Chapter 15 Skylar
FIFTEEN
SKYLAR
They referred to the AHL as the jungle, the battleground. It was a grind every day. Bus, travel, practice, games, travel, sleep if you’re lucky. Plus, the amount of work required for the amount of money they got paid was incongruent.
In contrast, the NHL had the highest possible expectations for your performance. Those expectations were crushing, the feedback he got sharp, the encouragement little. But the lifestyle was inarguably cushier.
He went from sharing a room and sleeping on buses during long overnight trips to private flights and five-star hotels.
The benefits that he had in the NHL outpaced the AHL tenfold.
Because he wanted to stay up, all he did every day was work.
He added in workouts, went to every practice, including the optional ones, and focused like he never had before.
His old roommate, Brandon, helped him stay focused, and it was nice to have a friendly face there, too.
Before he left Milwaukee to fly to Colorado, Walker had shown him a meditation app that Skylar had been using to try to keep his cool.
He wasn’t perfect and had already gotten a talking-to from his coaches for his hot head and the consequences of his temper—he had to stop breaking sticks if he wanted to be considered for more ice time and the coaches needed to be able to trust him—but he was getting better.
But he was wistful for the AHL. For Beck, for Walker, even for Happy and Connor.
What took up most of his brain space was Adam.
They had both been attempting to stay in touch, but Adam’s bar was in dire straits, and his mind was on the ways he could bring in more business.
He started booking bands on Friday and Saturday nights, which he said cost him nearly as much as he made.
Skylar was so worn out after games that he could barely keep his eyes open for a quick text conversation afterward, let alone any meaningful connection.
Christmas was approaching. It wouldn’t be Skylar’s first Christmas without his family.
World Juniors happened over Christmas time, and he was used to spending the holiday with his teammates.
Generously, Ryan and Jackson hosted a Christmas gathering and meal for their teammates who had no other celebration that day.
The Cosgrove/Harper household was decorated in a comfortable, down-to-earth way. It looked like Skylar’s house growing up instead of a department store, the way the houses of lots of the guys who made a lot of money tended to look like when they hired a decorator.
Jackson and Ryan’s tree was full of ornaments from their childhoods, including ones with their sweet little kid faces on them.
Plus, there were plenty of golden retriever ornaments.
They got Lola Christmas pajamas that were pink with little candy canes on them, and though they said no gifts, Skylar couldn’t help but get Lola a stuffed reindeer that she squeaked all over the house all day.
He texted Adam after dinner that night. The bar was throwing a Christmas party for everyone who didn’t have a place to celebrate.
Adam
I got you a Christmas present
Skylar
*grabby hands* what is it????
Adam sent him a photo of a bottle of grenadine. A huge bottle of grenadine. A restaurant’s quantity of grenadine.
Adam
To make sure you can get your fix while you’re up north.
Skylar
But how am I going to get it??
Skylar was fishing for him to volunteer to bring it up with him. To come visit.
Adam
Maybe FedEx will have good rates post-Christmas.
Skylar couldn’t help but smile. This was why he liked Adam. The sass.
He wanted Adam to come visit him, but he didn’t know how to ask for that.
How many times had Adam emphasized that whatever they had couldn’t work because Skylar would be leaving soon.
Now he’d left. Adam didn’t want to come with him, since he had his own life.
That left Skylar up here in Minnesota, longing for him.
Skylar always had trouble sleeping around Christmas.
He got so excited that he couldn’t regulate his nervous system.
When he was a kid on Christmas morning, he would run to his parents’ bedroom door and throw up on the carpet right outside of it.
As an adult, it had transitioned to a different kind of anxiety.
Since he had been staying at Jackson and Ryan’s house, he’d gotten used to Ryan being a night owl.
Jackson had been so easy to befriend that Skylar hadn’t even noticed it had happened.
Ryan was quieter, though he didn’t play hard to get the way that Beck or Adam had.
He had less puppy dog enthusiasm. His energy was something steadier that made Skylar always want to seek his advice.
Skylar snuck down the stairs back to the living room to find Ryan on the couch with a crime documentary on the TV, volume low, Lola asleep in his lap. He smiled when he saw Skylar enter.
“Merry Christmas,” he said again. After everyone had left the Christmas party, Skylar and Riker had helped clean the entire house.
Jackson said that when he was a kid, his mom would take the Christmas decorations down after he went to sleep on the 25th and on the 26th he woke up to a normal house.
Ryan’s parents didn’t take down Christmas decorations until February.
Skylar’s family was somewhat in between, but he liked the Christmas decorations and the warmth they brought to the house.
Ryan scooped Lola’s fluffy tail out of the way of the third couch cushion so Skylar could sit down.
“Nothing like making the big show as a Christmas present,” Ryan said.
It was nearing halfway through the season, and Skylar had just been told he wouldn’t be going back down to Iowa.
Skylar got his housing letter the day before, confirming that he would be up for the rest of the season. It was everything he had ever wanted.
Skylar pulled his feet up onto the couch and wrapped his arms around his knees. He touched one big toe to Lola’s back paw, and she pressed her foot against his. It took him a while to find something to say.
“Having a hockey career isn’t super compatible with having a relationship with someone who’s rooted in a different place,” Ryan filled in for him.
Skylar nodded. “Yeah, it’s hard. Adam and I aren’t even in a relationship.”
Ryan was patting Lola’s soft head. Her eyes were lightly closed. She looked as peaceful as Skylar wanted to be.
“I want to give you hope,” Ryan said. “I know a lot of guys who’ve done long distance in the past, and it’s worked for them. It is possible.”
Skylar bit his lip. “Temporary long distance.”
Ryan shrugged.
“The problem that Adam and I have is that he owns a business. He has responsibilities to his family.” He’d talked about Adam before. Ryan knew the situation.
“Have you offered to buy him a house up here?” Ryan asked with a smile.
Ryan had hooked Skylar up with his and Jackson’s financial advisor.
He always made sure that Skylar, and any prospect staying at their house, had healthy food along with a treat.
He taught Skylar a more efficient way to use a can opener. Someday he’d make a great dad.
However, though he had so many logical qualities, they didn’t extend to his romantic life. As soon as romance was involved, Ryan had no qualms throwing everything to the wind in pursuit of love.
“I don’t want to ask him to leave his life behind.”
“It’s not that you’re asking him to leave anything behind,” Ryan said. “It’s an offer to let him know that he’s welcome. He might be sticking to his guns, too, because he doesn’t want to intrude on your professional hockey career.”
Skylar slumped into the soft, generous back of the couch. He could see Adam doing that. “So I need to be more explicit with him about how I want him in my life now. Here.”
“He can’t read your mind. All you can do is make the offer, and then he can make the choice.”
Skylar pointed to the TV. “Who killed what?”
Ryan had given him enough to think about for the night. He needed to change the subject. Ryan explained the serial killer that the documentary was about. The details turned Skylar’s stomach.
“How do you watch this before you go to bed?” Skylar already knew he would have nightmares from this.
“Lola protects me from nightmares,” Ryan said. He was a brawny, heavily tattooed guy who looked like he’d fit in checking IDs at Heathens. He didn’t look like he needed a smaller-than-average golden retriever to protect him from anything.
“Did you wait to get the dog until you retired?”
“No,” Ryan said. “I got Lola before Jackson moved in. I solo parented her.”
“How did you make it work with your schedule?”
Ryan looked at him. “If you want something badly enough, you’ll make it work.”
Once again, they weren’t talking about dogs.