23. Ripley
CHAPTER 23
RIPLEY
VIDEO GAMES – GOOD NEIGHBOURS
Summer rain patters against the bedroom window, blocking out all light. The storm rolled in overnight, ending the brief hot spell that’s encapsulated England’s capital city. London sucks in the heat.
I’m grateful for the reprieve while tucked up in bed, limbs laden and immovable. Despite being stabilised on medication prescribed by the doctors who attended to us, it doesn’t stop the inevitable cycles from continuing.
Soaring highs and crushing lows. At least in this state, I’m not rambling about turning invisible. I’ve had stranger delusions during manic episodes, but even for me, that was a weird one. It could’ve ended far worse.
“Rip?” Raine pokes his head inside the room.
I peek out of my blanket pile. “Yeah?”
“You’re awake. Reckon you can try getting up for me?”
Burrowing deeper into the snarled-up covers, I ignore his pleading. “I’m fine, Raine.”
“We all want to help, guava girl. I hate seeing you like this.”
“It’ll pass. Just leave me alone.”
I hate crushing his hopefulness, but when the depressive episodes that keep me immobilised hit, it’s easier to wait them out. Their lingering around and attempts to force food down me are wasted. I want to rot alone.
“Come on, babe.” He steps into the shaded room, stick in hand. “Don’t you remember the agreement we made before?”
“No.”
“I know you do. Don’t give me that crap.” Raine stops next to the bed. “We agreed you’d give me a signal on the bad days. I need to know what I can do to help.”
God, that feels like ages ago. Raine dragged me out of the eternal misery I was drowning in when my uncle left me in the medical wing in Harrowdean. He refused to let me wallow.
“We never did agree on a code word.” I sigh tiredly.
“How about papaya?”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Ouch! Shot down. You’re bad for my ego, Rip. Papaya it is.”
The brief smile that touches my lips feels like seeing sunlight after a long, dreary winter. Snagging his shirt sleeve, I stroke my thumb across his forearm, the small touch offering me an anchor point.
“Raine?” I murmur.
“Yeah, babe?”
“Papaya.”
Straightening, he pulls his arm away. “I’m on it.”
Tapping his way from the room, Raine disappears into the corridor. I can hear voices conversing. The other two left me in peace after we returned from our latest interrogation with the happy twins—what we’ve started calling Agents Barlow and Jonas.
At this point, we’re barely scratched the surface of gory information. They’re methodically picking through every last detail, documenting our inside knowledge for the investigation. We’re being fucking dissected.
When Raine returns, I can hear footsteps leaving the apartment. We’ve been granted a little more freedom now, though security still follows us everywhere. He returns to the bed to tug my covers off.
“Arms around my neck, babe.”
“Where are we going?”
“I’m going to take care of you while Xander and Lennox gather some stuff. Then we’ll ride this out together, alright?”
Reassurance trickles through me. “Okay.”
I wind my arms around his neck. Raine lifts me from the bed, holding me curled up against his chest. He taps a path to the bathroom, only stubbing his toe once while carrying me.
Thrusting the stick out, he maps each bathroom fixture until he locates the tub. It echoes with a hollow thunk. Raine carefully deposits me on the edge, tossing the stick aside so he can feel for the taps.
“You’re going to have to read the bottles for me.” He laughs to himself. “Unless you fancy a shampoo bath.”
While he adjusts the flowing water, I read the various products lined up on the bath’s edge. I wonder which member of the Anaconda team purchased marshmallow-scented bubble bath.
“Who do you think went shopping for us?”
“Why?”
“Just curious. These scents seem very specifically chosen.”
Raine runs his hand beneath the stream of water. “That Ethan dude is a total softie. I heard him chatting to some guy called Ryder on the phone the other day. They were flirting like crazy.”
“Do you think it was his boyfriend?”
“Early days, I think.” Raine shrugs. “Sounded like a long distance love affair.”
“That’s kinda cute. I pegged him for the bachelor, secret agent type.”
Uncapping the bubble bath, I hand it over to Raine and gape when he dumps the whole bottle in. He raises an eyebrow at my chuckle, but I don’t dare tell him. Not when he’s making an effort to help.
Once the bath is three quarters full and overflowing with bubbles, I reach over to turn off the taps. The last thing we need is to flood the bathroom. He kicks off his jeans and tee then reaches for my shirt.
“Oh,” Raine chortles. “Mind if I come in?”
“Looks like you’ve already made that decision.”
“Sorry.” He smiles cheekily. “I just assumed.”
“It’s fine. Some company would be good.”
I let him help me out of the baggy t-shirt I’ve worn for the past few days. I’d feel embarrassed, but I know he isn’t judging me. If I could choose otherwise, I wouldn’t be this way.
“Hop in, Rip.”
“Can you help me?”
“Of course, I can.”
