Chapter 33
The next three nights pass in a similar fashion, with me unable to sleep and finding my way into Grady’s bed. Being in there, wrapped up in him, with only the two of us around, shouldn’t feel as comforting as it does. I can’t explain it. Neither of us has brought up the elephant in the room, even though we both can feel it. It’s almost like in the middle of the night, when it’s just us, we can pretend what we’re doing is okay. We can pretend we won’t hurt anyone when the truth comes out. Pretend that things won’t change. As unhealthy as that is, I think I need that more than anything right now. And I think Grady does too. The comfort in his eyes when he opens his door at night and sees me standing there, the way he looks at me when we make love, the way he holds on to me afterward…I see it, I feel it. He needs me as much as I need him.
But then, the morning comes, and it’s like everything we shared the night before—the things we talked about, the way our bodies made us feel, the connection we shared, the way we lied wrapped up in each other’s arms—vanishes. Grady puts up his wall, and it’s like nothing ever happened.
How can he pretend he feels nothing?
Unless he really does feel nothing. Maybe it’s just sex for him.
But it can’t be… I see the way he looks at me. There’s no way it’s purely physical.
As I park my truck in front of Colt’s parents’ house, I shake my head free from the spiral I’m about to send myself down, and I climb out before unbuckling Suzy from her car seat and getting her out too. Colt got home from the hospital two days ago, but this is the first time I’m getting to see him since he’s been discharged. The first day his mom said he mostly slept, and then yesterday they had family over.
His dad, Max, is standing on the porch as I approach. Suzy runs up the stairs, standing on her tiptoes as she wraps her arms around him. “Papa Max!”
Crouching down, he pulls her in for a proper hug. “You’re getting bigger every time I see you.”
“I do have a birthday soon,” Suzy states matter-of-factly. “So, I am getting bigger.”
Chuckling, I say, “Your birthday isn’t for another few months. Not exactly what I’d call soon, princess.”
Max stands up and reaches for the screen door. “Nana’s in the kitchen, and I think she could use some help,” he says to Suzy, and her eyes light up before she runs inside without a backward glance.
The Bishops, while not blood related, have always been like family with the Stantons. Suzy has called Max and Trish “Nana and Papa” since she learned how to talk, and Colt has always been her uncle. Same with Shooter and Cope, but she definitely has a preference for Shooter. Probably because he spoils her rotten.
Tipping my chin at him, I shove my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “How’s he doing today?”
Colt suffered shoulder, wrist, and rib injuries from the accident. He had to undergo shoulder reconstructive surgery on his left side for a torn labrum and a torn rotator cuff, his wrist on his dominant side is fractured, but luckily, he didn’t need surgery on that, and he cracked a couple ribs when the bull stepped on him. All in all, he’s pretty beat up, but he’ll be okay in the long run, which is all that really matters.
“Been pretty grouchy all morning, but that’s to be expected,” Max says, pulling out his pack of smokes and lighting one. “He’s pissed about it all, and I can’t say that I blame him.”
If anyone understands what Colt’s going through right now, it’s Max. During his career, he suffered far worse, career-ending injuries that almost killed him. He was in his prime, a name known around the world, when an accident changed everything for him. From what Colt’s told me in the past, it was a hard time in their household after the accident. Colt was little, not even six, I don’t think, but Max fell into a pretty deep depression that was hard to climb back out of. I can’t imagine going through something like that, and he wasn’t much older than Colt when it happened.
“Is it okay if I go in there?”
He nods, taking another drag. “Please. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you. Sterling and Shooter were here earlier, which helped.”
I breathe out a laugh. “Yeah, we all kind of came up with a schedule to come see him before we have to hit the road tomorrow. Daisy and Jessie should be by later this evening with dinner for you guys, and Clem is stopping by tomorrow. We talked it over with Trish, but I’m guessing you may not have heard.”
“You guessed right.” He chuckles. “She’s been a wreck the last few days, but I think it helps now that he’s home from the hospital and we know he’s going to be okay.”
The house is warm and smells like baked goods as I walk in the front door. Banana bread and something else. If I had to guess, Colt’s mom, Trish, is baking to calm her nerves. Growing up, our group of friends always had an abundance of cookies, cakes, and muffins because it’s how she dealt with her feelings. If she was happy, she baked. If she was stressed, she baked.
