Chapter 30
MILES
London walks past the garage door, heading for the common room, and I return my gaze to the polish rag in my hand until my reflection is staring back at me.
Every part of me misses her.
Every inch of my heart aches without her.
But Cap is right, we need to put space between us for the remainder of her probationary year. I won’t be responsible for anything else bad happening to her. Hell will freeze over before that happens.
“Hammond.”
I turn to find Cap leaning on the garage door.
“Yeah, sir?”
“I’ve got a pile of paperwork with your name on it.”
Of course he does.
My penance for my mistakes, taking up Cap’s slack in all things departmental administration.
Dropping the polish rag into the bucket, I wipe my hands and follow him into his office. He points to a stack on the desk. “These need a second set of eyes over them before I sign off. I have meetings most of today, I need them first thing tomorrow with any amendments.”
“Yes sir.”
He passes me the paperwork before plucking up a red pen and tossing it at me. “They are also confidential.”
I catch the pen midair. “Understood.”
He waves a hand at the door. I’m dismissed.
I take the stairs two at a time and head for the common room. But it’s packed with 43 and 53 having their evening break.
Executing an about turn, I stalk down the hall for my quarters, only to remember the lighting is so shit, I’ll go blind before I make it halfway through the stack.
With a sigh, I duck a head into the locker room. The cleaner is in there, mopping, his headphones on his head as he bops away to a tune. Is there nowhere quiet in this place?
Finally, I wander downstairs to the gym and set up the papers on a bench. Dragging an exercise ball over, I get to work reading every single page.
Done with the first file, I open the second one.
It’s an internal investigation into Schmidt.
No wonder these are confidential.
I start from the top and work my way down each section methodically. This one I have a vested interest in ensuring they are correct. Every detail of that day must be included. His decisions. His lack of leadership. The fact he put two probie lives in danger by ignoring standard protocols.
When I get to the last page of the report, and have gone over the recommendations twice, there are red notes in every margin. I run a hand through my hair. This should feel like justice, but it feels like a consolation prize for Davies’s life.
It will never be enough.
Deciding to control the need for control, ironically, I close the file and move on to the next. What I find surprises me more than the fact Cap let me have a say in Schmidt’s repercussions.
Incident Report(s) - Sexual Assault allegations against G Schmidt ~ Brought forward by Heidi Owens (2016), Renee Arnell (2018), Rebecca Stone (2021).
Holy fuck.
I knew Heids and Schmidt had a history from 41. I never knew what it was, only that it was bad.
It’s taken this long for anything to come to light? For anything to be done?
Motherfuckers.
How the hell did she work alongside the asshole all this time?
I almost don’t want to open this one.
But deciding doing so only makes me another man who refuses to look, I flick the page and read it. Eyes running over the text, my hand slides over my mouth.
Owens’s accounts are first. Her old captain, Kirwan, gets mentioned. He tried to take her allegations higher up. His attempt was rejected. Fucking hell, no wonder Schmiddy hated him. Old Kirby tried to out the fucker.
And got shot down.
That’s why he recommended Heids transfer to 53, I’d bet.
He was protecting her.
I read the other two accounts from Renee and Rebecca and find a similar pattern, albeit from two other stations. Schmidt is a serial asshole. And the boys’ club that the department is allowed him to keep doing it.
“Fuck.”
Heart in my throat, I finish up my read throughs and have a few notes in the margins of the allegations’ pages. When I turn over the next file, I am relieved to find budgets. Columns of figures, lines of items and inventory.
When my back aches from the position I’ve been in for at least three hours, I rise from the ball and return it to the corner of the room.
The house lights are on, but it’s quiet.
I pad down the hallway and the doors are closed. Crew’s sleeping. Dropping the paperwork on my bunk, I use the bathroom before collecting my night’s reading and heading to the common room.
But the silence is deafening.
I’m not used to being apart from the team. Being the odd man out. It’s . . . unsettling.
I gather up the files and wander for the hallway. Maybe Heids is still awake. Making it as far as London’s door, I hear muffled sounds. I stand, motionless, as I listen.
She’s . . . talking in her sleep?
I should keep walking. I should go in there and wrap her in my warmth, my—
Something crashes to the floor inside her quarters.
My hand gravitates to the doorknob. I open my mouth to say her name before my mind catches up with my instinct. Instead, I rest my forehead on her door. It slips from the jamb and opens a little.
Shit.
“Miles?” she utters.
“Yeah,” I rasp.
Her breathing is loud. Like she’s been crying. Like she’s . . .
Every promise I made Cap is pushed aside as every fiber of me that needs to keep her safe flares into existence with a fierce burn.
