Chapter Eighty-Six
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Varic
Screams pierce my eardrums, and my vision has vanished.
Where is Tasch?
I can’t see a damned thing as I feel around, with grime and grit stinging my palms.
Why aren’t Fray and Lars bickering, or why isn’t Malin making commentary?
Words stick—tacky like tar—entrapped in my mind and throat.
I need to scream. I need to know what in the fuck is happening.
Why can’t I hear Cirrin’s distinct way of reminding us of our duty?
Where in the fuck is she, and what in every God’s name is happening?
Pain radiates through my lungs, filling with smoke and ash. With a strange tang of burnt wood coating my tongue.
But I don’t feel any heat. If anything, it’s colder—like the evening chill drifting in from above.
Where is Tasch?
White. My vision shifts to a blinding white light.
Where in the fuck is Tasch?
A piercing ring bleeds into my eardrums, and my lungs ache so much I can barely breathe in, much less out.
Strong hands grab my arms and launch me backward. Cirrin’s fresh botanical scent hits my nose as we fall, indicating who my savior is.
Pounding pain shoots up my hip from the impact as small shards of rock or stone rain down on us.
But how—
No.
The fabric of my mask pulls in, then billows out as it puffs with the panic of what’s happening.
Fuck. Was I in some sort of trance? Because Tasch was there, then all I knew was Sal. All I can remember is sending my magic up to torment the fucking snatcher for what he did to—
Tasch. Where is my Tasch?
My magic thrums—building and growing into the strongest sphere I can muster—needing to cover and protect her. But I can’t fucking see where she is, and I need to know where to cast the shield.
Fuck.
She’s gone.
I lost her. I fucked up. I didn’t protect her.
I’m failing her, just as badly as I failed them then.
I blink, trying to see anything but the memories invading.
No.
Shaking my head does nothing, so I open my mouth to scream—to call out for Cirrin—but no sound emits.
I’m completely fucking useless if I can’t see her.
Why did they appoint me as her Lead Guard when I can’t protect her unless she is within my line of sight? But that’s my fault. My failure.
A silent scream tears from the very center of my being as every worry and frustration tumbles from me.
“Come on, you fucking coward.”
Father. His deep, rumbling voice.
“Chin up. Eyes forward.”
“Yes, Elder.”
I pull in a deep breath as my vision clears, and I stare at a large gray chunk of stone separating me from where she last stood.
Confidence, or something like it, strikes me as I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my whole world must be on the other side of this boulder, and a spark of urgency courses through my muscles with the need to do everything in my power to find her.
Crumbling shards fall on my shoulders, and I pull in a sharp breath from the piercing pain of a larger chunk landing on my leg. I frantically scan through the thick haze as the sharpness and the weight of it radiate.
Why wasn’t I protecting her like I promised?
And why didn’t Cirrin say something?
He was right behind me.
Fuck. Where is Cirrin?
I twist around and grab hold of the jagged edge of the boulder behind me, pulling myself up until pain shoots up my leg. But I can’t see anything aside from more broken stone, obscuring everything below my knee.
I try to pull myself up again, but my foot is trapped. My knuckles scrape over stone as I reach in between those crushing my lower leg. I grasp what I can and try to lift it without any luck because it’s wedged in too tightly.
I straighten to look around, yet the dust is too heavy for me to see much of anything. My pulse pounds heavier, and I scream, “Tasch!”
A harsh ringing fills my ears as I strain, needing to hear if she says anything.
I need to hear anyone as I bend and desperately try to lift the broken stone off of my leg.
But there are too many fragments, and they’re wedged in tight.
So I send my shield down within the crack and try to lift the one I can see—but it won’t catch.
I can’t get leverage. Damn this fucking need to be able to see, or at least be able to imagine what I’m trying to lift off the ground.
My heart hammers as I wish I had practiced telekinesis since I cannot think of how to try conjuring it.
Another crack sounds from behind my head as a large piece of stone slams into the one piercing the stage where we stood. A shudder runs through me, and I release a breath as fury churns in my chest, pressing against my ribs like it might burst. Like it needs to be released—
That’s it.
I pull on my love for her and still with the memory of how it feels when it’s just us—when we were flying together on Minea’s back—until I carve off a piece of my heart and send it to rove the rubble past the last place I saw her.
My pulse thuds heavily as the itch of energy builds within my fingers, and I try my best to listen as it blasts beneath the stone pinning me to the ground, forcing a small chunk to fall away.
