Chapter Six
WEST WAS PRETTY SURE he’d be making a massive mistake if he visited Jonathan at work without warning him that he was coming, but that wouldn’t stop him from doing it.
The two of them had been texting since the hospital. Jonathan hadn’t told West he could visit, but he also hadn’t said he couldn’t, and West wanted to see him. He knew that Jonathan was recuperating and that he felt fine now, but he needed to see it with his own two eyes.
He was still thinking about asking him on a date. He understood everything Austin had said, and he did like Jonathan, but he wasn’t willing to push the man into something he wasn’t ready for or didn’t want. Maybe Jonathan would feel like he should say yes because West had saved his life or something. It wouldn’t be the first time someone was so grateful they tried to date him. It happened to every firefighter and paramedic he knew, which was one of the reasons they all tried to stay away from people they met on calls.
West had failed miserably this time. Jonathan hadn’t been his patient, so he hoped things would be different with him, but he wouldn’t know until he saw the man again.
“You’ve been texting a lot,”
Lisa said as she slid into an empty chair at the table.
For once, West’s phone wasn’t in his hand. It was in his pocket, and he knew it wouldn’t vibrate because Jonathan was working. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Lisa didn’t look impressed. “You can try to talk around Jeremy and Austin, but I know better. Is it the cute tattoo artist?”
West was going to regret this, but that was a problem for future West. “How do you know it’s about Jonathan?”
“You were focused on him that day, and I heard you and Austin talk about the fact that he wasn’t technically our patient. I’d still be careful if I were you. He didn’t look too impressed, but you never know.”
“I just want to check on him after he was caught in that grocery store fire.”
“Ah, yes, I’m sure that’s all there is to it.”
They both knew it wasn’t, but it looked like Lisa wasn’t going to call West out on it, and West was perfectly happy with that.
They answered a few more calls before the end of their shift, but as soon as he could, West made a beeline for his truck. He wasn’t sticking around and answering Austin’s questions. The man was nosy, and he’d been glancing at West as if he was waiting for the right moment to corner him. West wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. He loved his best friend, but sometimes, Austin could be a lot.
West was nervous as he drove to the tattoo shop. What was he going to say to Jonathan? At the very least, he could ask him how he felt. He wasn’t a doctor, but he’d do in a pinch if Jonathan didn’t feel right.
Or West could ask him on a date. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about doing just that since Austin had mentioned it again, but he had no idea what Jonathan would do if he tried. He supposed he was about to find out.
He’d never been to the shop when everything was normal, but he knew what to expect. Christy was behind the counter when he walked in, and she beamed at him as if he was her long-lost best friend or something.
“West. Jonathan didn’t say you were coming by.”
“That’s because he doesn’t know I am. I just wanted to check in on him.”
“I see. Well, you’ll be happy to know that he’s doing fine. He's probably pushing himself too hard, but that’s Jonathan for you. He’s with a customer right now, but I can call him for you.”
“I wouldn’t want to bother him.”
“It’s time for a break, anyway. We’ve been making sure he takes enough of those.”
Christie spoke as if she wasn’t the only one doing all of that, and West realized that she wasn’t as soon as she disappeared down the hallway. A woman and a man rushed into the waiting area, almost colliding with each other in their haste to get to West.
“That’s him?”
the woman asked. “It’s you?”
West had no idea what was happening. “I don’t know.”
“Obviously it’s him,”
the man said. He stuck his hand out. “I’m Ethan, and this is Daniela. You’re Jonathan’s West, right? The firefighter.”
West liked hearing himself called Jonathan’s more than he should. “That’s right. I’m a firefighter.”
Ethan looked him up and down. “I can see that. Damn, Jonathan’s lucky.”
Daniela snorted. “You know he won’t allow himself to go there.”
“What the fuck are you two doing?”
Jonathan asked as he strode into the waiting room. He was still limping slightly, but he seemed fine. West still wanted to reach for him and pull him into his arms.
“Sorry,”
Daniela said with a grimace. “We were just curious.”
“Well, go be curious somewhere else.”
