Chapter 27
TARA
The next day, I finally found myself without the looming, unbearably confusing presence of Knox. Once again, he’d taken Shadow for a walk in the morning, prepared me coffee and breakfast, got me a beautiful rose, and held my arm as we ate. Once again, I didn’t ask him to release me.
I wasn’t afraid to admit that I had been touch-starved for five long years.
So when Knox held my arm in his large hand, the feel of his thick fingers was like a crackling fire in a cold, dead winter.
His warm, heady touch made me realize how cold I’d been.
How much I craved the feeling of skin against my skin.
The softness of his palm, the heat of his gaze, the rush of my blood, and the blooming arousal in my veins.
That one touch made me feel alive.
But his presence also clouded my mind. He made me lose track of time and place. He made my mind wander to dangerous depths that I was too afraid to dive back into.
So once he left for work, I ran to the Den and texted an SOS in our group chat.
We hadn’t had a chance to regroup ever since our meeting last evening. When I walked into the Den, I found Sami and Shadow hanging out. Shadow ran to me the moment he noticed me, lunging at me.
By the time I got some food for Shadow, Sloane, Lena, and Naomi entered the Den. Samaira charged at Sloane, grabbing her in a headlock. “What the fuck, Sloane? I’m so mad at you.”
She shook her like a rag doll while Sloane laughed like a fool. “I love you too, Sami.”
Lena looked at them with a fondness that melted my heart. “Leave her, Sami.”
I took a seat on one of the reclining chairs, pushing it all the way back so I was half lying. I grabbed a throw from the little cubby beside the chair and wrapped it around myself. Naomi looked at me, then ran to the reclining chair beside mine and did the same.
Lena put a kettle of water to boil and looked at me. “What’s the SOS, Tara?”
I shrugged, plucking at my throw. “Just wanted to catch up. I miss you guys.”
Sloane walked to me and sat on the arm of the recliner, pulling me into a hug. “Your lieutenant bothering you? Not treating you right?”
I scowled at her. “He’s not my anything.”
Sami scoffed. “Right. She’s his little criminal.”
I rolled my eyes. “Shut up.”
Naomi, the ever-so-intuitive bestie, clutched my arm. “What’s bothering you, Tara?”
“Aside from the fact that I’m now living with a man, who was also my stalker, who blackmailed me into letting him join us, who watches me with a maddening intensity, who is making me forget to wear my mask.”
“You forgot to wear your mask?” Lena asked, smiling wide with surprise.
I played with the corner of the throw and nodded. “When we went to get his stuff, yeah. I was reminded when I felt the stares of people on our way back on the subway.”
“What did the cop do?” asked Samaira, grabbing the cup of tea from Lena’s hands as she gave another to Naomi.
I gulped. “He asked me if I’d like him to arrest the gawkers for harassment.”
Sloane shrieked while Lena smiled and shook her head. “Would you look at that? I’m almost starting to like the cop.”
“So what’s the problem, babe?” Sloane asked, leaning her head against mine.
I stared at my lap and tried to formulate the words to explain the whirlwind of emotions closing around me.
“Ever since the attack, ever since I got my scars, no man—no woman—has ever looked at me with want. No one has found me sensually appealing. Forget about others. I haven’t found myself sexy.
I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror with a smile on my face.
You guys help. Of course. But there was a time, the old Tara was a ho for attention. ”
Sami snorted while Naomi chuckled. I hadn’t talked about the old me with anybody.
Lena pulled her chair closer to mine and placed a comforting hand on my lap.
I clutched hers back like my life depended on it, giving her a watery smile.
“I used to be that girl. Loving the attention from boys. Their hidden stares. The devotion of certain boys. The way they would wait around my class to talk to me,” I said, then turned to Naomi.
“I wasn’t interested in any of them romantically.
It was more of a psychological response to my family’s neglect.
But I didn’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend.
Maybe I was a bitch and thought I was too good for them.
Maybe they thought that I was that bitch. ”
“Khabardaar tune apne baare mein aisi baat ki hai toh. You’re no bitch,” Sami growled. If Sami had resorted to Hindi to warn me not to talk about myself in such a manner, I knew she was ready to burst.
I smiled and leaned against Sloane’s arm. “Oh, I kinda was. And my face, the attack, the suffering I went through was merely an act of revenge, of punishment, from a man who got too obsessed with me at work.”
Their eyes spoke volumes about their unspoken questions. Or maybe that was just my own mind. “Did I stop that man from obsessing over me? From fawning over me? From following me back home and waiting across from my apartment for me?”
I looked at Lena and shook my head. Understanding passed in her eyes, and her fingers tightened around my hands.
