Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I have to stop thinking about him.
I have to.
But how can I?
I’ve never been kissed like that. Ever. I’ve had fine kisses before. Even good. But that kiss with Kade—it was on a whole new level I didn’t even know existed outside of TV and movies.
And now I’m just supposed to stop thinking about it? My childhood crush could very well be interested in kissing me again—I won’t even let my mind explore other things he might be interested in—and I just have to suck it up and act like I only want to be friends with the man.
Life really is a motherfucker sometimes.
I’m busy putting together worms and dirt—otherwise known as pudding with crushed-up Oreos and gummy worms—to surprise the kids tomorrow during our science lesson when there’s a knock on my door.
Janelle is likely in her pajamas with a glass of wine, tucked into bed at this hour on a school night, which is exactly where I want to be, if I’m being honest. But I waited too long to start this project, and I need to finish it.
I wipe my hands on a kitchen towel and move to the door, pulling it open and nearly falling to my knees when I see Kade standing there.
He’s dressed for work, with the pants and suspenders you typically see firemen wear when they’re geared up for a fire.
He has a long-sleeved black tee under it and no jacket or helmet.
The thing that has my knees weak, though, is he looks wrecked. His hair is matted with sweat and possibly ash. His face is smeared with soot. He looks like he’s walked through fire, and given his job—that’s highly likely.
But I notice there’s something on his neck and his shirt—dark red.
“Kade?” He doesn’t move. “Are you hurt?”
He shakes his head. “Not me.”
“Who?” My voice shakes, and I can’t make my body move, even though my brain is screaming at me to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. “Elijah?” Fear streaks through my soul as I voice the unthinkable.
I don’t breathe until he shakes his head. “No. Not him. But...”
“But what?” I ask, the fear barely waning after hearing Elijah is okay.
“There was a kid.”
Oh no. He looks so shaken. I slowly take his hand and lead him inside, closing the door behind us. I walk him over to the couch and sit down next to him. “Talk to me.”
He shakes his head slowly, barely even a motion. “There was a car accident just outside of town on the highway.”
I heard sirens earlier, and my first thought was Kade.
“The woman driving—she was gone when we got there. Nothing we could do.” I nod my head, my hand making its way to his chest, resting over his thundering heart.
“But there was a boy in the back seat. He was...” His words crack, and I know it’s taking him a lot of effort to speak.
“He was in bad shape. There was so much blood. I don’t know how that much blood can come from someone so sm?—”
He cuts himself off, like the thought is too painful. I absently rub at the spot over his heart, not fully aware I’m doing it at first. But when I realize what I’m doing, I don’t stop because his hand moves over mine and holds it there. “Is he okay?”
I’m afraid to ask. “I don’t know. We got him out, but the other car was on fire, and it was chaos. He was life-flighted to Olathe. I don’t know if he’s going to make it.”
“Kade...” I breathe, and without overthinking it, I climb onto his lap, straddling him, and grab his face in my hands to force him to look at me.
Anything to make that dead look in his eyes disappear and show me signs of life.
It’s like he’s looking right through me at first, but slowly he comes back to me.
“He reminded me of Elijah.”
I nod my head. “I know he did. But Elijah is safe. That child has a chance of being okay because you were there. You’re okay, Kade.” He starts to shake his head, but I hold him firm in my grip and lock eyes with him. “Elijah is safe,” I repeat because I know he needs to hear it.
“This shouldn’t do this to me.” His eyes are watering, and I want nothing more than to take his pain away. “I’ve been a firefighter for four years. I’ve seen death and pain more times than I can count. It’s shouldn’t hurt this bad just because it was a kid.”
I run my thumbs over the apples of his cheeks and look deep into his eyes because I can’t even begin to imagine how painful it was to see that boy trapped in the back of the car—bleeding and hurt. “You’re a father. Of course that hits you deeper. It has to.”
He shakes his head but just barely because I still have my hold on him.
“We can’t do that. We can’t see them as people we know.
We have to put that aside and do our job, or we could make mistakes.
I, uh...” He’s quiet for a moment as I wait.
“That day I fell...” He tries to look away, but I refuse to release him.
“There was a boy who reminded me of Elijah. What if I got him hurt too? Or some of the other firefighters? All because I was distracted by how much he looked like my son.”
