Chapter 17
Alyssa
I was a terrible friend. I thought I was doing a good job—that I’d made a breakthrough for Jade and Daniela, and now that they were talking again, I’d be happy to see them happy together.
Instead, I was feeling petulant. Every time I saw Daniela texting, I got the same surge in my chest knowing what her goofy little smile was about, and I was so embarrassed and disappointed with myself over the fact that I was upset about it.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It wasn’t like they stopped paying attention to me—Daniela made me an even nicer meal the next day, and she was positively glowing the whole time, a smile that could light up the room, and she gushed to me about every little thing, from work to community drama to her latest TV series to how things were with Jade, but my brain could only fixate on the last part.
It wasn’t even like Jade stopped talking to me, either—we still texted nonstop, and the next day, Cat showed up to pick me up and take me for another surprise lunch for Jade.
And I felt like I was punishing myself when I suggested bringing Daniela.
Cat gave me a skeptical look when I did, standing on the front porch, looking at me weirdly enough that I wondered if I mixed up my signs.
“I think Daniela’s probably busy,” she said. I frowned.
“I mean, she’s been working, but she can take a lunch break too…”
“I don’t want to distract Jade from work all day with a whole party. Just the two of you would be nice.”
And I wasn’t sure why that triggered some kind of panic reaction in my gut, but it did—like being alone with Jade would be a betrayal of Daniela that I couldn’t square, and so I insisted until Cat relented.
I wasn’t sure what Cat’s argument was about, anyway, because Daniela was ecstatic to go, and when we found Jade at a roadside inspecting damage to a guardrail system, I felt guilty about the fact that Jade looked at me the longest out of the three of us.
And I felt guilty about the fact that I was happy about it.
Was I just lonely and wanted attention? I knew I’d been short on friends back in Boston, especially while I was with Sawyer, but I’d never thought I’d be the type to revert to middle-school dynamics and get petty over my friend spending time with someone else.
When we all sat together on the grass with a picnic blanket that Cat always carried in her car, and I saw Daniela sitting close to Jade, the two of them talking and laughing, Daniela making flirtatious little comments that were just deniable enough to slip under the radar, I felt like it was ripping something out of me.
And yet, like morbid fascination, I couldn’t look away.
I smiled along with the conversation, but I didn’t follow most of it, because I was transfixed on the distance between Jade and Daniela, on every little look Daniela gave her.
I felt like I was losing my mind, because I couldn’t stop thinking about Daniela kissing her.
Picturing it. What kind of creep pictured her friends making out?
I felt like something had been scooped out of my chest by the time we were back at Daniela’s house, and I spent the rest of the day staring blankly at my laptop, not seeing anything. When we had dinner together, she smiled softly at me, and it made me want to cry.
“It’s nice,” she said. “Seeing everyone again, you know? I’ve missed this.”
“Yeah… you and Jade especially seem really happy.”
She laughed, waving me off. “Don’t give me false hope, okay?
I’m still seeing where things go with me and her.
I’m just enjoying getting to chat with her and Cat again.
Thanks, Alyssa,” she said, giving me the sweetest smile in the world, and it broke what little bits of me were left. I forced myself to smile.
“I think you two have a chance together,” I said. “She probably needs to take it slow. But I can tell she really cares about you.”
She looked down at her plate, poking shyly at her food. “I’m not going to get my hopes up too high… but that would be nice. I’d missed her. And it was my own damn fault, turns out.”
“There’s no sense in blame. She’s just happy to see you again.” Happy to be with Daniela again. Happy to hold her hand and gaze deeply into her eyes and sigh dreamily thinking of Daniela.
“Yeah. Guess so.” Daniela raised her glass towards me. “Here’s to that. Gang’s all together.”
I forced a laugh as I met her glass, and when I got back to the bedroom that night, I wound up lying there staring up at the ceiling, through it and out to eternity, asking myself what was wrong with me.
I had the foresight to talk to Linda before Tuesday, and we went out and grabbed coffee together at Sleepy Hollow, where we sat under the old wooden planter hanging from the ceiling loaded up with lush greenery, vines draping down around us.
Linda looked a little more comfortable in her work clothes than she did in her party clothes, with a heavy wool jacket and a beanie, and her shoulders didn’t hold the same tension they had before.
