Chapter 45
Madi
Dad answered a second knock. He smiled as he opened the door wider.
Jack watched me as he pushed Matt’s wheelchair through the doorway. I made a mental note to apologize to him later for asking to see Matt first.
“Can I have a second with my sister?” Jack asked Matt.
Matt never broke eye contact with me as he nodded and said, "Of course."
"I'll come back later," Jamie said, kissing the top of my head.
I tore my eyes from Matt as Jack replaced Jamie at my side.
“Hey sis.”
“Hi.”
“Damn, you sound awful.”
Turns out, laughing hurt as much as talking.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Laughing felt good, despite the pain.
“Please don’t ever scare me like that again,” he begged as he hugged me.
“Try.”
Jack glanced at Matt before saying, “I have a feeling your hero will make sure you don’t.”
My eyes were glued to Matt’s as Jack said, “Don’t forget, you have another brother and he’s wearing down the tile outside your room.”
“In a minute.”
I desperately needed to talk to Matt. To confirm he was okay. Dad was vague when he explained the extent of Matt's injuries, and Mom wasn't any more forthcoming. So naturally I thought they were hiding the truth.
“We’ll give you two some privacy,” Mom said before kissing my forehead. “We’ll be right outside.”
I nodded my appreciation.
“Need a push?” Dad asked Matt, who answered by standing, grabbing his IV stand, and striding to my bedside.
His left arm was wrapped in a soft cast from his hand to his elbow.
His eyes were more red than white.
His voice sounded as awful as mine when he choked out, “Madi.”
One word. But it was filled with so much emotion that I burst into tears.
I’d been so determined to deny how I felt that I’d refused his help.
Now we were both in the hospital, scarred—physically and mentally—for life.
I gritted out my longest sentence since waking up. “I’m so sorry.”
“Not your fault.” Matt reached for my hand, but stopped when he saw the bandages that extended to my palms.
“Should hav—”
His right index finger pressed my lips. “Not to blame.”
I added another conversation I needed to have after I’d healed enough to talk.
There was one thing I needed to say that couldn’t wait. Blinking away my tears, I said, “Thank you.”
“Red.”
He stared deep into my eyes, which were no doubt as red as his. Matt opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. Closed it again.
Doubt crossed his eyes as I waited for him to speak.
Then he shrugged, as if to say, fuck it.
“Do you know you were the first?” He coughed before continuing. “The first and only.”
First and only?
“First what?”
“First woman I ever slept beside.”
That didn’t make sense; he’d had a string of lovers before me. And probably after.
Jealousy I had no right feeling reared it's ugly head.
“Only one I wanted to,” he turned his head as he coughed, “wake up next to the next morning.”
His words clicked. Oh my god.
Matt had slept with women, as in had sex, but he’d never spent the night sleeping beside them.
“I love you, Madi. I think I always have.”
The overwhelming emotion causes unwanted tears to fill my eyes.
Despite my best efforts, I'd fallen in love with Matt. The man I refused to need, but wanted. The man who gave me what I needed, when I didn't know what it was.
Turned out I had two things to tell him.
“I love you.”
His breath whooshed out as joy danced in his bloodshot eyes.
We stared at each other for what felt like seven hours, but was probably only seven seconds before he sat on the edge of my bed, and careful of his left arm and my plethora of injuries, he leaned down and kissed me.
First on my forehead.
“Afraid I’d lost you.”
Second, on my nose.
“Scared me stupid.”
He kissed my lips and words were no longer necessary.
“I tried not to love you.” My raspy declaration was followed by a coughing fit.
He held my cup so I could drink, saying, “I tried not to love you, too.”
“I failed.”
“I failed first.”
We sounded like a field of toads when we laughed.
“Thank you for saving me.”
He disappeared in his head for a second before saying, “Always.”
I reached for his hand. We had a long, hard road to recovery ahead, but I felt better knowing we’d travel it together.
We sat in comfortable silence, the steady beeping rhythm of the machines providing background noise, until an impatient knock on the door ruined the moment.
“Jay.” Matt and I sounded like matching frogs.
“I got it.” Matt walked to the door and let Jay in.
“About damn time,” Jay said, walking past Matt.
The wild look in Jay’s eyes caused a tinge of guilt.
“Jay.” I beckoned him to my side. I forced myself to sit up and held my arms open. “I’m so sorry.”
I watched Matt slip out of the room over Jay’s shoulder.
“Please don’t ever scare me like that again. I need my big sister.”
“I’m here.”
I didn’t call attention to Jay’s tears on my shoulder, but I memorized the feelings they invoked.
I couldn’t promise I’d never be in danger again—that was outside my control—but I vowed to be smarter.
And to listen to my brothers when the situation called for it.
Jay cleared his throat as he pulled away. I looked at my EKG to give him a moment to wipe his tears while I wiped away my own.
“You need anything?”
“Water. Please.”
After he helped me drink, I asked, “Is everyone okay?”
“We’re all fine, Madi. Why don’t you let us worry about you for a change.”
“Matt?”
“Are you asking if he’s okay, or do you want to see him?”
“Really okay?”
He chuckled. “His arm is going to need surgery and some serious rehab, but luckily he works for a great bunch of guys who provide excellent health insurance.”
I tried not to laugh, but that hurt more than laughing.
“Here.” Jay held the straw to my lips.
My rebellious, troublemaking baby brother made the perfect nurse.
“Like you, he sounds fucking awful. The doctors said you won’t be running any marathons soon, but you’ll both make a full recovery.”
“Thank you.” He hadn’t told me anything my dad hadn’t, but I’d needed to know if Dad was protecting my feelings.
“You’ll be okay.”
“I will.” It’d take time and therapy, but I’d get there.
“You want me to tell your man you want to see him again?”
I didn’t even bother hiding my smile.
“That’s what I thought.”
“You mad?”
“That you wanted to see him first? Or that he pushed his way past me with a growl that would’ve scared a lesser man so he could see you?”
I felt my eyes rounding at his second question.
“He did?”
“Don’t look so happy about it.”
“Sorry.”
“You love him?”
“I do.”
“He’s a good man.”
“Changed your tune.”
“Dude ran into a burning building to save one of my favorite people. That’s you.” He tapped the tip of my nose. “He earned my respect, my gratitude, and my eternal loyalty.”
That was one hell of a speech coming from Jay.
“I still reserve the right to kick his ass if he ever breaks your heart.”
There’s the Jay I know and love. “Thank you.”
“Love you, Madi.”
“Love you.”
I fell asleep before Jay walked out the door.