Chapter 21
Madi
I’d barely finished telling myself I could be friends with Matt, and devising the perfect solution to not want his sexy-as-sin body, before I failed.
Standing on the porch with the faint overhead light illuminating his gorgeous face, I stared at his lips like a starved woman at a bakery display.
I need a better plan.
I slipped off my heels so I wouldn’t make any noise.
“How was your date?” Meg asked, startling me.
She sat on the couch feeding Natalie.
“Christ, Meg, why are you sitting in the dark?” I whispered.
“I’m hoping to fall back asleep as soon as I put Nat back down.”
“This schedule won’t last forever.”
“I know. Now, answer my question.”
I plopped into the leather reclining chair.
“That bad?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. It was a fake date, but it felt more real than any date I’ve ever had.”
“You like him.”
It wasn’t a question, but I answered anyway.
“No,” liar, “but he’s great at being a fake boyfriend.”
“You looked really nice tonight.”
Meg was a hopeless romantic and probably had visions of Matt and me falling in love and living happily ever after.
But it wouldn’t happen.
“Thanks.”
“You put a lot of effort into looking good for a fake date.”
“Meg, that’s all it was.”
“Do you want it to be more?”
I glanced down the hallway, making sure Jack wasn’t lurking.
“He’s asleep.”
“Would you believe me if I said I dressed up to annoy Jack?”
“Nope.” She popped the ‘p’. “I won’t tell Jack anything you don’t want me to. Girl code promise.”
I laughed and contemplated how much to share as she shifted Natalie to her shoulder and burped her.
“Matt’s… I’m physically attracted to him, but I’m not sure if there’s more. Not sure I want more.”
Natalie’s burp called me out on my lie.
Half lie. I just didn’t want to admit it. Not even to myself.
“It’s all so complicated.”
“Madi, I’m hearing a lot of excuses for why you don’t want to like him, but you haven’t said you don’t.”
No, I hadn’t said it because half-truths were easier to admit.
“It doesn’t matter. How can I take a guy who turns in an expense report for our dates seriously?”
“He didn’t say that?” She sounded scandalized. “What an idiot.”
“He didn’t say it, but he didn’t deny it when I brought it up.”
“Do you really think he’ll expense your date?”
“Why not? He only asked me out because Dad told him to.”
“Madi, that’s not a service we offer.”
“What?”
“Dad wouldn’t order Matt to take you on a date.”
I loved that she called him Dad, not John. When they first met, he intimidated the crap out of her, her words, but now they were best buds.
“He told us to keep up the pretense when he heard Matt pretended to be my boyfriend.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
No, but it fell under the same umbrella.
“No, but Matt’s an overachiever.”
He’d said as much when he gave me my fourth orgasm that night.
“You’re blushing.”
“You can’t see that.”
“No, but your grin was a giveaway, and you just confirmed it.”
“You’ve been hanging around with the guys too much; their observation skills have rubbed off on you.”
“Thank you.” She yawned.
“Let me put Nat to bed.” I got up and took my sleeping niece from Meg.
“Thanks.” She gave me a side hug. “Think about what I said.”
“Okay.”
After putting Natalie down, I washed the makeup off my face and brushed out my hair. I moisturized my face and added anti-aging under-eye cream.
“What have you gotten yourself into?” I asked the mirror.
If I expected an answer, I’d disappoint myself.
Instead of knocking, Matt sent a text at seven-forty to let me know he was waiting.
“Is he avoiding me?” Jack asked with a laugh.
“Why would he do that?”
“You tell me.”
“I’m sure I don’t know.”
“Madi.” Jack’s tone turned serious.
“Yes, Jack?”
“I know you think we’re overreacting.”
“You think I can’t take care of myself.”
“What? No. You probably fended off sailors every day; we know you can take care of yourself.”
“You do?”
“Yes. It’s the psychos of the world we don’t trust.” He ran his hand through his hair. “We’re worried because we’ve seen how fast a situation can escalate from mostly harmless to life-threatening.”
Maybe it’s time to sit down and talk to my brothers instead of being so pig-headed.
“Madi, we love you and we don’t want to lose you.”
I didn’t need the waterworks so early in the morning.
“Thanks, Jack.”
As I hugged him, Meg mouthed, I told you so.
“Call us if anything happens,” Jack said as he broke the hug.
“Isn’t that what Matt is for?” I teased.
“He can’t be in the exam rooms with you.”
Right. Matt spent his days on the porch.
I grabbed my bag and walked out. Sunlight lightened Matt’s dirty blond hair as he leaned against my Jeep. He held a coffee cup in one hand and a Grannie’s bag in the other.
“A peace offering,” he said as I approached.
“What’s in the bag?”
“A lemon poppy seed muffin.”
How’d he know lemon poppy seed was my favorite?
“Thank you.”
He nodded. When his eyes shifted to the porch, I turned.
“Bye, Jack,” I yelled as I took the bag from Matt.
“Bye Madi. Be safe.”
How could I not be? I had a gorgeous man following me everywhere I went.
“Before we leave, can we talk?” Matt asked.
“Sure.” My answer sounded snarky, so I added. “Want to sit in O.P.?”
Matt glanced at the house. “Yes.”
