Chapter 14 #2
“I did see you, Spencer.” I open my mouth to argue, but he lets my bicep go, stunning me when his hand moves to my mouth, placing two fingers over my lips to silence me.
And unfortunately, my brain goes to the fact his fingers are on my lips and not that we’re having a serious conversation.
I want to bring his fingers into my mouth—lick them, drag my tongue over each digit, and make him squirm for once—but thankfully, I gain control of that errant thought and remain perfectly still.
“I saw you. I know you don’t believe me, but I saw you. ”
I start to shake my head but stop myself, and he drops his hand—his eyes remaining on my lips. “You don’t have to lie to me. I know you think I was brave—which is, quite frankly, insane. I was scared every day.”
“But you kept your head up. You think you shrunk into the walls, but you didn’t. I remember you, Spencer. You were brave. I was the coward. I didn’t want to see what was going on. I missed it, and I’m sorry.”
I shake my head now, feeling tears threatening to fall. “I hate thinking about those days.”
“I do too.”
“So how about we just move on? Start our friendship here and now and don’t worry about back then?
Because I’m not that kid anymore. I went to college, and I’m a teacher.
Yes, I still run into those guys who made my life a living hell, and no, unfortunately none of them are ugly or balding or sad and divorced.
” That part actually makes Kade smile a little.
“But I think they’ve moved on, so I need to too. I can’t focus on that time in my life.”
“Okay,” he says but still sounds unsure, and I know he feels guilty for not saying something. It’s not his burden to carry, I realize.
I put my hand on his thigh before I can think better of it and swear I hear a soft gasp coming from his lips.
We’ve moved impossibly close to each other, and my eyes inadvertently drop to his mouth.
Those plump, luscious, pink lips are slightly parted, and I can feel my heart rate kicking up.
“You have to let that go too. I assumed too much about you, when I didn’t even know you. ”
“I know I have no right to ask you this...” He moves closer, so close I can feel his breath on my face and have to fight to keep my eyes open.
I want to fade into the moment—let myself believe he’s close to kissing me.
I’ve had no indication that Kade is into men.
None. He was married to a woman and has a son.
And I know bisexuals exist, but there’s been nothing to point to him being interested in guys. “But will you forgive me, Spencer?”
“What?” I ask him, dazed, and start to pull back away from him when his hand moves to the back of my neck, holding me in place. So very close to his mouth. “There’s nothing to forgive.”
“That’s not true, and we both know it.”
I close my eyes now, focusing on his big hand cradling my neck and his sweet breath puffing against my mouth.
His body brushing up against mine but not glued to me.
I let my eyes open, and I’m looking directly into his blue orbs as I nod my head slowly, my nose actually brushing his as we drift even closer together. “I forgive you, but what is happening?”
His lips are so close to mine—so close, I swear I can feel the ghost of them—even though they aren’t quite touching. “Do you want it to happen?”
Holy. Shit. Is he asking me if he can kiss me?
Is this really happening? There’s a lump in my throat, so big I can barely swallow to wet my throat enough to speak.
My entire body is on high alert, and even though I know what I’m supposed to say and do—it doesn’t stop me from turning further into him and letting my hand move into his soft hair, pulling him the final bit toward my mouth.
When our lips meet, that spark that’s been sizzling under the surface ignites, and there’s nothing either of us could do to stop it.
It’s just our lips at first—a brief, tasting kiss.
His lips soft and firm as they brush over mine, but soon, I feel his tongue licking over the seam of my lips, begging for entry, and I don’t waste any time granting him access.
I open my mouth, and we both groan when his tongue sweeps inside, dueling with my own.
His hand grips my neck tighter, and I whimper, trying to get my body closer to his.
I climb onto his lap, instantly greeted by his hard erection pressing against my own as I kiss him harder.
He takes his time, devouring my mouth, and I give as good as I get—the fantasy of this moment having nothing on the reality.
I grip his hair hard, holding him firmly in place as he does the same with my neck as we grind our hard cocks together. I could come like this and welcome it, but I also want to get him naked.
I want to lay him out on my bed and take hours to devour every inch of him—but then I think about after. When we’re both satisfied and the realism sets in. When we have to face the consequences of our actions.
Because Kade isn’t just a hookup. He isn’t just a friend. We have a past. And we also have our current situation—I’m his son’s teacher.
It’s like a bucket of cold water splashing over my body as I put one hand on his chest and force myself to push back, ripping my mouth away from his.
He looks dazed as he stares at me, his lips puffy and red from my kisses, and his chest filling with air over and over as he tries to catch his breath. “What’s wrong?”