Speaking of Trish, she pops her head from around the corner that leads to the kitchen. A smile spreads on her face when we make eye contact, and she enters the room, wiping her hands on the tea towel attached to her apron. “Hey, Boone,” she mutters as she pulls me in for a hug. “It’s nice to see you.”
“It’s nice to see you too,” I reply.
“Daddy, look!” Suzy rounds the corner, a huge smile on her face as she shows me the apron she’s wearing that’s perfectly her size but matches the one Trish is wearing. “Look what Nana got for me!”
“Denise made that for her,” Trish says, grinning. “Isn’t it cute?”
“It is,” I agree. “Did you say thank you?”
“Of course, she did,” Trish mutters. “She knows her manners.” She winks at Suzy, and then Suzy giggles.
Nodding toward the kitchen, I say, “Smells good, whatever you’re baking.”
“I’ll fix a plate for you to take home when you leave.” Gesturing toward the staircase, she says, “Colt’s up in his room.”
“Thanks.” I smile before taking off up the stairs. I’ve been inside this house almost as much as my own, so I know it like the back of my hand. Despite the age difference between Colt and I, we were still pretty close growing up, especially as teenagers. Mostly because our parents are such good friends, too.
Colt’s childhood home is very welcoming and traditional. Photos of Colt and his twin sister, Cora, line the halls, there’re trophies and awards from all their achievements growing up. You can feel the love between these four walls. Second door down on the right-hand side is Colt’s. Bringing a fist up, I rap on the wood softly, waiting for the muffled consent to enter. He’s propped up on his bed, half sitting, half lying down, when I walk in, and the TV on his dresser is on, playing some movie I don’t think I’ve ever seen.
“Hey, man.” Shutting the door behind me, I cross the space, and sit down in the desk chair that’s beside his bed. “How you feeling?”
“Like I got stepped on by a bull.” Colt chuckles deeply, then immediately winces. “Ow, fuck, that hurts.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry, Colt.”
“Eh, hazards of the job, right?”
I nod, because, yeah, it really is. We all know the risks going in. “Do you know how long you’re staying here?”
“Probably just until I can move around and do basic things without being in excruciating pain. It was the best solution we could come up with that didn’t involve one or both of my parents stuck staying at my place.” He turns off the movie, tossing the remote aside. “You guys leaving tomorrow?”
Now it’s my turn to wince. Colt’s out for the rest of the season, which was to be expected, but I still feel like shit talking about it. “Yeah, in the morning. Do they think you’ll be better by next season?”
“Who knows.” He blows out a breath. “I’ll have to do a ton of physical therapy as soon as I can. Hopefully, since it’s so far away, I’ll be fine.”
Meeting his gaze, I say, “I know you’re disappointed that your season is over, but I’m really fucking glad you’re okay, man. It could’ve been so much worse, and I know that doesn’t make anything easier right now, but I’m glad you’re here.”
His lips are pressed into a tight line, eyebrows crushed together, and his eyes are bloodshot and a little glossy. My heart aches for him and what he’s going through. “Fucking sucks,” he mutters. “Not gonna lie. I was having a great season, was on track to smoke your ass.”
“Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far,” I tease, breathing out a laugh.
He flips me off with his good hand. “Tell me something juicy to get my mind off this shit.”
I spend the next little while filling him in on everything that’s gone on with Grady and I since the last time we talked about it. His eyes are wide with surprise the entire time as he listens intently. When I’m finished, it feels like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t realize how badly I needed to get it all out there until just now.
“Damn,” he breathes. “You really know how to deliver when a man is down and needs distraction.”
“Glad I can be of service,” I deadpan.
“But for real, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “I want to tell Jade. I want to get it out of the way, so she can react however she needs to react, and we can hopefully put it past us.”
Colt snorts, then winces again. “You really think she’s just going to get over it, and you and Grady will get to live happily ever after?”
“Well, no, I’m sure she’s going to be pissed and hurt, but I know Jade, and when it comes down to it, I think once she’s allowed herself to feel how she feels, I think she’ll want us to be happy.”
“I don’t know, buddy. You’re banging her little brother.”
“Okay, when you say it like that, it sounds perverted. He’s an adult.”
“I know that, but it’s not like you moved on with some stranger. You moved on with her brother. That’s going to sting.”
