Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I’m in way too good of a mood—and of course, my brother picks up on it instantly as I walk into the living room after taking a shower. I want to go see Spencer, but I need to tread lightly here.
“You’re in a really good mood,” he says, eyeing me suspiciously and flipping through shows on Netflix.
“That a problem?” I keep the defensiveness out of my tone and flop down on the couch next to him.
“Nope. But with that shitty call you had just two days ago, I thought you’d be in a bad mood.”
I should be, that’s for damn sure. I have no doubt that if I hadn’t gone to Spencer, I would be, but he gave me something I haven’t had in years—maybe ever. Permission to just be me.
To not think. To not save anyone. To just be.
“The kid’s doing well,” I say.
He doesn’t look surprised that I called to check up on the child from the wreck.
He had to have surgery, and it’s going to be a rough road for a while, but he’s expected to recover.
“Good.” He smiles at that, no doubt just as relieved as I am.
“That couldn’t have been easy,” he says somberly now, looking over at me.
“It wasn’t. But I had a job to do, and I did it.” I’m not sure why I leave out Spencer’s part in it. I’m more convinced now than ever that he wouldn’t care, but it’s just not the time.
I don’t even know what this thing with Spencer is yet anyway. I haven’t been able to talk to him since that night, other than the quick pleasantries at pickup and drop-off, but my body is craving him like none other.
I’ve never felt this off-kilter or addicted to a feeling before.
But I want to chase that feeling and never let it go.
“I was thinking about going out tonight.” Bowen looks a little surprised but not annoyed.
“I mean, I know it’s kind of shitty to ask you to watch my kid when you’ve already done so much for us. ”
He snorts dismissively. “Please. The kid is asleep, and even if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t mind watching him, so you can go out and get laid.”
I hate that I don’t hide my shock well. “What?” I sputter. “I’m not doing that. I’m just going out.”
He snorts again and shakes his head. “Suuure, little brother.” He motions to my shirt. “You’re wearing a button-down shirt, and those jeans look new.”
They are, but I don’t tell him that. “I can wear more than turnouts, you know.”
He laughs, unbothered. “Yeah, but usually you choose ratty jeans and a t-shirt.”
“Do not.” Why is it that no matter how old I get, my brother can always turn me into a twelve-year-old with a little teasing?
“Just go.” He laughs, and instead of fighting him on it, I jump up off the couch and grab my keys.
“Thanks for this. I won’t be gone long.”
He waves me off, still using the remote to flick through his options, looking for something to watch.
“I don’t have a shift until Sunday. Go. Have fun, and if you decide to sleep over at your.
..”—his eyes meet mine with mischief—“hangout?” I roll my eyes, and he just laughs, his attention going back to the television.
“Then that’s fine with me. I know how to pour a bowl of cereal like a motherfucker. ”
My brother really is ridiculous. I can’t lie and say that staying the night with Spencer isn’t appealing, but I can’t do that. No. I really... I shouldn’t. I don’t even know what this is with Spencer, and my first priority will always be my kid.
Still... I can have a couple of hours. “I’ll be back tonight.”
He just waves me off again, and I don’t stay any longer, instead going out to my car and driving to Spencer’s. I don’t even have his number, but I hope showing up at his place tonight will be okay.
He doesn’t look surprised to see me when he opens the door, but he does look happy. “Hey. I was hoping you’d show up tonight.”
“Yeah?” I can’t keep the grin off my face.
He looks good—his hair wet like he took a shower before I got here, and he’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt with his glasses on.
He looks better than good—he looks fucking gorgeous, and it makes my whole body go on high alert with want.
It hits me so hard and so fast, it takes a lot for me to remain in control and not pull him into my arms, never letting him go.
“Yeah. You want to come in?” he says with a knowing gleam in those beautiful eyes.
“I do,” I say and walk inside his house when he moves back enough for me to do so. He closes the door behind him, and we stand there semi-awkwardly at first. “You know I really should get your phone number at some point. I could text and make sure you felt like company.”
His smirk is undeniably sexy as he cups the back of my neck with his hand and pulls my body toward his. “Kade?”
“Hmm?” I barely manage to say because I’m too busy staring at his beautiful lips.
“When it comes to you, you can safely assume I always want company,” he says right before his lips collide with mine.