Letting him steady my trembling legs, I climb into the steaming bathtub. The sweet smell of marshmallows curls around me in the rising steam, inviting me deeper into the warmth.
I sink down in the middle, leaving space for Raine behind me. He runs his hands along the edge, estimating how high he needs to lift his legs before clambering in. I shift to let him settle at my back.
“This feels like a lot of bubbles.”
I hold back a laugh. “You were pretty generous.”
“Well, shit.”
Slender arms slide around me, pulling me flush against him. Raine places gentle kisses along my shoulders, pushing matted curls aside to reach my neck. I lean into him, taking the comfort he’s offering.
“You haven’t spoken much since Lennox took you to the graveyard.”
“There’s nothing to say,” I reply quietly.
“You don’t need to pretend, Rip. I’m sure the situation with Jonathan is painful. If you want to talk about it, I’m here to listen.”
“He’s made his choice. That’s it.”
Raine doesn’t respond right away, pouring water over my arms and chest. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I’m not going to pry. If you’ve come to terms with it, then I trust you’ll reach out if you need to. Just know I’ll be here if anything changes and you need to vent.”
I relax at his easy acceptance. He knows when to push but also when to back off. That’s a skill most people aren’t capable of.
“Shift forward and lean your head back.” He gently nudges my hips. “I won’t shampoo your face this time.”
“Promise?”
“Now, I wouldn’t go that far.”
Smiling, I do as told and give Raine access to my head. He takes the shampoo I place in his hand, wetting my curls with bathwater and lathering them up. His touch is slow, coaxing. I always feel so revered in his arms.
“Can I ask you something else about your trip with Lennox?”
“Like what?” I feel my muscles tense up.
“Xander told me he’s stopped wearing that necklace. It’s vanished.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yeah.” Raine begins rinsing my hair with handfuls of water. “He took it off.”
In the depths of my latest episode, I hadn’t noticed that detail. Lennox has been curling up in bed with me each night, pleading with me to eat small bites of food or watch a movie with him.
It’s a gentler approach than Xander’s threats to hogtie me in a kitchen chair and shove food down my throat if I don’t look after myself. I’m sure that comes from a place of love, just Xander-style love.
“Has Lennox said anything?” I ask him.
“Nah, nothing. He seems different, though. Lighter, I guess. Whatever happened at the graveside has changed something.”
Weirdly, it gives me a slither of pride to think that I helped Lennox put some stuff aside. Even if it’s the tiniest amount. He’s carried this burden alone for so long, I want to help him.
After conditioning my hair, Raine takes his time washing my limbs, even as I protest. He completely ignores me, reaching around me to lather up my arms and legs, ensuring I’m clean.
“Does that feel better?” he asks once done.
“Yes. Thank you.”
“I’ll soap you up anytime.”
We relax in the water for a while, enjoying the comfortable silence. I feel better after getting cleaned up, but his touch is making the real difference. I wouldn’t have peeled myself from the bed on my own.
The water is almost cold by the time I feel more like myself. The internal smog is still there, but it’s receded enough for me to see the light shining through. Raine has dragged me back to the surface.
“Is that them?” I listen to the apartment door opening.
“Most likely. Shall we climb out?”
“Not yet. I want more time with just us.”
Raine presses a kiss to the top of my head. “You can have as much time as you need, guava girl. Forever if you want it. I’ve got no plans.”
My heart rate spikes. “Do you think about forever?”
“Sure. Who doesn’t?”
“I guess we haven’t had much time to plan the future, between dodging bullets and escaping psych wards. When this is all over… I don’t know what I’ll do.”
He smooths wet hair from my neck. “You know we’d all follow you anywhere.”
“I can’t expect you guys to do that. You have lives.”
“Sure, we do.” Raine laughs shallowly. “Mine is laying in my arms right now. And if you think Xander or Lennox are going to let you out of their sights, you’re in for a shock.”
Relief settles behind my breastbone, silencing the rapid beating that fills my ears. For so long, I was focused on getting out of Harrowdean and returning to my life. That doesn’t feel so important now.
My home isn’t a stale apartment in Hackney, full of dusty belongings. It isn’t the paint or canvases I replaced human connection with. Nor the state of quiet existence I’d made my peace with long ago.
I feel at home curled up in Raine’s arms. Breathing in his citrus, sea salt scent. Arguing with Lennox. Drowning in his watered-down green eyes. Touching Xander and dragging a smile from him on the days he closes himself off.
Somewhere along the way, they became my home.
I don’t have to be alone anymore.
It doesn’t feel terrifying to rely on them. Raine has proven he’ll love me through my depressive episodes. Xander’s communicating more, opening himself up to me. Lennox has relented, and now I can’t seem to get rid of him.
We’ve gone to hell and back together.
