Chapter 19
Madi
Without thinking, I reached for Matt’s hand as we walked along the moonlit walking path.
“Sorry,” I apologized and pulled my hand away.
Well, I tried. He tightened his grip.
“We’re good.”
“But this isn’t an actual date?”
I hadn’t meant for that to sound like a question. So much for being a strong, independent woman.
“No, but we want everyone to think it is.”
“Okay. Good.” Backpedaling, I rushed my words. “I didn’t want to go too far and have you thinking I want more.”
I wanted another night with him, but nothing more. “I’m not interested in dating, so...”
Emotions flashed across his eyes before he blinked them away.
“No worries. I’m not looking for a relationship, either. Besides, your brothers would kill me,” Matt added with a chuckle.
“Right. Can’t piss off your boss.” I corrected myself. “Bosses.”
“Not if I want to keep my job.”
“I suppose I should thank them for the delicious meal.” Sarcasm dripped off my tongue.
“Excuse me?” He stopped walking and turned to face me.
“You can expense the meal, right?” Of course he could; he was working.
He arched his eyebrow in confusion.
“Why would I do that?”
“You’re working. You’re only dating me because my father is making you.”
This time the arched eyebrow signalled doubt.
Interesting that I can distinguish between the two.
“That’s not true—”
“So you would’ve asked me out if he hadn’t ordered you to play the part?”
He opened his mouth, then closed it. Matt pulled his hand away and ran it through his thick, dirty blond hair. His boots captured his attention.
“That’s what I thought.”
“Madi, it’s not that I’m not attracted to you. God knows I am, but I’m no good at relationships and you don’t want a friends-with-benefits situation.”
He had no idea what I wanted, and it pissed me off that he thought he did.
“Who do you think you are, telling me what I want? I’m sick and tired of the men in my life telling me what to do. Thinking they know what’s best for me. Telling me who I can date and how.” I crossed my arms over my chest in a huff. “What if all I want is someone to fuck with no strings attached?”
Quick as lightning, Matt grabbed the back of my neck as he closed the distance between us. His grip short-circuited my brain. Before it came back online, his lips crashed into mine, and the rest of the world ceased to exist.
Matt kissed me under the moonlight like he owned me, and in that moment he did.
Every cell in my body burned with desire.
I gripped the collar of his shirt, trying to pull him closer.
He grabbed my hip and pulled me against the steel pipe in his pants.
I ran my hand over his shoulder and up his neck until my fingers curled around his blond hair.
My body cried foul, and I may have whimpered, when he pulled away.
“Fuck…” He ran his hand over his lips. “I’ve been wanting to kiss those sexy lips all fucking night.”
“About fucking time,” I said, moving closer. “Do it again.”
“Madi.” My name drifted from his lips like a request. “We can’t.”
“Of course we can; we already have.”
“I wasn’t responsible for your safety six months ago.”
“Right. Of course,” I huffed.
I turned back towards his SUV and sulked as I walked away.
Matt was right, but I didn’t want to hear it.
No, it’s better this way. Catching feelings for Matt was a bad idea, and only an idiot would believe we could be friends with benefits without complications.
“Madi, wait.”
“No, it’s okay. You’re right. Besides, I don’t need complications in my life.”
I’d keep repeating it until the sting of rejection didn’t cut so deep.
The silence covered us like a scratchy blanket as we walked back to his truck. I’d expected him to try harder for this thing between us, but I wasn’t sure I wanted him to.
I do. I wanted someone with the courage to ignore my brothers’ threats and fight to be with me. Just like I wanted my brothers to back off, so he didn’t have to.
Neither was likely to happen.
Not that I wasn’t worth the fight, but I gave off strong don’t fight for me vibes that most men didn’t question. Why I thought Matt would be different was beyond me.
My head was a mess. I want Matt. I want Matt to want me. I don’t want a relationship, but I want Matt to fight for our relationship.
“Madi?”
“What?”
“Can we talk about this?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Like hell there isn’t.” Matt stepped in front of me and stopped.
His hands landed on my shoulders to prevent me from smacking into him.
“What the fuck?”
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
You should’ve kissed me more. Luckily the thought didn’t escape my lips.
I couldn’t think like that. Matt and I would never happen, and I certainly couldn’t fault him for not wanting to risk his career for a one-night stand. My body hated my brain for using logic. Logic that meant if I wanted relief, I had to take care of it myself, in my brother’s house.
Fuck my life.
But I had to stay firm and control my libido. Sleeping with Matt would create far too many complications in my life. Not to mention, it’d be like inviting my family into my sex life.
Bile rose in my throat.
It wasn’t worth it. No matter how mind-blowingly good the sex was.
“Madi, I’d like us to be friends. Not because it’s my job, but because I think you’re an amazing woman.”
Could we be friends? I could probably handle it if I didn’t want to jump his bones every time I saw him.
Maybe if I thought about my brothers every time I considered having sex with Matt, I could gross myself out of wanting him.
“Madi?” The humor in Matt’s voice dragged me out of my head. “Your expression keeps changing, and it’s a little unnerving.”
Of course, he noticed. More than I want him to.
“We can be friends, but no more fake dating.” I didn’t want to risk blurring the lines. And I couldn’t risk falling.
“If we see Paul?”
“Then you can pretend to be my boyfriend, but I’m done playing this game.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“You sound shocked.”
“I guess I expected you to clear it with your boss first.”
“My boss? You mean your father? Your twin brother? Or maybe you meant one of your other brothers?”
“Any of them. All of them. I don’t know who you report to.”
Matt laughed. “I don’t need to clear it with anyone.”
During the ride home, Matt broke the uncomfortable silence with a whopper of a question.
“Madi, why does it bother you so much that your family wants to protect you?”
No warming up or lobbing a soft ball to ease into it.
“Because I don’t believe I’m in any real danger.”
“Do you lie to yourself often?”
“Excuse me?”
“Madi, I can see it in your eyes and your body language is a neon fucking sign every time Paul gets near you. You’re afraid.”
“Uncomfortable.”
“Scared.”
“Annoyed.” I didn’t put my hands on my hips, but I might as well have.
“Delusional.”
“Fuck you, Robinson.”
Matt read me like an open book, and in that moment I hated him for it.
He grinned, knowing he’d won.
“Madi, think about it. Would your… would my bosses’ have assigned the man they don’t want anywhere near you as your full-time bodyguard and fake boyfriend if they didn’t think Paul was a viable threat?”
No, they wouldn’t, and I’d known it all along.
“That doesn’t mean they’re right.”
“No offense, but I trust their gut instincts over your desire to pretend it’s not real any day.”
Did he just call me emotional? I turned and glared at him.
Paul was my patient and a first responder, so I wanted to believe he was a good person.
Matt’s right. Paul did more than make me uncomfortable. And because of him, I couldn’t shake the feeling I was being watched.
I should tell him. Not wanting to add fuel to the fire, I decided to wait until the next time it happened. Besides, I always looked around when I sensed it, and no one was ever watching me.
“Did you seriously just say that?”
Matt glanced at me before returning his focus to the road.
“Every. Single. Day.”
“Why is their opinion more valuable than mine?”
It was a stupid question. I pointed at him. “Don’t answer that.”