2. Evie Wilder
Chapter two
Evie Wilder
I want to scream. Or throw something at my ridiculous brother’s head. Maybe both. Instead, I seethe quietly while resting a hand on my son Beckham’s back. I don’t want to make him upset by yelling, even if my brother deserves it for showing up announced and unwelcome. I glare as I wait for him to answer my question.
“Everyone is worried about you, Evie,” Drew says in a placating tone that only makes my anger increase.
“So you thought that instead of–I don’t know– calling , you should show up at my apartment building?” It’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep my voice level.
Drew’s expression darkens. “Would you have answered? Because your track record says otherwise.”
His words sting like lemon juice on a paper cut. I wish he was wrong, but he’s not. While I was with my ex-husband I cut off communication from my family and friends, then when my life fell apart it seemed easier to stay away than share how much of a mess I am.
“I talked to Kayla last week,” I say, trying to defend myself.
That was the first call I’d made in months. I’d texted occasionally to try and keep Drew from doing this very thing, but never called. I was worried that they would hear how broken I am. It looks like my concern was warranted. I wish I wouldn’t have called, but I was desperate. Beckham was screaming and I had no one else to ask what to do. It was either call the pediatrician or call Drew’s wife Kayla–the only mom I could think of. It turns out he was just colicky, but I’ve been so exhausted I was terrified something serious was wrong. She then offered to send me some items that helped her with her son Archie. In my weakened state, I gave up my address.
“Yes, and that’s why I felt I had to come. She said you sounded like you were on the edge of a breakdown.”
Thanks a lot, Kayla. Way to make a girl feel good.
“Well, I’m not. I’m fine, so you can go now.”
Drew shakes his head, making anger swell within me once more. “I’m not leaving until I make sure you’re okay.”
“Based on your actions, I doubt anything will convince you of that,” I say and he sighs.
“I just want to talk, Evie. Have lunch with us.”
My eyes flick over to the other half of the us he’s referencing. Maverick Carter. My stomach somersaults at the sight of him. I forgot just how tall he was, and muscular . I note the broadness of his chest and the strain of his biceps against the deep green flannel he’s wearing. If there’s anything worse than Drew being here, it’s Maverick being by his side. Not that I would expect anything less. They’re practically brothers and have shown up for me together time and time again. This time though, I’m not happy to see him.
His warm brown eyes watch me in the unnervingly perceptive way only he possesses. He’s always been able to see right through me. I don’t need that today. I do my best to erect wall after impenetrable wall around my emotions. The only things he needs to see are anger and frustration. The heartbreak is for me and me alone. I tear my gaze away from him. Hiding my emotions will be a lot easier if I avoid looking at him.
“Fine. We can do lunch. Text me where you want to meet.”
“You’re the local, why don’t you–” he cuts off when I shoot him a dark look. “We’ll Google it.”
I nod then turn around without another word. This is not what I needed today. My hands shake as I press the up button by the elevator. I feel my eyes start to burn as I step inside. The doors slide shut, leaving me alone. Away from Drew’s concerned expression. Away from Maverick’s perceptive gaze.
All that’s left is me, my thoughts, and Beckham. Sweet baby Beckham who doesn’t know that my chest is heaving because panic is twisting around my lungs like a boa constrictor. Or that the little wet spot on his head that I dry with my sleeve is from his mommy’s tears. He’s blissfully unaware–at least, that’s what I hope. I don’t know if babies can pick up on emotions.
I suck in a shuddery breath as I step onto my floor. I can’t let them see what’s really going on. My heart can only handle so much. If my brother knew everything that’s happened to me…he’d be so disappointed. He probably already is, but I can’t stomach seeing the pity on his face. And if Maverick was there to witness it? I’d never recover. The minuscule work I’ve done to pick up the pieces of my life would be lost once more.
I left Georgia for New York to chase my dreams of being a fashion photographer. I’d achieved that dream, and lived a life my brother and Maverick would be proud of…for a little while. Then I met Ezra and put him at the center of my life. I let him manipulate me into ignoring my family and friends. Only for him to cheat on me.
