Chapter 8 #2
Dahlia had stopped him before he could spiral all over again and pointed out that when a person was in survival mode, focusing all their time and energy on staying alive and meeting their most basic needs, it made sense they wouldn’t have the mental or emotional capacity to figure themselves out.
He’d tried not to feel ashamed when she’d said that.
Survival mode . That was exactly what he was in—and had been for years—but a little piece of him died that it was so obvious to other people.
He knew it wasn’t his fault, that he did the best he could and worked hard, but the shame was still there, eating at his self-esteem.
But that wasn’t what he was focusing on as he slowed and pulled over to park on the curb in front of Bull’s place. His money problems would still be there tomorrow, but whatever thing had happened between him and Bull might not be. Not after how horrible he’d been, running off like that.
Malcolm didn’t know exactly what he wanted from Bull or where things might lead, but at the very least, he owed him an apology and explanation.
Climbing out of his Jetta, he barely noticed the loud noise the door made when he opened and then closed it, his attention on the back of Bull’s truck.
There were quite a few bags and some boxes sitting and waiting for Bull to come and carry inside.
At first, Malcolm thought he’d just gotten back from grocery shopping, but as he got closer, walking slowly up the perfectly maintained driveway, he could make out some of the items. One large box was a cat tower.
There were three giant buckets of cat litter.
And a massive bag of both adult and kitten food.
Bull was a cat person ?!
He reached the open tailgate and used a finger to lift the edge of one of the plastic bags so he could peek inside. It was stuffed full of cat treats and toys and canned food.
Lord, how many cats did the man have?
“Hey.”
Malcolm jerked and whirled around, his face flaming at getting caught snooping. Oh, and the whole I-can-now-personally-attest-to-why-they-call-you-Bull thing. “Um, hey.”
Bull had on dark-tinted sunglasses, and Malcolm found he didn’t like not being able to see his eyes.
He stood at the top of his porch steps for a moment, like he wasn’t sure whether he should just go back inside or not, then slowly descended and traversed the curved sidewalk that connected the bottom with the driveway.
Narrow flower beds sandwiched the path, just as well maintained as the rest of the yard and porch.
It was obvious that not only did Bull take pride in his home, but he also had the money to make it look really nice.
He stopped right at the edge of the driveway and shoved his hands into the back pockets of his jeans.
His T-shirt was faded and well-worn, molding to his thick pecs and firm midsection, straining around his massive biceps.
The words across the front were hard to read, but he could just make out Clinton 2016 .
Why that made his heart flutter, he wasn’t sure, but he was just going to go with it.
Bull cleared his throat. “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”
Right. Because he’d run away after coming in his pants like a teenager.
“I…” Fuck. He should have practiced what he’d actually say.
His throat seized up, his fears and insecurities and hopes all fighting for space and blocking out the oxygen he needed to make words.
Running a hand through his hair, he dropped his eyes to his feet, unable to look at Bull in all his gigantic glory and make his voice box work. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
Okay, good start. Those definitely counted as words, and they made a complete sentence. Go him!
“Right,” Bull said flatly, then sighed. “That’s what I figured. You don’t have to quit. I’ll tell my mom what happened, and she’ll handle your schedule and?—”
Malcolm jerked his head up, eyes wide in panic.
“What? No! That’s not what I— No, I meant…
” He forced himself to stop and take a deep breath, then moved closer to Bull, shoulders hunched over.
“I didn’t mean I shouldn’t have, um, blown you.
” God, his face was on fire. He was a grown man—he should be able to talk about the blowjob he’d given Bull without nearly fainting with embarrassment.
“I meant, I shouldn’t have just left afterward without saying anything. ”
Bull’s eyebrows furrowed, his lips set in a firm line. “It’s okay you didn’t like it. You don’t have to try and make me feel better. Nothing that happened between us will jeopardize your job. I swear it.”
If Malcolm hadn’t already been sure he was more than just physically attracted to Bull, his fierce promise would have done him in.
Slowly, in case Bull didn’t want it, he closed the final foot between them, raising his arms to lay his hands on Bull’s abdomen and tipping his head back to look straight into his face.
“I did like it.”
For a second, Bull didn’t react at all, then his head cocked to the side just a fraction. “What?”
Smiling, Malcolm pressed his hands more firmly against Bull. “I liked sucking you. I liked all of it.”
Bull pulled his sunglasses off—thank god—and his dark brown eyes were narrowed on him. “I don’t understand, Malcolm. Why did you take off like that then?”
Moment of truth. “I got freaked out—” Bull’s face started to close off, so he rushed to finish. “—at how much I liked it. And what that meant… about me.”
He didn’t say anything, studying Malcolm’s face. He had to remind himself that Bull did that, would pause and think things through before saying anything, and that it didn’t mean he was rejecting Malcolm.
“I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me this last night.”
Malcolm felt like he’d been punched right in the heart. “Oh god, no. Bull, it wasn’t like that. I just… I think I was in a state of shock. But I called Dahlia this morning, and she helped me figure some stuff out.”
