12. Down And Dirty
Down And Dirty
Bex
I could have sworn that Connor was about to kiss me. But the moment was interrupted by the arrival of our dinner.
If I can’t have Connor’s lips on mine, I guess gorging on french fries is the next best thing.
“This was delicious,” I sigh, licking the tips of my fingers and finishing the last sip of my lemonade. “But if I eat one more bite, I think I’m going to explode.”
We barely put a dent in the crazy amount of food we ordered. It didn’t feel like it was that much when we decided to try out a few different combinations of fries and toppings, but we hadn’t taken into account the huge portions we were served.
“Let me see if Caleb can give us a few takeout boxes.” Connor says, getting up. “Jamie and Keene will love the leftovers tomorrow.”
I watch Connor as he walks away.
His tall, muscular frame and his confident stride make him a sight for sore eyes. Like a lot of other hockey players, skating more than he walks gave him an amazing butt and thick, strong thighs.
He’s absolutely gorgeous, but his dashing good looks aren’t the only reason why I like him so much.
Even though he tries to hide behind a quiet, brooding exterior, Connor has a kind, sensitive soul.
That’s what I’m most attracted to, even though of course I’m not sorry about the sexy packaging it comes with.
What’s surprising is that a hot guy like Connor would even look at you twice.
If you want to keep his attention, you might want to watch what you put in your mouth from now on.
Indulging in all kinds of food that’s not included in your tailored diet has already added a few pounds to your frame, and Connor noticed.
You used to dance and work out all day; now you waste your time with art. Very few people can make a nice living being artists. If you get fat, you’re going to end up single and broke.
Nausea rolls through my body as those intrusive thoughts echo in my ears. The vicious, derisive voice sounds remarkably like my dad’s.
On a rational level, I know the way he controlled what each of his clients ate and the constant criticism and fat shaming we were subjected to on a daily basis was abuse.
In reality, it’s hard to ignore years of conditioning.
By the time Connor returns with a few takeout boxes, shame has convinced me that I need to start exercising every morning.
If I wake up when the guys go to practice, I can at least fit in a five-mile run before work.
And on days when I don’t have an evening workshop, I can fit in a second workout.
My contract allows me free use of the athletic facilities on campus.
I could go to the gym, or even go for a swim.
Connor and I make quick work of transferring the leftovers into the boxes.
“Now that these are taken care of,” he says, taking my hand. “Do you want to go home, or can I interest you in the best gelato Star Cove has to offer?”
I love gelato, but just the idea of how long I’d have to run to burn those extra calories is enough of a deterrent. “That sounds delicious, but I couldn’t possibly have one more bite.”
He looks disappointed, and more guilt twists my insides for letting my hangups control me.
“I would love to go another time, though. If you want.”
Connor’s lips curl into a smile. “Are you asking me on a second date?”
I can’t help but flirt with him. “That depends.”
“On what?” he asks, without skipping a beat.
“Would you say yes if I were asking?”
He dips his head to whisper in my ear. “Absolutely.”
“Then would you take me out for gelato? Soon?”
“It’s a date.” He presses a kiss to my temple, keeping our fingers laced together as we walk back to his car.
All my experience with dating was with Matthew, my high school boyfriend.
My engagement didn’t include anything like dates or any time spent together that wasn’t documented on social media and part of a publicity stunt.
One of the best parts of my dates with Matthew was when he would kiss me good night on my doorstep or sometimes in his car.
But Connor and I live together, so I’m a little out of my depth when it comes to how we’ll say good night.
Maybe Connor will kiss me by my bedroom door?
The anticipation is making me giddy, and I keep fiddling with the radio in his car, going from song to song until he parks on our street.
We hold hands to the front door, and when he unlocks the door, I lick my lips as excitement causes goosebumps to scatter all over my arms.
I’m pretty sure that Connor is the man behind mask number six, and in a few moments I’ll be able to confirm my intuition.
Just the memory of that sweet, hot kiss causes my nipples to harden against my bra and my pulse to quicken.
It was one of the best kisses I’ve ever had, and the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that it matched Connor’s personality.
The house is dark and quiet, just a thin sliver of silver moonlight is coming into the living room from a gap in the curtains that are drawn over the patio door that leads out to the deck.
“Thank you for a beautiful night.” Connor whispers as he stops by my bedroom door. “And thank you for giving me a chance to turn this date around after the fuck up at the restaurant.”
