14. You Are Not Alone
You Are Not Alone
Jamie
T he moment Coach Harrison blows his whistle to signal the end of today’s afternoon practice can’t come soon enough.
Connor was really quiet during the drive to morning skate, but I’m not surprised because Keene tagged along.
I know Con feels like me, that if Keene had feelings for Bex, we wouldn’t stand in his way as long as he didn’t ask her to choose. However, unless he’s serious about wanting to pursue her, he doesn’t get to be privy to our relationship with her.
As our teammates file out of the ice, headed to the locker room, I stop him with a hand on his shoulder.
“You ok, dude?” I ask when everyone else is out of earshot, including Coach Harrison. “You haven’t said much. Are you regretting last night?”
His face lights up with a bright smile that eases the tension in my shoulders.
I hadn’t seen Connor smile like that since before his ex confessed her infidelity and broke his heart.
“Fuck, no.” His chuckle is slightly nervous. “I—is it weird if I talk to you about my feelings for her?”
I think about it for a second. “Not unless we make it weird.” I decide. “I told you and Keene how I felt the other day, didn’t I?”
Connor nods. “Yeah. And I need to thank you for telling me all that. It helped me overcome my fear of getting hurt again. I’ve liked Bex from the first second I met her. But I was just paralyzed by how much it sucked when Fiona cheated.”
I slap him on the back. “It’s understandable. Look, we all have our own hangups. I never thought I wanted to be in a monogamous relationship until I met Bex.”
“Monogamous? That doesn’t sound right since there’s three of us,” he objects.
I shrug. “I guess not. But since we aren’t having sex with each other, technically you and I are monogamous because we’re just with her.”
“Does it matter?” Connor asks. “Anyway, last night was incredible, and I need to thank you for getting involved. I had decided to go slow, and if I had gone through with my plan of not even kissing her good night, I would have blown it. I was telling myself that I was trying to be a gentleman, but the truth is that I was scared. Seeing you with her helped me snap out of it.”
“Bex would never hurt you intentionally or cheat on you, Con.” I put all my certainty into those words.
Connor agrees with me. “I know. I just needed to let my head believe what my heart already knew.”
A few months ago, I would have called him a sap for saying something like that. But now I know exactly what he means.
“She’s it for me, Con.”
He grabs my forearm, looking more certain than I’ve ever seen him.
“I have the feeling that Bex is going to be my last girlfriend. She gets me on a deeper level. She understands the pressure I grew up under and how I need to be loved for myself, not for my skills or my social status. And obviously she’s gorgeous.
I couldn’t be more lucky that she likes me, too. ”
I’m glad Connor and Bex have found their way to each other.
“There’s something I was thinking.” I lower my voice even though we’re alone by our team’s bench.
“We’re both graduating this year, and we’re both going to the same team in San Francisco.
I want to ask Bex to come with us. We could get a place together, and the city will have a lot more opportunities for her than Star Cove.
Whether she wants to paint, dance or finish her degree, she can do it there. With us.”
Connor considers my words for a moment. “Aww, are you asking me to move in with you, Jamie?”
I punch him in the side, and he ducks, laughing. “Shut up, dipshit.” I chuckle. “You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do.” He returns serious. “And it’s a great idea. Hopefully everything works out.”
I might be an incurable optimist, but I don’t see why we can’t all move in together. “Are you worried about there being any scrutiny if we both live with the same woman?”
“I hadn’t even thought about that.” Connor muses. “I was just thinking that there are a few variables to consider in your plan.”
“Like what?” I glare at him for raining on my fucking parade.
“Well, first off,” he sighs. “We’re both going to San Francisco, but Luke is going to New York. He and Bex have just reunited. Before we start looking at rentals, we might want to make sure that Bex is ok living on the other side of the country from her twin brother.”
Shit. I hadn’t thought about it. “Fuck, you’re right.” I groan.
“You’re also assuming that the Paladins will really have a place for us on their roster. Here, we’re top dogs, but once we go pro, we’re gonna be rookies. Until we prove ourselves, there’s always a chance that we could get traded elsewhere or sent to a farm team.”
Jesus. I hadn’t thought about that either.
“Hmm, if the Paladins sent us to one of their two farm teams, it could be a slight problem, or a huge one. The Sacramento Steelers, their AHL team, are less than eighty miles away.” I muse.