Bull’s eyes dropped to where Malcolm was now clutching his T-shirt. Embarrassed, he smoothed the fabric back out, then couldn’t stop petting him. Bull’s stomach wasn’t hard with a six-pack, but it was firm with just a little extra padding over top. It was… sexy.
It was still a little weird to think of another man that way, but it was getting easier, especially standing in front of a man like Bull. Especially knowing Bull was attracted to him. That gave him a boost of confidence he wouldn’t normally have.
“Can you forgive me?” Malcolm asked, voice husky.
Drawing his gaze up Malcolm’s body slowly, Bull ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “You didn’t actually apologize for anything.”
Hadn’t he?
“Oh, right.” Embarrassed, he dropped his eyes, but Bull gently gripped his chin and tilted his face back up.
His heart thumped loudly, trying to escape his rib cage.
Bull’s fingers were warm and rough, unfamiliar yet enticing.
“I’m sorry I left without saying anything.
I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t like what happened between us. I’m sorry?—”
Bull leaned down and pressed his lips to Malcolm’s, silencing him with a soft kiss.
Bull was kissing him.
His lips moved slowly over Malcolm’s, gently exploring him and coaxing his stunned mouth to get with the program. Malcolm made a soft noise and tilted his head, letting his eyes fall shut. Following Bull’s lead, he kept his movements languid, sliding against soft lips.
Then Bull’s tongue licked at the seam of his mouth, and he jolted and moaned, body bumping into Bull’s and his focus splintering between parting his lips to let Bull inside and the feeling of his growing erection.
He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to the fact that he could arouse Bull without really trying.
Him . Malcolm Heath Kerr. He was making Bull hard with a damn kiss!
When Bull bit his bottom lip, his knees nearly gave out, but strong hands grabbed his thighs and hoisted him up. He pulled back to gape at him as Bull easily carried him toward the house. Instead of saying anything, Bull just leaned in and kissed his throat.
Which felt amazing. He’d always been sensitive there, a well-placed lick sending shivers down his spine. Without even seeming to try, Bull found all the best spots, zeroing in and giving all of his attention to them until Malcolm was moaning and clutching at his shoulders.
“You’re so responsive, baby,” Bull mumbled against his skin, using one hand— one —to hold him up so he could use the other to open the door, then kicked it shut behind them. “Not getting enough attention, hm?”
God, wasn’t that the truth. He’d only had a handful of sexual encounters in his life, and most of them were during his one year of college. Since then, he’d been more focused on eating than hooking up, and his time on dating apps the last six months or so had been amazingly awful.
He caught movement out of the corner of his eye, something gray and fluffy scurrying away in a hurry, but forgot all about it when teeth bit into him, his hips jerking forward instinctively as pleasure shot through him.
“Bull!”
He just grunted in response, lowering them to a huge couch and arranging Malcolm’s legs so he was straddling him.
He barely noticed the sliding glass door he was staring at, overwhelmed at just how fast things were moving.
He’d thought he’d have to do some serious groveling to get back on Bull’s good side, but Bull seemed to be skipping right past that and into the after-dark events, despite it being 10:00 a.m. on a Sunday and them both having to be at work later that day.
Two big hands slid up his thighs and wrapped around his hips, encouraging him to roll against that huge snake growing down his left thigh.
It felt good, amazing even, and he nearly let himself get lost in the moment, but then one of those hands slipped behind him and grabbed his ass, and he couldn’t stop himself from stiffening.
Bull’s lips froze against the hinge of his jaw, and both hands left his body. “Sorry. That… That wasn’t okay.”
Malcolm cleared his throat and forced himself to meet Bull’s eyes.
His pupils were wide, nearly swallowing all of the dark chocolate, and his lips were damp.
Even without the erection pressing against him, he’d have known Bull was turned on just by looking at him.
And it was hot, knowing it was because of him.
“It’s okay. I just… I think we should talk some more first.” He pinched his lower lip between his teeth, trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say, and Bull made a low sound in his throat. “What was that for?”
“You, chewing on that lip four inches from my face.”
“Oh.” For some reason, his face started to heat, but he couldn’t stop his smile either. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to tease you.”
“I can handle it,” Bull said, letting out a slow breath and leaning back against the couch.
Malcolm frowned. If he could handle it, why was he putting space between them? Maybe… Did he want Malcolm to get off his lap?
Flustered, he lifted his hands off Bull’s shoulders and glanced to either side of him, trying to figure out how to dismount and wondering how women always looked so graceful doing stuff like this. “Sorry, I should… I didn’t… I can move.”
“You don’t have to move, baby boy. Consider my lap your fucking throne. You can sit on it whenever you please.”
Heat punched through him, lighting him up and burning away his reservations. No one spoke to him like that. No one had ever treated him as precious. No one could turn his muscles to liquid with a few words. Until this man came along and blew up everything he’d known about himself.
“Fuck,” he whispered, then fell on Bull and locked their mouths together once more.