CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT #3
“It’s the only thing I had control of, Blair. Anything else . . . anything else is out of my control.”
I opened my mouth to say something, then closed it because she was right.
We kept giving our parents what they wanted and never considered creating our own future, but for how much longer?
As my gaze moved to the window, I knew I couldn’t see myself doing this anymore.
I didn’t want them to create our future.
I didn’t want to keep allowing them to pressure us in the name of “family.” I didn’t want to have to meet another William again or suffer Dad’s wrath for refusing to do it, especially now that the whole world knew the things I’d done.
So what was the solution?
A spark of an idea came to me, and I grasped Melody’s hands in mine.
“I just thought of something. There could be a way for you—for us—to gain control.”
“How?”
“I could get a place where you and I can live together. You’re turning eighteen soon, and you’ll be able to leave and do anything you want.
We wouldn’t have to keep doing what our parents want.
” Now that I said it out loud, it made a great deal of sense.
I could support her until she was able to take care of herself.
I’d earned enough through my sponsorships to be able to do that.
She gave me a wide gaze. “Where is this coming from?”
“Their control is never-ending. Nothing we do is good enough for them. I never considered disobeying them, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult for me not to. We keep doing everything for them, but for what? They’re just using us.”
Her gaze dropped down. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
I tightened my grip around her hands. “Think about it. We would be free to do whatever we want because we wouldn’t depend on them.”
“What would we depend on? I don’t have any money.”
“But I do. And I’ll support you until you can start earning on your own.”
She frowned and pulled her hands out of mine. “That doesn’t sound right. It could be years until that happens. And you can’t even be sure we’d have enough to get by.”
“So you want to stay here and keep letting them use us? You saw what Dad is capable of. And there’s more you don’t even know.”
“You’re wrong. I know exactly how bad he can get, and that’s why I don’t think your plan could work.”
“But why?”
She stood, marching over to look through the window. “For one, I’m not eighteen yet. I can’t leave.”
“You’ll be able to in just a couple of weeks. It would be enough time for me to find the right place.”
“But once Dad found out about it, he’d take it out on us.”
“He wouldn’t have to find out. We could think of something—”
She clasped her hands together. “Even so, it’s not like we can escape his reach.”
I got to my feet, frowning. “Why do you sound so afraid of him? If he tries to force you to do something, we’ll deal with it at the time.”
“Just like you’re dealing with it?”
My spine went rigid. “What do you mean?”
Her eyes misted over. “You think I don’t know what you did for me? How you took it upon yourself to sacrifice so I wouldn’t have to go and please all the disgusting men Dad associates with?”
So she knew what I was doing the whole time.
My cheeks reddened. “I . . . I didn’t see another option at the time.”
“I know.” Her lips trembled with unshed tears. “But it still hurts knowing what you had to go through. I never asked you to do it. And you never said a word about it to me.”
“If you knew, why didn’t you talk about it with me? Why did you act like you didn’t know anything?”
She tilted her head back, taking a deep breath through her nose. A lone tear slipped down her cheek. “Because I’m not as brave as you, B.”
Oh God.
I rushed to her, pulling her in my embrace. “You are. You’re so strong.”
“No, I’m not. Because if I were, I would’ve stopped you from sacrificing yourself for me. I’m a terrible sister.”
I tightened my grip around her. “No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.” She extricated herself from my embrace. “You should leave me and find a place for yourself. I don’t want you to keep doing things for me.”
“Yeah, right. I’m not leaving you here.”
She shook her head. “Don’t do that. Don’t always think just about me. Think about yourself.”
I gave her a sad smile. “What kind of sister would I be if I did that?”
Her face scrunched up, and she burst out crying.
I pulled her into another embrace, running my hand through her hair. “Shhh. Don’t cry. It’s going to be okay.”
“I’m afraid all you did for me will be for nothing because I feel it’s just a matter of time before Dad forces me to . . . do the same things.”
“No, don’t worry. I’ll make sure he won’t. But in the meantime, I’m going to look for a place, and once I find it, we’re both moving there. We’ll find a way to make it work. Okay?” I drew back to look at her.
Her lips trembled, her eyes so hopeful it broke my heart. “Okay.” She took a deep breath, brushed away her tears with her hands, and within seconds, she was back to her old self, smiling at me. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it. But back to the smoking . . . you have to quit, Melly. You know cigarettes are bad for you.”
She looked down. “I know. I just . . . give me some time, okay? I’ll try.”
I didn’t like that. I wanted her to stop right away, but I didn’t want to pressure her.
“Pinky promise?” I extended my pinky toward her.
“Pinky promise.” She entwined her pinky with mine, then let go. “So. What are you going to do about Tom, I mean, Zach?”
Pain speared my chest. “There’s nothing to do. He’s gone, and we won’t see each other again.”
Her gaze filled with sympathy. “You really care about him?”
I nodded, biting my lip.
“Do you want to be with him?”
The pain in my chest intensified. “We won’t ever be together.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
The memory of his cruelty filled my mind, and my tattoo ached harder.
“No, I don’t want to be with him.” I angled my head. “But why are you asking me this? Do you really like him after all?”
She shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. “No, B. I never saw Zach that way.”
Confusion filled me as I thought about that day by the pool. “But then what about that swimwear you wore that day?”
She dropped her gaze, redness coating her cheeks. “Dad wanted me to wear it. He wanted to see whether I had a good enough body to entice men in case he needed to use me eventually. His words, not mine.”
What the fuck?
I clenched my fists. “He’s going to pay. I promise.”
She nodded. “He has a lot to account for.” She headed for the door. “I’ll be going now. Are you coming?”
I cast a glance around the room, a heavy sensation filling my chest. “I’ll stay here a bit longer.”
She half smiled. “Okay. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
“Just don’t forget to talk to me if you need to. I know you said you’re fine, but I’m here for you. We’re going to get through this together.”
I smiled at her. “Thank you.”
She walked out and closed the door behind her. The silence surrounded me again.
I sat back down on Zach’s bed and took his pillow. I brought it to my face and inhaled his smell. It was a mixture of his body wash and something uniquely his, and I couldn’t hold back anymore. I burst into tears, feeling like my heart was being ripped apart. I pressed my face into the pillow.
Why did it have to be this way? Why did I have to care for him so much when all he did was hurt me?
Why did I want to see him even now? It was all pointless, yet a part of me still wanted him.
Wanted to pretend he hadn’t shattered my heart today, hadn’t branded me with this wretched tattoo. Wanted to pretend we weren’t enemies.
We would never be anything but enemies.
I looked off into the distance as tears ran down my face. I wasn’t going to see him ever again, and I couldn’t suppress the flicker of panic I felt at that.
I tightened my hands around his pillow.
Where did I go from here?
And more importantly—what the hell could I do with my feelings?