Chapter 6
CHAPTER 6
JAX
I swing the axe harder than needed, the sharp crack of wood splitting beneath the blade reverberating up my arms. The log tumbles to the ground, but the tension coiled tight inside me since last night doesn’t ease up. Sweat drips down the back of my neck, and the burn in my arms should feel good. It doesn’t.
“Damn it, Jax,” I mutter.
Leesa kissed me last night. Sweet and soft and so damn sensuous that I nearly lost control. She’s the woman I didn’t know I’d been waiting for, yet I pulled back when she was finally in my arms, her sweet kiss melting my grumpy heart.
Like a goddamn fool, I pushed her away. Kissing Leesa was like coming home, and it scared the fuck out of me. Running into a firefight in the Middle East wasn’t as scary as the emotions that burst free with Leesa in my arms. It’s also hard to reconcile making a move on a woman fresh out of a major breakup despite knowing with absolute certainty that she’s the woman I want. All the many things I don’t know about her are irrelevant because she’s the one.
One kiss and I wanted to see her wearing a wedding dress for me . I wanted to see her walking down the aisle and into my arms for the rest of our lives.
One kiss and I saw a future I never imagined for myself. I immediately and powerfully understood the attraction of opening myself up to a woman, to building a life with someone. Now, it all makes sense—it just took meeting my woman to unlock the grizzled heart of mine.
In my heart and mind, she’s already mine. If she says she wants to go, I can’t stop her, but I have to make her realize she belongs to me. Me . The only other man who will ever hold her will be our son.
I was so scared about what she’d say this morning that I left early to come to work. Because, despite barely sleeping last night, I was haunted by the hurt in her eyes when I broke our kiss. I pray she’s still there when I get home tonight.
Andrea is unloading crates when I get to the general store, her unruly hair bouncing as she moves.
“Jax,” she says, grunting as she hefts a box onto the counter. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today. What’s the occasion? Everything okay with Leesa? You’re not one to drop in unannounced.”
I grab a crate and set it down beside hers. “Just thought I’d come give you a hand. Leesa is fine.”
“Uh-huh.” She straightens and wipes her hands on her jeans, giving me a once-over. “So, what’s going on? And don’t say ‘nothing’ because you look like you’ve been chewing on barbed wire.”
I glare at her, but she knows she’s right.
Her lips curve into a smirk. “This have anything to do with the woman you’ve been hiding up on the mountain?”
“I’m not hiding her,” I snap. Do I want to hide her and keep her for myself? You bet your ass I do. But am I a kidnapper? No, I am not.
Andrea’s eyebrows shoot up. “Really? So her car is fixed, and she can leave at will?”
Anger sparks in me, but I take a deep breath. I don’t need two women mad at me. “It’s not like that. Mack is still working on her car.”
She leans against the counter, arms folded. “Spill it, Jax. What’s going on? You obviously need to talk, even if you won’t admit it.”
“She kissed me,” I admit, my voice low. It’s embarrassing as hell to have this conversation with my little sister, but I don’t know who else to talk to. If I told any of the men working for me, they’d never let me live it down—especially if by some stroke of hell I can’t convince my woman that she’s mine.
Andrea gasps, and her eyes narrow. “Are you serious? I swear to God, if you hurt her… I’ll get Ace to help me through you in a ravine. You know what she’s been through.”
“Yes, I do. She kissed me ,” I repeat, though I recognize the clarification will do nothing to defuse my sister. I’m rethinking coming here to ask her advice, but she’s the only one who’s spent time with Leesa. “And you stay away from Ace.”
“Don’t tell me what to do and don’t try to change the subject.” Andrea’s eyes flare and the color rises in her cheeks as I see a hint of her temper flaring up. Ace has been sniffing around Andrea for far too long and she hasn’t shut him down. She knows it gets under my skin, but she’s off limits to my men. “What happened? Did you let her in, or did you clam up like the emotionally stunted man you are?”
I pick up another crate and slam it onto the counter harder than necessary. Her teasing fades, and she tilts her head, studying me.
“She’s been through a lot, Andrea,” I say, quieter now. “I don’t want to rush her into something she’s not ready for.”
Andrea’s expression softens, but only for a second. Then she shakes her head, clicking her tongue. “You’re such an idiot.”
“Excuse me?”
