Chapter 30
Anger burned like charred fingers scraping along his veins as he stalked through the corridors. Varum could barely contain his fury, it burned so hot. The image of Kalyani curled into a tight ball, her hands over her ears, kept flashing in his mind.
When he first entered his home, he hadn’t been too concerned about not seeing her immediately. But it became clear after a quick search that she was gone. Panic had taken hold, leaving him both breathless and terrified that she had left him. That’s what kept going through his mind.
She had left.
Without a farewell.
It was only when he looked at the window to see the lattice still in place that he knew Kalyani hadn’t gone anywhere. His next thought had been that someone had taken her. But that wasn’t right either, because his magic had been in place when he returned.
And if she hadn’t left, and no one had found her, that only left one option—she was still in his home.
Varum had torn up his flat then, opening cabinets, looking under the bed, and behind every door.
The wardrobe had been the last place he checked.
His knees had almost buckled at the sight of her.
Right on the heels of relief was shock, followed closely by alarm.
He’d had to stop himself from reaching for her.
He hadn’t been sure if she was merely sleeping or if she was dead until her eyes fluttered open.
Once he learned why she had been hiding, all he could think about was finding Tanira.
The only way to appease his outrage was if he busted into her home and gave her a piece of his mind.
He knew exactly what he would say to her.
He’d throw off all the confines society dictated and tell her everything he had kept to himself.
How many times had he swallowed the words that had been on his tongue?
How many times had he stayed silent for her sake?
Too damn many.
He heard someone calling his name, but he ignored them and kept walking. What happened to Kalyani would not happen again. He had put her through too much already. It wasn’t right that she should be so terrified.
She never should’ve been in that situation to begin with. If only he had been thinking clearly the day he’d seen her. No matter how much he wished, he couldn’t turn back the clock. All he could do now was keep Kalyani safe until he found a way to get her out of the city and back with her family.
Varum slowed his steps as his anger began to cool, and he could look at the situation with a clear head.
As much as he wanted to let Tanira know he knew she had tried to break into his home, he couldn’t.
She could have known he was at work and wanted a look inside.
If he accused her of attempting to break in, she would know someone was inside.
Even if she wasn’t aware that he was at his desk, she would want to know why he hadn’t answered the door. Either way, he would end up being the one answering questions, and that wasn’t what he wanted.
The only way to stop Tanira from returning to his home was to sever any and all ties between them once and for all. Varum had thought he’d already done that, but it seemed she wasn’t willing to let go. She would once he finished with her.
He had calmed enough by the time he stood outside her door that he knew he wouldn’t do anything reckless to put Kalyani or Nirav in danger.
Just before he knocked, he turned his head to the side and spotted the house he had spent the first four years of his life in.
Someone else lived there now, so he hadn’t been back inside.
Nor would he set foot in that residence again.
Varum took a breath and used the bell pull to announce his presence.
Within moments, the door opened to reveal one of their servants.
They showed Varum inside and asked him to wait in the front room.
He stood, staring at one of the paintings without actually seeing it.
The swish of Tanira’s clothing announced her presence before she entered the room. It gave him enough time to prepare.
“Varum! How exciting that you’re paying me a visit,” she said.
He turned to face her and greeted her with a slight bow of his head. “This isn’t a social call.”
“I know it isn’t about business, so what else could it be?” She walked to a divan and sat before patting the spot next to her.
It was something she had always done, and it always got on his nerves.
“Are you hungry? Thirsty? I’ll ring for some snacks,” Tanira stated.
“I’m fine,” he interjected before she could reach for the small bell on the table beside her.
She froze and then lowered her arm to her lap. This time, when she turned her attention to him, she took a good look. “Has something happened?”
He was glad he had calmed down, because he would’ve fallen right into her trap. She suspected he was here about her trying to get into his home. As much as he wanted to address it, he wouldn’t. Just one more thing for him to swallow, but it was the last time.
“Not at all,” he replied. “After your visit, I thought it prudent for us to talk.”
“About?”
He glanced at the floor and sighed. “You know what.”
“I’m afraid I don’t,” she stated, playing ignorant. “You’re going to have to spell it out for me.”
“About us.”
She flashed him a bright smile. “I knew you hadn’t given up on us.”
“That’s just it. I’ve moved on. You led me to believe when I ended things that you understood it was over.”
Tanira waved away his words. “You were confused. You’ll come around.”
“I won’t.”
“Stop!” she shouted as she shot to her feet. She closed the distance between them until they were nearly toe-to-toe. Then she whispered, “Don’t say another word. It might get back to my father.”
Varum quirked a brow. “I don’t care if he knows.”