I grunt in satisfaction, melting into his heated kiss and wrapping my arms around his waist, pulling his body flush with mine. “Good to know.”
We make our way to the couch, kissing the entire time, not coming up for air. I feel his hands tugging at the material of my shirt. He must realize it’s a button-down because he curses, and then his nimble fingers are working each button loose. Lesson learned—no more buttons.
When he reaches the last one, he pushes it off my shoulders, and then his mouth is on mine again. I expected a lot more talking before we got to this point—I wasn’t even sure if he’d let me kiss him again, to be honest—but I’m not complaining.
I’d hoped I’d get this with him and so much more. I know it’s dangerous, but I’m willing to do anything to get more moments like this. This intimate embrace with him.
Getting to hold him and taste him. I’m a little intimidated by the logistics of it all—I can’t lie. I’ve only ever been with one person, and she happened to be a woman, but I desperately want this with him.
I pull his shirt off and let my hands smooth over his muscled back.
He’s still lean, but there’s a lot of hard muscle there.
My hands move down his sides, then over every defined ridge of his abdomen and up to his pecs.
He doesn’t have a lot of body hair, none on his chest like I do, but I let my finger drag down from his belly button and to the top of his jeans, relishing the feeling of his soft hair there.
I don’t think and pop the button of his jeans open while his mouth devours mine. I want to see him, but I’m conflicted because I also don’t want to remove my mouth from his.
“Kade,” he breathes when I push his jeans down. He steps out of them, leaving him in only his underwear. I reluctantly pull away from his mouth and look down between our bodies. He’s wearing black briefs that are snug and don’t hide the hefty bulge there.
I lift my eyes to look at him and see he’s watching me. His lips are shiny and puffy from our kiss, and I can’t help but grip the back of his hair and pull him into me again.
He moans, licking into my mouth. His hands go to my jeans, and before I know it, he’s pushing them down. I have to toe out of my shoes, and then I kick my jeans off and away. I quickly pull my socks off too, still trying to maintain my contact with his mouth.
“Kade...” he says, biting and sucking on my lips. “I don’t want to rush you, and you can say no.”
“Never,” I say shaking my head as my hands roam over all his bare skin.
I can feel him smile against my lips. “I want you inside me. I need you inside me.” I freeze but mostly because the thought is so exhilarating, it takes me a moment to realize it’s real.
But it must make Spencer nervous because he quickly starts to ramble.
“I mean, I know you’ve never been with a guy before, and if that freaks you out—or grosses you out—that’s fine.
We don’t have to do that. There are plenty of gay guys who don’t like anal. ..”
“Spencer,” I say with a grin, pulling back enough to look into his eyes as I drag one hand over his cheek and down his neck, letting it rest on his rapidly beating heart. “I want you. In every single way I can have you.”
His eyes shimmer as he looks at me, his hand moving to the back of my neck and then sliding up into my hair. “That’s hard to get used to.”
“What? Being wanted? That’s hard to believe.”
“Being wanted by you,” he says, his lips moving back to mine as he slowly tastes them. He takes his time, brushing his mouth over mine, and it quickly turns heated as we make our way back to what I’m assuming is his bedroom.
We move to his bed, and he lies down, pulling my body onto his. We’re only wearing our briefs, but it still feels like too much. I kiss down his neck to his pecs, my tongue licking over his pebbled nipples. His hands go to the back of my head, and I smile when it seems like he’s holding me there.
I take my time then, sucking and licking, reveling in the feeling of his body writhing in pleasure under me. “So good, Kade.”
His grip is still firm but has enough give so I’m able to move to his other nipple and then down his body. He’s strong and firm everywhere, not overly muscled like he works out a ton, but his abs are lightly defined. I drag my tongue over every inch of him before making it to the top of his briefs.
“Kade.” I love when he says my name. It makes my entire body tingle with desire and pure want.
I grab the hem of his briefs and slowly lower them, mindful of his erection.
His cock bobs out of his underwear, springing free with a dark red tip that’s already leaking.
It’s long and not overly thick, hard and begging for attention.
“Fuck,” I breathe softly, my mouth filling with saliva at the sight.
“You don’t have to...” he starts, but yeah, that’s not happening. I haven’t been with a man before—but I want to be with this one. And I’m not going to be a passive participant.