Chapter 23 #2
His dark eyes narrow slightly as he watches me, but he doesn’t move.
Then I lean down, and press my lips to his. One of my hands finds his hair again, and the other slides to the side of his face. For a moment, it’s almost… soft. And for a moment… we hold on to it.
Then I straighten, dragging him up by his hair and keeping his mouth on mine as he rises to his feet. Then I reach down and wrap my hand around his cock, stroking him slowly as the water slides over us.
“Fuck, baby…” he mutters against my lips, as I stroke him faster.
His breathing hitches as he rests his forehead against mine, and grips the back of my neck to hold me in place.
But then I stop, and his eyes snap open.
“Fuck me,” I say.
One second I’m under the shower with him, and the next he’s turning off the water and shoving me through the doorway and onto my bed.
He immediately starts tearing through the nearest nightstand, slamming drawers closed with rough, impatient grunts when he doesn’t find what he’s looking for.
“Other one,” I say, pointing to the nightstand on the opposite side of the bed.
He huffs, shooting me a look of both annoyance and restraint, then stalks around the bed, knocking a stack of books to the floor on his way. He yanks open the drawer and rummages through it, shoving things aside with another grunt before he pulls out lube and a condom.
“You’re messy,” he mutters with a furrowed brow as his eyes flick over the room at piles of books, scribbled notes on random papers, and clothes.
“Do you care?” I ask simply.
He huffs out a breath as he rips open the condom and rolls it onto his cock without another word.
My eyes stay fixed on him as he coats his fingers with lube and climbs onto the bed, kneeling between my legs as I lie on my back.
My pulse thumps as he slides his fingers over my hole, and an intense need brews deep inside me.
But it’s more than just the anticipation of him fucking me.
It’s twisting into something deeper that can’t be eased by touch alone.
It’s begging for force, strength, and brutality…
It’s begging to be used and rattled, so I’m left feeling it long after he’s done with me.
I need to be filled and then emptied and left gasping for air.
I need him.
So when his tattooed fingers curl around my leg, and he presses the head of his cock to my ass with a feral look in his eyes, I place a hand on his chest to stop him.
He stills, and his eyes search mine for the answer to the question I’m silently asking.
“I need you to say it, baby…” he says slowly, his grip tightening on my leg.
My heart riots as I lift my chin and look him right in the eye. “I want you to hurt me.”
For a moment, he doesn’t move as his eyes flick between mine. But he doesn’t find any hesitation in my gaze.
I fucking need this.
Alder slowly leans back and reaches for his pants on the floor, then pulls his belt free from the loops in one clean motion. And his gaze stays on me the whole time.
My heart is pounding so loud now, it’s almost all I can hear. He kneels before me again, and my muscles tense with anticipation. Every breath feels heavier, and my skin tingles as I wait for him to destroy me.
He leans in and wraps the belt once around my neck, twisting the ends in his hand until I feel the control click into place.
And only when I nod does he slowly push into me while tightening the belt.
Everything hits me all at once. The stretch as he fills me, the feeling of the belt pressing against my throat, his skin against mine, the fabric of the sheets brushing my thighs… and the way the pressure from the belt steals just enough air to wake me up to these sensations.
My lungs start fighting for breath as he slowly tightens the belt, and the edges of my vision blur as my head floats just slightly out of reach.
When he’s fully inside me, Alder loosens the belt just enough so I can suck in a full breath. Then he pulls back and slams into me.
“Fuck,” I grunt as he does it again, harder this time.
He leans forward to place his hands on the bed on either side of my head, still firmly gripping the belt with one hand.
The feeling of the leather around my neck, and knowing Alder has full control over me, is only making me crave more. And each time he thrusts into me, and tightens the belt just a little more, something deep inside me starts clawing its way towards the light.
My hands lift to claw at his back and drag down his sides, as I try to hold on to something while everything inside me shifts. I meet his gaze, and the look in his eyes is touched with something wild and unrestrained.
“You want to come, baby?” he pants, slamming into me again so hard it hurts.