“Yeah,” Connor nods. “But their ECHL team is the Aspen Ice Men. Being sent to Sacramento would be inconvenient. With how intense the hockey season is, eighty miles would mean not being able to live together. But with a lot of effort and cooperation between the three of us, long distance from Sacramento could sort of work. Aspen is so much further.”
I sit on the bench, putting my skate guards on before stepping off the ice, and Connor follows me. “Does that mean that you wouldn’t even want to try long distance?” I ask.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s way too soon to think about it. I guess I would try if Bex wanted to.”
Having been cheated on before, I’m not surprised that something like that feels scary to him.
“Con,” I put all the conviction I could in my voice.
“That’s the worst-case scenario. The Paladins have us under contract because two of their key players in our positions are retiring after this season.
I know that this isn’t a guarantee that they would keep us or that we would see any ice time, but I think we’ll get our chance to prove ourselves next year.
I’m not trying to sound like an arrogant prick, but we’re the best the NCAA has to offer.
Sure, they could work out trades and get more seasoned players.
But I still believe there’s going to be a place for us on their roster.
We need to plan our future on that assumption.
If things change, we’ll work it out. Together. ”
He grabs the handle of the locker room door. “Yeah. I hope you’re right. It’s just that our relationship with Bex is still so new… mine especially.”
“I know. But when you find your person, nothing can keep you apart as long as you’re willing to put in the work. Bex is my person. Our person. Have faith, Connor.”
“I want to have faith, dude. In the end, life is what we make of it. And I want this with Bex and with you. I’m going to do everything in my power to make it work.”
When we entered the locker room, almost all our teammates had already showered and left. On a school night, everyone is eager to eat dinner and head home. Morning skate always comes way too early for our liking.
Luke and Chance Hunter, one of our most promising freshmen, are the only ones in there, and they look ready to leave, too.
I know they’ve been waiting for us by the look on Luke’s face.
“Hey guys.” Our team captain looks tense. “Ares just texted me that he has some news. He would like to see us at the sheriff’s station. He would have come to see us here, but he’s stuck at a desk going through some files for the sheriff all day.”
Connor and I look at each other. “Fine, give us two minutes to shower and we’ll be right out.”
“Is that ok if I ride with you?” Luke asks.
“Chance was nice enough to wait to give me a ride in case you two had anywhere else to be, but if you’re good with me coming, I can let him go home.
It’s pizza night at the Gamma house; that’s why I told Shane to go ahead.
You know you can’t keep that man away from pizza. ”
“Yeah,” I reassured him. “No problem. Did Shane take your car?”
Luke shakes his head. “No, I let Bex have it. Since none of us could pick her up after work today, I figured she’d be safer driving herself.”
“Good thinking.” I shed my clothes and grab my shower supplies from my locker. “Hold on a sec, does this mean that Bex is home alone right now? Maybe we should drop Connor off. After we were broken into, I don’t like the idea that she’s all by herself.”
Luke reassures me. “Right ahead of you. I sent Keene home so we can go to the station.”
“Did Keene run home? We carpooled this morning since we all had classes in the same area of campus.”
“Nope. Tucker offered to drive him. I think the poor guy has a crush on my sister.”
Connor rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I think we’ve all seen how he feels about her at the art center inauguration. Doesn’t he know Bex is taken?”
Luke tilts his head, an amused glint in his eyes. “Shouldn’t Hart be the jealous one?”
Jamie and I look at each other. “About that, we can explain.”
Something tells me that Luke knows or suspects more than he lets on, because he chuckles. “You’ll have time to explain on our way to the station. Get your asses in the shower now.”
When our captain gives us orders, we fall in line. “Yes, captain.”
Connor
Surprisingly, Luke didn’t have a problem with our unconventional relationship with Bex.
Even when we explained that we wouldn’t be against Keene joining our fold, he seemed absolutely fine.
If anything, he was a little jealous that his sister would get to live the fantasy of having more than one man worship her. He called us a harem. A reverse harem. Apparently it’s a thing in literature and graphic novels when you have one woman and more than one man.
I couldn’t care less about what label you put on our relationship, as long as I get to be with Bex. Having Jamie with us somehow makes me feel more confident that we can go the distance.