Chapter One
TO GO FROM THE BEST KISS of my life to being asked to commit murder...
He had to be kidding, right?
I gawked at him.
His voice echoed over and over in my head.
“Kill me, kill me, kill me.”
My palm turned slippery around the knife, my lips still stinging from his, my heart a manic monster in my chest.
Raw panic rushed up my throat. “There’s no way I’m—”
“Do it.” His eyes held mine, narrowed and black. “Stab me. Right now.”
I backed up, wrenching my hand from his where he forced me to hold the knife. “You’re crazy.” Tears pricked my eyes. “I can’t. I physically can’t hurt you.”
“Once again, your lack of obedience is infuriating.”
“My obedience?!” My temper got the better of me. “I don’t remember promising to obey you—”
“I told you not to fuck this up for me.” His eyes locked on the drones above. The drones watching everything. “And keep your voice down.”
“Let’s just go back inside—”
“It’s too late for that.” He reached for me. “Come here.”
“Get away from me.” I went to throw the knife into the bushes, but he rushed me, grabbed my shoulders where my rucksack hung, and hissed into my ear. “You will do this for me because I can’t do it on my own. I need you.”
Need you.
Need you.
Up until now, I’d hoarded those words.
I’d relished that someone like Lucien Ashfall—who prided himself on hating everyone and everything—needed me.
Useless stress-phobic me.
To ease his pain.
To give him pleasure.
To share my company and just talk to him...
But this?
Murdering him?
Not possible.
Utterly impossible.
I fought him. “Let me go.”
“I’m not asking, Rook.”
“And I’m not doing it, Lucien.”
“Don’t you get it? I only have one shot. Just one!” His snarl vibrated through my bones, making me ache from head to toe. “And I’m not going to fail.”
“I’ll do whatever you need, but I can’t—”
“Stab me. Before they come.” His fingers dug into my shoulders like pincers. “Stab me, Rook. Do it.”
My name. He hardly ever said my name.
Now he’d said it twice in succession.
It made my heart skip a million beats and feelings to surge that had absolutely no business surging.
The drones suddenly abandoned us, shooting back over the wall as the rain became heavier, drenching us with wet splashes.
Without the drones recording us, I shouted, “You can command me all you want. I will literally do anything else you ask, but I won’t hurt you. I refuse.”
“Don’t you want revenge on me keeping you here?” He gripped me agonisingly hard, his face going black. “Aren’t you furious?”
“What?” My eyes widened. “Why would I—?”
“Don’t you hate me for taking you away from your life?”
“Yes. I mean no.” I scowled. “I mean...it’s not you who did this to me.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m the reason you’re here. I’m the reason you can’t leave.”
“You’re the reason I’m still alive. You’ve saved me from the others. You’ve given me your blood—”
“Purely to keep you alive for this. I needed you well enough—obedient enough—to kill me.”
My heart quit beating. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do. You’re the key. My one chance. I’ve been using you this entire time—”
“No, you haven’t.” I shook my head, clinging to all those moments where our lives had woven together. All those seconds where we’d fallen into something against our wishes but something that was real and true and—
“You mean nothing to me.” He bared his teeth like a beast. “You’re just a tool. A knife I’ve honed to be used at this very moment.”
“No.” I swallowed hard, fighting his words, my reaction, begging stress not to black me out. “I know what you’re doing, and I don’t blame you—”
“I blame me,” he cut me off with a roar. “I fucking despise everything about myself and this place. You’re here because of me. You’re trapped because of me. And if you don’t do what I say, I’ll kill you.”
“You can’t keep threatening me with something we both know isn’t true!” I stomped my foot like a child, splashing droplets from a gathering puddle. “You can’t kill me. We both know that. If you could, you would’ve done it already!”
“I’ll happily kill you right now if you don’t stab me.”
“Do it then. Because I’m certainly not.”
His eyes narrowed with fury even as the silver disc beeped and sent him swaying. “Do it. I’m running out of time. Stab me. Slit my throat before—”
“Stop it.” Tears ran down my cheeks. “Just tell me what the hell you’re up to and—”
“Kill me. Don’t and your only chance—”
“I don’t need a chance.”