I lift a hand to his on the belt and bring my other one down to wrap around my cock, stroking myself as I hold his stare. I close my hand over his at my throat, urging him to give me more.
He slows his thrusts as his eyes drift down my body to my cock, and then back up to my eyes with a slight shake of his head.
“Fuck…” he breathes. “You’re fucking mine, Cade.”
Then he tightens the belt, and I let my hand fall away from his, surrendering to the rush surging up my chest and into my throat.
It spreads fast as it blurs the edge of my being, and a warm sensation floods my body.
I look up at him as he watches me, his eyes fixed on mine, and it feels like I’m staring straight into his soul as he holds my life in his hands.
And as he starts fucking my ass again, I give everything up to him.
I let him use me, control me, and take everything away as he fucks me.
I let him own me as he pulls the belt tighter, and he smashes through the walls I’ve spent years putting up.
And everything that was hidden behind breaks free.
Pain, joy, anger, loneliness, longing… it all rushes to the surface. And I have nowhere to put it.
My hand falls from my cock as the belt tightens again, pressing hard against my throat until each breath comes shallow and strained.
My chest rises in short, uneven bursts as my vision turns hazy and the air feels thick.
My head swims with pressure as everything seems to slow down and speed up at the same time, and my buried emotions continue to press hard against me.
The pressure inside me builds as Alder keeps pounding into my ass, and every part of me is straining all at once.
And I know I’m just seconds away from breaking apart.
And then I do.
Alder groans as he releases the belt and drops his forehead against mine, and I explode.
A wild rush of sensation tears through me as everything that was begging to be set free is finally released. My eyes squeeze shut as air floods my lungs, and my chest rises with what feels like the first real breath I’ve taken in years.
I can feel Alder’s hands on my sides as pleasure rips through me, and I hear my own moans as if they belong to someone else. My muscles tremble and my brain tingles as I come down from my high, and I try to hang onto it for as long as I can.
The tingling in my limbs is fading when I finally open my eyes, and I find Alder’s gaze on me.
He slides the belt out from under my neck, then his eyes drop as he lifts his hand to lightly brush his fingers along my chest, and then my throat. I try not to wince as he touches the tender spot where the leather rubbed my skin, but he moves gently over it, like he’s mesmerized by it.
Then, he leans down and lightly presses his lips to my broken skin.
When he pulls back, he sits on his knees and stares down at me. Waiting for me to say I’m ok.
But I don’t know how to answer that.
I’ve never been ok. Even though right now… I might be closer than I’ve ever been.
But I also know he’s not just asking about this moment. His question is bigger than that.
“I’ve always had it,” I say in a raspy voice.
His eyes drop to my neck again, then lift back to mine. I watch his thoughts pass through his eyes, although I’m not sure what they are.
But my being depressed apparently doesn’t bother him, since he just nods once, then stretches out on the bed beside me.
I stare up at the plain white ceiling as my breaths even out, and I let my eyes drift over the blank canvas… and try to picture clouds.
“The condom broke.”
I turn my head towards Alder, where he lays casually with one arm tucked behind his head as he stares up at the ceiling, like he just commented on the weather.
My gaze drops to his dick to see the broken condom, then flies back up to his.
“Are you… have you been tested…?” I start.
He turns his head to me and just shrugs.
“For fuck’s sake.” I rub a hand over my face, not even sure where to start. Imagining his sex life before this raises quite a few questions.
I groan, but the sound catches painfully in my throat.
And I start laughing.
Hard.
It crashes over me, and I let it steal my breath and twist through my chest until every inhale aches. My head is still spinning, my limbs are shaky, and the burn in my throat urges me on until my laughter is almost silent.
It hurts. And the hurt keeps it going.
Because this time, I feel it.
So I let it take me.
When the laughter finally begins to slow, I glance over at Alder. He’s watching me with one brow raised and a small, crooked smile.
But when our eyes meet, that smile breaks wide open, and something hungry flashes through his gaze.
He grabs the back of my head and pulls me in to crash his mouth against mine.
“Oh, baby,” he murmurs against my lips. “You’re the perfect kind of fucked up.”