CHAPTER ONE
Blair
Present
The strobe lights flashed around me, throwing the club into all shades of blue. The melody of the song currently playing wrapped around my body, and I lost myself in it as I swayed slowly, watching the people in the section overlooking the dance floor.
Gucci, Prada, Bulgari, Valentino—there were all kinds of displays of money here. There were judging looks, hushed whispers, and—above all—envious smiles, showing that no matter how much you had, there would always be something more to wish for. It was the true “beauty” of this world.
Tonight, I didn’t care. Lana, Aurora, and I were here to celebrate my birthday and our recent high school graduation, and it was supposed to be a night free of everyday pressure.
Thanks to the drinks already in my system (or should I say Aurora’s uncle, who was the owner of the club and had set us up with a VIP table loaded with booze, assuring no one would card us), it definitely was.
My body weighed a ton, my vision was blurry, and I was pretty sure I’d lost my balance at least three times since the start of the song, but I was in this carefree bubble I wished could last forever. When I was like this, I didn’t have to think. I didn’t have to remember.
Lana bumped her hip into me as she danced next to me, and I smiled at her, then at Aurora.
She was grinding against a blond guy we’d met earlier in front of us, his hands dipping down her waist until they settled low on her hips.
He was eye fucking me the whole time, though.
Even now, his gaze was on me as he moved Aurora’s hair to the side and buried his face in her neck, making a show out of licking it.
I almost rolled my eyes as I watched Aurora’s eyes flutter closed, her face twisting with an expression of pleasure. The lights turned red, and the music changed to a slower song, guiding their bodies even closer as his hands grew bolder, playing with the edge of her short skirt.
Lana stopped dancing, watching them too. “Damn, I need to get laid.”
I rolled my eyes this time. She tended to say that every few days.
“You have all these guys at your disposal.” I motioned with my hand around the club, catching one guy’s gaze in the distance.
He smiled at me, but I didn’t smile back.
I wasn’t interested. I had a very specific type, and if a guy wasn’t it, I didn’t waste my time on him.
The blond guy said something into Aurora’s ear, and her eyes snapped open, landing on me with a certain kind of glint.
I knew that look, just as I knew what was about to come out of her mouth as she leaned toward me, covering his hand to keep it on her waist.
“Christian wants a threesome with me and you. I’m up for it. You?”
It was a challenge to keep a lazy smile on my face and not grimace. On top of him totally not being my type, threesomes weren’t up my alley. But they were up Lana’s alley, so I caught her hand and pulled her closer so both of them could hear me.
“I’ll pass, but I’m sure Lana would be more than willing.”
Lana raised her brows. “Willing to do what?”
“Have a threesome with Christian and Aurora.”
Lana’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Oh, you bet. Count me in.”
Aurora grinned back at her. “Awesome.” She leaned back into Christian and said something into his ear.
His gaze flickered up to me, and I could almost see his disappointment before he nodded a little too eagerly. He replied something to her, then walked away.
“He said he’d be waiting for us in one of the VIP sections on the other side,” Aurora said to Lana.
“Yeah, babe. I can’t wait.” She teetered over to our table and poured herself a glass of vodka.
Aurora chuckled. “Wait until you see his package. I felt it, and it’s huge.”
Lana’s eyes glinted. “Good. Because the last one I fucked was . . .” She showed his size with her thumb and forefinger, barely separating them.
Aurora burst out laughing, while I snorted.
“The one with the gray Bentley?” Aurora asked.
“Yep. That’s the one. The gear shift was bigger than him.”
Aurora laughed harder, then adjusted her shirt to show more of her cleavage. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us and Christian? It would be a nice birthday present for you.” She winked.
“I’m sure. Maybe next time.”
“What are you going to do while we’re away?” Lana asked me.
I took the bottle of vodka from her and poured myself a glass too. “Enjoy myself.” I downed my drink and smiled. I felt all warm inside.
Lana pulled out her phone. “Let’s take a picture and do LIVE before we go.
” She drew us to her and directed the camera toward us.