“I do,” she replied in another hushed whisper, her hands fisted at her sides. “Don’t you understand I’m trying to save you?”
“Save me? From what?”
Tanira rolled her eyes. “You can’t be that ignorant.”
“It looks like I am. Spell it out,” he demanded.
Her nostrils flared as she glared at him. “If you want to rise from your current social standing, you need me. Having me as your wife will elevate you to where you should’ve been all along if your parents…”
She trailed off, but he didn’t need her to finish. Varum knew exactly what she was about to say. They were the same words Nirav had said countless times.
“I don’t care about raising my station,” he told her.
Tanira’s eyes widened as she took a stumbling step back. “Why not?”
He snorted a derisive laugh as he looked away. “The fact that you have to ask tells me you know nothing about me.”
“I know you deserve more than an office tucked away in a dark corner. I know you deserve for others to stop looking down on you for what your parents did to you.”
Varum’s gaze slid back to her, shocked by her words.
Tanira licked her lips. “I know you deserve a better life.”
“I appreciate your offer, but I’m fine.”
“You aren’t,” she insisted. “When do you smile? Laugh?”
He tilted his head. “You think that by us marrying, I’ll suddenly start smiling and laughing?”
“Aye,” she replied confidently.
“That isn’t how love works.”
“It will,” she insisted. “I love you enough for the both of us. Given time, you’ll come to love me, too.”
Varum glanced at the ceiling. Of all the things he’d thought Tanira might say, it wasn’t this. “You should be with someone who loves you just as much as you love them.”
“But I want you.”
“I’m not someone who can love. Not in the way you want or need. No amount of wealth or social standing will remove the stain upon me. I accepted that long ago. I work to keep the city safe, and that’s enough.”
It was her turn to roll her eyes. “That’s a lie, and we both know it. Why not take the opportunity I’m giving you? Am I so bad?”
He gently grasped her shoulders and looked into her silvery white eyes. “You’re sought after by everyone in the city. Stop wasting your time with me. I’ll only give you heartache.” Varum stepped back and let his hands fall to his sides. “I’m not worth it.”
“You really don’t want me?” she asked in a small voice. Her brow was furrowed in disbelief. “I know I chased you, but I thought you were just playing hard to get.”
“I’m sorry if I led you on, but there is no future for us,” he stated, his voice firm but kind.
A tear rolled out of the corner of her eye onto her cheek. “I can be whoever you want me to be. Just tell me who you want.”
“I want you to be who you are. Don’t change for me or anyone else. Be true to yourself as you always have.”
She grabbed his arm when he started to walk past. He gently removed it and bowed his head before walking out.
Only time would tell if he’d gotten through to Tanira.
He wasn’t comfortable leaving Kalyani alone while they waited for a time to get her out of the city.
Varum didn’t want to ask Nirav for more, but the only other option was for him to stay with Kalyani.
He would lose his position, as lowly as it was.
If he wasn’t in the offices, he wouldn’t stay abreast of what was happening with the patrols. That meant he couldn’t quit. He halted, conflicted about what to do. Every direction he turned put someone in danger. He had already made a huge mistake. He didn’t want to add another on top of it.
Varum backtracked and took one of the hallways to Nirav’s.
“I know that look,” Nirav said after he opened the door. “What happened?”
Varum hesitated. “I don’t want to ask, but I need your help.”
“How many times have I told you I will always have your back?”
“And if this ends in your death?” Varum whispered.
Nirav grinned and motioned him inside. “Then it does. Death finds us all eventually. Wipe the bleak look off your face and tell me what happened.”
It didn’t take long for Varum to explain what had occurred. The anger he thought he had under control rose again as he described how he’d found Kalyani.
“How is she?” Nirav asked.
Varum blew out a breath as he sank into a chair. “She was fine when I left her, but I’d like to get back soon.”
“Of course. Like you, I’m not sure if Tanira will heed your words. I’ll stay with Kalyani until we can get her home.”
“It’s asking a lot,” Varum began.
Nirav held up a hand. “There isn’t anything you can ask me that would be too much. Ever.”
“Thank you.”
“Is there anything else?”
Varum should’ve known he wouldn’t get anything past his friend. “Listening to Tanira made me wonder why I stayed in Tarangarh.”
“We should’ve left when you were young.”
“You asked. I’m the one who wanted to stay.” Because he had hoped that his parents might return.
Nirav drew in a breath and released it. “Let’s deal with one issue at a time. First up, keeping Kalyani safe. I’ll stay with her when you aren’t there.”
“Meanwhile, I’ll figure out a way to get her out.”
“We’ll figure out a way,” Nirav corrected. “Come. Let’s get to your place and check on her.”