I release a breath and bend to grab the larger stone, then shift it from side to side, trying to work it off of me when it catches on a piece of debris, and more falls down around it.
Godsdamnit. I’ve only made it worse.
A spark of something embeds itself in my chest, feeling both natural and familiar. Feeling like her. Like the way she looks at me and considers my needs with adoration and devotion unlike anyone else I know.
The sensation of her love expands, trilling through my veins and settling my nerves.
A seed of doubt grows, and I swallow it, needing to believe this is real—even if it isn’t. Needing to believe this is her way of responding—of telling me she’s alive—and she returns the feeling. But there’s no way to know for sure. It could just be that asshole hope again.
The haze clears, and an Imperial Guard scrambles over the cluster of stones beside me. I grunt with the effort of holding my magic in as it swirls and tries to find a way out.
Because I can’t let that happen again. I won’t.
A hand clamps down on my shoulder, and I swivel around, then let out a breath when Cirrin stares back. The fabric of his mask shifts as if he is speaking, but I can’t make out anything he might be saying. I shake my head, then point at my ear.
He nods and leans down beside the stone holding my leg hostage.
“Did you see Tasch?” I yell, in the hopes he can hear me now that my own ears begin to clear.
Cracking and crumbling fill them now, bifurcated by the ear-piercing screams around us.
His warm brown eyes lift to mine, then he focuses his attention on trying to pry the smaller rocks away from the larger one. He reaches in, and I wince when he grazes my ankle.
I lean back to find a way to free myself without the use of my magic as his hand rises from the gap without any blood covering his fingertips. My lungs depress in relief since no healer can repair that which is no longer present in the body.
Cirrin tries to shift the largest rock to the side, and I cry out in pain as it slices into the side of my ankle.
“Let me guess—” I grasp my leg tighter to brace for the pain as he reaches in again. “Now it’s bleeding?”
Cirrin’s fingers swipe across the edge of my boot, and he nods. “I’m so sorry, Varic. I thought—”
I clap him on the shoulder and shake my head. “You didn’t mean to.”
He casts his gaze downward and sends his cool healing magic down my leg. It settles over my ankle with a tingle, and I knit my brows as my hearing clears even more.
I turn my head and scan the area, though the dust obscures any sign of her, and there is nothing to indicate Malin, Lars, or Fray are okay.
“Have you tried to form a shield to pick up any of the rocks surrounding the largest one?” Cirrin asks, and I nod. “Try again. Try to lift them like you have Tasch.”
And a fucking bomb. But I keep the thought to myself and swallow against the knot forming and build the shield enough to shove it within the sliver of space between pieces of rubble, then stop when it hits something.
“I can’t get under it because I can’t imagine what it looks like. I can’t sense it the same way I can with Tasch’s skin.” Heat blossoms beneath my cheeks as I admit to sensing the warmth of her skin, which guides me when I cannot envision the covered parts of her body.
Up until now, anyway, when I fucking failed her.
“I’ll describe it to you.” His voice is filled with an optimism I cannot even begin to fathom experiencing. “On the left side, there’s a long gray rectangular stone.”
I close my eyes and shift the shield past my field of vision, trying to imagine it, then growl in frustration when it slams into yet another barrier. This is taking too long, and Cirrin can’t see my shield to guide me any more precisely than this.
“It’s not working. I can’t get beneath it to lift.”
Cirrin nods and turns to scan the area while my heart slams against my ribs.
We need to find her. I don’t give a shit what happens to my leg.
Fuck it. “Stand back. I’m going to try to blast it off.”
Cirrin’s eyes widen as he rises, then clambers backward over more of the rubble while the force magic sizzles in my fingertips until it builds to overtake my palms. I point at the pile just before it bursts from me, kicking up dust as it forces the smaller shards to fly off.
Then my heart sinks as the weight of the largest chunk remains, pressing into my Godsdamned leg.
“Fuck!” I exclaim, with the anger pulsing through my veins amplifying my power until my heart lurches in recognition of this exact sensation.
No. No. No. I can’t let that happen again.
I force my gaze to the night sky above us.
My eyes grow wide as sparks emanate from my body without my controlling it—the shape of which warbles and grows faster than I can contain.
I can’t use this power anywhere near a limb.
Not if I plan to keep it. So I stare up at the stars and send the burst of energy out through the gaping opening.