CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Vallis
Heartville
As a reward for finally nailing down ‘form’ I got to take a shower after physical therapy without someone standing by in case I fell over trying to wash my balls.
During my first shower at the hospital, Lero showered with me.
It was true-mate privilege but the whole time I was on edge.
I knew I didn’t look like myself but more than that I worried the whole time that Lero would slip and I wouldn’t be able to save him.
After that, someone with a medical degree was always in the room.
I wasn’t a shy bear, but washing was so intimate.
Even with a shower door between me and them it felt as they were invading one of the most private parts of my life.
At first, they were mostly people related to Lero and that wasn’t as bad.
It was as if my link with my mate made them feel more familiar to me than they were but as my ‘few days’ in the hospital turned into a little over two weeks slowly they went home.
First, Colton took Bolt home, because he wanted to have his baby with his own midwife.
He was due now any day. Ivan stayed behind but left yesterday after Doctor Bee assured him a thousand times that I was holding my own.
I had to practically shove him out of the hospital.
He shouldn’t miss the birth of his kid because some crazy person locked me in a box for a few years.
Xenos took Mori home the same day Colton left. I wasn’t sure Lero even registered everyone leaving until it was just Barry with us and he wasn’t going anywhere until we were going home with him. I didn’t dislike Barry, but in my current condition the dude was a little intimidating.
“Glad he’s on our side,” my bear said.
That was going to be the final test before they let me go home.
I’d have to shift and let my bear prove he could walk and move around without being a danger to himself or others.
That was after lunch and after Lero’s ultrasound.
As I washed my hair I marveled at the fact that we’d have a baby in a little more than eight months.
The universe was entrusting us with an actual little, breathing person.
“Hey, you’re washing your head fur without help!” my bear pointed out.
I was and it was a step in the right direction. Soon, I’d be home and it would be me and Lero on our own.
“Ha! You wish! Colton and Ivan might live across the continent but Xenos and Barry will be around and you’ve seen Mori’s double. He’s already a carrier. So he’s probably twice as fussy,” my bear rambled on.
“Are you nervous?” I asked him. “About your test.”
“I don’t think I am,” he shook his massive, furry head inside his inner sanctum. “I think I’m ready. You feel stronger and I got to move around inside here while you couldn’t. I think I’m ready to spring us.”
I laughed because what else could I do? Soon, we’d know one way or the other, on how honest Doctor Bee had been about my progress.
***
Since I didn’t like rooms without windows and most of the exam rooms were exactly that, Barry found us a nice quiet garden space behind the hospital.
He was there but it was Doctor Bane Hemlock who was to perform the ultrasound.
He was mostly in research now, but Barry and Bane had worked together for many years and were good friends.
Lero was laid out on one of the gurneys they used to move people around with his shirt pulled up to just below his nipples.
My bear grumbled inside my thoughts about our mate’s stomach being exposed.
I took deep breaths and tried to remind him that Bane was a good friend of Barry’s.
That Xenos trusted him too. That when everything was falling apart it was to him that Barry had sent us.
Our grandfather-in-law had worried that we’d need surgery and he wanted us to have the best stateside surgeons.
“If you’re planning to bite me, get it over with,” Doctor Bane stuck out his hand.
I hated myself but I leaned forward so that my bear could sniff him.
He smelled like soap and hot water and under that a wolf who had seen his fair share of bullshit.
My bear shifted my eyes to his and looked him up and down.
He wore crimson scrubs that I guessed his mate picked out for him.
I’d only met Doctor Lee Knight-Hemlock a few times, but it seemed like the sort of thing he’d do.
“He’ll be okay, I guess, but no sudden moves,” my bear said.
“He said no sudden moves,” I relayed the message to Bane, but Lero was already trying not to laugh.
“Well, I’m going to start by measuring his belly,” the healer said, picking up a blue cloth measuring tape.
“Is that okay with you?” I asked my mate who nodded in return.
He took my hand and my bear locked his eyes on the healer. His attention span was sort of amazing. These last two weeks, the simple act of being outdoors was enough to exhilarate him into the shortest attention span known to bearkind.
“Looking good,” Bane said. “You’re right where we’d expect you to be. Now, I know everyone gets excited about ultrasounds but the baby is still quite small. We’ll hear the pulse, though. These new machines pick it up earlier than we used to be able to.”
Lero watched the portable ultrasound machine screen while I watched Bane. My bear sat on his haunches inside his inner sanctum, peering out. I wasn’t sure that he expected the wolf to do something wrong but we hadn’t expected Pami to kill Broug and bury us alive either.