“Smile.” She took the picture and uploaded it to her Instagram before starting a LIVE video on TikTok, mentioning that we were celebrating my birthday and our graduation, and that we were having the time of our lives.
“Let’s go,” Aurora said.
Lana nodded and sent kisses to her followers before ending her video.
“See you later,” I told them and watched them push their way through the crowd, losing track of time.
It could have been five or ten minutes after that when I headed to sit down and pour myself another drink. The song changed just then, and the crowd parted enough for me to spot a familiar face by the bar. I froze, my heart lurching in my chest.
No, that couldn’t be him. That couldn’t be Zach right there, leaning casually against the counter all alone as he observed the dancers, a bottle in his hand. My lungs tightened until it got hard to breathe, and I closed my eyes, willing myself to take deep breaths until the pressure loosened.
I kept seeing his face everywhere—at the sets, at parties, even in luxury department stores.
Every single time, it was someone else. Every single time, my heart sank a little more with guilt but also longing.
I wished I could see him. I’d been hoping to see him this whole time, hungry for any clue on his whereabouts . . .
I opened my eyes and blinked a few times to clear my vision. No, that wasn’t Zach, but he looked similar enough for me to keep soaking in his looks.
As though sensing my gaze on him, he looked in my direction, and my pulse skipped. He smiled, raising the bottle to salute me.
Now, he was exactly my type. Everyone who looked like Zach was.
I slipped out of my booth and made my way to him, never breaking our gaze. Anticipation and desire heated my body, and by the time I reached him, I was already too eager for his touch and more.
“Hey, gorgeous,” he said as a way of greeting.
I licked my lips, drawing his gaze to them instantly. “Hi.”
He smiled. “Want a drink?” He motioned to the available barstool next to him.
“I want something else.” I stepped closer to him, making sure to convey with my expression exactly what I had in mind.
This up close, I could spot clear differences between him and Zach, such as the shape and color of his eyes and the width of his jaw and forehead, but I was longing too much for Zach to care about that now.
His smile widened, and he put the bottle on the counter behind him without taking his gaze off me, desire reshaping his features. “Lead the way.”
I was too impatient to get him inside me, so I took him to the nearest restroom and locked the door after us, already reaching for him with my other hand.
Our mouths fused, and I closed my eyes, imagining it was Zach’s hands that were now cupping my ass.
His hardness pressing into me. His lips tracing a hot trail down my neck, muttering soft words.
It was Zach picking me up and depositing me on the counter, spreading my legs wide so he could step in, then putting a condom on.
It was Zach who finally entered me a few seconds later, all hard and hungry for me.
And it was his name I screamed when we came together, pain and longing stronger than ever filling all of it, my heart forever breaking into pieces.
The bright light assaulted me as I opened my eyes, and I immediately closed them, my head exploding with pain.
“Shit.” Too much light.
I pressed my forearm against my eyes, patting the nightstand for my phone until I found it beside the lamp. I lit up the screen and brought it close to my face, squinting at the time. It was almost ten.
My temple throbbed again, and I had to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths before I could open them without feeling like my head would split in two.
I had a few missed texts from Aurora and Lana, and I scrolled through them.
They were talking about last night and how I’d regret not joining them when I heard how good Christian was.
The last text was Aurora telling me they couldn’t wait to tell me all the details when they came over to my house later.
I just replied with a thumbs-up and left my phone on the nightstand, standing to stretch the kinks out of my back. I felt a little sore between my legs, which brought me back to what happened last night. I smiled, but then an ache filled my chest.
That wasn’t the first time I slept with someone who looked like Zach while I imagined it was him—yet another secret I harbored—but it was the first time I’d completely forgotten myself, so overtaken by the fantasy that I called out his name.
The guy wasn’t particularly happy about it, but he couldn’t really complain.
He got laid, and considering he asked for my number afterward anyway, the sex must have been more than good for him.
I didn’t give it to him. I just fixed my dress and left the restroom, not even bothering to look at him. He wasn’t Zach. I could pretend all I wanted, but it wouldn’t make a difference. No one would ever be Zach. And I would never be held by him like I was his most precious thing.