Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
“Dad!” Oh no. I shoot off the couch, flinging the blanket off me, and head toward the back of Bowen’s house where the guest room is—the one Bowen set up for my son, Elijah.
I couldn’t quit being a fireman, but I did choose to leave the city life behind and move back to Garnett with Bowen—working at the same firehouse as he does. I haven’t actually had my first shift yet—apparently, I needed to take some time to heal a little after falling through the floor.
It hasn’t been an easy four months.
Especially since my kid hasn’t adjusted well at all.
Although, I don’t think it’s the move that has him so upset.
He and Bowen get along really well, which makes sense because my older brother is still a kid himself.
And Bowen did a great job converting his guest room into a kid’s room with some toys, a twin bed, and even some racecar curtains. He even painted the walls blue.
I open the door to the bedroom and see Elijah sitting up in his bed, his blond hair a total mess and his bangs stuck with sweat against his forehead. “Daddy.”
I go right to him, sitting on the bed and pulling him into my arms. “I’m here.”
“You died.” No matter how many times he says those words, they still send a chill through my entire body.
“I didn’t,” I try to reassure him and kiss his temple, hugging him tight to me. “I promise you I’m here, and I’m okay. We’re okay.”
He just hugs me tighter, with his little arms around my neck and his tears falling down his cheeks. “You did die. Angelica said so.”
“She just didn’t know if I was okay. But I am, Elijah.” I pull him back just a little bit, so I can look into his eyes. They’re rimmed in red, and he looks so tired for only being six. I hate myself for putting him through this. “I’m okay.”
He sniffs, his hands going to my face as if he’s trying to study every feature of my expression. “Don’t die again.”
I nod, my chest aching with his fear. “I won’t. I promise. And remember why we moved here?”
He nods once but doesn’t release my face. “Because it’s safer.”
I hug him to me, and he wraps his arms around me again, letting go of my face. “It is. Aunt Tori even thinks so, and you know how much she worries.”
That finally gets a little snicker from my son. The sound lights up my insides, a sense of brief relief going through me and giving me a little bit of hope that it’ll be okay. “She worries a lot.”
“She does, but she was happy about this move.”
And she actually was. I didn’t think she’d be so happy for me to move Elijah to our hometown, but she said, and I quote, “Even though Bowen is a total idiot, I know you two will be in good hands.” So we moved here with Tori’s blessing.
“You okay, buddy?” I ask, pulling back to look at his face. He’s calmed considerably and nods his little head, falling back down onto his pillow.
“Tired.”
I smile at that and stand up, pulling the covers over his little body. “I love you. Get some sleep. Only good dreams.”
He nods, but his eyes are already closed, and I think he’s out before I make it to the door. I close it gently behind me and then nearly lose my shit when I bump into my brother, who was lurking in the hallway.
It’s clear he was in bed, his hair all over the place—much like my son’s. But I instantly see the concern on his face and decide not to lay into him for scaring the shit out of me. “Is he okay?”
I bob my head in answer, then motion for him to follow me to the kitchen.
When we do, Bowen flips on the light and moves to the stove.
He grabs a tea kettle and fills it with water before lighting the burner and placing the kettle over it.
I raise an eyebrow at him in question. “Since when do you have a tea kettle?”
He just shrugs and then grabs two mugs and two tea bags from the cabinet. “A girl I dated was really into it. Guess she left it here.”
I have a feeling he doesn’t really want tea but wants to keep busy. I sit down at the small kitchen table and watch him move around, grabbing honey and spoons. I swear I’ve never seen this side of my brother. It’s... odd.
“Bowen.”
He stops what he’s doing and turns to look at me. Is he okay? “That’s a lot of nightmares for such a young kid.”
I prop my elbows up on the table and lean forward, letting my fingers drag through my hair, the adrenaline wearing off, now that Elijah is safe. “I know.”
“What does his counselor say?”
“Same thing.” I drop my hands onto the flat surface of the table. “It takes time to heal from trauma, and I’m doing everything I can right now.” My eyes meet Bowen’s. “But it doesn’t feel like enough.”
His expression is grim as he pours hot water over the tea bags and brings both mugs over to the table, sitting down across from me. “Is there anything I can do?”
He places a mug in front of me, and I stare as the hot water starts to turn brown. This is really fucking weird, but I don’t say anything. “I don’t think so.”
“He’s starting school next week. Maybe that will help.” He hasn’t touched his tea either, I notice, and it brings a slight smile to my lips.
“Yeah. I hope so. He loved kindergarten.”
He grins. “He’s a really good kid.”
I can’t lie. I didn’t see Bowen taking to Elijah so quickly.
It’s not like they were strangers or anything before this, since Bowen was one of the first people to visit when he was born.
But they weren’t around each other that often.
Though it’s become pretty clear in the past few months that Bowen has been making up for lost time.
Playing catch with Elijah outside, and he even bought him a small inflatable pool this summer, along with squirt guns and other toys.
“He is. I can’t believe I already fucked him up.”
That gets a deep frown from my brother. “You didn’t.”
“Didn’t I?” I run a hand through my hair again, tugging on the short strands in frustration. “I promised myself, from the moment I found out about him, that he wouldn’t know the kind of trauma we did. That he would have a good life. And now he’s having nightmares every night.”
“It’s not the same.”
I look away from him—unable to look him in the eyes. “It is. He’s terrified that I’m going to die and leave him.”
“Not the same as our life, man.” I meet his eyes again and see how serious he looks right now. “Our dad didn’t even try, and our mom?” He lets out a dark chuckle. “Hell, we wanted her to leave most of the time.”
I shake my head at him but not in disagreement. “I can’t believe you still make time for her.”
He looks a little sheepish at that, and I kind of feel like an asshole.
She doesn’t have anyone else, and I shouldn’t shame Bowen for being there for her now, but I can’t help being bitter.
He’s not kidding—we did pray for her to leave so many times throughout our childhood.
“She doesn’t have anyone else,” he mirrors my thoughts, and I nod grimly.
“I know.”
We’re kind of at a standstill on that. He’s asked me a couple of times since I got here to go and see her, and I’ve shut it down pretty fast. I don’t want Elijah around her toxic bullshit—but I know it hurts Bowen every time I say no.
“She’s trying,” he says fruitlessly because he knows it’s going to fall on deaf ears.
“Sure.”
He startles me when he reaches across the table and grabs my wrist—wrapping his hand around it and getting my attention. “You aren’t like her. Or him. You love that kid. I’ve seen it. And he will be okay. I’ll do anything I can to make sure he is.”
I stare at him—a little shell-shocked because Bowen has evidently changed a lot in the past few years, and I had no idea. I guess I’ve been a little preoccupied. “Thank you for everything.” I’m not sure I’ve thanked him enough for being there for us.
He pulls his hand back and shrugs. “It’s nothing.”
I look at the mug in front of me, knowing this is dangerously close to feelings and shit neither of us are comfortable with, so I let us both off the hook. “Tea? Really?”
He snorts at that, not drinking the liquid. “Shut up. She was hot.”
I roll my eyes. “Of course she was.”
“You want to hear something really fucked up?”
“Go for it,” I say, a small smile on my face.
“I don’t even remember her name.”
I snort at that and stand up, shoving him in the shoulder after grabbing my mug and then walking to the sink. “There’s the Bowen I know.”
But I am sure grateful I have him because I’m not so sure I could do this alone.