Chapter 3
Noah
Oh no. I see him out of the corner of my eye.
Please, don‘t. Just keep walking anywhere, just not in my direction. With his usual nonchalance, Luca slings his backpack over one shoulder and pushes his way through the hallway toward me. I already have a headache today as I slept like crap; I really don’t need Luca as the cherry on top of my shitty day’s sundae.
“Do you want to grab lunch with me?”
“Why?” I look at him, confused. Why is he doing this? “You don’t really want that.”
“I’m hungry and I want to get something to eat.”
Out of nowhere, a girl latches onto Luca from behind. He rolls his eyes for a split second, but doesn’t shake her off. “Luca, we’re going to the cafeteria. Are you coming?”
I’m celebrating inwardly, thrilled to be rid of Luca so easily.
“No, thanks. I’m going with Noah.” The young woman’s cheerful smile freezes and her eyebrows knit together as she looks me up and down. I know what she’s thinking, enough people before her have told it to my face.
As if on cue, the smile returns. “You don’t have to. Come with us.” She gives me another dismissive look, then beams at Luca again. “Come on.”
Determined, she takes his hand and tries to pull him along, but he doesn’t budge an inch. “That’s correct, I don’t have to eat with Noah, I want to. And now let go of me please.”
Fuck, that would’ve been my chance. Instead, he wiggles his hand free. “Can we go?”
I finish packing my backpack and head for the door. Luca follows right behind me. As soon as we’re outside, I turn around abruptly and he bumps into my chest.
“Why do you get to decide who you want to eat with, but I don’t?”
He looks at me, perplexed. “I thought…”
“You thought I’d kiss your feet out of gratitude for hanging out with me? Just like everyone else? No chance, I don’t need your pity.”
The corners of Luca’s mouth twitch. Is he holding back a grin?
Is he laughing at me? My chest tightens.
I can handle being alone, that’s not the problem.
But public humiliation—and from someone like Luca Delfosse, no less—that I can’t handle.
I brace myself for the inevitable, and look at him, holding his gaze to not let him see that I’m breaking inside.
But Luca’s gaze softens. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’d be happy if you had lunch with me, but if you don’t want to, that’s fine, of course. I just wanted to thank you.”
His voice is soft too, there’s no trace left of the arrogance and superficiality that usually surrounds him, quite the opposite, in fact. And for the first time in a year and a half, I feel like I’m really seeing Luca.
I already hate myself for being curious, for wanting to know what he has to say to me.
For the way his gaze triggers something inside me that I recognize, though I can’t quite put my finger on it yet.
His words from yesterday are playing over and over in my head.
Maybe there’s more to Luca than I’d thought, but that doesn’t change anything.
I can’t do this, it’s too dangerous. When he doesn’t need me anymore, he’ll drop me like a hot potato, just like everyone else before him did.
“You don’t have to pretend you like me. Put that energy into our project assignment instead. Or into the girl from earlier. I’m sure she’d like that. That’s what you’re best at, right? At least if the photos are to be believed. Putting energy in. With tongues. And more.”
Luca swallows and his eyes narrow. “Apparently, you already know everything about me. Good thing we talked about it.”
He looks at me one more time, then turns around and walks away.
***
Even though I am hungry, I’m not going to the cafeteria. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to hear him, even though I probably won’t run into him among all the other people.
Lost in thought, I sit on a bench far away from our building. There was a bitterness in his voice I hadn’t expected. Something soft and vulnerable. Something that fits far too well with what he told me yesterday. I’m not sure if he meant to tell me all that or if the truth just snuck out.
I hate it when people don’t live up to the image I have of them and I have to admit to myself that maybe I was wrong.
***
He sits right behind me in our next class. Even though he doesn’t say a word, I can feel his presence. His gaze is on my back, hard and unyielding, but I’m definitely not turning around. Hopefully our professor will be on time.
Suddenly, a cell phone rings behind me and Luca curses.
“Firas. What’s up?” Pause. “Where are you guys?!” So he speaks French in his personal life too—interesting.
Luca listens again, takes a deep breath, and exhales with a snort. “I’m at the university. I can’t pick you up. Isn’t anyone else home? Paps is off early today, and so is Jannis. Where are they?”
Another pause.
“Okay, I’m on my way, but it’ll easily take me an hour to get to you. Don’t move an inch.” Cursing, Luca stands up and packs his things.
“Hey Jannis, it’s me.” Ah, he’s on the phone again.
“Firas just called me. The twins had the idea to go to Karlsruhe together, with Marvin.” Pause.
“Yeah, after school.” Pause. “Of course, without a ticket. When the conductor came, they panicked and hid in the bathroom. They got off at the next stop and are now standing at the train station in Achern.” He pauses again before he starts moving.
With his cell phone pressed to his ear, he zips up his backpack. “Firas was scared there’d be trouble if he called Paps or you, or even worse, Dayyan since he’s in Freiburg.” Pause. “I’ll sort this out with the two of them, okay. I just wanted you to know. See you later.”
Then he slings his backpack onto his back and storms out of the classroom. Okay, that was weird. Does Luca have siblings he takes care of? But that doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t fit him at all. Or does it just not fit the image I have of him?