happened last night on patrol, but a shit storm hit with Gina and I," I said, looking at Cayden. "She might be pregnant."
Coffee slashed all over the counter, and Miles choked as he started to pound on his chest. Cayden's eyebrows went up in shock as I took another sip of my coffee. I glanced at Mile's. "I'm not cleaning that up."
"You…" Miles started to laugh. "You guys slept together?"
I was tempted to say we had more than once, but I didn't. It wasn't important.
"Hold on," Cayden said, shaking his head. "I thought you guys were just fake getting married. What changed?"
I ran my tongue over my teeth, remaining quiet for a moment. I knew once I admitted it, they guys would question me. Admitting she was my mate changed a lot. "Gina's my mate. A lot changed."
Miles continued to laugh, finding my mess of a life hysterical.
"Hold on, you've known Gina for years, though. How is it you're just figuring that out now?"
I frowned. "I rejected Gina years ago."
Miles's laugh grew, and I looked at him, feeling my temper starting to rise. "What is so fucking funny?" I asked, tightening my hold on my mug.
Miles shook his head. "I knew karma would come back and bite you in the ass someday."
I turned to him, feeling my entire body lock up as I narrowed my eyes. "What," I growled low.
Miles was now wiping at the counter—a smirk pulling at his lips. "I'm just saying. You're always so cold and heartless when it comes to women. Maybe this will teach you something."
I felt my nails bite into my mug, chipping at it. I took deep breaths in, trying hard to keep myself seated. Starting a fight wasn't going to help this situation.
"I'm not heartless," I growled.
"You guys," Cayden spoke up, but we both ignored him as Miles snorted at me.
"Really? The long line of women you've left would disagree. I just find it amusing. A cold person finds a quiet, reserved girl and knocks her up."
I was moving, throwing myself out of my chair, and charging at him. I slammed Miles into the fridge, hearing his skull knock against it. The sound echoed around the space as he looked utterly shocked at me.
"Take it back!" I yelled, shaking him.
Miles's face quickly shifted, and rage filled his eyes. "Fucking remove your hands before I rip them off you!" he yelled.
I shoved him harder, but Miles pulled his hands up, shoving me. And without thinking, I swung and punched Miles in the face. Miles tumbled backward a step, slamming back against the fridge.
He raised a hand, looking stunned.
"Guys," Cayden barked, but once more, neither of us looked at him.
Miles then charged at me. We went tumbling backward, slamming into the ground as Miles pulled up another arm to swing at me. But I kicked him off.
"Guys!" Cayden was yelling now, and I could hear him getting closer to us. "Knock it off!"
"Stay out of it!" Miles growled at him, baring his teeth as he turned to me. "You're a jackass, Lucas! You thinking fucking fighting is going to help your situation. It's what barbarians do! Maybe fucking use your words for once!"
I saw red.
I threw him off me and quickly pinned him onto the ground. I punched him, feeling my fist connect with his face. Miles blocked what he could, but I kept going. I threw another punch and another. All my anger through the years seemed to be seeping out.
"Hey!" I heard other voices, but nothing stopped me. Not until someone yanked me back, practically throwing me a foot away.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" Ayden's voice snapped through the air, and I suddenly realized what I'd done.
I looked down at my hands, seeing blood, and then looked at Mile's, who had a busted lip, blood trailing down his chin. He had a bruise already forming on his left eye, and he winced as Cayden offered him a rag.
Ayden stood in front, his arms crossed as he growled at me, baring his teeth. I swallowed, unable to find words.
"I don't know what fuck is going on here, but you two need to figure your shit out," he snapped, growing at Miles and me both.
Cayden spoke up. “Miles was provoking Lucas like always.”
Miles growled at Cayden. “Thanks for having my back asshole.”
Miles glared at me. "He's the idiot that can't control his fucking emotions. Tell him, Lucas. Tell him how you knocked her up, and you can't fucking stomach it. I could have said all of this any time, and you wouldn’t have fucking thrown punches."
I ground my teeth together, feeling my hands curl into fists. I couldn't say the words because he was right. It was Miles's thing to irritate me, and that’s usually all it was.
"Enough," Ayden snapped at Miles before he turned to me. "I don't know how you did it in your old pack, Lucas, but this…" He waved a hand between Miles and me. "Is unacceptable. We don't fight like beasts here."
I swallowed, feeling a sharp pain hit my jaw from where Mile's hand landed a punch.
"You need anything," Cayden asked Miles, who practically shoved him away. Mile's glared at me, wiping his lip.
"I was right," Miles snapped at me. "You're fucking heartless."
I looked away, suddenly wondering if he had been right. How was I supposed to raise a child if I couldn't even keep my emotions in check? I couldn't even handle Miles's usual taunting behavior. How the hell was I going to handle a child?
I could hear the guys moving, and Ayden stood firm. "What the hell has gotten into you?" he asked, his anger simmering, but worry quickly filled his space.
My life was a fucking mess, is what happened. I was perfectly fine living my slightly peaceful, slightly lonely life. Maybe I'd find a woman, and maybe I wouldn't. But I accept it. I enjoyed my solitude and the occasion woman that I allowed inside my world.
Then along came Gina. Gina, the mess of a woman. Just as calculated and quiet as me, but yet someone who I wanted more than life. She'd changed everything. I suddenly wanted to be around her, even if she messed up my simple life.
I ached for her. I looked forward to our time together and to the next time. I curled my hands into fists, taking a deep breath.
The thought of losing her put fear in me like no other, and the thought of her hating me because of a child made me angry. I shouldn't have slept with her. I should have waited until she was more settled and knew how she felt about me. This was all on me and me alone. I'd crossed the line.
I was falling in love and didn't know what to do. I knew how to do my job and keep my life organized, but I didn't know how to keep a woman, and I didn't know how to make her feel wanted.
That's what they would all say. I was too cold, too uncaring. I wasn't around as much as they would like. I didn't know how to open up and allow them in.
"Lucas, I'm talking to you," Ayden spoke up, his eyes narrowing at me.
I frowned, looking at him. I didn't know what to say, so I told him the truth. "She's pregnant, and I don't know what to do. He’s not wrong. Miles was poking at me like always, but this time, it seemed more true than any other time.
Ayden crossed his arms. "Still doesn't mean you get to start fights."
"I know that," I said, rubbing my eyes. "I know that," I repeat, unsure where I stand. I was so unsure about everything.
"Do I need to take you off work?" Ayden snapped.
"No," I said. God, if he took me off work, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I'd probably fuck my life up even more than it already was.
"Then figure your shit out," Ayden growled, and the space fell silent.
"I don't know how to," I admitted, throwing my arms out. "I don't know what I'm doing."
Ayden's shoulders relaxed slightly. He looked away, running a hand over his face. "None of us do, Lucas. But you have to figure out what you want. And fighting isn't going to give you that."
"What if that's what I know best?" I asked, shaking my head.
Ayden shook his head. "It's not. If it was, you would have punched Miles a lot sooner." Ayden looked over. Everyone had cleared out of the room.
"And maybe you're wrong. Maybe Miles was right. I'm heartless. I hurt people around me. It’s what I know best."
Ayden scowled. "You're not heartless. You are calculated and headstrong. You are a lot of things, Lucas, but heartless isn’t one of them. A heartless person wouldn't have stopped until he was dead. And you and I both know you’ve never killed a person. You’ve come close, but you’ve not done that.”
I swallowed. Ayden knew me more than the others. He knew my secrets, including all my darkest secrets involving my past.
“Take the day,” Ayden said. “And tomorrow, have your head on straight.”