Epilogue
All my planning and preparation was about to pay off. The only thing that could go wrong would be me, which ranked high in the list of possibilities for today.
The promise of winter came early in Boston, and while I’d grown used to it over the last four years, that first super-cold day always snuck up on me.
Clouds hung low and thick on this Saturday in October.
A cold, moist wind should be what had me huddling deeper in my jacket, but unfortunately, it was nerves.
“You okay?” Cal asked as he handed over my to-go coffee from the café close to our new apartment. We usually went inside together, but I waited at his truck, hoping the bite of fall air would clear my mind and settle my anxiety.
It hadn’t.
I nodded and opened his door for him. He grinned like a loon and kissed me quickly before getting behind the wheel.
Cal never got his shot at MIT but came out on top anyway.
By graduation this last spring, he’d had a job waiting for him with a gaming company and his first choice.
We’d celebrated his salary by moving into our new place.
It was smaller but closer to school for me and now work for him.
The only downside was Ty had to move out.
After our freshman year was over and we were no longer required to stay in dorms, we’d gotten a two-bedroom apartment for the three of us.
Ty complained about the noise we made, but it’d been a front.
He liked having us around. While he and I readied for our master’s programs, I’d confessed to him about my plan. About today.
Ty had agreed it was time Cal and I got a place of our own, even if he grumbled the entire time we went hunting for our new homes.
He lucked out with an amazing loft this ballet dude advertised.
Apparently, the guy traveled a lot with his dance troupe or gang, whatever they were called, and wanted someone to house-sit, basically.
Ty would only have to share it when the guy was in town, which wouldn’t be often.
That amazing find for him lifted a bit of stress off my shoulders.
Not all of it, but hopefully soon. Hopefully once Cal said “yes” and this day was over, I could go back to worrying about normal shit, like what was for dinner. Seriously, why was that such a hard choice to make?
“Is this it?” Cal asked, even as he turned off the rural road and under an archway that clearly stated it was indeed the pumpkin patch we were heading to.
He liked it when I navigated instead of the GPS, tossing him directions in a silly voice, but today, I was way too in my head for that kind of creativity.
“Uh, yeah,” I answered anyway.
The place was fairly busy. Couples and families wandered from the parking lot to the long rows of orange in the distance. An authentic-looking barn painted red with white trim sat to one side, with signs proclaiming a store was within instead of horseshit or whatever else was normally inside barns.
I’d found this pumpkin farm last year when this bright idea came to me.
A whole fucking year I’d been preparing for this day.
I’d researched the family-owned business as if I were going to buy them out and knew the owners by first name now.
When I’d approached them with the idea, they were thrilled to be a part of this big day. Now, it was up to me to deliver.
The store inside the barn-not-barn had pumpkin-flavored everything.
I wanted to check it out before we left, but first things first. I grabbed Cal’s hand and marched toward the rows of pumpkins as if the plan would expire in seconds.
I’d written speech after speech, and when I settled on one, I’d memorized it.
If I didn’t get it out soon, I’d forget every word, every letter.
“What’s the hurry, Princess?” Cal chuckled behind me, yanking me to a stop, then wiggling out of my clutching, sweaty hand.
His bright blond hair was even more so on this gloomy day. Like me, he wore jeans and a sweater. His tan jacket had wooden buttons, but he’d left them undone.
“Sorry,” I breathed as I slipped my hands inside the open material to twist in his shirt.
Cal cupped the back of my neck, then tucked my head to his shoulder.
I had limits when it came to displays like this.
I wasn’t as closed off as I used to be, but I wasn’t ready to make out like porn stars either.
A hug, a brief kiss, was fine. Cal never pushed, which made what I was about to do even more of a big deal than it already was.
“Still worried about Ty? You know he can come over whenever he wants. We’ll probably see him more now than when we lived in the same apartment.”
His rumbled laugh made me smile as it warmed my insides. Cal and I had grown since we met five years ago, matured some, but one thing I could always count on with him was his compassion. He cared, deeply, with no ulterior motive than to please others, to make sure everyone was happy.
And the one person he wanted to make sure was happy above any other was me. How could I not lock him down?
I kissed his neck, then his ear, before pulling away enough to return his hint of a smile. “Sorry,” I said again. “Just a bit excited for this.” Fact, just not all of it.