He grabbed his coffee off the hood before walking me to the driver’s side. It was over-the-top and unnecessary, but I thanked him anyway.
Once he was in, he asked, “Can I drink my coffee in here?”
Silly question, since I planned on drinking mine. He doesn’t know that. “Of course. O.P. isn’t afraid of a little coffee. She’s stronger than you’d think.”
“Like someone else I know.” He lifted his cup and took a healthy sip. “Listen, I want to apologize for last night.”
“You already did.”
“Insufficiently.”
That was unexpected.
“Madi, I never intended to tell you what you could or couldn’t do, or assume what you wanted.” I raised my eyebrow; he’d literally used those words. “I know, I know. I said it, but that wasn’t what I meant.”
Matt inhaled sharply and paused before slowly releasing his breath.
Why is he nervous?
“I wanted to remind myself why I couldn’t go down that path. I’m not good at the whole relationship thing.”
“I know. You’ve told me several times.”
“Right. Mostly, I have my shit together, but when it comes to commitments, I’m a mess.”
“The SEALs weren’t a commitment? SSI isn’t a commitment?”
“That’s different, and you know it.”
I did. Matt wasn’t afraid of commitment; he was afraid of emotional commitment. Given what he’d told me, I could hardly blame him. Since I didn’t want a commitment either, I accepted his apology.
“Thank you for explaining.” And offered mine. “I’m sorry I overreacted. It’s a bit of a sore spot.”
“Really, I hadn’t noticed.” His grin confirmed his teasing tone.
“Shut up.” I smacked his arm.
“Careful, or O.P. will get a shot of my black eye.”
He usually drank regular black coffee. Why’d he need two shots of espresso?
“Rough night?”
“I didn’t sleep well.”
“Me either,” I admitted. “Thanks again for the coffee.” I glanced at the dashboard clock. “We should get going.”
“Give me two shakes to get to my truck.”
“Matt?”
“Yeah?”
“Friends?”
“Friends.”
I love how the skin around his dark brown eyes wrinkled when his smile reached them.
The day was uneventful. Sick kids who cried during their appointments. Sick adults whose whining was worse than the crying. It’s that time of year; everyone’s sick and miserable.
I tried not to think about Paul, but my curiosity won.
During a break, I asked, “Hey Alice, did Mr. Bunson schedule any appointments?”
“No.”
Maybe he finally got the hint. Maybe he wasn’t responsible for the fires. No one at SSI believed in coincidences, but that didn’t mean they didn’t happen.
During lunch, I wanted to stretch my legs, so I asked Matt if he wanted to take a walk. No way in hell am I asking for permission.
“Sure. Do you have a normal route?”
“No. Why?”
“If you did, I would’ve suggested changing it.”
“Right.” Changing up the path of your daily commute was Safety 101. “I don’t take walks very often, but I could use the fresh air.”
“Lead the way.” Matt adjusted his gait to mine as we walked down the path to the sidewalk.
“Will you tell me more about your archery days?”
I wanted to talk about anything other than the threat looming over my head.
“Sure, anything specific you want to know?”
I was dying to know if he did trick shots or could shoot while riding a horse, but didn’t want to sound overly eager.
“Not really. I remember sucking when they taught us how to use a bow and arrow in gym class.” I laughed.
“I bet they didn’t really teach you, just put the bow in your hands and gave you a few tips.”
I laughed. “Accurate.”
“Shane spent hours teaching me the correct stance and posture with a bow in my hand before letting me shoot.”
“Wow.”
“If you’d like, I can teach you,” he said. “I promise I’ll make it fun.”
“I’ll think about it,” I said instead of jumping on the chance with a loud, eager yes.
As we turned to walk back, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I glanced around, but nothing looked amiss.
“What’s wrong?” Matt was instantly on alert.
I looked around. “Nothing.”
“Madi.”
“You know that feeling when you think you’re being watched?”
“Yes.” He subtly did a three-sixty scan. “I sensed it too, but I can’t see anything out of the ordinary.”
“Neither can I.” I was looking for Paul, but couldn’t see him.
“Let’s head back,” Matt suggested.
He positioned himself between the road and me and put his hand on my lower back. “You’ve served, but were you ever in the line of fire?” he asked.
I had been, and it was terrifying. The seasoned guys, who dealt with combat regularly, were cool as cucumbers. I was scared and felt helpless.
“Yes.”
“So you understand that if I give an order, you follow it.”
“Yes.” I knew better than to argue. Matt’s job was to protect me, and I trusted he’d be the epitome of calm under pressure as he handled whatever came our way.
Nothing. Nothing happened.
“Well, that was much ado about nothing,” I said, climbing the porch steps.
“It’s never nothing, Madi.”
“I’m sure I imagined it.”
“Don’t talk yourself out of it. Trusting your instincts is a valuable tool. And remember, I felt it too.”
Right, he’d said that. “But if we both felt it, why didn’t we see anyone?”
“Just because we didn’t see a threat doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Consider black ice. When the conditions exist for black ice patches on the road, you drive more cautiously even though you can’t see it, right?”
It was true. Black ice was a nasty surprise when I did basic training at Great Lakes near Chicago. It was my first winter out of Texas, and I hated it.
“Do you think it was Paul?”
“Hard to say, I didn’t see him.”