Chapter 22
It was just as horrendous outside as Wilma described. The wind fought me endlessly, and if the snow hadn’t been rolling downhill then I probably would have been buried in it. The cane I’d taken from Wilma was the only thing keeping me upright.
I’m coming, Cassian, I’m so sorry.
It was just like last time. I was withering away, alone and helpless, but this time I wasn’t the only one suffering.
Cassian’s request for me to hurry back was the only thing that kept my legs moving.
I could hardly see in front of me with how much snow was blowing, but I knew I would have to come across a patch of ice eventually.
My thoughts and memories felt more familiar the longer I went without that dreadful tea in my system.
The tea left a buzzing in my blood, the same kind that came when I was around the snow king’s magic or when I used the matches.
She was definitely some sort of sorceress, but why she chose to kidnap me, I’d never know.
She knew that Blamore wanted me dead... How would she have known that?
I pushed aside the unanswered questions to focus on each individual step. My face stung from the ruthless wind, and my eyelashes were cluttered with fluffy snowflakes. My fingers twitched toward my bag, the hopeless scenario urging me to reach for a magic that I no longer had.
Lea burned her wish to help us escape the prince, I lost the second during our escape, and the third was destroyed in the river. I was all out of magic, but I had so much left to wish for.
A cliffside barely came into view, displaying the full glow of the rising sun that peered through the storm clouds.
I made my way to the edge, hopeful of getting a better look at my surroundings so I could find my way back to the king.
My knees gave out on me again, the cold too much for my dying nerves to bear as I collapsed into the snow.
I caught myself on my elbows, pausing to catch my breath while inhaling snowflakes with each wheeze.
I’m...I’m coming, Cassian. I won’t leave you alone.
I raised my head, looking down the cliffside where I instantly recognized where I was.
And saw all that I’d lost.
My heart stopped for the second time in my existence as I stared across the horizon at the neighboring mountain peak that once held a glorious castle of ice.
In its place was nothing more than the rubble of what was left.
The glittering towers had melted into lopsided lumps, the perfect walls were marked only by the char of black residue left behind in their place, and the sparkle of its magic had completely vanished.
Wilma was right... They burned it all.
“No...” My voice was lost to the wind, but I could still imagine the sound of it as hot tears poured down my face. “Cassian!”
My voice echoed down the cliff. I could hear it this time. The pain of losing all that time tore through me, pushing my face down into the snow where I muffled my sobs.
It was my fault that this happened. I weakened Cassian with my company, then held the door open for Blamore to destroy what was left of him. All I had ever wanted was to be a better queen, but the only thing I was capable of was making things worse.
Cassian was gone, Blamore was mad, and the people were still suffering a winter too brutal to survive.
Wait... The winter is still ongoing.
I lifted my face out of the snow, my thoughts tumbling as I remembered how Cassian’s magic worked. His ice got harder to control when his emotions were out of control. His castle may have been gone, but he was still here somewhere.
And he was suffering.
There had to be ice somewhere. I pulled myself back to my feet, hunting for any type of shelter that wouldn’t be smothered in dusty snow.
Even the icicles that once decorated the trees had been blown off by the wind.
Still, I continued forward, urging my legs to move no matter the cost. Even if I died out here, I wouldn’t be alone again.
I followed the edge of a cliffside, hugging the earthy wall while balancing on the cane.
Walking became mechanical. My knee cranked forward, my foot screwed itself down, and then my other knee shifted the weight so it could take the next step.
I kept up this tedious pattern until I found the smallest opening to a cave, the mouth nearly completely blocked off by piled snow.
I used the cane to knock the snowy wall down, then climbed inside the hollow opening where I was given a bit of respite from the wind.
The cave was as chilly as an icebox, but there was no lack of reflections to be found.
Ice coated every wall, reminding me of the halls of the ice palace with a tender pull at my heart.
My lungs struggled to catch up with me, but the moment I found my voice, I pressed my palm against the frigid wall, my palm burning in my glove.
“Cassian?” I whispered, my lip wobbling. “Cassian, can you hear me?”
There was no reply at first. Every passing second felt like another month had wasted away. My dead fingers curled against the ice, scratching at the wall through my gloves.
“Cassian, please... I’m here.”
I stared at my hand, my heart shriveling up with my fingers until another palm reflected in the ice, one that was healthy, strong, and pressed tightly to mine. I looked back at the icy wall, a warm ripple rushing up my arm as I spotted the broken blue eyes that I’d missed dearly.
“Safara?” Cassian gasped, his chest heaving like he had sprinted to this corner of the mountain the moment he heard my voice. “Safara, is that really you?”
I could have asked him the same question.
Even though he was trapped in the ice, he looked like he’d just walked through a fire.
His fur cloak was singed black along the ends with a few holes burned through the middle.
His long, ornate sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his top buttons were undone like he’d been too warm to stay bundled.
His perfect hair was more tousled than usual, and his eyes were shadowed like he hadn’t slept in weeks, despite the fact that he didn’t even sleep.
“It’s me,” I said, my fingers shaking more the longer I dissected his disheveled appearance. “I’m so sorry it took me so long to come find you.”
He pressed as close to the ice as he could, kneeling with me in the snow as his eyes traced up and down me.
I couldn’t stop looking at his exposed arms and desperately wishing that I could be pulled into them—not just for comfort, or even for warmth, but because I wanted to feel that he was real, and that I was no longer alone.
