Chapter Eight #3
“Yes. We’ve known each other for years. I’ve dined with her and Otto enough to say we’re more than acquaintances.
Once we were engaged, we went to a lot of functions together, but…
” Could it even be called dating? “Honestly, that was more of a paid escort situation. Without the sex,” he added with self-deprecation.
“You didn’t have sex with her?” She tucked her chin, skeptical.
“Now who’s making snap judgments about promiscuity?”
“It’s not promiscuous to have sex within a committed relationship. You were engaged for a long time.” She was still wearing a look of incredulity. “It’s a reasonable assumption that you would have slept with her.”
“I barely kissed her.” It seemed important to him that she know that, but he didn’t dwell on why. “I wasn’t attracted to her, and I was under the impression her interest was directed elsewhere.”
“But you were going to marry her anyway?”
“It was a business arrangement.”
“Isn’t that what this is?” She pointed between them. “Would you have had sex with her if you actually married her?”
“Probably not,” he said truthfully. “We had planned to divorce after a year, same as this. I didn’t expect our engagement to last so long, but it turns out you don’t actually die if you don’t have sex. It just feels like you will.”
“But you want to have sex with me?” That was not an invitation. It was barely a question. Her arms were folded, her shoulders stiff. Unreceptive.
“I do,” he said, keeping a tight rein on his libido.
“Why? Because you’re horny after going without for so long? And I’m convenient?” Her jaw lifted to a belligerent angle, but her eyes were full of watchful, vulnerable shadows.
His desire for her was far more personal than that, not that he was comfortable admitting it.
“I want to have sex with you because we react to each other. Whether this level of desire is convenient is very much up for debate.” His guts were tangled in knots of want and his own resistance, not wanting to be pulled this hard.
“What exactly is the reason for this line of questioning? Are you angry that I called this a honeymoon? We don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to.
” It hurt at a cell-deep level to say that.
His libido howled and fought being shoved into its crate.
“I don’t think I’d sell that lie very convincingly after what happened on the plane, would I?” She looked past him to the windows, cheeks bright pink, brow gathered in disgruntlement. “That’s why I thought you must think I’m someone who falls into bed with anyone who flips a bill at me.”
“I don’t.” The sharp claws that were clenched around his vitals shifted, taking a piercing grip into his groin. “This is a conversation we should have, though, so tell me what you’re thinking.”
“That I wish I was the sort of person who did sleep around,” she admitted with a tight press of her lips. “I’ve only slept with one man, and I attached way too much emotion to it. That didn’t serve me at all.”
One?
“The man you lived with?” How could he instantly feel so much resentment toward a stranger? A single, solitary man with whom she regretted becoming too attached. “What happened?”
“Short answer? I let him use me.” She sent him a faint, ironic smile as she let that penetrate. “Not in the way you’re doing it. At least you’re open about how you want to use me.” She looked to the floor, brow heavy with self-recrimination. “I didn’t see what he was doing for a long time.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. It was gradual. Like, he forgot his wallet so I would buy lunch.
Then it was bigger items. A jacket he wanted.
He would promise to pay me back, but when I asked him about it, he’d point out that his parents hadn’t set up a college fund for him the way mine had.
Somehow, he made me feel petty for having more and wanting to be paid back.
It was a rough time. I had just lost Mom and learned that Lorena was dead.
I wanted someone in my life I could count on. ”
“And he took advantage of that.” He really did hate this other man.
“He said that living together would be cheaper, and it was. For him,” she said on a snort.
“I paid the rent. He swore that it would all wash out as soon as he got through dental school and started working. I don’t know if it was a line or if he really believed it, but I believed it.
So, when he couldn’t finish an assignment, I did it for him.
When his tuition was due, I paid it. And when it came down to choosing between my dance aspirations or working full-time to pay the bills, I picked the wrong horse.
I thought he was my person, though. That we were in love.
You support the people you love, right?”
This was the problem with love. It became a liability. It might be nice to have, but it did not pay the bills.
“He told you he loved you? To keep you there?” It was exactly the guilt trip that tightened his skin and made him prickly with ire.
She nodded, expression flexing in shame.
“I will never lie to you like that, Joy. If you need love in order to have sex, then I understand. I’ll leave you alone.” And he would throw himself off the balcony because the next year was going to hurt.
She searched his gaze until he began to feel it like too much sun on his face. “I don’t think I could sell that lie very well, either,” she said with a break in her voice and looked away.
The tug in his groin was visceral. Dear God, she was going to kill him, dancing around the pole between yes and no.
“That’s one of the reasons I thought I could go through with this marriage.” She trailed her fingertips along the edge of the desk. “I confused sex and love before, but I don’t love you. How could I?”
Ouch. He didn’t know why that stung, but it did.
“We’ve only known each other a few days,” she clarified, brow pulled in consternation. “I thought that meant I was safe from you yanking me around by my emotions. I didn’t expect we’d jump straight into a physical relationship. I didn’t know you would make me want one.”
He bit back a groan. His ears stung, he was straining so hard to catch every word spilling from her lips.
“You already hold all the financial cards. Now you want this from me, too?”
“Most of my relationships are transactional. I admit that,” he said grittily. “But you already gave me leverage with Otto that I wouldn’t otherwise have. As long as you stay married to me and play your part, you don’t owe me a damned thing. I’m not trying to extract more from you.”
“No?” Her brows went up.
“No. If we have sex, it’s because we want each other.”
“Do you want me, though?”
“You doubt it?” No one had ever said anything so astounding to him.
“You’re very hot and cold.” Her mouth softened into a pout. “‘I can wait,’” she quoted mockingly. “You had no trouble walking away from me on the plane.”
“Do you think that was easy?” he asked with a rasp in his throat. “I only meant to kiss you, and you damn near turned me inside out. One of us has to keep a few brain cells working. Otherwise, we’re liable to burn this place to the ground.”
“Really?” Her mouth tilted with shy amusement, and her lashes flared. He suspected if he stood closer, he would have seen her pupils explode.
The air became fully charged with the electricity they’d both been trying to ignore. Sparks of heat began to catch in him like hungry flames on dry grass, threatening to surge forward in an uncontrolled sweep of licking fire.
“Really,” he said in a voice that had dropped into the pit of his chest. “If you want more orgasms like that one on the plane, get the hell into that bedroom and take off your clothes.” He pointed.
Oh, she hated being told what to do. It was very exciting, the way she stood taller and lifted her chin to that haughty angle.
Wordlessly, in the way of an old aristocrat dropping a glove, she pushed her jacket off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor.
She set her boot on the edge of the chair and lowered the zip.
The boot hit the floor, then the other. She held his gaze as she peeled her shirt up and off, revealing a pale purple bra with translucent arcs across the tops of the cups.
Her jeans relaxed across her hips as she released the button and fly.
With a wiggle, she dropped them, leaving her yellow thong in place.
When she reached to open the front closure on her bra, he let his beast off its leash.