Chapter Thirty-Six
I GROANED AS HE KISSED ME AGAIN.
I wanted to help him.
God, I wanted to help him so, so badly.
If only I could.
If only I was better, stronger—
Lucien’s mouth crushed mine, his tongue licking me deep.
I licked him back.
If this was my fault. If the same scientists who’d worked alongside my parents had had something to do with harming him—
Frigid energy sheared through my nerves, flash-freezing my thoughts until they shattered. Pain detonated behind my eyes, bright and blinding, like staring at snow under a blazing sun.
Lucien kissed me again—slower this time, deeper—almost as if he could sense me slipping. His lips lingered, stealing what little I had left.
I whimpered against his mouth.
I wanted to help him with every fibre of my being, but...I wouldn’t be able to stay awake much longer.
Everything was too much.
He was too much.
He was everything.
And I couldn’t stop him.
Couldn’t save him.
I hated myself.
I tasted smoke as he erupted with unbearable heat, his hands clawing at my hair, his own pain making him wild. I pressed my palms flat against his chest. His heat was petrifying.
Iciness billowed through me, answering him—
He coughed again, wet and racking.
He turned his head to spit fresh blood onto the floor but—
I grabbed his cheeks and kissed him.
I forced him to give me the only painkiller that worked—begging him to help me so I could help find a way to help him.
A primal roar grumbled in his chest as I swallowed his coppery-ashy taste.
I wished he would give me more. To keep me awake. To stop my pain.
My heart clawed against my ribs as I poured everything I had into the kiss—willing that strange iciness to rise, for those icicles and snowstorms to gather and help him.
As if it’d been waiting for me to ask, chilliness shot through me, too cold, too fast, too much. My vision swam as polar winds screamed through my veins, freezing my blood and stabbing me with arctic daggers.
I broke the kiss with a strangled gasp.
Air wouldn’t come.
I-I can’t breathe—
Can’t breathe!
Scrambling on my heels and hands, I tried to escape his imprisonment.
But Lucien followed me, his mouth finding mine again and kissing me exquisitely hard.
He kissed me as if he was moments away from death and I did my best not to die with him.
I kept scrambling backward, needing air. His lips bruised mine as he hunted me across the floor.
My back struck something solid.
A carved pillar prevented me from going any further.
Panic shot down my spine as Lucien tore away from me.
Pushing me aside, he leaned against the pillar, his long legs shooting outward as he slid his hands beneath my arms and lifted me as if I weighed nothing—hauling me across his lap as if I was both precious and poisonous.
Grabbing me around the nape, he dragged me back to his lips.
He kissed me again, his whole body burning, summoning the ice inside me to answer.
White swallowed the edges of my vision; silver fractals distorted everything as my body finally mutinied.
Pain. So much pain.
“Lucien—” I gasped, clutching his shoulders. “I need—”
He stole my words and kissed me.
I was suffocating.
Losing grip on reality as my condition shovelled snow over my senses, burying me alive.
Hurting.
Hurting.
My fingers scrambled on his chest, trying to get him to stop. “Lucien...”
He just kissed me deeper.
“You help,” he panted against my mouth. “You’re the only thing that helps.”
Wrenching despair made me attack him with another kiss, even though it cost me everything. I wanted to help him. Needed to help him.
He groaned and wrapped me in the tightest embrace. His hips surged upward, branding me with his arousal.
I didn’t want him to die.
My heart broke in two at the thought of failing him.
I kissed him again—terror choking me that if I stopped, he would die.
But if I didn’t stop...I might die.
Each kiss stole something from me.
Breath and life and heartbeats.
Lucien drank everything I gave him.
I sobbed against his mouth as the pain became too much.
Even his blood wasn’t helping.
Even his fiery power wasn’t enough to prevent the smothering cold from killing me.
Today had been too much.
The plane ride, the arrival, the confession, the fear...
Help him.
Help him.
Help—
My skull cracked with excruciating agony.
His hips rocked beneath me as his hand slipped up my skirt and cupped me.
I cried out. My back arched. A lightning bolt of lust tore between my legs.
And...I was done.
My migraine detonated.
Tears streamed down my face as darkness rushed in.
I hated myself.
Hated that he might not be alive when I woke up.
That I was abandoning him when he needed me the most.
That I was betraying him even when I didn’t want to.
My fingers wrapped tight around my pendant, begging it to keep me awake.
I’m sorry.
So sorry.
My strength gave out.
The last thing I felt was his finger slipping inside me—his heat and desperation wrapping me in fire as darkness swallowed me—