We chatted and made small talk before I worked up to casually dropping that Jade and Cat were coming to the Tuesday event at the Birdhouse, and her expression darkened.
“Should I make myself scarce?” she said, and I shook my head.
“No, not at all. I’m hoping to see all my friends there.”
She narrowed her eyes at me, studying. “You really do just operate on that frequency, huh?”
She was so blunt. It was kind of nice. “Yeah, kind of. I mean, I don’t like conflict.” Which did not explain why I was so upset about Jade and Daniela.
“Hm.” Linda sipped her coffee delicately, eyes narrowed out to infinity, before quietly, she said, “Well, I’ll drop by and say hello. I guess I haven’t seen Cat in a while.”
“You should!”
“Do you still think Jade and Daniela are getting together?”
“Oh, um…” I felt myself collapsing all over again.
I pushed out a smile. “Yeah, I think so. They’re really cute…
the way they just gravitate towards one another.
Do you know anything romantic?” I blurted, not thinking the question through, and I scrunched up my face hearing how weird it sounded.
“I mean, like, events, locations, anything like that. I want to see if I can get the two of them into a romantic situation together, see if that helps move things along.”
She gave me that little downward-tilted smile she had again. “You’re really invested in the two of them, huh?”
“Ah, yeah. I mean, I’d heard all about Daniela’s crush on Jade even before I got to town, and I’ve been committed to helping them get together.”
“Cute. There is a dinner and dance party on Friday at Gianni’s. It’s a romantic setting with the spring blossoms starting to come in, too.”
“Oh, that’s perfect,” I said, forcing a laugh. “God, I can picture it now.”
And I really could. Couldn’t not picture it, actually.
As weird as it was to picture my friends kissing, it was even weirder to picture them falling in love, gazing into each other’s eyes while they twirled under the drifting blossoms, slow-dancing to soft music.
And picture myself off to the side watching, all by myself.
I really needed to find a job back in Boston. I was not cut out for this place, if I couldn’t handle my friends spending their time with each other instead of with me.
It was a good thing I’d told Linda about them, because when Daniela took me to the Birdhouse for the community night, everything was lively until Jade and Cat showed up, but the sudden tension dissolved when Linda made a show of casually greeting both of them and gave Cat a relaxed nice to see you again on her way to the bar, and everyone settled down a little.
When the four of us met up at the side, Cat hugged me, and Jade went to give me a polite nod before Cat pushed her forward.
“C’mon, hug your friends,” she said. “You need physical contact too!”
“Cat—” Jade blurted, but she relented with a sigh, not quite looking at me, as she awkwardly offered me an arm. “I’ve been out in the grass all day, I probably smell weird.”
She still smelled amazing—she always did—but I wasn’t lingering on that thought.
I was thinking enough weird things about Jade and Daniela lately.
I hugged her quickly, giving her a light squeeze before I stepped back and, before Jade could regain her balance, I matched Cat’s energy and pushed Daniela towards Jade.
“Hug your friends,” I said. “You need physical contact too!”
“Oh, god, I don’t do this many hugs,” Jade said, but she relented, hugging Daniela too, and even though I laughed along with the group, I felt this gnawing ache in my chest watching them, and I stepped back.
“I’m just going to run to the bathroom real quick,” I said. “I’ll be right back with you.”
Cat was on board with Jade and Daniela too, so I was sure she’d get the message, even though she gave me a look like she wanted to stop me.
They’d all figure it out. For now, I needed to be away from it, and away from it I went, running to the bathroom and spending longer than I needed overthinking everything that had ever happened.
When I got out of the bathroom, I nearly bumped headlong into a familiar face, turning to look at me with a big, bright smile, framed by midnight-purple hair—Abby, who was dressed up in a little black dress today, sharp liquid eyeliner giving her a polished, dramatic look.
“Hey, you,” she said, eyes sparkling. “How’s everything been going?”
“Ah… yeah, it’s been good.” I remembered too late to smile. Her smile fell, and she set her martini down on the table next to her.
“What’s up?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. Sorry, I’ve just got stuff on my mind.” I scratched my head, and I found my gaze drifting past her, over to where Jade and Daniela were standing close to the bar together. Daniela had her hand on the bar surface close to Jade’s back…