Chapter 16 #2
The smell of his car hits me immediately, that new car scent still lingering, but mixed with something clean and faintly woody. His sweater is tossed on the back seat, and the whole space has that particular warmth of somewhere that's been his all day.
"Thank you," he says as he pulls away from the curb.
"I want it noted that I was fine." Because I can't let him win completely.
"Of course. Thank you for indulging me anyway."
I cross my arms and scoff, but there's no heat in it. He knows it. He knows I know he knows it.
We drive in silence. I really am close to home, which means this is already almost over. I don't know what to do with the fact that I mind, that I want more time in this car, with him.
Instead of examining that, I decide to ask him something that's been grating on me for a very long time.
"Can I ask you something?"
He glances at me, eyes wary. "Depends."
"Why out of town?"
The pause that follows is just a beat too long to be nothing.
"What?"
"You go out of town. When you..." I gesture vaguely, hoping he understands. "All I hear is that you go out of town when you want to get laid or date or whatever."
He's watching the road, frowning, not answering, which tells me enough.
"So why out of town?"
"Privacy." Flat, like it's obvious. "Small town and all that."
I raise a brow. "Privacy as in Cherry whatever-her-name-is leaving your house at dawn?"
I hate how jealous I sound, but I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. It's been sitting with me for weeks, and now it's out and I can't take it back.
"No." No elaboration, no defense. Just the word sitting there like a closed door.
"There's a rumor."
He scoffs, bitterly. "I know there's a rumor."
"And?"
He exhales, deep and tired. "She planted it herself, which tells you everything you need to know about her."
He pauses, hands flexing on the wheel. "She doesn't do it for me. She has never done it for me. And even if she did..." His jaw tightens. "She's made Erin's life miserable for years. She's gone after Poppy. She's the kind of person who smiles at you while she's deciding where to put the knife."
His gaze cuts to me, so intense I brace against the seat. "I would never do that.”
I believe him. Completely, immediately, without having to think about it.
"Okay."
He settles back, waiting for more.
"Okay?"
"I believed you before you finished the sentence. I just wanted to give you the chance to say it."
I turn back to the window because holding his gaze right now feels like too much. He makes a sound I can't quite read, and we drive for a moment in a silence that feels different from the one before. Cleaner, like something small just got put down between us.
"I don't think it's just privacy, though." Because apparently I can't leave well enough alone. "It's something else."
He chuckles and shakes his head, but that's not answer enough for me.
"What's the real reason?"
I really, really want to know, and one look at my face should tell him I'm not letting this go.
"I have certain tastes."
The words echo through me, and my interest is very much piqued. This is interesting. This is very interesting.
"And I don't want that going through the town mill," he adds, like it's casual, like he hasn't just opened a door I am absolutely going to walk through.
I fix him with blatant, giddy curiosity, because I am extremely invested in knowing what sexual preferences this man has that he can't indulge in the comfort of his own town.
"Tell me of these tastes. Please." I add the please before he has a chance to deny me.
"Nope. I have said more than enough."
"You're going to tell me and you know it." I hit his arm for emphasis, then consider this very seriously, because I am a serious person who takes things seriously. "Wait. Is it cannibalism?"
He turns so sharply the car swerves.
"What?!"
The horror on his face is both hilarious and gorgeous, and I am having the time of my life.
"I'm trying to figure out the scale," I explain, completely reasonable. "Cannibalism seemed like the worst possible option, so I started there. Is it cannibalism?"
"What the... No. It's not... why would you..."
"I'm working top down, stay with me here." I turn further in my seat to face him properly. "Not cannibalism, fine. BDSM? That's not even that taboo anymore, Callahan."
"I'm not discussing this with you." The sternness in his voice would have gotten me to back off if this were any other topic, but it's not any other topic, it's this one, and I am invested now.
"Pegging? Is that it? Are you worried the town will find out you want to get pegged by a naughty girl? Or..." I tilt my head, index finger raised as the epiphany lands. "Boy? Maybe not just gay for Obama, after all?"
The car has stopped at a red light. Callahan has both hands on the wheel and is staring directly ahead like he's praying for patience and not receiving any.
"Where do you get this from?" he asks, clearly horrified.
"Same place as everyone else. Porn sites and Reddit."
"Porn sites and..." He stops himself, and I watch him do what looks like breathing exercises as the light changes and he pulls forward. The man is clinging to composure by a thread, and I am not even a little bit sorry.
"Rome warns me away from you, thinking I would corrupt you," he mutters. "Poor man has no idea his sister is fully corrupted already."
"Rome asks me to stay away from you, too. Poor man, my ass." I pick an imaginary piece of lint off my jeans. "I was away at college since I was eighteen. I studied hard, but I also had a life."
Callahan makes a sound, this low hmmm that scrapes into something rougher at the end. I decide not to dwell on it and move on with my interrogation.
"So you're really not going to tell me?"
"Nope." The way he pops the p is very annoying.
"Not even a hint?"
"Not even a direction."
He's watching the road like his life depends on it, both hands fixed on the wheel. Avoidance looks good on him too, unfortunately.
"Okay."
He glances at me, suspicious of the easy surrender. "Okay?"
"You don't have to tell me." I look out the window. We're on my street now, the familiar buildings sliding past. "I just think it's interesting that you go out of town because you don't want Harbor Hill knowing. But you'll tell me."
"I will tell you nothing."
"You told me they exist. That's more than you'd tell anyone else." I turn to him. "And we both know it."
He pulls up in front of my building and puts the car in park. The streetlamp outside comes through the windshield at a low angle. I'm looking at my hands in my lap. He's watching the street ahead. Neither of us is moving toward the door.
When his hand lifts from the wheel, I pick up my bag from the floor and reach for the door handle.
It's a decision made quickly, because I'm not going to be the one undone in this car tonight. I've already done that once on a porch, and I have my dignity to consider. What's left of it, anyway.
I glance back at him. "Goodnight, Callahan."
"Night, Lily."
I almost turn around at the low husk of his voice. Almost.