I looked down at our joined hands in relief.
She didn’t blame me. “But when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I told him no. I don’t think I was rude.
I was more scared when he grabbed me and screamed at me that he wouldn’t let anybody else have me if he couldn’t have me.
I didn’t think…I didn’t think he would make his words come true. That he would…”
Tears streaked down my cheeks.
I felt Sami’s lips kiss the side of my head, Sloane rub my arm, and Naomi caress my hair. I felt their love, their support to the bottom of my soul, slightly healing the part of me that was so angry with myself. “It’s not your fault.”
I nodded, wiping my tears. “I know. It just doesn’t feel that way sometimes. It especially becomes difficult to forget when Knox—” My breath hitched at his name.
“Knox?” Sloane gave me a little push to continue.
“When Knox looks at me. He looks at my face like I’m the Beauty to his Beast.”
Sami snorted, whereas Lena rolled her eyes with a smile on her face. “Is that what he calls you?”
I rolled my eyes as well. “Can you imagine?”
Sloane nudged my shoulder with hers. “Stop it. You love it. You’re literally smiling.”
“And he’s obsessed with you. He stalked you. He manipulated you to let him live with you. And—” Naomi counted, a sly smile on her lips.
“And he reminds me of the old me. He’s making me feel that high I used to feel once upon a time, only a hundred times more potent. He is making me feel fucking desirable. Someone so stunning that he can’t take his eyes off me.”
“Have you guys…?” Naomi asked.
I raised my eyes at her. “Had sex? No. Done something. Yes, when we were stalking each other. Nothing since we started living together. But…”
“But you want to, don’t you?” Sloane teased. “You want to climb that giant lieutenant like a tree and bounce on his big—”
I slapped my palm on her mouth. “He’s a cop. He could arrest us if he thinks we’re killing innocent people.”
Sami scoffed and messed up my hair. “Stop kidding yourself. He would’ve arrested us long ago if he really wanted to. He’s just making excuses to stay close to you. So if you want to jump his bones…”
I scoffed. “Look who’s talking. Miss I can’t sleep with Dominic because he’s my client. Miss I can’t put his life in jeopardy.”
“And look how wrong I was. Look how happy I am that I let myself be happy.”
I didn’t have anything to say to that. “We’ll see. I don’t trust him enough yet. What if his obsession with me is just a temporary ruse? What if it’s just a ploy? I don’t think my heart could handle it.”
Sloane pressed a kiss on my forehead. “Then we’ll just kill him.”
“After torturing him extensively,” added Samaira.
“Peel his skin off his bones while we’re at it.” Naomi punched my arm in support.
“And feed him to wild dogs,” Lena promised.
Shadow barked at that, making all of us chuckle while tears flooded my eyes. “You guys, I love you so much.”
Sloane pulled me into a hug, and that just made me cry harder. I slapped her arm. “And you’re going to go into the lion’s den for the mission. I’m so mad.”
She pouted and looked around at us. “But also insanely proud of me too, right?”
We clutched her in a group hug. “That goes without saying. You’re the most badass vigilante to ever exist.”
“I’m going to tear apart any fucker who lays a finger on you,” Sami growled, brushing a kiss on Sloane’s head.
Lena looked at all of us, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
“I am so fucking proud of every one of you girls. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined that we would be taking on missions like this. That we would try to dismantle an entire women’s trafficking operation.
That I would have four—and now fourteen—insanely brave women who would stand up to protect other women.
I am so fucking honored to have friends like you in my life. ”
My eyes poured tears like a waterfall.
“Oh man,” Sami groaned, looking up, trying to blink back the tears already streaking down her face. “Why’d you have to say all that?”
Lena chuckled. “C’mon. We gotta get back to work. Lots to do. We need to make Sloane’s time with the mob as comfortable and quick as possible. And I’ve still got other clients to meet while we work on this mission. It’s gonna be a busy few weeks.”
“Yes, boss,” the four of us yelled, saluting Lena.
She rolled her eyes and walked to the kitchen. “Sami, help me prepare some ramen.”
While the ladies scattered around the Den, my mind finally quieted. A heavy weight lifted off my heart, making it beat a little lighter.
My friends knew about the circumstances of the attack on me, and they didn’t judge me. Didn’t think it was my fault. Didn’t think I deserved it.
The hottest man with the coldest blue eyes looked at me like I was the only source of his insanity, his obsession. He was starting to slowly unwrap the me I had hidden behind walls of insecurity and hurt and self-loathing.
Maybe it was time to let myself—the me that loved being loved—be free of the shackles I’d put around her.