Chapter 29 Cal
Sasha shrieked and jumped, wheeling around only to sigh a second later. “Cal, you scared me.” Her shaky smile imitated relief.
“Why’re you here?” I asked.
Sasha ducked her chin as she inched closer. “For the holiday, of course. Remember, we’d talked about me coming over.”
Jesus, fucking, Christ. She’d left me in peace, and stupid me thought it was over. God, I was so damn tired of this.
“No,” I said on a long exhale. “I don’t remember, but if we had, any plans like that were automatically called off when we broke up.”
Sasha giggled and slid her hands around my forearm. “Cal, why’re you so mean?” she whined in a way that probably got her whatever she wanted. Probably even from me in the past.
“I’m not tryin’ to be mean. We broke up.” I tugged my arm to get away from her, but she held firm.
“No, silly, that was a fight. All couples fight.”
“Sasha, I’m tired of having this conversation with you.” I pulled from her grasp again, but she snaked her fingers up the sleeve of my sweater so quickly and gripped me like a vise. “Ow, dammit, stop. That hurts.”
“I can’t hurt you. Cal. You’re so big and strong, and I’m so small.”
Small or not, she was a viper.
I reached with my free hand to pry her off but dropped it just as quickly and gritted my teeth. Every time I touched her, she’d said it had hurt. And she was small. I could take this.
Sasha clocked every flinch and grinned. “See? Ain’t this better?”
“No. Let go of me and leave, Sasha. This is long past ridiculous. We broke up. You shouldn’t be here.”
She dug her sharp nails into my skin, and her pleased expression turned downward. “We’re not over, Calvin.”
I jerked my arm away from her, fighting like mad not to wince at the sting when she only tightened her hold. “Yes, we are. I’m not doin’ this shit with you anymore.”
“Shit? Shit!” she shrieked, and I glanced around as the sound echoed against the house. “This was never shit! You can’t do this to me. We belong together. You’re mine. I ain’t lettin’ you go.”
And she wasn’t, literally. The sting had moved on to a sharp pain. She had to be drawing blood, but I couldn’t turn from the face of the girl I’d once let into my life as it twisted into this crazy person in front of me.
“Sasha, let go,” I barked in her face, making sure not to touch her.
And she did. Sasha dropped my arm and backed off like a scolded puppy. Confused at the drastic change, I stood there, not moving away as I should’ve, so when everyone filed outside on the porch, probably drawn by our shouting, that was what they saw.
Sasha stood close to me—no, cowered, while I towered over her in anger.
Fuck.
“What’s goin’ on out here?” Paw Paw asked.
“Nothin’,” I said, then to Sasha, much quieter, I said, “Nothing,” emphasizing the word slowly. “Now, leave.”
Her chin wobbled as if she might cry, but it was all for show. She made to move around me, stopping at my side, and softly said, “Come back to me, or I’ll never stop makin’ your life hell.”
I didn’t know how to respond but slumped in relief when she walked to her car parked on the street and left.
“You okay, Cal?” Paw Paw asked.
As much as his concern sent a soothing warmth across my shoulders, I hated it hadn’t been Daddy who asked. He stood with his arms crossed, eyes narrowed, then turned and ushered everyone into the house.
“Sara’s pulling pies from the oven. Y’all head back inside,” Daddy said as he waved with his arms to move everyone along.
Paw Paw gave me one last glance and a clipped nod before ducking through the door, leaving Daddy and me on the porch.
A cold breeze swirled around my feet, but I shivered from deep within. I grabbed my forearm, not thinking, then grunted with a fresh stab of pain. Fucking Sasha.
Daddy turned. “What the hell was that?”
I stood there, stunned, mouth open to say something, but nothing came.
He lowered his eyes to where I held my arm to my stomach, then cocked his head. “Calvin—” He wiped his mouth and jaw with his palm, then dropped his hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Yeah. Hell, yeah, I did but was too angry and couldn’t trust what words would come out, so I said nothing.