While our current arrangement isn’t ideal, and it’s exhausting to continually relive our pasts, this will buy us a future. One where we can start living instead of just existing.
“Raine?” I vocalise.
“Hmm?”
“When this is all over, I want forever too.” Certainty steels my words. “The four of us. I don’t care where, but I want us to be together.”
“Took you long enough, babe.”
Turning my head, I reach up to press my lips to his. The kiss is sweet and simple. An honest declaration. It causes the numbness that’s fallen over me to recede the last few inches.
When that darkness feels overwhelming, I know I won’t have to face it on my own. It’s easy to forget that until they remind me. My illness still hasn’t scared them off.
Raine fervently kisses me back, his lips moving against mine in a tender exploration that still makes butterflies erupt inside me. I’ll forever be falling for the tortured musician I found in the dark, stroking his violin strings.
He didn’t just heal me.
Raine brought them back to me.
He’s the glue holding us all together. The positive ray of light in a band of broken individuals. Without his determination to worm his way into my heart, I don’t know if we’d all be here today.
I pause for a breath. “Have I mentioned that I love you?”
“Once or twice. I’m always happy to hear it, though.”
“Forever, right?”
He kisses between my eyebrows. “Forever.”
Resting our foreheads together for a moment, we hold still, embracing each other tightly. The sound of banging in the kitchen indicates the others are up to no good, and we should probably intervene.
“I’m turning into a prune.”
“My entire body feels shrivelled up.” Raine chuckles. “And I’m cold. Let’s move on to phase two.”
Climbing out the bath on legs that feel significantly stronger, I pluck a towel off the hook. “What?”
Raine stretches to his full height, accepting the towel I hand him. It’s a struggle to keep my eyes averted. I could drink in his gorgeous body all day long without getting bored.
“Get dressed and find out.”
“Suspicious much?” I ask sceptically.
“That’s us.”
We both return to the bedroom to throw on clothes. Pulling on one of Xander’s spearmint-scented shirts I stole from his room, I finger-brush my dripping curls into some semblance of order.
Raine takes my hand, leaving his stick behind. I guide him down the corridor into the open plan living room where voices exchange conspiratorial whispers. An odd scene greets us.
Xander is obsessively arranging something on the coffee table while Lennox supervises. The pair are trading arguments, their entire attention focused on whatever they’re doing.
“Guys?”
At Raine’s prompt, both snap upright, wearing sheepish looks. It’s a change after Xander’s aggressive approach to caring for me. They’ve drawn the curtains and lit a handful of cheap tea lights throughout the room.
“Um, ta dah?” Lennox spread his muscular arms wide.
Xander smacks the back of his head. “Have a bit more showmanship, for fuck’s sake.”
“You want to take over?”
Clearing his throat, Xander gestures around the room in a weird, awkward way. “Well, we realise that none of us had a real first date with you.”
I take in the candles, the dimmed lights and an array of different snacks that have been laid out. Including several of my favourites and a multipack of chilled beer. An old sci-fi movie is already loaded on the paused TV.
“This is a first date?” My hand flies up to cover my mouth.
“Safe house edition.” Lennox shrugs. “We realise it isn’t much.”
I’m too surprised to fathom a response. Xander curses while studying my reaction. Raine shuffles on his feet. Hell, Lennox’s chest is heaving so hard, it looks like he’s on the verge of a fucking panic attack.
“You hate it. Shit, Xan! She hates it!”
“I told you to get the double chocolate chip cookies, not the plain kind!” Xander snarls at him. “You had one job, Nox.”
“You’re the one who chose the shit movie!”
“You’re both useless.” Raine shakes his head.
“Hey! We got beer!”
“Guys!” I shout above them, trying hard not to laugh. “This… This is everything. It’s the best first date I’ve ever seen.”
Their arguing halts, all fixing their attention on me. Xander visibly relaxes. Lennox runs a relieved hand down his face. Raine chuckles, nudging me forward with a touch to my lower back.
“My idea,” he whispers proudly.
I take a seat on the sofa before they can start bickering again. Lennox hands out cracked open beers, fighting to hold back a grin. I study his neckline, finding his silver chain is indeed absent. It really is gone.
“Guys?” Raine clears his throat. “The first date gift?”
“Fuck.” Lennox fists his hair agitatedly. “Xan!”
“Chill out. I’ve got it.”
Plucking a small box off the coffee table, Xander presents it to me. Eyeing him, I accept the wrapped gift, feeling all kinds of confused. They’re really not the type to go in for grand gestures.
“We figured flowers are average,” he says with a slight smile. “And not your style.”
Looking down at the box, I slip the lid off. Inside rests a delicate, black bracelet made of miniature chains welded together. I finger the smooth metal. It’s lightweight and totally unique. I’ve never seen a bracelet like it.
“This is for me?”