“You saved that boy?” I ask softly.
He nods. “I was able to get him to another firefighter right before I crashed through the floor.”
I hate thinking about how close this man has been to death—but I push it away to focus on the here and now. “You saved him.”
“But . . .”
“No,” I say firmly, moving in a little closer to him, dropping my hands from his face down to his firm chest. “You saved him. You saved that boy tonight, and you have nothing to feel guilty about.”
He takes too much upon himself, I’m starting to realize—and it makes sense. He’s a hero—a true one—not like one you see in movies. He wants to save the world, and he does—just one emergency at a time.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about what if it were Elijah.”
“And if it was, you’d want someone like you saving him, Kade. Trust me. You did your job. You’re incredible.” I kiss his cheek, and I mean for it to be just that, but when I pull back just a little and look at his face—I can see how much he wanted it to be more than that.
I did too.
I try not to overthink it again when I press my lips against his. I’ll just—make us both feel a little better. Just a couple of quick, sweet, reassuring kisses, but of course it quickly turns heated.
There’s no way to stop it once our lips connect and his hand goes to my hair. I kiss him back with fervor, my body on fire, and everything else just fades away. I let it without putting up a fight.
His hands roam over my back and down to my ass as we kiss. I can feel the heat of his hands through the fabric of my sweats and briefs as he squeezes my cheeks in his firm hands.
“Is this okay?” he asks against my mouth, and I don’t think. I just nod and slide my hands over his chest and then down his arms—cursing the fabric keeping his skin away from me.
“Are you on duty?”
He nods against my mouth, and I start to pull away because if he’s on duty, I’m sure he can’t stay long, but he holds me in place.
With one hand in my hair and one on my back, he tugs me closer to him and slides his lips over my neck, sucking hard and making me squirm on his lap.
“I walked here from the station. I needed some time. If there’s a big emergency, I’ll hear sirens or someone will call.
” He pulls back enough to look up at me.
“I need this, and yes, I’m sure. But if you want to stop, we can stop. No hard feelings.”
Ugh. Why does he have to be the perfect guy?
It’s not that I planned on never dating when I moved here. I just thought I’d be really careful about it and make sure it was really serious before I came out officially. But Kade—he makes me want to break all the rules without knowing a damn thing about what kind of future he sees.
“Take anything you need from me, Kade,” I breathe against his mouth and don’t give him a chance to say anything else. I dive into his mouth, not coming up for air. I kiss him until my lips feel numb and my dick feels like it’s going to burst out of my sweats.
He reaches behind me and lifts my shirt up, and I raise my hands to let him remove it completely without having to think about it. Our mouths are only separated for a moment, but it still feels like too long.
My hands go to the suspenders on his shoulders, and I play with them, my hands sliding under them and feeling the stretch as my tongue duels with his, sweeping into his mouth and tasting him.
When I lower the suspenders off his arms, he reaches between us and lifts his shirt up and off his body, tossing it somewhere. He goes for my mouth again, but I hold him still, letting my hands touch his bare chest.
I marvel at the sight before me. He’s heavily muscled but not bulky.
He has a tattoo over his heart—his son’s name in simple script.
His arms I already knew had tattoos, but they go up fairly high.
His veins pop out, and his muscles bulge, making me whimper at the sight, and I lean forward, letting my tongue drag over one of the particularly bulging veins.
He’s breathing heavy, and it’s a heady experience, knowing I’m making him lose control like that. That he wants me that badly.
I let my hands smooth over the light dusting of hair between his pecs and down his sides, seeing one tattoo he has there, vines and some sort of flower.
It’s beautiful. His tattoos are a work of art.
And his body is not just the canvas though—it’s part of the artwork, melded together with the ink and mouthwateringly perfect.
“Need you,” he says as his mouth finds mine again. I don’t know how far he wants to take this, but my body is already on edge, and I just don’t have the will to talk about it right now. He said he wants this, so I’m going to trust him. Trust that he knows what he wants.
I nod against him, my nose dragging over his as I catch his top lip and then the bottom, sucking on them and going wild with need. I stand up off his lap and quickly push my sweats and underwear down before I let my nerves sink in.