Barry cleared his throat and I let out a long, slow breath.
I’d forgotten that finishing the claiming vows with Lero also put me on links where others could hear my thoughts too.
Barry was always talking about staying in the moment so that I could train my brain to enjoy things again.
Sure, seeing our baby was enjoyable but this whole thing was more distressing than enjoyable.
Anyone could run up and do anything and---
Lero squeezed my hand, drawing my thoughts back to him.
He pointed at the screen. Our baby was a piece of licorice.
So tiny. Yet pulsing with life. Next, Bane pressed his stethoscope against Lero’s stomach.
My mate flinched from the cold dragon metal and my bear wanted to swat the wolf.
I managed to keep his actions inside his head, but only just. He kept the metal piece in place once he found what he was looking for and then nodded to Barry.
My grandfather-in-law took the earpieces off of Bane and put them on me.
I froze for a microsecond then my baby’s heart rate filled my head.
Their little heartbeat trotted along, calming something deep inside me.
Our baby was tucked away safe inside Lero’s body.
Even when the time came for them to enter our world, Pami was gone.
Sharon Claudis was gone too – just in case she’d have gotten any ideas about sacrificing Mori and Preston’s other family members.
Still holding onto Lero’s hand, I squatted down and rested my head against the side of the soft part of the gurney.
I took long, slow breaths, memorizing what the heartbeat sounded like as it pulsed through my cells.
It was as if my two lives finally collided.
I had been with Lero and in the coffin. Our cub was conceived while I was in both places and now I was only in one.
I was here with Lero – body and whatever piece of me made up the astral projecting me.
All one. All together. All here listening to the baby’s heartbeat.
No one hurried me along. No one rushed me to give back the earpieces or to stand up and stop acting like a crazy person.
No one’s scent said I was crazy either. Maybe I was.
Maybe I wasn’t. Maybe hearing my baby’s heartbeat for the first time would’ve warped my brain even if I hadn’t spent the last few years buried alive.
Eventually, I stood up and stretched and as I stretched fur sprouted between my toes and my fingers. I could’ve stopped him but he’d kept his cool so far around Bane and getting the one last thing off the checklist before going home seemed like a good idea.
As I shifted, Lero sat up on the gurney.
When I came to again, I was a bear resting my head on his lap.
Lero’s soft, tender fingers played through my fur and over my skin.
I lost myself to his gentle touches until I remembered Bane and Barry were there.
That was the problem with the hospital. Even when I started feeling ‘good enough’ someone was always around to remind me I wasn’t allowed to have any fun.
My bear stepped back and inside the inner sanctum I braced for impact.
He reared up on his hindlegs and roared at Bane as if he were the one who buried us alive.
Bane blinked, looking unimpressed, because of course the old wolf had lived through worse.
My bear walked backward on his hindlegs as if showing off would get us out of the hospital sooner.
Then he went down on all fours and charged.
He wasn’t aiming for anyone. Instead, he ran a circle around the hospital.
At first, he ran because he needed to prove to everyone that he could.
Then he kept running after completing his first lap because it felt good.
Finally, he was running because he’d been denied the simple pleasure for so long.
Eventually, he ran out of steam. It didn’t take as much as it normally would but he’d done more than I thought he’d be able too with how much my arms ached.
“I could give you a massage,” Lero suggested and I contemplated whether he was offering a care task or something more. Gods above me, how I wanted it to be something more.
“Eh, that’s a good sign,” Bane said to Barry as they walked back inside leaving Lero and me alone outside.
For a second, I feared that if Lero shifted something would happen to the baby.
Only, shifting happened all the time with pregnant shifters, especially in the first trimester.
There was once an old folk tale about not shifting during pregnancy but that was likely just another way to control omegas.
By the time I’d talked myself through my worries, Lero was in his bear form.
He was a large bear and fluffy. He nuzzled me before pressing his forehead against mine.
Then he led the way down a path I hadn’t noticed before to a different little clearing inside a bunch of closely growing ‘young’ trees.
The trees were probably twenty or thirty years old, but when the rest of the place was surrounded by giant redwoods everything looked young. Everything felt young. Even me.
Lero and I curled up together. I dozed off quicker than I liked. I wanted to spend time with him. I wanted to not fade away from him again and again. That happened enough already.
“Sleep and fading is two different things. Rest, alpha. I’ll still be here when you wake up,” Lero whispered into my thoughts.