“Of course not. Acting just like your momma.” Daddy shook his head and huffed.
“Never satisfied with what you have. You think leaving here, going off to college, is going to change your life? You think someone else will be better than that girl? The grass isn’t greener.
Take some responsibility. See the good thing when it’s right in front of you. ”
The fuck? “Who’re you talkin’ to? Me or yourself?”
Daddy startled, then blinked.
“Was Momma your good thing? You tryin’ to own up to your mistakes?”
“Your momma’s got nothing to do with this.”
“Yeah, okay. Momma’s got nothing to do with anything, has she? Not until you wanna blame her for your attitude or the shit you gotta do now that she doesn’t or the crack in this family.”
“Now, that’s enough, Calvin. I’ve got a house full of people. Between you causing a scene in the front yard and your momma snoopin’ in my office, I don’t have time for this.”
“What do you have time for?”
“Not this,” he shouted, then cleared his throat and pulled his shoulders back. “As if this day didn’t already have enough stress …” He shook his head again. “I am so disappointed in you.” With that, he turned and walked inside the house.
“Grrrrragh!” I aimed the frustration at the sky.
Disappointed? How could they not see what they were doing to me?
All of them. Daddy cutting me deep with his words, Momma weighing me down with hers, both leaving me alone to handle Sasha, who fucking scared me more and more.
Sure, I might talk the big talk in front of her, but I hadn’t the first idea how to make this end, how to get her to stop hurting me.
I paced in the yard for a good minute before I had myself in control enough to walk in the house and face everyone.
Side-eye and pity-filled glances met me when I went inside.
Did they think like Daddy and Momma? Was everything my fucking fault?
I rushed to my bathroom and inspected my arm.
Sure enough, Sasha had left cuts on my skin from her nails.
I cleaned them off, bile rising in my gut, and swore to myself I’d never let her touch me again.
I wasn’t sure how I’d accomplish that since I’d been unable to avoid it so far, but I had to do something.
Thankfully, family time only had a few hours left.
My stomach stayed in knots for every second of it.
Momma’s sisters left first with their kids, and Momma left soon after.
I didn’t hear the argument as Daddy walked her out the front door, but the aggressive mumbling and gesturing told me enough.
Cara rolled her eyes, then hugged Paw Paw before racing to her room.
When Daddy came back in, he sighed, lifting his shoulders and snapping his head side to side until his neck popped. Without a word, he headed for the liquor cabinet in the kitchen. Paw Paw patted my arm as he passed and joined Daddy.
Would I be him one day? Would I need alcohol to dull the remnants of a bad relationship that wouldn’t remove its claws?
I ran upstairs, gritting my teeth, biting back words Daddy’d never listen to, but once behind my closed bedroom door, I slipped to the floor and swallowed the tears caused by too many emotions to figure out.
Fuck this day. From the moment I’d opened my eyes, I should’ve closed them again and let Thanksgiving pass me by.
What was I thankful for anyhow? Parents who despised each other and maybe me too?
An ex who wouldn’t leave me alone? A high school career that wouldn’t be good enough to get me out of this fucking state?
After a brief text to Jack, letting him know I was drained, tapped out, I stripped, crawled under my blankets, and sought the comfort of unconsciousness.
The next morning, my head hurt, but I plastered on a passable smile and went downstairs. Cara and Paw Paw were talking in the kitchen. His overnight bag sat at his feet, and Daddy stood beside him, scrolling through his phone.
“There he is,” Paw Paw said. He gave me a strong hug and clapped my back. “You two are welcome at my place anytime.”
“You ready, then?” Daddy asked as if I’d been the only thing delaying them.
Paw Paw glanced at Daddy, who hadn’t looked up from his phone, and frowned. “If this one keeps giving you trouble, send him my way.”