Beckham makes a tiny noise as I open the door to our apartment. The one I got after leaving Ezra. There are still boxes everywhere. Bone-deep exhaustion doesn’t lend well to productivity. I kiss the top of my son’s head, breathing in his sweet baby scent. It calms my nerves, but only slightly.
“It’s going to be okay,” I whisper into his tuft of brown hair. “We’re going to get through this.” I’ve repeated that phrase since before he was born. Hoping beyond hope that if I say it enough, one day it'll ring true.
The sky is bright and cheery as I walk through SoHo. It’s a direct contrast to the storm brewing inside me. I tug the sunshade over Beckham’s stroller to shield him from the harsh rays.
“I wish I could hide in there with you,” I say to him.
It would be much preferred over seeing Drew and Maverick again. I should have changed into something more fashionable in case I ran into a coworker, but lately it’s been hard to see myself in anything other than baggy sweaters and pants that stretch. My old clothes don’t fit the same. And lately I’ve been on a tightrope, taking careful steps to avoid an emotional breakdown. Putting on an outfit that doesn’t fit would send me tumbling down.
One of my coworkers, Giana, steps out of a French café a few feet ahead. The restaurant is popular for lunch amongst many of the people I work with. It’s classy and screams luxury. Giana does too in her tailored cream pants and crisp white shirt. Her glossy blonde hair is in a sleek bun and the gold statement earrings she’s sporting glint in the light. She looks like a corporate Barbie, while I look like I stole a knit blanket from my grandmother and draped it over myself. She cannot see me like this. I duck my head and attempt to blend into the crowd, holding my breath. Thankfully, she doesn’t spot me. I’ve got plenty of humiliation ahead of me, I don’t need to add to it.
I haven’t been into the office much since Beckham was born. I took the six weeks maternity leave that Cleo Magazine gives all its employees, but the last two weeks have been me sporadically going to shoots that I’m able to take Beckham with me to. He’s so small, and spends the whole time in a sling on my chest, that it hasn’t really been a problem. It’s hard to handle my camera when I can’t let it hang off a strap, but besides that I’ve been able to work a little. I know eventually I’ll need to find a sitter, but he’s so tiny . I can’t imagine leaving him for hours each day. My throat tightens just thinking about it.
I make it to the pub Drew texted me to meet him at without running into any other colleagues. He actually chose a decent spot, though it usually has a few too many tourists for my taste. Everyone I know prides themselves on being a local, even if they’ve only lived here a year .
When I walk inside, I scan the restaurant for the two people I want to run and hide from. Well, they aren’t the only two people. It’s actually a fairly long list as of late. They’re in the top five though.
“Evie!” Drew calls out from a booth in the back. I breathe a sigh of relief that we’re seated away from the windows.
It’s hard to navigate the full restaurant with a stroller, but I manage. I slide into the booth across from Maverick and Drew. The two of them fill the bench, with Maverick’s leg poking out like he can’t entirely fit. I appreciate that neither of them tried to sit next to me. Their consideration for my feelings seems foolish though, since they showed up unannounced at my apartment building this morning. My anger from earlier has dissipated some in the wake of my tears, but I’m still upset that they ambushed me.
“I’m glad you came,” Drew says. Maverick nods in agreement.
“I hope I don’t regret it,” I say what’s on my mind. It comes out a touch meaner than I intended. Drew’s hopeful smile falls. Maverick simply watches me with his infuriatingly calm expression. I wish he’d show some kind of emotion. Maybe it’s best he doesn’t though. He’s likely holding back a lot of anger for how I treated him. I should probably be begging him and Drew for forgiveness, but if I did that I’d have to reveal everything that’s gone wrong.
“I didn’t get to meet my nephew earlier,” Drew says instead of acknowledging my words. I bite the inside of my cheek as emotion wells up within me. “Can I see him?”