I’m a teacher. We live in Garnett. Things could get messy really fast.
But none of those things come out right away. Instead, I blurt out, “You’re not straight.”
I wince, shrinking back and almost falling off his lap, but his hands move quickly to my hips, and he holds me in place. “I guess not.”
I cock my head to the side. “You guess?”
His smile is sweet, almost shy, and I swear I see a blush on his cheeks.
“I’ve only ever been with Megan, and I was.
..” Oh my God, bashful Kade is a whole new level of hot.
“I loved being with her, but I think maybe I thought guys were hot too. Some. Not all, obviously. I never...”—his eyes snap to mine—“I didn’t cheat on her or anything. Ever. I wouldn’t...”
I pat his chest, where my hand is still resting, and shoot him a soothing grin. “I know you wouldn’t, Kade. I just... I didn’t ever think you were interested in guys. Or could be.”
“I was definitely interested.” He looks a little more confident now. “I couldn’t stop staring at you.”
“What?” I sit there, shocked beyond belief. “Like... because you...” I think he broke my brain.
“Thought you were beautiful? Yeah.” He leans up, his lips brushing over my lips again. “So beautiful.”
I close my eyes and lean into the kiss, getting lost in the emotions, but pulling back slowly away from the kiss and trying to focus. “There’s no way you thought I was beautiful, Kade.”
He looks at me sadly, one of his hands sweeping over my cheek. “You were. You are.” He starts to lean in to kiss me again, but I have to stop it. This is too much. A hot hookup? Fine. But this? I definitely cannot do this.
“We can’t do this.” I finally get the words out.
“Why not?” He pulls back, uncertainty in his eyes.
“Because you’ve only been with Megan.” Not that that matters at all to me—though it’s really hard for me to wrap my mind around.
“You sound uncertain about what you want, and that’s totally fine.
You deserve to explore your sexuality, but saying you guess you aren’t straight.
.. Kade.” My eyes close as I’m overwhelmed with so many reasons why we can’t do this.
I thought it was just the teacher thing, but the more I think about it, he sounds lost. I don’t want to take advantage of him.
His hand grips my chin and tilts it up until I’m forced to open my eyes and face him.
“I may have never explored my sexuality or really thought much about it because I was married and only had eyes for Megan. But it doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want.
I know I want you, and I never saw that coming—but it doesn’t make it any less real. ”
I actually gulp at the words coming from his mouth right now, and I can barely believe my own actions. “You’re my student’s father. Even if I thought this was a good idea, you’re Elijah’s father.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Fooling around with a parent? Not a good idea. It backfires quickly. And in this town? It’s not safe.”
“I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you. I know I fucked up in high school, but I wouldn’t...”
“Kade...” I say softly, bringing my hand up to his cheek. “I know that. I do. But you can’t control things. I say I’m out, but the truth is only one person at that school knows I’m gay. I’m terrified of what would happen if parents found out I was gay and they threw a fit.”
“Being gay isn’t wrong,” he says firmly and actually looks a little sick at the thought of anyone causing a scene over it.
“It’s not. But you know this town as well as I do.
The claiming of family values . A high school teacher put up a Pride flag in their classroom last year.
..” I drop my hand, my voice shaking a little.
“There was a huge uproar. The guy was straight as an arrow but just wanted to be an ally. The parents threw such a fit, and the town got involved. He was harassed at his home—his house vandalized—and he moved away over the summer with his family.”
He looks pale now. “That’s...” He shakes his head. “That’s so fucking wrong.”
I nod in agreement. “It is. But it’s reality in these towns, and I can’t be reckless.”
“You went out on a date...” There’s confusion in his tone but nothing accusatory.
“I was afraid the whole time. I knew I could pass it off as two friends having dinner though.” I smile a little now. “Until some really hot asshole came in and made me stupid.”
He barks out a quiet laugh at that, shaking his head. “You didn’t seem scared at all when you told me in no uncertain terms that it was a date.”
“Because I knew deep down, I was safe with you.” And I only realize now how true that was.
He looks pained, his eyes on my lips, and I groan.
“You can’t look at me like that.”
He smiles, his eyes lifting to mine, knowing exactly how he was looking at me. “You’re safe with me.”
“I know.” I reluctantly climb off his lap, though, and put a few inches of space between us. “Hanging out as friends is okay. Especially since we knew each other before I became a teacher, but anything more...”
“I understand.” He looks grim and totally unhappy.
I miss his playful smile, but I know this is the right decision. We can’t do anything more.
Even if it kills me not to touch him.
Giving into this undeniable chemistry between us would burn both our worlds down.