20. Victor
Victor
Iwake with a groan, my fucking back and neck killing me. I stretch my arms above my head and arch my back. My shirt rides up, exposing my stomach to the cold air. Fuck, I’ve slept, for who knows how long, but I still feel exhausted.
My eyes drift over to the bed, and I see Nellie sitting up in the hospital bed, my sweet niece Miracle in her arms, as she breastfeeds her. I quickly avert my eyes, not wanting to see my sister’s bare chest. I know it’s a perfectly natural thing, but she’s still my sister.
Yesterday was chaotic. Nellie went into labor, something we weren’t expecting.
The doctor had scheduled for her to be induced next week with a possible C-section.
Guess Miracle had other plans. We were at a baseball game when it happened, watching one of Lincoln's nephews play, when Nellie’s water broke.
We rushed straight to the hospital without getting her bag.
My sweet niece was finally delivered this morning around ten a.m. After we got into a room, Nellie sent Lincoln home to get some rest and to grab her bag.
I stayed with her so she wouldn’t be alone.
After sleeping in that damn recliner, I’m thinking I should’ve offered to get her bag from the house.
“Wakey wakey, Sunshine,” she sing-songs to me. “Sleep good?”
“Like shit,” I snort. “But I can’t complain when you were in labor yesterday and last night. I think you’d win.”
“Damn right, I would. Could you do me a favor and check on Lincoln for me? I’d love to take a shower.”
“Yeah.” I push myself out of the chair and cross the room, heading toward the little storage closet on the wall at the foot of her bed. When I get there, I see her phone’s off the charger and mine is now on it. I turn and stare at her, forehead furrowed as I try to figure out when that happened.
“When the nurse came in to check on me, I had her swap them out,” Nellie tells me. “I knew yours was completely dead and I didn’t want you to miss any client calls.”
“They can always leave a message, and I’d get to them later. Everyone knows I’m here with you and for the birth of my niece. My sweet little Miracle.”
“She is sweet, isn’t she?” I glance back over and see my sister running her hand over the scattering of blonde hair on Miracle’s head. I never knew babies could be born with so much hair. I just assumed they were all born bald.
I open her messages and see a new one waiting from Lincoln. A smile crosses my face as I read it.
“He said he should be here in about thirty minutes or so,” I tell her, summarizing his message. “Lincoln said he slept longer than he intended, but he’s showered, has your bag, and he’s getting us some food. He sent that about thirty minutes ago, so he should be here any time.”
“Thank God,” she says in exasperated relief. “I can already taste the shower.”
“Does a shower have a taste? I mean it doesn’t for me. Am I missing out on something?”
“Don’t piss me off. You know what I mean.”
“You’re hangry. That’s the problem,” I realize.
“Damn right, I am. Did you push out a baby the size of a pumpkin through a pea sized hole? I think not. That takes a lot of energy.”
I hold my hands up in defeat. There’s no way I’m arguing with her because I’ll never win.
We did have some food. The nurses had the cafeteria send us each up a tray but it’s long gone now. It’s not like I ate a lot of it anyway. It was bland and not appetizing at all.
She gives me a look that makes me laugh again. God, I’m so glad I was here for this. To see my little niece come into the world. I may have had my eyes closed at certain points.
I glance down at my phone, just to see if it’s charged or not, when I see a message waiting.
My entire body goes still because it’s from Jake, which means he unblocked me. I’m excited and scared shitless at the same time.
Is he planning to have me arrested for obsessing over him? Yes, I call it obsessing, not stalking. But it’s semantics. He does have friends on the police force since he’s a firefighter.
I can feel the color drain from my face. Not literally but figuratively. My sister must sense a change in me as well.
My fingers tighten around the phone, my knuckles white from how hard I’m gripping it.
"What is it?" she asks.
I look at her.
"Jake messaged me."
Her expression changes immediately. She presses her lips together, and I can hear her teeth grinding.
I told her what happened between us, and she was a little pissed that he wouldn’t listen to me explain.
She agrees that what I did wasn’t the smartest thing.
Initially it was fine, but the way I carried on doing it for months, not coming forward to him and following him around without him knowing.
All mistakes in my better judgment, but I can’t change the past.
"What did he say?"
I swallow, my heart racing as the room starts to spin. I need to sit down before I fall flat onto the floor.
My feet start moving without me thinking. One step in front of the other until I’m back at the reclining chair of agony.
“Victor, what did he say?”
"He's here."
Her eyes widen.
"Here? Like in this city here? Or here in the hospital?"
"City."
I stare at the message again, almost expecting the words to change but they don’t.
"He wants to talk."
"Oh, now he wants to talk?" Her voice rises instantly. And her protective sister instincts kick in. She looks down at the baby in her arms, instantly lowering her voice.
