CHAPTER TWELVE #2
The guilt from our wedding night washes over me again.
Leaving her when she was drugged and asking me to stay.
Jesus , I’m fucking this all up. This is what I’ve always wanted.
Ivy. For her to crave me the way I crave her.
And now that we’re married and she’ll be loyalty tested, it’s even more important.
But I can’t risk it. And I don’t know how to stop the things we’ve already set in motion. She’s meant for a life that could take her away from me—permanently—and I can’t lose sight of the job.
Not even for her.
I kiss her forehead, sweeping her wet hair off her cheek and bare shoulder. “This isn’t a good idea right now, Ives. We need to keep it … professional.” Voicing that is the equivalent of ingesting hydrochloric acid.
She nods, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. The amber light glints inside her watery blues like a sea at sunset. So goddamn beautiful .
“Right. Thanks for the massage and the books,” she says, her voice cracking. She clears her throat. “I never thanked you for the books.”
Another example of something that shouldn’t have taken my time—researching, buying, and stocking the library shelves for her with all the best-selling rom-coms and dark romances from the last five years. The mention of that only cements that I need to step away. She confuses everything.
I stand, mindlessly stringing my fingers through her hair, wishing I could explain everything without terrifying her. Without her taking off or hating me. I told her we’d talk it through, and I didn’t do anything to ease her stress or pain. She’s hurting more now.
“Wells”—she buries her head in her pillow, muffling a sniffle—“please go. Please.”
Quietly making my way to the hallway, I stop by my office, grab my keys, and head out for the night. She needs to eat dinner, and I won’t force her to feel awkward with me there.
I’d like to say distancing myself from Ivy has helped. But my little obsession has a permanent residence in my mind. She’s there constantly.
After two more days of training, she begged for ice cream. Gage and Ty were more than happy to volunteer. It may only be a brief drive-through outing, but it’s something. She needed to get out—somewhere other than the heart-wrenching visits with her father.
Glancing at my tracker, I turn to Liam, who’s working on the couch in the great room, before I head for the shower. “The Little Storm will be home in five.”
“You’re losing it, man.” He chuckles, always intent on screwing with me.
Things have been mildly strained between us since he took Ivy out against my orders. His intentions were good, and she isn’t pushing back against my rules now, but it was an unnecessary risk. The way he deals with tension is to stir things up though.
“You said she was the light, but you call her Little Storm. Sounds like you don’t know her at all.”
Liam has a smoothness about him. He’s a charmer, capable of robbing a man of his worth and fucking his wife, all while smiling so charismatically that, somehow, the poor schlep convinces himself he was willing to hand it all over.
That’s precisely why Liam is an asset on our team and why I trust him with my life.
If he thinks he’s justified, he doesn’t hesitate, and in our line of work, hesitation equals death.
If not ours, someone who we’ve vowed to protect.
That quality for my current situation is less desirable. Liam is used to melting panties, winning bets, outfoxing the sly. He lives for the game, the chase. And he’s already mentioned that he has his sights set on my girl.
I tsk, not exposing an ounce of my concern. “Anyone can be the light when the sun is shining. It takes a goddamn force to strike with a crash so bright that even the outlines of the raging clouds are illuminated.”
Liam’s head falls back with a drawn-out sigh. “Fuck.”
That meager exasperation may be the wisest opinion Liam has ever expressed.
He might finally grasp that Ivy is mine, designed for me.
That I know every curve of her face, every strength she hides, every dream she grips.
So, while I pity my friend—my brother —for losing such an extraordinary woman, there is no other option. Ivy will always belong to me.
Having said all we need to say, I leave him to finish his late-night work, but his voice freezes me at my doorway.
“You’re in love with her.”
My gut wrenches. “I’m not—”
“Jesus, for once, shut the fuck up and listen to me, Chief. You know I’m the last person to give advice on this shit.
But we all adore that girl. And it’s fucked everything up because none of it is simple anymore.
It’s a goddamn mess. The thought that we’d turn her over and …
I can’t even …” His tone holds more emotion than Liam ever has—a testament to how this is wearing on us all.
A testament to how much he cares for Ivy.
“I know you think keeping her at arm’s length will help you protect her.
I get that. It’s the way we’ve always done things.
But she’s already in your head. Your thoughts aren’t any clearer.
And she’s lonely and upset. And probably fucking scared.
She deserves … if you don’t give in to it, she’ll find someone who will. ”
I spin around, heart pounding out of my chest, molars grinding. “Don’t start this shit again, Graves.”
He drags a hand down his unshaven face with a shake.
“That’s not a threat. And I wasn’t only talking about me.
It’s the way it’ll be, and you know it. She’s special.
We’re all in this together. We won’t let you lose focus.
I’m sure it comes as a surprise, but I’m not always a motherfucker, and I’m not blind.
But if you don’t step up, you’ll lose her one way or another. ”
He might as well have gut-punched me. The thought of losing her in any capacity is too much to handle.
I should thank him for his warning. It proves he’s trustworthy with her, telling me to step up.
But figuring out how not to fuck this all up is too much right now.
All of it is balled up at the base of my throat, choking me.
So, I nod, letting our eyes connect in understanding, and head to the shower with the hope that, somehow, clarity will rain down on me.