I squeeze his hand, reluctant to let him go. “What happened wasn’t your fault, and I would say that we had an even better time at the park. The food was delicious,” I say, pointing at the bag with the leftovers in Connor’s other hand. “But my favorite thing was definitely the company.”
“Mine too.”
He dips his head and I lift my face, offering him my lips to kiss.
But Connor’s lips never make it down to my lips, stopping to my cheekbone instead.
“Good night, beautiful.”
Good night, beautiful? Is this it?
“You… you too.” I stutter as he takes a step back, signaling that our date is over.
My hand is already on the door handle of my room. I’m grateful that we didn’t bother turning the lights on, since my face is on fire. The disappointment that he didn’t kiss me is like a bitter aftertaste coating my tongue.
“A kiss on the fucking cheek?” Jamie’s voice makes me literally crawl out of my own skin as the lights come on, revealing my boyfriend leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. “Is this how you say good night to your date?”
Jamie’s tone conveys the way I’m feeling. Disappointed, stunned and a little mad.
“What… why… yeah?” Connor sounds as surprised as I am that Jamie was there, watching us.
“Dude,” Jamie chuckles. “Where is all the game you used to have? I’ve seen you in action when you were on the rebound.
You can do a lot better than a pathetic kiss on the cheek.
I mean, it’s obvious that you two like each other, or the night we watched the game together wouldn’t have happened. So what the fuck was that?”
Yes. That’s what I wanna know, too. What the fuck was that? I swear I could kiss Jamie right now.
Connor’s eyebrows meet in a frown as he crosses his arms, mimicking Jamie’s posture.
“First off, what the fuck are you doing watching us in the dark? Creepy. Second, it’s none of your fucking business.
But FYI, that was called being a gentleman.
I took Bex out for dinner and now I’m taking her back home safe and sound.
I didn’t kiss her because I didn’t want to assume just on account of that night we watched the game. ”
Jamie rolls his eyes. “You didn’t want to assume that kissing her was ok, but you assumed that it wasn’t. However you look at it, your logic is flawed.”
“Whatever.” Connor bites out, clearly annoyed. “Again, mind your own fucking business, Hart.”
Jamie totally ignores Connor’s retort, focusing his attention on me. “Bex is my girlfriend, so this is my business, too. Baby, did you want Connor to kiss you just now?”
Heat rises to my face as Jamie’s blue eyes and Connor’s green ones land on me. I feel put on the spot, but Jamie is right. We both know that we’re attracted to each other, so a kiss wouldn’t have been out of place. “Yes.”
“Ha,” Jamie gloats. “See, dumbass? Go on, end this date the way it should and kiss your girl.”
Bex
“No.”
My heart sinks when Connor glares at Jamie.
“Why?” Jamie asks.
It’s the same thing I’m dying to know.
Rather than answering Jamie’s question, Connor looks around the room. “I don’t have to explain myself to you, dude. And besides, we didn’t turn the lights on to avoid waking you up. You’re loud as fuck, and if we wake up Keene?—”
“Keene came home in a foul mood. We went to have dinner at the food hall, and then he decided to go for a long run followed by a session at the gym. He invited me to go with him, but I wanted to wait for you. I was dying to know how the date went. So don’t worry about Keene, he’s not here.”
Connor’s gaze softens as it lands on me. “I’m sorry, Bex. I just?—”
I don’t know what’s stopping him from kissing me. Jamie is right. If the night of the game hadn’t happened, I would just conclude that Connor isn’t attracted to me.
Maybe my dad is right that I have too many imperfections for anyone to want me.
After all, I lost all my followers. They all agreed with my ex-friends that I’m ugly.
Or maybe Kurt was right that I’m a slut.
Connor might have changed his mind about dating someone who would have a threesome with two of her roommates.
“It’s ok, Con.” I fight the urge to cry, but I know I lost my battle when a hot tear slides down my face. “If you’ve changed your mind?—”
His eyes widen with surprise. “But I haven’t. I like you so much that I’m just worried that if I let myself be all in and then you changed your mind, it would hurt too much.”
Jamie shakes his head. “So you’re worried that Bex would betray you like Fiona did?”
Connor hangs his head. “I know Bex is nothing like my ex. But if I kissed her, and she broke my heart, I don’t think I could take it.”