Chapter 15 #2
After a moment, she joined him on the couch, careful to keep a good foot between them.
As he kicked off his shoes and propped his feet up on the coffee table, she took off her shoes and pulled her legs up under her as she faced him on the sofa.
"What shall we talk about? Your time in the CIA?
Qadir? I'm interested in both those subjects. "
"We're done with shoptalk," he said firmly. "Tell me what you like to do for fun."
"I mostly work."
"Try harder, Kara."
She let out a sigh. "Well, I work out because I need to stay fit."
"That sounds like it's related to your job."
"You're being very picky, Max."
"It's not a hard question."
She thought for a moment. "I like to bicycle through Central Park.
The Lake is one of my favorite spots. There are a bunch of flat rocks to sit on, and when you look out over the lake, you can see the city reflected in the shimmering water.
It's really pretty and peaceful. It makes the city feel less chaotic.
Not that I don't love the chaos. There's an energy here that I've never felt anywhere else.
I know it makes people cranky at times. That's why New Yorkers can sometimes seem rude, but this city is filled with passion.
People come from all over the world to chase their dreams. I love the art scene and off-Broadway.
I love going to shows in the smaller theaters where beginning playwrights are putting on their first plays.
Some of them are bad. But some are brilliant, and you're right there watching someone's career take off. " She paused. "I am rambling."
"I liked the ramble. And I think you described the city exactly right."
"It's my home," she said simply. "Where do you think of as home?"
"There's no one place. I don't have a family home in my mind when I think of Christmas or some other holiday.
I have places I remember, houses I liked, but I always felt like I was just a guest. I never had roots.
Not like you. Yours go deep. I saw that tonight at your family party. It made me a little jealous."
"Really?" she said with surprise.
"My family is small, even smaller now that my mom is gone."
"How did she die?"
"Cancer. She worked through most of it. She loved her job, her posts with the State Department. She taught me to love the world. Actually, she taught me to love the people in the world, and to protect the innocent whenever I could."
"She sounds inspiring."
"A little like your mom, actually," he said with a warm gleam in his eyes. "My mother wasn't a teacher, but she was passionate about helping others."
"My mom is passionate about a lot of things. Teaching, gardening, baking…"
"Her daughter," he added with a knowing gleam in his eyes.
"She's always wanted the best for me. I think because she had to raise my brother and me on her own, she felt like she had to be everything, and she was.
And when she wasn't, everyone else stepped in.
I missed my dad horribly. But I did have a village raising me.
And I didn't always like having everyone in my business. "
"That's how they show their love."
"That's what they tell me. Were your parents in your business? Did they like that you went into the CIA?"
"They taught me to make my own decisions, and they supported most of them, including my stint in the CIA. But we weren't a super close family. We didn't call each other all the time. We weren't hugging each other every time we got together."
She saw the humor in his eyes. "We are a hugging family. But I don't hug as much as everyone else, except when I'm with them."
"Because it doesn't fit the tough, determined mask you like to wear?"
"You have no idea what it's like to be a female cop and then a female FBI agent. If I'm not tough, I get walked over. I can't let that happen."
"I understand. Obviously, I've never been in your position, but I've seen women at the agency face the same challenges. For what it's worth, I've found female agents to be extremely good at their jobs."
"It's possible I overcompensate at times. Probably more so since I upended my career by telling the truth. I've felt pretty judged since then."
"Even with your new team?"
"I just don't know them that well. And after the safe house location was leaked, I'm concerned about whether or not that came from us or from the other office."
"That is concerning."
"Tyler suggested you could be the leak. You were there, and you probably shouldn't have been because you're working for Dominic. He implied that I had made an error in judgment, and maybe he wasn't wrong about that. I never actually thought about taking Whitney there on my own, and I should have."
"Things were moving fast," he said quietly. "But I didn't leak the location, Kara."
She met his gaze and saw nothing but truth there. Or maybe that's what she wanted to see.
"You don't entirely believe me," he said with disappointment.
"I want to believe you. But someone leaked, and if it wasn't you, then it was someone on my team, which I don't want to be the case, and if it was someone in the other office where I used to work, that will be disappointing, too. I just want to be able to trust everyone."
"Hard to do in the business you're in."
"It is," she agreed. "But we'll see what happens. In the meantime, I'm going to trust my gut more than anyone else."
"And what does your gut say about me?" he asked quietly.
She didn't answer right away because her gut was saying a lot of things. "I don't know," she said, because that was easier than telling him what she did know.
Disappointment ran through his gaze. "You do know; you just don't want to say."
"It's complicated."
"It doesn't have to be. Sometimes, life is a lot simpler than we think." He suddenly moved, sliding down the couch until he was right next to her, and then his hand was cupping the back of her head, his eyes asking a silent question that she could only answer in one way.
She lifted her mouth to his, and the sparks between them ignited as soon as their lips touched.
All the feelings she'd been fighting for the past few days caught fire, and the heat was too enticing to run away.
She wanted to kiss him, to touch him, to connect with him on a more physical level.
And while her head was screaming caution, her body was melting into his.
After several passionate kisses, Max pulled away, this time putting the question into words. "Do you want me to stop?"
"No," she said. "I don't want you to stop, and I don't want you to sleep on the couch." She got to her feet and held out her hand. "Come with me."
"You're sure it's not too complicated?"
"I'm sure it is, but I don't care," she said as he got to his feet.
And then she was in his arms again, and they kissed their way into the bedroom, stripping off their clothes along the way, stopping briefly to find protection before falling into bed together and pushing all the stress and anxiety and complications away.
Because it really was simple. She wanted him, and he wanted her, and neither of them had any idea what tomorrow would bring.