Chapter Eleven #2
Varic’s nostrils flare, and I wish it had been him who had leaned in with intention. That it had been his lips to tempt me. Though I would never want him to take the risk Sal did. And kissing him would be a different sort of cruelty. A taste of what can never truly be.
He swallows and turns away, so I do the same.
“It’s just…” His tone is wounded. Lost.
“What?” I ask, turning my full body to him.
“Why would you kiss him?” he asks, such pain in his tone that it cracks the fissure in my heart even wider.
The deep discomfort of the Imperial Grand Witch takes over, controlling my body with an expulsion of laughter.
I grab my stomach as Varic’s wounded expression guts me, twisting my insides with this lie.
Because he was never meant to see any evidence pointing to a connection between Sal and me.
He wasn’t meant to be involved in any way.
Yet I want nothing more than to whip the Godsdamned book from the waistband of my leather pants and show it to him.
To flip through the pages and explain why I have chosen to take this risk.
To display my selfish nature—my sad attempt at reviving the embers of hope that there might be something we can use to overthrow the tyrant ruling us all.
Something hidden within its pages must be important enough to have kept it hidden.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” I say, returning to myself as the Imperial Grand Witch recedes, leaving me to act as if I feel any semblance of calm while fury and fear riot inside me.
“The truth. I need you to tell me the truth.”
I huff out a breath and step back in retreat when his distinguishable warmth winds its way around my arm, holding me in place while I face the doors.
“Tasch.” His pleading use of my name reaches through my ribs and squeezes my heart.
This is not the kind of heartache I know so well, and I wouldn’t have guessed it, but now I know—the sensation of heartbreak is so much worse than every ounce of the fear I use to kill my victims.
Varic’s grip tightens, and Lars speeds to stand chest to chest before him.
“Unhand her. Now.” Lars’ growl is so deep I feel it in my marrow.
General Varic releases me, though his hand hovers as I open my mouth.
Hendry looms on my opposite side, prepared to say what is needed to temper the situation, when a sudden vibration is felt along my stomach.
It feels as if the book I’ve been given is capable of movement, instilling an eerie sense of unease in me.
We each pause in place when a high-pitched shriek fills the sky, and our eyes cast upward while a swarm of ancient voices screams for me to ‘run’ inside my mind.
A shudder rolls down my body, as it has every other time this has occurred.
I repeat their message aloud as sparks of flame burst within the ribbon of darkness between the trees and the balcony.
Yet these sorts of explosions are neither decorative nor celebratory—
They’re bombs.
“Retreat!” Hendry and Varic yell in unison as time seems to slow.
“I have her!” Varic says as his arms surround me, bringing the front of my body flush with his own before lifting me off the ground and hurriedly carrying me toward the doors.
“I can walk!” I yell into the thick fabric of his uniform.
“I know,” he says, striding forward.
Lars bounces off Varic’s amber shield as he reaches for me, and small tin bombs burst high above us.
“Godsdammit, Varic!” Lars screams, punching the shield he cannot see. “Let me in!”
Fray hovers above the ground with light gray mist trailing behind him.
“If I part the shield and she gets hurt, I will end your existence!” Varic yells.
“Deal!” Lars screams, widening his arms in preparation as Cirrin and Malin walk directly next to us. Varic expands the shield, allowing Lars to take hold of both of our forms while Fray drops to the ground to be held inside it.
Lars squeezes, indicating he’s about to run, when I push against Varic’s chest to see Hendry cast in amber, and my heart drops down to my stomach with the realization he’s not inside the shield with us.
But he can shield himself. He can keep himself safe.
Yet no orange orb surrounds his form as he peers over the railing.
I open my mouth to shout for him when horror overtakes my body from the giant wall of fire rising to consume half of the balcony.
My eyes flare wide when Hendry’s form is lost within the roiling flames just before everything blurs with the speed of Lars saving us.
“Hendry!” I scream as we topple to the ground just inside the threshold, landing on our sides over the floor littered with shards of debris.
Glass crunches under our weight as Varic holds me close to his chest, and Lars pulls his hands free to stand and survey the damage.
“No,” I whimper, and shake my head with the image of Hendry engulfed in flames now burnt behind my eyes while the loss of him feels soul-deep. My chest aches where the connection we forged through our blood-bond is now vacant. “No! Lars, please. Is he—?”
“Tasch.” Lars stares out past the smoke. “I’m so sorry. There’s no way he could have survived. I—half of the balcony fell with him.”
My whole body shudders as Varic’s chest presses in with every harried breath I manage to suck in. I shift, suddenly desperate to see Varic, to know he truly made it away unscathed, when he tucks his chin to hold me in place.
“I’m so sorry, mei waella,” he whispers. “I am so fucking sorry. I thought he was right behind me. I thought he was inside my shield with everyone else. I—”
“Shh,” I shush him, then send waves of forgiveness. “You didn’t do this, Varic. It’s not your fault. I promise.”
“You don’t need to comfort me—”
“Stop,” I command. “I want to, and I will.”
His throat bobs as he swallows, and I drop my head to his chest, knowing I’ll need to stand. Knowing we will once again need to be parted after yet another tragedy has befallen one of us.
Though I do not feel strong enough to consider all it means as another memory flashes—
“I have a bad feeling about this,” Hendry snarls.
“What? Committing treason?”
“There’s something else I cannot name, only that I do not think we should step out on that balcony.”
Fuck. I did this. I convinced him we needed that Godsdamned book. I made him follow me out onto that balcony like a selfish—
“Hendry,” Fray says, voice taking on that distant quality. “He’s—” Cirrin grabs hold of his shoulders to pull him in for a tight hug, tugging on my heartstrings with the care wrapped in their embrace.
“I swore he was right behind me.” Varic cranes his neck to scan the area. “I don’t know how I missed him.”
“He can’t see your shield like Tasch and I can,” Malin says. “He must have stepped away to inspect the perimeter, knowing you would keep her safe when he heard Lars say you cast it.”
“Why didn’t he argue when I picked you up to carry you?” Varic’s voice is distant.