Jonathan looked at West. “We only have ten minutes. My customer’s still in the room, but we’re taking a break.”
Dammit. West hadn’t realized he’d have limited time, but he should have. After all, he was bothering Jonathan at work. “I just wanted to check in on you and make sure you were okay.”
“I am, thank you. I wouldn’t be if it weren’t for you.”
“Is this how things will be between us from now on? You thank me for what I did every time we talk, and I tell you that it was nothing?”
Jonathan snickered. “Maybe. Unless you have a better idea?”
West sucked in a breath. He really wanted Jonathan to say yes. “Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me.”
Jonathan’s expression shuttered. West knew he was going to say no. What had he done wrong? Maybe nothing. Maybe Jonathan just didn’t want to go on a date with him. Maybe he wasn’t Jonathan’s type, or maybe Jonathan hated him as much as he was grateful to him.
And maybe he was being overly dramatic, and he needed to stop freaking out and wait for Jonathan to answer.
JONATHAN WANTED TO say yes. He wanted to believe that West wouldn’t hurt him. He wanted to go on a date with him, to get to know him, and to see where things could go between them. He wanted to have a chance at a relationship and happiness.
Sal had ruined all of that for him.
He looked away from West. He knew his friends were probably listening in, but there was nothing he could do about it. He’d yell at them later, after they asked him why he was doing this.
“I can’t,”
he told West.
West stared at him for a moment. Jonathan wanted to ask him to stop, but he deserved this. He deserved to be stared at, for West to get angry, maybe to tell him he was a tease or an asshole. Sal would never have taken no for an answer, and he would’ve been harsher than that, but that was how he’d started.
“That’s fine,”
West said.
“It is?”
Jonathan said, surprised.
“Yeah, of course. I understand that you may not be into me, and it’s fine.”
West gestured at the door. “I’m going to go.”
“West.”
Jonathan didn’t know what else he could say. He wanted to explain, but it was a lot to dump on someone’s shoulders, especially someone he barely knew. Now that he’d said no to a date with West, West probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him. Why would he?
“See you around,”
West said with a smile that was glaringly forced. “I don’t want you to worry about me. It’s not the first time someone’s said no to going on date with me.”
Jonathan stepped forward, but West was already out the door. It shut behind him, and Jonathan was left there, staring.
“What the fuck?”
Christy asked.
Jonathan grimaced and turned to face her, Daniela, and Ethan. “That was a private conversation.”
“That was a mistake,”
Christy told him. “A nice, hot guy asked you on a date. A man who saved your life asked you on a date. Why would you say no?”
Jonathan didn’t want to have this conversation. His friends knew why he’d said no. He didn’t need to explain or go into details. “Because it wouldn’t have worked. I have to get back to work.”
“Jonathan,”
Christy started.
Jonathan ignored her. He couldn’t take whatever she wanted to tell him.
“You should give him a chance. He’s not like Sal,”
she continued.
Jonathan stopped moving and bit his lower lip. “I know he’s not. I still can’t do it. It’s not just that part of me thinks that he might be like Sal, but another part of me wonders why he should be with me. I’m a mess. I think I’ll always be a mess, and I doubt that I can be whatever West is looking for. I know I can’t be what he deserves. Sal ruined me.”
“He didn’t. He was a dick, and he hurt you, but being hurt isn’t the same thing as being ruined. You pulled yourself together after you left him, and you continue doing so every day. You’re working on your fears, and that’s good, but you’re still allowing Sal to control you. He’s the reason you said no to West. I know you like him, and you’ve been texting him like crazy.”
And now, Jonathan had lost him. There was no way West would want to continue texting him. Why should he? Jonathan had rejected him. He’d lost a friend, and he was going to miss West.
But this was better for everyone. Jonathan would have the opportunity to continue working on himself, while West deserved someone who wasn’t as wounded by his past as Jonathan was. He’d find someone. He was an incredible man—a firefighter, gorgeous and gentle. Who would say no to him?
The only person crazy enough to do that was Jonathan, and now that he had, West was out of his life. He already regretted it.