“What happened to you?” he rasped, his fingers curling like he was trying to clasp them around me. “Your...your legs. I can’t sense how cold they are.”
I followed his gaze down to my crippled limbs and the cane that rested beside them. I swept my cloak over my legs, embarrassed to let them be seen.
“You weren’t supposed to know,” I whispered.
“Know what?” He inched back, his striking eyes now flicking to my gloved hands. “Safara, why are your hands so cold?”
The fear that filled him crushed me more than I could say. I swallowed back the tears that crawled up my throat, using the strength I still had left to look the king in the eye.
“I’m sick,” I said. “I’ve been sick for a while now, but I didn’t want you to know, because...”
“Don’t tell me...” He sounded so shaky, the words barely clinging to his breath.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s called blackwood poisoning. It will continue to paralyze me until... I’m so sorry, Cassian. I never wanted you to know. I had hoped we would be married before things got this bad.”
“Paralyzed?” Cassian moved closer to the ice, snow flurries swirling behind me and tickling the back of my neck. “Is that why you didn’t come back?”
“Partially,” I explained. “I was trapped by a sorceress who lives up here. She kept me spelled with some sort of tea that altered my sense of time.”
The ice cracked behind me, and his shoulders seemed to sink as understanding washed over him. “Wilma...” He spat out the name like a curse. “I’ve heard of her. I believe she’s the one who sold Blamore the mirror that cursed me.”
“Really?” I could hardly believe it, but at the same time, Blamore had to have gotten the magic from somewhere. Plus, she already knew about Blamore and conveniently didn’t own any mirrors...
I wonder what else she sold him?
“She told me your castle was burned down.” My lip wobbled. “I saw what was left. I thought that you...” I couldn’t look away from his burned cloak, the idea of him being trapped in the flames a tormenting image.
“It’s all right,” he soothed, the snow flurries fading as he pressed his hand against the ice again. “I’m still here, and so are you.” A broken smile pulled at his lips. “I never thought I’d see you again.”
I placed my hand against his, wincing at my curled fingers as I tried to press them flat. He never once pulled away from my sickly touch. Instead, he almost seemed to lean into it, leaving as little space between our souls as possible.
“You’re not angry with me?” I asked, my voice weak.
“Why would I be angry?”
“I... I’m dying.” I admitted the grim truth, but his loving gaze never faltered.
“I already thought that I saw you die once,” he said, his voice cracking and his eyes misty.
“When I saw you crash through the ice in that river, I did everything in my power to save you from the cold, but I couldn’t keep track of you.
Next thing I know, you’re completely gone, and Blamore is burning down my front door.
” He swallowed, his voice sounding choked as I leaned closer, my forehead pressing against the frozen wall.
“The smoke was black and smelled terrible. The heat enveloped everything, and the walls evaporated before I could rebuild them.”
Black smoke…? Oh no, they must have used blackwood to start the fires.
“I had to flee,” he continued. “So I spent all my time looking for you.” He smiled, his breathing short like his heart couldn’t beat properly anymore. “You came back for me, Safara. Even if our time is short, it can’t hurt any more than thinking I had already lost you.”
Dying doesn’t hurt as much the second time.
It was no wonder the winter had gotten so much worse.
But even though we were together now, I doubted that I could help him reclaim his powers before he spiraled back into grief.
Using blackwood to smoke out the king might have seemed like an effective use of dangerous wood, but putting that much poisoned smoke into the atmosphere would have surely affected some of the villagers at the bottom of the mountain.
Just like before, they would be riddled with poison.
What good was a queen that would only do more damage when she left?
“You deserve a better queen than me,” I said. “All I’ve done is lead the enemy to your castle and make your magic worse.”
“Don’t say that,” he said firmly, a cold rush accompanying his shift in tone.
“I may not have a castle, a kingdom, or even a physical form... But I have you. I would rather have you than an empty castle and heartless subjects. I may not be the king of anything but snow and ice, but when I look at you, I’m simply burning within. ”
My breath caught, my hand almost feeling his warmth as he pressed it tighter and tighter against the icy barrier.
“Cassian...”
“Be my queen, Safara,” he said, his heart blazing straight through to mine.
“In sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part, I promise you that I will love and cherish you until the end of your days.” He held out his other hand, and a dainty ring of ice formed in his palm, glittering like a fallen star. “Will you marry me?”
I couldn’t find my voice. The words were trapped in my throat as I stared at the wish I had made so long ago. I wanted to be a better queen, but was this better? The kingdom was still freezing to death, blackwood was still claiming lives, and Cassian had no home to retreat to.
This wasn’t better, but it was my chance to be a queen. That was the first step to granting my wish.
“I will,” I smiled, my spirit rising as his smile grew.
He closed the ring in his palm, and then it reappeared on my hand, the ice growing around my glove so it wouldn’t freeze to my skin.
It was beautiful, the sparkling ice gem glittering almost as enchantingly as the dancing flame on the tip of a match. “But on one condition.”
“Anything,” he said without a moment of hesitation. “Name it, my queen.”
My cheeks flushed at the title, and my ambitions grew. I wasn’t going to waste my life as the snow queen.
“Give me one more chance to be the queen you and Averglas deserve,” I said. “Before I die, I want to find Blamore and break your curse.”