I release the knob and sink to the floor, my back to the wall by her door.
Head falling back to the wall, I close my eyes.
So close, yet a million miles away.
But it’s the first time she’s spoken to me since the night she came to tell me we shouldn’t do this. Do us.
I miss her voice. One word is nowhere near enough.
As the burn settles, I dip my chin and get back to work on the budget and inventory until my own eyes turn heavy.
Legs stretched across the hallway, I sigh and let them drift closed. Just for a minute.
“Milo,” a soft voice says.
Something presses on my shoulder.
I see London in front of me, her brown eyes lit with happiness, her palm cupping my jaw as it feathers. The ache to hold her, to press her into me until we’re indistinguishable steals my last breath.
“Milo, wake up.”
My shoulder jiggles, a tight grip squeezing it.
My eyes fly open.
Heids is bending over, her face tilted as she cracks a half smile. “Bud, you fell asleep on London watch. It’s seven o’clock.”
“I wasn—I didn’t mean to . . .”
Wait? Seven o’clock in the morning? Fuck.
My heart races in my chest as I gather up the paperwork that’s now littering the hallway floor. London’s door is open. I glance at it before meeting Heidi’s gaze.
“She’s out on a call with 43. Perez went home sick.”
I slept through the alarm? They . . . walked over top of me?
“Nice work, Cap.” Heids winks at me and walks for the common room. I get to work on my bunk with the daylight streaming through my window and finalize the last few bits of paperwork.
The house comes to life slowly, like a giant waking after years of rest. At least, with my fuzzy head and aching back from sleeping up against the wall, it feels that way. Cora is chatting away downstairs.
Right, Monday morning.
Perfect.
The cleaner is vacuuming somewhere near the gym, by the sounds echoing up the stairwell.
The tang of fresh coffee meets my senses, but it doesn’t satisfy me the way it used to. So, to quench the need that arose with the smell, I make myself a Milo in the biggest damn mug I can find.
I’m three-quarters of my way through it when Cap’s office door slams downstairs. I bundle up the paperwork I just finished and wander down the stairs. I hope he takes my notes into consideration.
When I make the office, I find Heids inside. She’s arguing something, passionately. “. . . London lost enough? You, and this department are going to ruin the only good thing 53 has left.”
“That’s enough, Owens, permission retracted.”
Heidi opens her mouth to say something, and he holds up a finger.
Cap walks for the door and opens it, and I can’t move my focus from him or Heidi. Cap glances at me, brows drawn. I slide the files under my arm and brace myself. For what, I don’t know.
“Out, Owens,” Cap says.
Heidi walks to the door and turns back. “It’s cruel keeping them apart, Captain, and you know it.”
She stalks into the foyer before disappearing through the door to the garage.
Cap watches her go before shaking his head. “More heart than all of us put together, that one.” He waves me in. “Which is why I needed your eyes over those documents. Have a seat, Miles.”
I set the files down on the desk and sit in a chair as he rounds the office and drops into his with a long, heavy sigh.
It’s been that kind of a year.
“You have a good friend in Heidi. She is riding my ass over you and London.”
I swallow, not knowing what to do with that.
“Miles, I know I came down harshly on you. But at the time, the situation called for it. I can only imagine how hard this is for you both. Tennison survived the probie year from hell. I couldn’t risk any further complications, I hope you understand that. I hope you can forgive that.”
My mouth gapes a little. “Sir?”
“Those files are the sort of thing a captain has to navigate for their crew, to keep the house lights on and each member safe.”
“I understand.”
More than I thought was possible.
“I’ve worked many stations. Been part of crews that ran like clockwork, like a family who can read each other’s minds and body language. And then there were ones so toxic they made the fire look like the ally.”
“We were a family, sir. Before.”
He simply nods.
“Which is why, in light of the files we both spent hours scouring over, I wanted to let you know that you will take my place the day after my retirement. Thirty days from now.”
“Sir?”
“I never once doubted your commitment to being captain, or to keeping your crew safe. Regrettably, I did doubt your ability to separate your emotions from what needs to happen. Which I understand comes from a narrow-mindedness of my own. You walked into a building condemned by two fellow firefighters with the intentions of saving whoever you could with great risk to yourself. More risk than any other man would have been willing to take. You have proved yourself to be selfless, time and time again.”
“I wanted to bring them both out, sir. I meant to, but I ran out of time. The gear—”
Cap holds a hand up, his throat working. “I know, Miles.”
Cap stands, and I follow his lead.
“Congratulations, Captain Hammond. Take care of this crew of yours like I know you will.”
“Thank you, sir.”
He opens his door and salutes me with two fingers as I walk out, dazed.