“Good grief,” Daddy muttered and rolled his eyes. He’d done it before, usually when talking to Momma, but for the first time, I saw where Cara had picked it up. I saw family. Three generations in front of me with a disconnection in the middle. It all had my head pounding even more.
Paw Paw chuckled and made to bend over to pick up his bag, but Daddy beat him to it.
“Come on, old man,” Daddy muttered.
“Got him trained,” Paw Paw said with a sly grin and followed Daddy out to the garage.
When the inside door was shut and the garage door rumbled as it opened, I turned to Cara. “Hungry? Makin’ a scrambled egg sandwich.” I hated taking pills and hoped food did the trick to get rid of the pulsing behind my eyes.
Something else that might make me feel better …
Daddy’s gone for a few hours if you want to come over.
Telling Cara about us too, like right now.
Cara eyed my phone when I laid it on the counter. “Sure.”
She hopped onto a barstool and entertained me with the stupid shit our cousins pulled yesterday, but as soon as my phone pinged, I snatched it and checked the message.
Princess
Be there soon.
“Who’re you talkin’ to?”
“Uh.” I locked the screen and sat it face down again.
“Not an answer.”
The sandwiches were done, so I pushed a plate with one across the island to her. “Can you keep a secret?”
Cara rolled her eyes. “Better than you.”
“I’m seeing someone.”
“Is that why Sasha showed up?”
I shrugged. Who knew why that crazy bitch did anything. My forearm ached every time I flexed my hand, reminding me when I only wanted to forget.
“Who is it? Someone from school?”
“It’s Jack.”
She froze with her sandwich close to her mouth, which was now hanging open, then narrowed her eyes. “Jack? As in Rutledge? As in Ty’s brother?”
“Yes to all three.”
Cara took a bite and chewed while she stared so hard at me she could no doubt read my blood pressure.
“As in your enemy,” she said after swallowing her food and taking a sip of milk.
“Not my enemy.”
Cara snorted. “You’re stupid.”
“Huh?”
She huffed and shook her head. “No one’s gonna believe that. Friendly is already a stretch, but datin’? No way.”
“It’s true, and I don’t care who believes it.”
Eyes narrowing again, she cocked her head to one side and chewed more slowly. “You and Jack?”
“Yeah.”
She flipped her head in the opposite direction. “My brother, the football star, and Jack, the soccer star?”
“Yes. Fuckin’ hell, Cara. Me. Jack. Yes, dammit.”
“Okay, calm down, just wanted to make sure.” I still waited for her opinion, which she tortured me by withholding, then finally said, “Okay.”
“Okay?” I waited for okay?
Cara shrugged and shook her head. “Yeah. Did you want a cookie or somethin’?”
“You’re not weirded out about it?”
“No. Well, I mean, I already knew. Y’all have been kinda obvious at it, makin’ eyes at each other and so on.”
I threw my hands in the air. “Then what was all that?”
Cara chuckled. “Of course I had to tease you. It’s what sisters do.”
I smiled for a few more seconds, then let it go. “You’re okay with it? Me being …”
“I don’t care if you’re— Uh, what are you? Bi?”
“Maybe?”
“Cool.” She took another bite. “You really like him?”
“Yeah. He’s coming over.”
“Tellin’ me to get lost?”
“Actually, why aren’t you out with Momma doin’ that Black Friday shit?”
“She couldn’t go first thing this mornin’, so she’s picking me up later.”
“Too busy, huh? Of course.”
I leaned my elbows on the counter so I could stretch across it to be closer. “You doin’ okay?” I waved my arm around the kitchen. “With all their bullshit, I mean.”
She shrugged. “Some days. Momma’s tryin’. I think, anyway. Hey, so, speakin’ of them, I don’t want you to stick around here after graduation.”
“Cara.”
“I’m serious. I’d feel like crap if you did that for me. Daddy was just bein’ a jerk the other night. I’ll be fine.”
“I know you can handle yourself.”
“Good. That settles it.”
Not by a long shot, but I liked her simplistic ideals.