Chapter 54
Luisa
Amalfi
The restaurant was tucked into a terrace above the town, lanterns strung from beams overhead throwing soft pools of light over the white tablecloths.
The sea was stretched out dark far below in one direction, moonlight reflecting from it, the stars out in the heavens up above, and inland there was a glimpse of rolling hills and countryside.
Scented flowers, Luisa didn't know what other than that they were tropical, seemed to be everywhere that wasn’t a table or a chair.
And candles, many, many candles on their table.
Romantic didn't do it justice. It was an incredible recommendation.
And sat across the table, smiling, relaxed, the soft light reflecting off her bare shoulders and happy face was Amy, looking absolutely stunning. Luisa was so excited and so happy to be sat there opposite her.
"I wanted to say again," Luisa said not long after they'd ordered, "thank you for flying over." She paused and blushed, a blush that Amy shared. "I know it wasn't quite what you were hoping for when you arrived at the hotel, but... it's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me."
"It's nothing..." Amy replied, though Luisa could tell that she was delighted. "I just... I wanted to see you, and Naomi pointed out to me that I was an idiot not coming here, and well it all seemed so obvious the way she put it."
Luisa reached across and squeezed Amy's hand. "Thank you. It meant a lot.”
Luisa wasn't quite sure how they'd managed to get, in less than twenty-four hours, from Amy walking in on her and Bel to her and Amy sat, relaxed, peaceful, having this romantic meal.
It seemed crazy. But maybe it just reflected the fact that they had genuinely strong feelings for each other, and that they both knew that they wanted to build stronger after what had happened rather than let it all fall apart.
They kept their order simple, grilled fish, steamed vegetables, nothing crazy (“model food,” Amy joked) and they ate in companiable silence on the whole, both content with just being in the other's company.
Eventually, inevitably, one of them brought up the unspoken subject, the elephant in the room as Amy had taught her to say not long after they'd first met.
Amy put down her fork, studied Luisa for a long moment, then said, "We need to figure out what this is.
" Her tone was thoughtful, like there was a problem to solve together, not an issue to confront on their own.
Luisa nodded. "I know. I love you, above everything else, I love you."
"And I love you too... that matters more than anything." Amy took a sip of her wine and continued, "But I think we both want more than this. We pretty much said so to each other last night. Bel, Sarah, Julian, there's complexity for both of us and we want that, I think?"
Exhaling slowly, Luisa replied, "I think we do.
" She glanced down, not trusting herself to make eye contact while she thought, focusing instead on her fingers tracing the condensation on her wine glass.
"I want... I don't want to say this wrong, so please don't take this the wrong way.
.. I want to experience things. Other people.
Before we..." Luisa stopped, uncertain of herself, worried she'd said too much.
"Settle down?" Amy finished the sentence for her.
Luisa smiled faintly. "Yeah."
Amy nodded, and her expression said that she'd known it already.
"I feel the same," she said quietly. "I want you more than anything, but I want to experience what liking women can be, what it can mean.
.. I've been straight all my life." She paused when she saw Luisa grin.
"Oh, I forgot you spent an afternoon drinking with my best friends.
Ok, I've been straightish all my life. Does that word work?
" Luisa nodded. "Good. So straightish and I feel like there is so much that I missed out on by doing that, now that I can be out in the open. "
"Me too," Luisa replied. "I’ve always done things casually with women, and I’ve not had a relationship since I was eighteen. I realised a while back that I’m pansexual, but I’ve continued portraying myself as straight on the whole.
I’d like to experience life being entirely open and honest about my sexuality. I want to make the most of it.”
Amy's hand reached across the table, palm open, and Luisa put her hand in it without hesitation.
It was the most natural thing in the world.
"But we can't do it like we did it this week.
What I did with Sarah, what you did with Bel, it will end us.
I can't... I like Bel, but if I didn't know every time you're away on a shoot whether you might be with her it would kill me inside, bit by bit, until there was nothing left. And I don't want that to happen."
Nodding her agreement, Luisa said, "I agree.
And the same with you and Sarah or whoever.
If we're apart, which we will be sometimes, a long way apart, I can't be there not knowing if you're with her or not.
An open relationship was necessary at first when you were still with James and seeing Sarah, and I had my Julian thing and Bel in the background as well, but now. .. it won't work."
She glanced across the table at Amy and Amy was looking at her intently. Finally, Amy said, "Open together."
"Open together?"
Amy nodded. "If we're open, it's together.
Sometimes that could be literal, so we physically both experience it together with someone.