I was excited. Nervous, but excited, delighted, overjoyed, and all of those lovey-dovey emotions rolled into one, which had me shaking with nervousness that I’d fuck up this moment.
“Then let’s not keep them waitin’.”
Rows of pumpkins sat ready to be selected like puppies at a pet store.
For a fruit, they had more personality than I’d expected.
While Cal ooo’d and aww’d over the ones with weird bumps and colors, I discreetly texted the owners to let them know we’d arrived.
According to them, they were a common spot for proposals and even weddings from time to time.
I didn’t know if Cal would want to get married here, but the country setting made me think of Alabama, so maybe he’d like that.
Neat lines of orange were broken only by people, stray wheelbarrows, and one with a little flag marking it the one. We still had a few rows to wander through before we made it there. Perfect. Plenty of time for my stomach to knot even harder. If we didn’t get there soon, I was liable to throw up.
Fuck, just how many pumpkins was I going to have to buy today while I fumbled my way through this?
“Check it out,” Cal said as he batted my arm. “Let’s get the green-and-white one.”
“Don’t you want to see them all?”
Cal made a quick survey of the remaining rows. “I mean, those look boring compared to these guys.”
I rolled my eyes. “No, we will not pick the first pumpkin we see.”
“Why not? It’s a fuckin’ pumpkin.”
“Did you pick the first gay man you saw?”
Cal furrowed his brows and placed his hands on his hips. At my continued heavy breathing and what might have been a grimace on my face, he smoothed his expression and reached for me again. “You sure you’re okay? You look a little sick.”
I sucked my lips in and rubbed my stomach. “Maybe the coffee,” I lied. I’d barely had any of it. The way my insides had gurgled and rolled all morning, the last thing I wanted was an unrelenting need to find the nearest toilet mid-proposal.
“Oh.” Cal turned left and right. “Uh, the store probably has a bathroom.”
“No. No, let’s keep walking. I’ll be fine.”
“You’re sure?” He wasn’t convinced, but neither was I.
“Yeah. Absolutely,” I said, pitched too high. Fuck me. He had to know something was seriously up. Would he figure out what exactly?
Cal, being the sweetheart he was, chatted at my side—trying to distract me, no doubt—while we slowly meandered our way closer and closer to the pumpkin.
“Did you know a lot of people consider pumpkins a vegetable?” Cal asked but didn’t wait for my answer. “They’re a squash, but squash’re one of those hidin’-in-plain-sight veggies.”
“A what?”
“You know, like tomatoes and avocados. They’re all fruits.”
“Mmm,” I hummed as I glanced continuously at the tiny flag that got closer with every step. Like a snake. I was about to be bitten, poisoned for sure, and possibly die an ugly death with anxiety-induced seizures.
When I wasn’t checking how much longer I had until it was time, I glanced at Cal, who worried his bottom lip as he checked on me.
“Every part of the pumpkin is edible too. Maybe we should get more than one so we can try out recipes.”
“Sure.”
“Not a big one, though. Those showy pumpkins don’t taste good. We need the smaller ones for sweets.”
“Okay.”
“Did you know jack-o’-lanterns were originally made out of turnips? Weird, right? They’re so small.”
“Weird.”
This continued until we were on the row with the special pumpkin.
As Cal chattered along, and I mumbled one-word replies, all the things that could go wrong raced in my mind until I was dizzy.
What if someone had switched pumpkins? What if bugs had taken it over?
What if the carving looked stupid and Cal couldn’t read it? What if—
Oh, fuck.
Cal stopped me right next to the tiny flag.
“Princess.” He cupped my cheek and chewed the corner of his bottom lip. “You don’t look so good.”
This was it. My moment. Our moment. The words were there, floating in my brain but not even close to coming out of my mouth. I swallowed hard to wet my throat, then coughed.
Jesus, I was going to fuck this up.
Words? What were words? Had he asked me something?
Cal watched me cautiously, brows furrowing harder with every second, and only then did his pale expression strike me between the eyes. Was he sick too? Maybe there was something in that coffee.
Okay. I had to hurry this along, or we were both about to require a toilet.
“C-Cal.” I paced away and back, clawing my fingers through my hair. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Cal said slowly, as if he already knew that statement was leading to something.
“You … I …” Ugh, I couldn’t remember a single line from that stupid speech. “We’re good together.”