“Of course,” I whisper, barely able to get out the words.
I blink back tears as I pull the sunshade, then reach into the stroller and gently pick up a snoozing Beckham. Drew takes him from me, holding him like the experienced dad he is. The smile that takes over his face is a knife to my heart. I can see the love for my son pouring off of him in waves. My brother is an uncle.
“His name is Beckham,” I say, and almost leave out the rest. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it together. “Beckham Drew Wilder.”
Drew’s eyes spring up to mine, tears shining within them. “You named him after me?” he rasps out.
I nod, incapable of speaking.
“Evie…” he trails off, shaking his head. He swallows before speaking again. “I thought you hated me.”
I rear back, feeling as though I’ve been physically hit.
“Hated you? No, I–” I cut myself off, unsure of what to say.
He can’t know about Ezra. If he knew how he manipulated me and controlled me, only to cheat on me…he’d kill him. I look down at my hands. He hasn’t noticed the lack of a ring. I planned on telling him it doesn’t fit right now, which is probably true. I wouldn’t know, since I left it on Ezra’s kitchen counter with the divorce papers months ago. Eventually I’ll tell him we divorced, but not right now. I can’t have him trying to baby me. I just need some time to get my feet back under me, that’s all.
Drew waits for me to continue. I glance over at Maverick, who’s still wearing his unbothered expression.
“I’ve never hated you, Drew.” I sigh. “I just needed some space. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”
It’s a weak apology at best, but it’s all I can give without an explanation. Once everything is settled down, I’ll do something nice to apologize. Maybe come visit him, Kayla, and their son Archie. I’ll bring Kayla some goodies from PR and ask around to get Drew something signed by the Georgia Thrashers. For now, I’ll have to live with my brother thinking I’m a selfish brat. It’s better than a sad, broken girl.
“It’s okay,” Drew says, making my chest ache. “I don’t care about the past, I just want to know you’re all right.”
I muster up a smile. “I’m great.” I gesture to Beckham in his arms. “How could I not be? I have him.”
“Kayla said you sounded pretty upset,” Drew says carefully, clearly not wanting to set me off again.
“I called her during a bad moment, that’s all. Beckham wasn’t feeling well, but we made it through.”
“This is more than a bad moment. You haven’t talked to us in a year, Evie.”
I clench my hands together in my lap. “I apologized for that. I will try to call more.”
“ Call more? ” Drew’s face screws up in disbelief. I reach over and take Beckham from him before he wakes him.
“What do you want from me, Drew? What did you expect to happen when you showed up?” I throw my questions at him once I get Beckham settled down again. “Did you even think before you hopped on a plane?” I turn my glare on the silent Maverick. “What about you? Any thoughts cross your mind before you decided to play knight in shining flannel?”
His lip twitches at my flannel remark, but besides that he shows no real emotion. I roll my eyes. I used to appreciate how quiet Maverick was. It brought a sense of peace to the chaos that I lived in. But now it feels like an attack.
“The only thing we were thinking was that we wanted to make sure you were safe,” Maverick answers, catching me off guard. I haven’t heard his voice in so long. It’s deep and silky, with a touch of gruffness that suits his lumberjack appearance.
“You’ve seen me. I’m safe. Now what?” I question. Maverick looks to Drew. I let out a bitter laugh. “You don’t know, do you?”
“Is it so wrong that I wanted to see my baby sister? To meet my nephew? I haven’t even seen a picture of him!” Drew’s voice raises. Maverick sets a large hand on his shoulder in warning.
I clench my jaw, trying to force down my emotions. He doesn’t know, I remind myself. You don’t want him to know.
“I will try to do better, but I don’t know what you want here and now.”
Drew looks at Maverick, who only shakes his head. They’ve been friends long enough to communicate that way. I used to feel like I was a part of the group, but now I’m not even a third wheel. I’m a blown out tire on the side of the road that you swerve to avoid.
Drew turns back to me. “I want you to come home.”