But sometimes that can just be emotional if we're apart or even if we're not, complete honesty about what we might each be doing with someone else, making sure the other of us is engaged and is comfortable with it. Complete honesty between us.”
Luisa's breath caught, because she realised that it was exactly what she'd wanted and hadn't realised. Not something that replaced what her and Amy got from each other, but something that built on it and allowed them to explore. Together.
"How would that work in practice?" asked Luisa. "Like, do we each need to give each other permission?"
Amy thought for a moment. "We can work out the details over time, I think.
But no, not permission... that would feel weird.
I guess, more giving our blessing? And trusting in each other, that is the most important thing.
So, for example, you mentioned last night your sometimes have.
.. I guess... professional entanglements where you might appreciate some openness? "
Luisa nodded. "Yes... really not often, not often at all.
But sometimes, well, there's a situation where I like someone enough to want something to happen and the professional benefit maybe tips the balance…
but only if the chemistry is there already.
" She paused and looked at Amy with slight scepticism. "You'd be ok with that?"
Nodding thoughtfully, Amy replied, "Yes, I would. If you told me that it was something that you wanted to do, then of course I'd trust your judgment and give you my blessing. Ideally before rather than after. I mean, something like that is essentially how me and Sarah got started..."
Luisa thought for a moment. Blessing rather than permission sounded good. "Open together," Luisa agreed. Two simple words but it felt like an enormous step. “But us above anyone else, most important of all.”
“Us above everyone else.” Amy raised her glass and Luisa tapped hers against it, both women smiling with a mix of excitement and relief.
***
"So... Bel."
They were walking back to the hotel after dinner, hand-in-hand, and Luisa glanced at Amy when she said it.
"Yes...?" Luisa replied, though she was pretty sure she knew where Amy might be going with this.
When she'd come down to the hotel bar fifteen minutes after receiving a hard-to-believe message from Amy that she was having a drink with Bel, she'd found them getting on like they were old friends, talking about a country house that Amy had visited as a child and that, it turned out, belonged to Bel’s grandfather.
It had been uplifting to see, even if she was surprised that Amy had been able to get past Luisa's past with Bel so quickly. But maybe that was just Amy, not wanting to overthink, keen to get on with life and see the positive in everything. She liked that side of Amy a lot.
"Do you think she'd be interested in... I want to put this right… helping us to be open together?"
Luisa stopped and looked at Amy. "You're blushing," she teased, and laughed as Amy went redder.
"Well it's not a question I've ever had to ask before!"
Luisa flashed her most reassuring smile.
“Don't worry, you look cute when you blush.
" She paused to think. "I think she would be.
But we'd need to approach it in the right way.
" Luisa liked the idea of it. Obviously she liked sleeping with Bel or she wouldn't have done it over the years, but involving Amy too.
.. she could think of some possibilities, and all of them were good.
"Which is?"
"Bel wants what she can't have. With me and her, there's always a pretence of nothing beforehand, it's never acknowledged and that's the trigger for her.
Right now, she definitely thinks that both you and I are unobtainable.
For obvious reasons. So... we do nothing to change that.
We don't approach her. Nothing different in how we interact with her tomorrow from today. "
"Ok... then what happens?" Amy looked confused.
"Then... we approach her tomorrow evening. There'll be some sort of party, there always is. Leave it to me, I'll know what to say. Or I might tell you what to say." Luisa hesitated. “You’re sure about this? It could get quite intense quite fast. With three of us I mean.”
Amy shrugged. “I’ve never done… that. Well, that’s not true, there was one time that James and I and one of his teammates, we got very drunk and…” Amy trailed off. “You don’t need to know the details. Let's just say the three of us had fun."
Luisa nodded. “I can fill in the gaps! I’d imagine it would be very different with all of us women.
” Her own thoughts went to a few months before, the launch of Cimarron, and an Austin hotel room with Solana's friend Kelly and her boyfriend Colt.
A crazy but fun night. "I've done it before, with a man and a woman.
It's fun. You just have to leave your ego at the door.
" She paused. "I've done it with just guys too. "
"Too many people trying to put things places?" Amy was grinning.
"Yeah… enough said." Luisa wasn't about to go into detail there, but during her wild period when she first moved to Mexico City the footballer she'd dated hadn't been shy about boundaries with his team mates… which Luisa hadn't minded at all.
“This open together thing is fun!"
Luisa laughed as they carried on walking. "Not as fun as what I've got planned for you when we get back to my room." She leaned over and whispered in Amy's ear. "I borrowed the black bikini with the gold chain..."