Lennox stares at me. “Do you like it?”
“Yes.” I lift the light chain, finding it’s the perfect size. “This is so beautiful.”
Xander snags the seat next to me, a huge pile of snacks stacked in his arms. He dumps them on the side of the sofa, finding a comfortable position where he can lay his head in my lap.
“Want me to fasten it?”
Nodding, I hold out my wrist for him. “Please.”
The chain slips easily around my wrist, fitting like it was made for me. I’m still a little flabbergasted. No one has ever bought me jewellery before, and this is exactly my style.
“Perfect.” Xander fastens the small catch. “Now you’re shackled to us for life.”
“Is this some kind of proposal?” I laugh.
“No.” He rests back in my lap. “Just a reminder.”
Smiling to the others, I murmur my thanks. They both take seats, their expressions pleased. I bury my fingers in Xander’s hair, gaze focused on the unique present.
The simplest of gestures mean even more coming from him. It was worth getting out of bed just to see his features soften and his eyes slide shut now that I’ve approved of his gift.
Sighing as he relaxes, it’s clear that Xander is perfectly content with me touching him. Lennox watches his best friend’s behaviour with a perplexed look.
“Well that’s just fucking bizarre.”
Eyes still closed, Xander flips him off. “Fuck off.”
“Since when did you become a cuddler, Xan?”
“Since now, shithead.”
I try not to disturb Xander with my silent laughter, accepting a beer from Lennox. He and Raine are sharing the other sofa, clinking their beers together.
“I’m not sure when I last had a drink.” I lift my own bottle. “This is going to taste so good.”
“You literally doled out contraband for over a year.” Lennox frowns at me. “You never drank any of it?”
“Well, no.”
Raine sighs in pleasure as he sips his beer. “Seems like a waste of power to me.”
“Agreed.” Lennox nods.
“Neither of us should be drinking on medication,” I point out.
Raine swallows his mouthful. “I don’t care right now.”
Taking a long draw, I savour the lightly fizzing liquid. I’ve never been much of a drinker, but something about this feels triumphant. Like we’re celebrating living long enough to share a pack of beers.
“Did you get the sour cream pretzels?” Raine asks.
Without answering, Xander plucks them from our pile of snacks and tosses them at Raine. They hit his chest. He hums happily, tearing into the snacks with gusto.
“So freaking good,” he mumbles around a mouthful.
Lennox wrinkles his nose. “That’s the worst flavour.”
“Then I don’t have to share with you. Win-win.”
Lennox starts the movie, but I’m too focused on the silky-soft tresses weaving through my fingers. I comb through Xander’s hair before repeating the action, measuring and studying each platinum strand.
Having him so relaxed around me feels like a privilege. A couple of nights ago, he even slithered into bed with Lennox and me. The three of us tangled together without uttering a word. It felt so natural.
“Have you ever been on a first date before?” I whisper to him.
“No.”
“Ever?”
“Do I look like much of a dater, Ripley? Not exactly the relationship type.”
“You never… ah, romanced your toys before?”
“I’m sure they didn’t need romancing after being referred to as toys,” Lennox butts into our conversation. “Who wouldn’t fall for that?”
“Watch it, swimming pool. You aren’t winning awards for romance either.”
He falls silent, glowering at Raine when he starts laughing. I tune them out, focused on Xander.
“I never wanted more than a brief physical connection before,” he explains slowly. “I didn’t care about their feelings or wellbeing. This is all new for me.”
“Well, I’m glad to be your first date.”
Candlelight flickers in his navy irises, highlighting the varied tones of blue melting into a dark, inviting hue. Xander lifts a hand to run his fingers over my chin.
“Me too.”
The sounds of the movie play in the background. Lennox is explaining it to Raine, describing the dystopian future where robots have taken over and all but eradicated the human race. The pair are laughing together like idiots.
“So you’re a sci-fi fan?”
“Does that surprise you?” Xander is still watching me.
“It seems fitting. You love technology.”
“I like computers. That’s all.”
“Right. I heard you’ve been making friends with Theo at HQ.”
“He showed me his set-up in the intelligence department.” His pitch lightens, seeming to radiate excitement. “You wouldn’t believe the tech they have in there. Incredible.”
He’s so touchy about admitting he enjoys something, but the clear passion in his voice reveals the truth.
“Did he let you touch his computer?” I tease.
“Not yet. I’ll convince him, though.” He looks away, deep in thought. “Or offer to break his skull.”
“You can’t manipulate everyone with threats of death or violence. I’m happy you’re excited, but we should perhaps talk about managing these new feelings.”
“What’s to manage?” Xander sniffs. “I’ll simply befriend the flannel-wearing nerd and convince him to let me use his tech. That or I’ll find a new home for my pocketknife in his gut.”
I stifle the urge to facepalm.
Xander is a work in progress.