Chapter 7
“Strawberry or grape jelly?” Standing in front of the open refrigerator, I’m glancing over at where Suzy is sitting on one of the bar stools at the counter. She rubs her chin with her head tilted in thought, like this is the most difficult decision she’ll ever make in her life. There’s only one right answer here, so I’m not sure about the holdup. “Come on, little lady. We ain’t got all day.”
Suzy scrunches her nose and narrows her eyes at me. “You’re rude, Uncle Grady. I’ll take strawberry.”
Wrong. Grape is the superior jelly when it comes to a PBJ. But alas, we can’t all have top tier taste, so I select the squeezy container of strawberry jelly out of the door of the fridge and set it on the counter, grabbing the peanut butter and bread from inside the cabinet.
It’s pouring outside, the fat drops pattering against the window rhythmically. It’s been a while since it last rained, and we could definitely use the moisture. Days like this are my favorite. It’s warm outside, but it’s also gray and dreary. There’s just something about an overcast, rainy day that’s so comforting. It makes me want to sit outside undercover with a book and just get lost. Which is exactly what I plan to do once I finish making Suzy lunch.
After I make the peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich, I plop it on a plate with some fresh strawberries and a small handful of goldfish, passing it off to a smiling Suzy. She rips off a bite from the corner of the sandwich, doing a quick little shimmy in her seat. I take that as a job well done. Then I clean up the mess before putting everything away. Just as I’m finishing up, Jade strolls into the kitchen, her hair freshly cleaned and hanging down her back in wet rivulets.
“Mama, look!” Suzy mutters with a mouthful of bread. “Uncle Grady made me lunch.”
“Well, that was awfully nice of him, wasn’t it?” She presses a kiss to the top of Suzy’s head as she passes by, pulling open the fridge and grabbing a Coke. “Want one?” she asks me.
“Sure, thanks.”
Handing me the cold can, she asks, “Wanna go sit on the porch?”
I smirk with a nod, because our love of rain is a shared one. We head outside, and she leaves the back door open. One, so she can keep an eye on Suzy. We can see and hear her clearly from where we’re sitting. And for two, so Mabel can come and go if she wants to—but she probably won’t because she’s a freaking baby when it comes to the rain. She acts like she’ll melt if she gets even a little wet.
“When do you head back to campus?” my sister asks after a few minutes.
I wince before I can stop myself. The closer I get to when fall quarter is set to start, the more dread fills me. I still haven’t told Jade I’m not planning to go back, and the more time that passes, the more I feel like an asshole. Especially knowing what she and Boone are dealing with behind the scenes. She only agreed to let me stay here for the summer—under the guise of me returning to school after. What if I tell her, and she says I can’t stay here anymore? She’d be well within her right to do that, of course. But also, I can’t expect her to offer me a place when she’s about to be going through a divorce. And who knows how long that’ll take, or how rough it’ll be.
When I talked to Boone about it, even though it was brief, it seemed like they were on the same page and being civil, but who knows. Then, on top of all of that, she’s gonna have to worry about her brother? I’m a total jackass. But I don’t really have any other choice. My folks won’t let me move back in with them, and I wouldn’t want to. They’d make it miserable if they knew I’d dropped out of school. I’ve done some work for Powder Ridge Arena, and I’m trying to get on there in a more permanent role, but even if I do, I doubt I’ll be making enough to live on my own.
Still…I can’t put this off forever. Dragging in a deep breath, I avoid her gaze, and quietly say, “I don’t think I want to go back.”
She’s quiet for a moment, and it’s making me more nervous than if she had just blown up on me right off the bat. “How come?” she finally asks. There doesn’t seem to be any anger in her tone.
“Because I’m fucking miserable, Jade.” I scrub my hands over my face before stroking it through my hair, resting my head in my palms.
“Hey,” she utters. “Look at me, please.”
Pulse racing and my stomach in my throat, I turn my head, meeting her gaze.
“I’m not Mom and Dad, you know,” she says softly. “You can talk to me, and I’m not going to judge you or berate you.”
A sense of relief rushes through me. I’m still nervous about how this will all go, but just hearing her say that is reassuring.
“I just can’t do it, Jade.” I shake my head with a sigh. “I was miserable at college, taking classes for shit I didn’t care about. Knowing I was going to graduate this year and have to put the degree to use made me want to scream. I can’t do it… I don’t want to.” Jutting my chin out, I add, “And I’m an adult now. I don’t have to.”