I can't help the tiny laugh that escapes me. She’s going to be doing that a lot. My sister is brash and loud, and now she has tiny ears to think about.
"Yeah," I say quietly. "He said he’s ready to listen. He wants to know why I did it."
My sister's jaw tightens. "He should've listened to you that day, instead of being an asshole."
"Nellie, stop." I implore.
"What? He could've easily listened to you. It's not like you hurt him."
"I know you want to look out for me, but I did hurt him. I get it, and I understand why he’s so upset.
I should've told him," I admit not just to her but to myself.
I was in the wrong. "It wasn't fair. I knew him when we met, and I pretended I didn't. Even after hearing about how he felt about the gifts I was sending, I didn’t come clean. The lie I was living wasn’t something I could hide forever. "
"Whatever." She looks down at the baby, her expression softening. "What are you going to do?"
I stare at the phone in my hand.
"I don't know." The words come out barely above a whisper. I love him so much but I don’t know if I can face him only to be rejected again. It’s too painful. "I love him, Nellie."
My throat tightens, and a pressure builds in my chest. I love him so fucking much that I can’t breathe.
“I know you do, Victor. When you were with him, you were so happy. I heard a lightness in your voice that I haven't heard in a long time.”
"I've been barely surviving these last few days. It takes everything in me just to get out of bed and put a smile on my face."
"Then say yes. Go see him and spill your heart to him. Tell him everything he needs to hear. But tell him how you feel too. Explain why you started sending those gifts. Why you kept doing it for all those months. Why you didn’t tell him.
Make him believe in you again. Most importantly, believe in yourself.
” She pauses, her eyes drifting down to the sleeping bundle in her arms. “But if he rejects you again, then you walk away first. And be done with him. If he reaches out to you again, don’t respond. ”
I don't say anything.
“I don’t know if I can.”
"You have to. You move on. But at least this time, you'll know you told him the truth. The two of you can’t keep going down this path. Either the love the two of you have is enough to move past the mistakes of the past or it’s not.”
I nod slowly.
She's right. God, I hate that she's right.
I stare at his message.
“I bring food.” Lincoln’s deep, cheerful voice fills the room. “And I have a bag for the most beautiful woman in the room so that she can shower.” Lincoln’s eyes move between Nellie and me, his smile morphing into a frown. “Is something wrong? Are you and Miracle okay?”
“No, we’re fine,” Nellie tells him, stopping his pending freak out. “Jake messaged Victor; apparently he’s here, and wants to finally listen to what my brother has to say.”
“Nellie,” Lincoln starts, but she cuts him off.
“Don’t Nellie me.”
“I will. This is between Victor and Jake.” He steps over to me, placing the food and bag on the table by Nellie’s bed.
“Listen, Vic, I love you man; you’re my brother.
But what you did was a little creepy, and I get why he freaked out.
He needed time to be able to hear what you said.
Speak from the heart, and I have a feeling everything will be okay. ”
“Never took you for a romantic,” I tell him, smiling.
“Learned it all from the movies. It’s how I won your sister over. Now let’s eat while the food is hot. Think about what you want to do and then message him with a clear head.”
“Okay.”
Lincoln takes a sleeping Miracle from Nellie and places her in the bassinet before handing out the burgers and fries. I eat slowly, my mind racing over what to do. I finish before them and decide to give them some alone time.
I need a shower and clean clothes. And I don’t have that here.
"I'm going to head out."
Nellie looks at me. "You sure?"
"Yeah." I walk over and lean down, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I love you, sis."
"I love you too."
I straighten back up and step over to my niece. I just look at her for a moment, taking in all her baby-goodness, then bending over, I place a soft kiss on her forehead, not wanting to wake her.
"If you need me, you know I'll bust out of this joint and come handle business."
"I know." I shake my head at my sister’s antics.
"Good."
I take one last look at them.
My sister is sitting against the pillows, her husband beside her, their eyes focused on their daughter. I pull out my phone and quickly snap a picture, wanting to save the moment.
I slip my phone back into my pocket and step into the hallway slowly pulling the door shut behind me.
The second it clicks closed, I exhale and make my way toward the elevator, my thoughts already racing.
He wants to talk. And now I have to decide whether I'm brave enough to finally tell him everything. The elevator doors open, I step inside and press the button for the lobby.
As the doors slide shut, I pull out my phone. My mind is made up. My thumb hovers over his name for a second. Then I type.
Me: I'll meet you. 7pm. I’ll tell you everything.
I hit send before I can change my mind. Whatever happens next, there's no hiding anymore. Not from him. And definitely not from myself. There will be no more secrets. No questions unanswered. And by the end of it, I’ll know exactly where I stand with him.