Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“You sure you want to do this, buddy?” I kneel down and look only at Elijah. Yes, I know we’ve already discussed this a thousand times, and I know we’re dressed up and already here—but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give him one more chance to back out.
“I’m ready!” he says to me, yanking on the collar of his green sweater a little. Maybe I shouldn’t have made him dress up. Do people dress up to go see their moms who they told to stay far away six years ago?
Who the fuck knows?
I feel Spencer squeeze my hand, and I look up at him, nodding back when he gives me a reassuring nod. This is a big deal. But it’s a step I want to take.
I asked Spencer to join us for Christmas and was delighted when he agreed, but I didn’t expect him to agree again three days later when my mother called to invite Elijah and me to Christmas at her house.
But he didn’t even hesitate. He said he wanted to support me, no matter what I decided, so I talked to Elijah about it, and when he agreed, I decided to give her another chance.
Doesn’t mean I’m not sick to my stomach right now, but at least Tori and her husband are flying in for this too. And I have Spencer and Bowen at my side as we ring the doorbell.
My mom answers, her hair done up nicely, and she’s wearing a really pretty dress. She doesn’t look tired or haggard at all. Definitely doesn’t appear to be drunk. She has tears in her eyes when she looks at all of us. “You’re here.”
“Uh, yeah. We brought pie,” I say, gesturing to Spencer, who holds up the pumpkin pie we picked up on the way over here.
“My idea,” Bowen lies, and my mother chuckles, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“Of course.” She winks at me, and I smile.
“Can I hug you?” I nod my head hesitantly and then step into her as she wraps her arms around me.
For a minute, I let myself be that little boy who wanted this so damn badly.
I close my eyes and breathe in her perfume, letting her comforting arms surround me.
She pulls back but doesn’t let go of me. “Thank you for coming.”
“Thank you for inviting us.”
She asks Elijah and Spencer if she can hug them too, and when they both accept, she gives them both big hugs before we all go into her warm house.
I’m instantly hit with delicious smells, which make my stomach growl, and I look at the nice dining room table she has set up with all kinds of food placed on it.
“Wow. You made all this?”
She smiles, blushing slightly. “I’ve been taking cooking classes at the library. I guess I kind of took to it.”
“That’s great, Mom,” I say, and it really is. I don’t remember a time she ever cooked for us when we were growing up. It was always Tori.
My mother guides us to the living room, where she has a tree set up and some presents around it. I feel instantly bad for not getting her anything, but when I apologize for that, she waves me off, tears in her eyes. “I owe you so many Christmases, Kade.” She looks over at Bowen. “Both of you.”
“You don’t owe us anything,” I say honestly. “You’re here now.”
She smiles at that, wiping at her eyes, and I feel Spencer’s hand slip into mine, squeezing it before my mom finds some toys she got at a garage sale for Elijah to play with.
She seems slightly embarrassed to admit that some of the things don’t work correctly, but Elijah is thrilled by the toys she picked out.
Bowen discovered one just needed batteries, and it worked just fine after that.
Tori and her husband arrive soon after, and I have to admit it’s really good to see my sister. She tries with my mother too, though I sense it’s going to take her a bit longer to forgive her—and rightfully so. Tori missed out on so much more than Bowen and I did.
My Aunt Kiersten and her family join us for dinner, and after a long, chaotic day, all I want is to curl up in a bed with Spencer—but I don’t want to leave Elijah overnight either.
It’s becoming more and more difficult splitting my time between each of them. I really need to find my own place, so I can have the best of both worlds. But life is hectic, and I haven’t found the time yet.
“I have a question for you, and you can say no,” Spencer says as we’re walking out to the car. Elijah fell asleep a little bit ago, and Bowen carries him to the backseat, buckling him in.
“Everything okay?” I ask, stopping at the front of the car and turning to look at him.
“Yes. Of course. I was just thinking maybe we could go to my house. All three of us. I have a guest room Elijah could sleep in, and if you think it’s too soon, I totally understand. I’ll follow you’re le?—”
That’s all I let him get out before slamming my mouth against his and kissing him hard. Bowen groans when he walks around to his side of the car. “I just ate.”
I lift my hand up in the air, my middle finger raised in my brother’s direction, but couldn’t care less.
“I’d love to do that. You sure you don’t mind?”
“Getting to sleep with my boyfriend in the same bed all night? No, I don’t mind at all,” he says playfully, and I smile, kissing his cold nose.
“Let’s stop by my house and grab some stuff, then I’d love nothing more.”
We let Bowen know our plan as soon as we get into the car, and he’s just grinning like a fool back there—like he knows something we don’t.
Whatever it is, it doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that tonight, I’m going to have the best of both worlds—closer to happiness than I’ve ever been in my life.