“—to stay alive will be gone.”
“Enough!” I kept struggling but he was too strong, too committed. “I know what you’re doing. You’re deliberately trying to antagonise me enough to hurt you.”
“Is it working?” he grunted, fighting to hold me close. His blood loss gave me some advantage but not nearly enough. “Do you hate me?”
“No, it isn’t working. It’s just pissing me off!”
“Goddammit, Rook. You will do this for me.” Dragging me into his embrace, he changed tactics.
His chest heaved against mine. His heart was wild and thunderous behind the metal pacemaker.
“I’ve been waiting for this day for twenty years.
I’ve plotted and planned, all while knowing it would be useless on my own.
But with your help...it might work.” His voice roughened with ancient misery.
“I need you to do this for me. They’ve ensured I can’t do it myself, so I need you to obey me.
I need you to put aside your own fear, stop fucking arguing with me, and drive that dagger straight into my chest.”
“Y-You’re mental.” I tried to look into his eyes, but he kept me trapped against him. “Absolutely nuts—”
“Stab me,” he commanded, snarling through any sentence I tried to hurl. “Let them see the blood they covet so much bleeding out all over this sickening garden.”
“You’re not just mental, you’re a lunatic.” My stomach knotted with thorns. “What about what you just said? About making them pay? About getting free? What about your revenge?”
“There can’t be revenge unless you kill me.”
“Do you hear yourself? How does that even make sense?!”
In the distance, the iron gate swung open.
Our heads snapped in that direction as four men on motorbikes sped toward us, engines snarling, grass spewing behind them as they churned up the manicured lawn.
Lucien’s entire body stiffened; his black eyes alight with rage. “Fuck’s sake. We’re running out of time.” Shoving me away, any signs of the suicidal man vanished as he faced the incoming traffic.
“You will stab me,” he muttered coldly. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“Tell me what you’re planning and I might be able to—”
“It’s too late.” His eyes locked on mine. “Just trust me. Trust that I know what I’m doing.”
Trust him.
Trust.
Such a huge request, and yet surprisingly...I did trust him.
He’d slowly earned my trust each time he’d come for me when I was in danger and healed me when I was in pain. He’d stolen all my doubt the moment he’d stolen my heart.
I stopped cold.
This was the first thing he’d ever truly asked of me. The first thing of substance that didn’t include bleeding him or cleaning.
And who was I to refuse?
What gave me the power to keep him alive if he didn’t want to be?
A spine-racking shiver made me tremble as I studied him.
Dressed in his signature black, the first couple of shirt buttons had come undone, revealing the metal disc over his heart. It flickered red again thanks to his racing pulse, hurting him. Yet he didn’t stagger or succumb.
If anything, the pain only added to his chaos, feeding the ferocity simmering beneath his skin. His entire energy smouldered, hinting that even without my help, he’d already committed. He’d decided that his death was simply a tool in a war he’d been fighting for two decades.
My heart twisted painfully as I licked my lips, sipping on raindrops as they fell in a quiet lullaby. “I do trust you.”
His gaze snapped in my direction as if I’d given him a gift he’d never expected.
I sucked in a breath at the stark desperation in his eyes, before whispering, “The question is...do you. Do you trust me?”
The men came closer on their motorbikes, but Lucien never looked away.
Life stopped for a split second. The rain ceased falling and the earth quit spinning as his face softened and he nodded just barely. “If you do this for me, you’ll be the only person in my entire life that I’ve ever wanted to trust.”
I flinched.
Wanted to trust.
Not trust.
Not yet.
Anger etched his mouth, and I expected him to say something cutting but his unreadable mask slipped back into place. “I’m dying today.” His body turned loose as if accepting his coffin already. “You can’t stop it. You can’t change it. And you don’t have a say if I survive once it’s all over.”
Before I could ask what the hell he meant, he turned to face the men and held out his arms. “Here they come.” He smirked, looking positively psychotic. “Let the games begin.”