“You think you’re protecting her,” she says, leaning in, “but all she’s gonna see is you pulling back. And someone like Leesa? She’s been brave enough to leave one loser who didn’t want her. Don’t be an idiot and make her think that you don’t want her.”
“It’s not that simple,” I argue. How Leesa could think I didn’t want her after that kiss… Even with pulling back, surely she felt my passion for her.
“No, you’re right,” Andrea says, straightening. “It’s not. She’s vulnerable, yeah. But she’s also stronger than you give her credit for. If she kissed you, it means she feels something for you, which God only knows why she would.” She crosses her arms over her chest and rolls her eyes dramatically. “If you don’t do something about it, she’ll think you’re not interested.”
I look away, but Andrea steps closer, her voice softer. “Jax, you’re a good man. But being a good man doesn’t mean hiding how you feel. I can always set her up with someone from town if you’re too chicken. There’s a new deputy in town—”
“No.” The word comes out low and sharp. No one gets Leesa but me. She’s mine.
Andrea blinks, then grins. “Well, well. Look who’s feeling possessive.” She nudges my arm.
I don’t answer, but my jaw tightens. Damn straight, she’s mine.
“Don’t let her slip through your fingers,” Andrea says, picking up another box. “I like her. And I will come after you if you hurt her.”
By the time I get back to the cabin, the air is chilly and the sun is dipping low, streaking the sky with shades of orange and pink. The sight should be calming, but my chest feels heavier with every step toward the porch.
Leesa’s sitting there, wrapped in a blanket, her knees drawn up to her chest. Her silhouette is small against the wide expanse of trees, and the sight of her like that my gut twists with nerves. She looks so lost, so quiet, it damn near hurts to see.
The boards creak under my boots as I step onto the porch. She doesn’t turn around, but I know she hears me.
“Mind if I sit with you?” I ask.
She shrugs, the movement almost imperceptible, but she scoots over to make room for me on the bench. I lower myself beside her, close enough to feel the warmth of her presence but not close enough to touch.
The silence stretches between us, heavy but not uncomfortable. Her gaze is fixed on the trees, her face unreadable.
I can’t let this sit between us any longer.
“About last night…” My voice comes out rough, and I clear my throat.
Leesa stiffens, her hands tightening further on the blanket. “You don’t have to explain,” she says quickly, her words tumbling over each other. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was stupid—”
“Don’t.” The word comes out sharper than I intended, and she flinches.
I drag a hand through my hair, cursing under my breath. “Don’t you dare apologize for that kiss, Leesa. It wasn’t stupid. Stop thinking that you’re the problem. That’s the farthest thing from the truth.”
Her eyes flicker to mine, wide and uncertain. I can see the hurt in her eyes, like she’s bracing for disappointment.
“I didn’t pull back because I didn’t want to kiss you,” I say, forcing myself to hold her gaze. “I pulled back because I wanted to. Too much.” I run my hand over my beard, to try and calm the storm of emotions inside me. So many feelings are at war inside of me and I don’t know how to deal with them.
Her lips part slightly, but no words come out. The air between us charges.
“You’ve been through a lot,” I continue, my voice softening. “The last thing I want is to make it harder for you to figure out what you need. I want you more than I knew was possible, but you need time to settle your emotions. I’m not going anywhere. I need you to think about what you want. You have to make that decision with a clear head. I don’t want to muddy things for you.”
She looks down, her fingers twisting in the fabric of the blanket. “I’m a mess, Jax,” she whispers. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
My chest tightens, a dull ache spreading through me. I reach out, brushing a strand of hair from her face. Her skin is warm beneath my fingers, and for a fleeting moment, she leans into the touch.
“You’re not a mess,” I tell her, my voice steady. “You’re amazing. You’re kind and strong and brave, even if you don’t see it yet. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
Her lower lip trembles, and she bites it as she meets my eyes. The vulnerability in her eyes nearly wrecks me. I want to hold her so bad, to kiss away all the hurt she’s feeling and replace with love and happiness.
“You kissed me because you felt something,” I say, my voice low. “I pulled back because I felt it, too. It’s important that I do right by you. I’m not going to take advantage of you like an opportunistic asshole. You’re worth waiting for, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Leesa may not realize she’s my woman, but she is. And if my woman needs time to realize I’m the only man for her, I can wait.