It’s been a week since we celebrated Christmas with my family, and Elijah and I have stayed the night with Spencer every night I’ve had off so far.
He brought his PlayStation the last time, so he’s fully entertained here, not to mention Spencer has quite a book collection, which started when he was about Elijah’s age, so there’s plenty for him to do.
I’m glad Elijah doesn’t seem to mind being here because I can’t get enough of Spencer. “What are you doing?”
He wraps around me as I lie on my side on his bed. It’s still fairly early, but I’m sure Elijah will be up any moment. I roll onto my back and hand him my phone. “Looking for a place to live.”
He takes my phone and swipes through the few houses in the area that are up for sale and in my budget.
Nothing is screaming at me, but I can’t stay with Bowen forever.
Though it is nice having his help—it’s really not fair to him.
I’m sure he’s ready to get back to his bachelor life, and I’m ready to have a bed of my own instead of the couch.
Spencer is frowning as he looks at my phone, but I can’t really decipher what he’s thinking. So, I do the adult thing—the relationship thing—and I ask, “What are you thinking?”
“Nothing,” he says, handing my phone back to me. “They’re nice.”
I snort and shake my head. “No. They aren’t.” I put my phone down and then roll his body under mine. “Tell me.”
I brace my weight on my hands and look down at him, his beautiful eyes look too unsure for my liking. “Well, I do have a house...”
I laugh. “Is that what this place is?” I joke, and he shoves my shoulder playfully, nearly making me collapse on top of him, but I catch myself.
“I just mean, it’s a three-bedroom, and Elijah could have his own room, and I mean.
..” My stomach flutters with excitement because is he suggesting what I think he is?
I’d thought about it but figured it was moving too fast. For him.
Not for me. I think I’d have moved in with him the second we said I love you.
Because after that, that was it for me. “You could even have your own room too, if you’re not really ready for.
..” He clears his throat, his cheeks actually going a little pink.
Holy shit, he’s cute as hell. He doesn’t finish his sentence. “It beats the couch.”
“I mean, that would be great.” I can’t tell if he looks happy or disappointed, and I lean a little more weight onto him, my lips brushing over his. “Or you know, we could share this room...” I look around the neatly decorated room. “I do like this bed.”
“Just the bed?” he asks with a teasing glint.
“I suppose the guy is pretty great too.”
“You really want to move in with me?” He sounds so uncertain, and I hate that for him. Spencer is a catch. I feel like I’ve hit the lottery, falling in love with him, but I don’t think he knows just how incredible he is.
Yet.
Because I plan to spend the rest of my life showing him.
“I do. Are you okay with it? Because if it’s too soon, I understand that.” Even though I know this is endgame for me. He’s all I’ll ever want. If he’s not ready for that just yet, I’m happy to wait.
“No, I do. For sure. As long as Elijah wants that too. You never have to choose between your son and me.”
I smile as he places his hand over my heart because I know that already.
I never really thought much about dating after Megan died.
My only priority was Elijah, and I didn’t want to mess with dating—trying to introduce my son to someone new.
The whole thought of that seemed exhausting, but everything just fell into place with Spencer.
“I’m pretty sure he likes you even more than he likes me at this point,” I say, and he laughs.
“Well, the principal has my back, and so does Janelle.” He had a meeting with the principal at his school last week and said it went really well—that she told him he has her full support and to let her know if anyone gives him trouble.
He actually said it was a little anticlimactic, which we had a pretty big laugh about.
We were both terrified about that meeting, but I think maybe this small town isn’t as closed-minded as I once thought. Maybe they’re finally just realizing that love is love, and really, it’s nobody’s business who someone chooses to spend their life with.
I don’t know if it’ll always go that smoothly, but I know one thing—I’m going to be right there by his side, no matter what comes at us. Spencer isn’t doing life on his own as long as I’m breathing. I let him down once, but that’s never going to happen again.
“I can take Elijah to school and bring him home. We can be a family. I don’t want to waste any more of my life being afraid of what could happen. I want everything with you, Kade.”
I grin and lean forward kissing him softly. “Let’s burn this world down, baby. You and me. One step at a time.”
He kisses me back, and before I know it, the kiss is growing heated. He starts to push my sweats down off my ass, but just then, of fucking course—there’s a knock at the door. “Dad, I’m hungry.”
I groan softly, my forehead resting against Spencer’s, my body already full of need.
“Life with a kid.” Spencer is grinning wide, like he wasn’t already turning into a full-on inferno right before that knock.
“You ready for this?” I ask hopefully.
“I don’t want anything more,” he says, his eyes locking on mine with so much positivity and absolute love, it nearly takes my breath away.
I can’t wait to officially move in. To share every bit of this with him.