Jade sniggers. “Calm down, killer.”
Glancing over at my sister, I go on. “This isn’t what I want for myself. The idea of working in some corporate office makes me want to gag. And maybe I’m being na?ve, but shouldn’t you at least try to find a career that makes you happy?”
“I agree with you there, Grady,” Jade says. “You don’t have to convince me.”
“You do?”
She nods once. “Do you know what you want to do? If you’re not going back to college, you have to have a way to support yourself.”
“I’ve been talking with Hannah since I worked Stampede Days,” I tell her. “They’re working on opening up a full-time position for photography for their social media accounts and their website.”
Jade smiles. “That would be exciting and an incredible opportunity.”
“It’d probably take me a little bit to get on my feet,” I mutter, avoiding her gaze. “Do you think, maybe… Could I stay here a little while longer?”
My heart thumps, pounding and echoing off my ribs, waiting for her to laugh in my face or tell me no. She doesn’t do either of those things, though.
“Actually, that may work out,” she says, my eyes lifting to hers in surprise.
“Really? How?”
A flash of something—apprehension, possibly—crosses over her face a moment before it’s gone. “Yeah. Well, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” Her body language lets me in on what she’s about to tell me before she even opens her mouth.
“Uh, okay. That sounds ominous. What is it?”
She’s chewing on the corner of her lip like she’s nervous, then proceeds to reiterate everything Boone told me a few weeks ago when he was home. But she gives me much more detail than he did. Not wanting to get Boone in trouble, I act like it’s the first time I’m hearing this information. Emotion is thick in her voice, but similar to Boone, she seems okay with the decision. It seems very mutual.
When she’s finished, I’m left a little confused. “How does me staying here work out, then?”
The flash of nervousness is back, and she runs her fingers through her hair in a way she does when she’s anxious. “I haven’t told Boone this yet because he’s nearing the end of his season, and I don’t want to put any added stress on his shoulders, but I obviously have to go back to work if we’re getting a divorce.”
“Okay...” I’m still not following where I come in.
“You know the place I was working at before I had Suzy?”
I nod.
“Well, I’m still friends with my old boss, and I was talking to her a few weeks ago and they’ve got an opening and would be willing to take me back.” Jade’s anxious energy fizzles away as excitement takes its place. It makes me smile. “The only thing is, they’ve been bought out by a larger company based out of Salt Lake City.”
My eyes go wide, and my brows shoot straight up. “Are you moving to Utah?!”
“No,” she replies with a small laugh. “But they would have to send me there for about six to eight weeks for training, and that’s where you could come in.”
“I’m listening.”
“Boone comes home in a couple of weeks, and I think I can hold off until he’s back before I leave, but it would be a huge, huge help if you could help him with Suzy while I’m gone. He won’t have to work much, but he will have to train and stuff, so having someone here to watch Suzy while he’s gone would be nice. If you do end up getting the job, we can probably work something out with either our parents or Boone’s for times when you’re both gone.”
“I’ll do it,” I blurt out without even thinking.
Jade snorts. “Are you sure? You haven’t even thought about it. I don’t need an answer right away.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I don’t need to think about it. I need a place to stay, and you need help. It’s win-win.”
“Okay, well…thank you.” A smile spreads across Jade’s lips, and it makes me smile too. This feels right, like maybe I’m finally about to go down the path I was always meant to venture before I decided to go to college.
“No, thank you,” I push, waving her off. “Is Boone going to be okay with it?”
“He’ll be fine,” she assures me. “Let me worry about him and you worry about letting Mom and Dad know that you’re dropping out.”
Annnnnd just like that, the dread, the nerves, the clammy hands are all back. “Do I have to?”
“Yes, Grady, you have to tell them. You act like we don’t live in a small town and you won’t run into them at some point. Just tell them.”
“Thank you for letting me stay here, but now I hate you.”
Jade throws her head back and laughs as she gets up from her chair. “Love you too, little bro.”
Patting my head like I’m a child, she sniggers before heading back inside, leaving me out here to do what I’d planned on doing anyway… Reading with the rain as white noise. I spend the better part of the day out here, feeling relaxed and like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Even if a new weight has been put there with the knowledge that I still have to tell my parents. It’s a much smaller, more manageable weight, knowing I won’t have to tell them, and then also ask them to move back home.
I can do this.