Heaving a sigh, I run a hand over my mouth, smoothing out my mustache. “So, what do you suggest?”
“Why the hell are you looking at me like I’m the know all, be all love guru? You act like I’ve ever held a serious relationship in my life.”
“No, but you clearly have an opinion,” I counter. “So, let’s hear it.”
“I think what you two have, while intense, is still new. If it were me, I’d probably wait and see where it goes while you’re on the road the rest of this season, and if it still feels real and serious by the time you get home, then maybe sit down with her, and tell her. No reason to stir shit up now when it very well could fizzle out.”
Suddenly, my hackles rise as I feel oddly defensive about what Grady and I share. “It’s not going to fizzle out,” I growl.
“Relax.” A smirk spreads on Colt’s face. “I’m just saying. Give it time. What’s the difference if you tell her now versus in September, honestly?”
“The fact that I wouldn’t have to continue to lie?”
“Boone…listen to me or don’t listen to me, I don’t really care. You’re a big boy and can do what you want. But I’m about to take my meds, and it’s going to make me sleepy, so it’s been real. Goodbye.”
I can’t help but chuckle at his bluntness as I raise off the chair. “Thanks for the advice, Colt. I plan to check in frequently, so don’t ignore my messages.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Love you. I’m glad you’re going to be okay.”
His features soften as he glances up at me. “Thanks. Love you, too, man.”
During the drive home, I think over what he said. Colt does have a point, not that I’d ever tell him as much. Maybe waiting until we get back home from the circuit would be the smarter move. It would give us time to figure out whatever this is between us without pressure.
It’s something to consider.
It’s just after nine,and I’m finally getting around to doing the dinner dishes. Suzy went to bed about an hour ago after the sugar high she had from eating all the desserts at Colt’s parents’ house. Music plays softly from the Bluetooth speaker that’s hooked up to my phone as I rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher.
I’m just finishing wiping down the counters when Jade strolls into the kitchen. She’s been spending a lot of time in her room lately, and it’s probably because it’s a little awkward living with your ex-spouse. We may co-parent and get along just fine, but even for me, it’s weird living together still. We’re rectifying that as soon as the season is over, but still, I’m sure it’s not fun for her having her ex-husband all up in her space.
“Hey,” I toss over my shoulder, putting a detergent pod in the dishwasher and starting it.
“Can we talk, please?”
Glancing over at her, she takes a seat on one of the bar stools at the counter, and she doesn’t look happy. I dry my hands, toss the rag on the counter, and turn around to face her, propping my butt on the counter.
“Sure, what’s up?”
Jade won’t look at me. Her jaw is clenched, and she’s messing with her hands, which is a strong tell that she’s pissed. “I debated on whether I should even say anything because, in a normal circumstance, it really wouldn’t be any of my business, but the longer I sat with this, the more angry it made me, and the more I knew I couldn’t not say anything.”
Oh, fuck. Please don’t let this be about what I think it’s about.
“Jade, what’s going on?”
“The other night, I woke up with a scratchy throat. My water bottle wasn’t by my bed like it usually was.” No, no, no. “So, I decided to go downstairs and get a glass of water before going back to bed.” Shit. Fuck. My heart is hammering inside my chest, sweat sheeting my body. It happens in slow motion. Painfully slow. “Imagine my surprise when I round the corner to come into my kitchen and find you and Grady already in there.”
“Jade—”
“No, Boone,” she cuts me off. “How long has this been going on?”
I’m frozen. I don’t know what to say, or where to go from here. Colt’s advice to wait until the end of the season, see where Grady and I go, is all out the window now. My knee-jerk reaction, as much as I hate to admit it, is to lie, but I can’t. She saw us. How much did she see? I replay that night in my head, letting out only a sliver of relief when I recall that the most we did in the kitchen was kiss. Everything else was done behind the privacy of his closed door.
As if things couldn’t get any worse, before I can even try to explain myself, I hear it. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, my blood running ice cold as the creak of Grady’s door reaches my ears. At the same time, Jade and I slowly look in that direction, and I swear my heart stops beating as I watch Grady waltz out of his room. He comes to an abrupt stop when he looks up and sees both of us watching him.
“Uh, hi?” he mutters, confusion clear in his tone.
This won’t end well.